I hear the sound
Pain
Disguised with thin sighs of pleasure
It is an angry sound
Pent up rage
Sadness
Excitement
Never stopping once but its hurting so bad but there is no rest
These things don’t last
They never do
I try not to smile because I know it is almost over
The night is ending
I lie in your lap and let it go
Until you can’t focus
I plead with you but I am silent
I wish that you’d understand
Don’t go yet, you told me you would be there this time.
You said.
The dull sound on the other end of this conversation
Leaves me with trembling wrists
Confusion
Doubt
Confusion
Resentment
ANGER BECAUSE I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL
Tell me why you must still play this game.
Or drain me
Until there is nothing left here

See, you were my person and I loved you
Must this suddenly change? Because you're a little psychotic and wrote words you can't erase
"You don't get it do you? I can always get someone else,"
I believe is what you said
But me being me and you being you and that being us
was never me holding you under duress.

Go.

It hits me like the cold August wind,
sending shivers all over my body,
forming goosebumps on my bare skin
making all my secrets known to the world.

It engulfs me in its red hot embrace
Feeding on the flesh of my innocence
******* the air of dignity from my lungs
Leaving me gasping for the remaining respect i had for myself.

Its like that crack in the middle of my mirror
The reason i never bother to look at it
Its like the red ketchup stain on my white shirt
The one i've been trying to remove.

Its my sense of being i search for in the lost and found
The dreams i've given up on and put under lock and key
Its the monster that sleeps under my bed
The reason i sleep in the dark so it won't see me.

Its all the wrongs I'm trying to make right
The crooked roads I'm trying to make straight
Its the sweet dreams that make me over sleep
The reason i put my alarm on snooze.

Its the tests i want to pass without revising for
The A+ i want handed to me on a silver platter
Its the weekend assignments i do on Monday morning
The feeling of being behind time keeps me going.

Its the prayer of a sinner i lament day and night
The throne of grace and mercy i kneel before
Its the dark sins i want made white
The blood of Jesus will set me free.

Its this prayer I've written down
The reason I'm saying Amen...

I admire your name as if I wear it like a chain around my neck
I speak your name as if you pulled out of me the answers everyone
Had been searching for-
Is it psychically possible for you to be my other half without actually
Being mine?
I will never know the answer to many things- crossword puzzles, history exams,
Why addiction takes over the vulnerable; but with you, answers come spewing out of me
And often times the only option I have is to display them poetically.
For everyone to see but you
The first time we masked each other with each other's scent I was far from the truth- easily forgetting your name along with the way you made my whole body collapse, with a simple touch.
So long after I thought you had disappeared, you return
and my head- instantly filled with memories of you.
Awkward encounters, blushed cheeks and nervous hellos that made you irresistible.
If this dream of mine that you so favorably take part in vanishes with the alarming sound of reality I will so dearly hold these memories in mind and keep them to remind myself of someone who made me feel like the sun.