Maybe feelings, are not meant to linger
Even as the sweetness is faded from your tongue, does it not warm your heart still?

There are moments that I cling to
With a clenched fist in the back of my head
Sometimes, in agony, my hands pound against the back of my skull
It is a resounding cry, though it changes naught
Only leaving little cracks to match the ones in my heart

And like these memories there are things, tangible things, that I touch with my own to hands
These things have been given to me by life and lovers alike
And just as I keep my memories locked in the back of my mind
These things I keep tucked away

These pieces are the left behinds of those passing through
I keep them in a box
Like a memory bank for the past

It is a box of scars that holds together what was my souls bleeding, faded but not forgotten

And as you left me as I am
With pieces of fabric in my hands
This thought traces my mind
And as I put you away I cannot help but think that you are just
Another one for the box
When I wanted everything with you and everything for you
Maybe even happiness
Maybe more
Just another one for the box

I held my heart on the tip of my thumb
And then I held my breath
As I hit send and my heart went careening across the keys into your phone
Do your eyes light up from the screen, the way my heart does when you call me?
I hope you know how to swim
Because I could of drowned you in words even though I cannot find them on the tip of my tongue
They catch in my throat and pour out my fingers like a glass knocked over on a table
My feet stop in their tracks as another memory pinballs through my head
It ricochets like a hundred bats flying in a cave
**** I miss you.
I could pour myself out to you like a pitcher
But I swallow my thoughts and they leave a bad taste in my mouth
I miss the taste of your kisses, so sweet and gentle, though a bit salty
Salty like the ocean and every bit as wet and wild as the water
'You are a fool' I tell myself
To stay awake dreaming when you could be sleeping instead

I get it, you don't think you are good enough for her
Every part of you wants her, you crave the sound of her voice and your body longs for her touch on your skin
You think she's the one, you know she's the one
So don't let the fact that you don't feel good enough, make you pull away
Because if she wants you, then that is going to hurt her more than anything if you leave

So stop focusing on who you aren't right now, and start working on who you can be for her
If you can get down on one knee, so can your pride

I think the most troublesome thing to me is the fact that not everyone is like me inside their mind, and that is sometimes the worst thing in the world to realize and the hardest thing I wish I could change, and at other times it the best possible thing to happen

Press your hands into my heart
Hard enough to make an impression
Push as if to make the marks last
Scare me, so I will always remember
That someone walked my veins
And danced inside my lungs
That you were in my heart
You felt it beating loud and steady
You pushed until I was ready
To love you so hard again
To feel this world of mice and men

We are not as hungry as we think
Lost in the trading of men's souls
Nothing determines our worth
Even what we think of ourselves
Dragged out of the gutter again
Reclaiming an earth
I did not know was meant for me
Did not know was promised too me

Wealth is not thinking I'm lying
When I close my eyes next to you
How will I know
Your ashes sprinkle the same as others
I often forgot about gravity
Clean hands change everything
I ache for the dirt under my nails
To find a new home
I bite these particles into eviction
Scrubbing myself raw on the inside of my brain
I am no great character witness, even of my own
A fools words should die in his mouth
Who will make him eat them

The devil has a smooth jazz voice
He sings to shy stars
In turn they wreak chaos
It is a delicate balance
Of unclenched fists
A mouth sealed and void
This stone will not be roled away
Is silence my only act of violence

Can I go beyond this
A world unaware of other worlds
Another tongue told me
I am the rose
If only ancient words
Had more to say, less to whisper
I ask for nothing but bread
Acting as if I drink nothing but wine
Tomorrow may find me sober but no wiser

There is no guarantee that this life is easy

I do not need to walk this way again
To feel the same things I have felt for an eon and a half in these last four years
Time will never stop for me, she just drags me along by my hair
I can pull up this feeling, as quickly as one snaps their fingers
Maybe it has never left me, and in this I must be alone
My mind, she belongs to no one, she is stubborn and pays no rent
It is a rare thing to have unbinary thoughts in a binary world
If the standard is yours, then I can have no part
You wish you had hands to hold the wholeness of the world
Yet you have no faith, no trust, in a world that has always held you
I cannot help but wonder if I still linger under your skin, trying to find a way to your head
Since you have never took a leaving of mine

My body betrays my mind
And my mouth betrays them both

Undress my heart
Let her feel the cold chill
Of November midnight winds
The howl of the coyote
Is music to her rhythm

I love the world
More than I should
I understand
I am a perfect person

To be used
Used up
Until I am dry
Giving
Until I am spent
Hoping
Until I am hopeless
Hoping
When all is said and done
You are a better man

Let the lights
Burn out
All my fears
All my doubts
Hold me now
Nothing matters anymore

If I ask
You to chose me
There is no choice at all
It has already been made
Made for you

As the sun goes down
It is over
Refusing to fight
I'm no soldier
For broken hearts
No warrior
Of chastity

Go
And be gone
Rubble of our lives
Not worth
Funeral pyres

Wait
Tell me
Tell me you believe
In love
Dreams
That good poeple exists
That you could be one
Let us remember
Vividly
So when we
Ourselves
Are forgotten
Guilt will find us
More easily
Than the hands
You used
To press your love
Into me
Skin broken
As your promises

Such is life
Temptations
Are not my actions
I am human
I love the world
More than I should
Things in it
Not so good for me

You did so well
With the lot you were given
Quenched your thirst
On a hundred short straws

She took it
A minute at a time
So that now
I can enjoy hours, days, moments

I miss you
When I'm happy
And you're not here
Because I want to be
Happy with you

I miss you

I miss you
When I'm sad
And you're not here
Because I want to be
Happy with you

I miss you

I hope
I am not
Perceiving chaos for calmness
Again

No matter what horrible things you do you're always going to tell me it's my fault, that I deserve it, that I will never be better than I am right now, what you made me out to be. The truth is very different, I am a Phoenix and I Rise Above, and I am the light to contradict your dark, and Honey Boo Boo's karma is coming to you soon and you get all the blame. Because I'm a tree darling and I'm throwing all the shade.

Minutes made of moments
Life made of minutes
You'd never know you lived it
Unless you were in it

*this moment

It seems
I grieve each part of my life
As soon as it is lived

Though it has been merely moments
Since the sound of you voice
Flooded through my ears

I am drowning in the suspense
And waves of sweet misery
Crash over my tempered soul

And though you say much
That you would reach a hand
To pull me out save me

I could not know these words
Nor do I dare believe
That you would care so much

To watch one drown
Be a terrible fate in its own
Yet to save a soul from water

And lift it to your own shores
Is to link your heart to that other
A memory as strong as steel

To keep together, always connected
For a life that was not to live
But to be saved and continued

A moments hesitation could cost
So much more that you could pay
And you never stood a chance

But that didn't get in your way
For moments are smaller hours
And eyes are darker souls

Intertwined in water
And bound in the waves
You bore be from a watery grave

This shore no more stable
That our trembling fingers
And yet though I long for touch

I could not dare to linger
For promises from my fingers
Are not bound by my heart

For they are unsustainable
Yet honest in a way
And I would not lie to you

In such a harmful way
For you could never seek
To ruin a phantom kiss

But I know you should run
Before the storm comes
To close to ****

I cannot push you away
At the same time I need you
And I want you to stay

But my heart is a fire
And those who touch are burned
So many have tried

And many have yet to learn
I want a last
I don't need a list

I want to love
And to be kissed
But danger lies

Between all these lips
And truth is buried
But never missed

Some flames so large
As to consume
But mine a candle

Ever steady, always bright
But you would never miss it
Among those of the same light

To face a sky that never rains
But the sky looks down
On a face of rain

Tears to slip into shadow
If you never knew they were cried
Then they would not know how to hide

To pool in eyes of warmth
And rain down cheeks of pain
To die on charcoaled lips

And never be the same
A trail of memories
To ever be traced

To always be moving
Just to find a place
To never be the same

And live within each day
To know each hour
As you never did before

Because every moment
Must be accounted for

I was the one under the bed and she was the one in her head
A monster and her demons could never be friends
I live in the shadows  twixt the four posts
She thrives in the dark thoughts in her mind

Monsters don't sleep
Under your bed
They live inside
Inside of your head

Damm you were bright
But the moon is my lover

Sun of my life
I love like no other

My star in the sky
None can eclipse

The kiss of the night
By day, she I miss

Wonder of the world
She lives while you rest

Daughter of the night
The reaper of the blest

I love to look at the moon

I miss having windows

On nights such as this

I wonder quietly

If the moon misses

My eyes looking in awe

At such a beautiful thing

I am a moon
Poetry is my dark side

I stand at the door
And knock
But my nuckles as hopeless as the hands that guide them
Oh full moon
Bathe me in gentleness
That as you set
I will rise
To fill the emptiness
Just one more star in the sky

When I say you are my light
I mean you are a soft glow
Gentle for the moths to gather round

I don't ever want to talk about my poetry
I have already said my words
I put them out there to defend themselves
Stop being so attacking

Figure it out, make up your own mind
I don't care what you think
They left my heart through my fingers
And not a word is meant to be opened

You use them like daggers
And turn them against me
Like a suicide I was killed with them
And it makes me want to hide

I have shed this carcass a thousand times
When I dig my nails into my skin
It is thicker than before
I tear away at her
Until I am raw
Open me up
So that I may pour out
It is the only way

We strive, trying to much
In a world that rewards broken hearts
With broken promises
As a final kiss
On the lips of a coffin slumber

Forgiveness is a powerful thing

I laughed
As you fake mustache
Fell of your face
And onto the floor
My sides contorted
As the laugh shook my body
My cheeks crinkled
Into merriment
My feet stamped
The earth
And shook the ground
With laughter
My hand flew
Over my mouth
As a snorted
Through the tears
I gasped for air
Beneath the giggles
And cried for mercy
Among the merriment
My jaw hit the floor
In silly wonder

When your fake mustache,
Fell off your face.

Even now
After you are no longer found
In the physical of my life
I still feel your hands
Around my throat
And covering my lips
I will bite your palm again and again
Favoring the taste of blood
Over that of silence

I saw you and it was like breathing in glass
You smiled and what was left of my world shattered
You picked up my broken pieces
Even though you cut your hands, the pain didn't matter
Words from you lips, said you cared about me
Lines on your face, said your smile was real
We wove a dream into a sea of ribbons
And danced in our heads from two different places
We never slept together and we never slept apart
Because we held each other right inside our hearts
I boarded a train to a nightmare and didn't know how to get off
But somehow you found me before I got to lost
You brought me home and dried my tears
And said you would vanquish all my fears
You were only afraid of sharks and I said 'this isn't Jaws.'
And I fell into your lips and we ignored all the laws
The cosmos 'Ooohed'
And the stars 'Aaahed'
Then all we had together was thrown like wind to the sand
And it was all gone, it never ended like we planned

I was never a little girl
You’re always a hundred years old
When you’re fighting and flighting
And freezing
It’s just so **** cold
My throat is raw
From begging you to love me
All I ever hear back
Is you raising your voice
To tell me to shut up
I am quiet now, daddy
You made me
But you can’t see me
Ironic
Since I’m the one haunted

I will memorize my memories of you
Like a scholar of scriptures
Say your name like an amen
My dreams of you are like prayers
That I beg god to make reality
Let me place my kisses
On your forehead
Like a wax seal
That I may seep
Into your thoughts

This is my love
My love

My eyes slip over  'No Tresspassing' signs as if they said 'Saturday' or 'I love you'
I hold my breath, waiting
Hoping, hopelessly, that your words would pass through me like fog
These shivers are for my skeletons
I clench my all too bony jaw together with my all too silent teeth
Promising the next drink for the ghosts at home in the closet
I owe them much, debts keep me alive
If loose change was blood that's what keeps my heart beating
If my heart stopped, the currency exchange would be no different
Would you be any different
I keep asking the voices in my head
They don't like what I have to say
You never answer the phone
I keep calling, the dial tone is nostalgic
Like cotton candy at the fair
Or slamming my face off the dashboard
Doing donuts in the snow
You told me it was an accident
I wish I was as good at apologizing
As you are at making excuses
I force myself to sit at the table with you when you eat
I know how much it ***** being hungry alone
I am waiting for the day I wake up from my nightmares
Sweat soaking the sheets
Without an appetite for you