"where were you when everything was falling apart"

i could not turn on the lights
because there was no point
it's like using a black light
in an empty cave
an attempt with a failure

and it is creeping under my sheets and pulling the blanket over my head
i can barely breathe and see nothing but darkness and there is no escape

it is my companion when im alone and always offers its friendship
he is a trend and people claim him
but he is not all that made of to be
he is not cool and is not made for just the need of sympathetic words
he is the short sentences and lost interest
the lack of sleep at night when my mind is racing
i have a partner that follows me around and i would do anything just to give him up

people ask why
and how can i explain something that even i cannot make sense of
how can i explain the shutting box and closing doors
how can i explain the emptiness i feel and how numb i get

the tears shed without reason
the need for a hand to pull me up
someone to replace my mind
how can i love anyone when i am accompanied by another who consumes all of my time and thoughts

this is for the Boy who i talked about religion with
the one i sat with on the bus in 8th grade
the Boy that i had three classes with
constantly borrowed your notes

you were quiet and very serious
a lack of friends and words
you listened to old school rap
and no one would have expected that
i wish i knew more

your desk was empty in class today
and i sat and felt tears trickle down my face
no one asked if i was okay and i could not help but wonder if that is how you felt
so alone and misunderstood

i wish i asked if you were okay
and im sorry i did not
im sorry i shyed away

get away
stop creeping back
leave me alone

tomorrow makes a year that you said you were done with me
but ironically i dreamt of you last night

corner me in
claim me yours
no one has to know

secret kisses with
hushed moans
grab my waist

you've waited too long
put your hands
where your eyes wander

always watched over
we can't be trusted alone
and this is the reason