their separation

was it 2nd grade, or maybe third?
was it the arguments, or maybe the new war?
was it the bad words, or perhaps the loud ones?

you involved a 3rd side, to a two-sided commitment.

why?

because you got tired after what?
17 years of fighting?

was that what forever meant to you?
17 years and a couple of months?
or did you think we weren’t worth fighting for?

was it a thrown away ring, or maybe you threw away the whole marriage?
it explains why you love running so much.
since instead of walking by our side, you ran away.

but I wonder, 10 years ago
were my tears not enough to keep u in such a commitment?
were my letters every night not enough of a reminder?
of how much love I had for you and my mother?

did that not have any impact on you? or was the package too good to refuse?
better than seeing my sister & I grow in front of your eyes,
better than being there for the family, that your majesty created.

it’s a little funny, you know?
10 years later, and I still
tear up thinking about you sleeping with a woman,
who doesn’t hold my mother’s name, features nor kindness.

I feel weak, yet strong because I have both of you.
empty, yet full because I hold your name. after mine.
poor, yet rich by knowing you will always be there for her.
broken, yet collected because I know your name
doesn’t leave her prayers.

I love you & I always will.
I love her & I will forever do.
beyond your decisions, and failures.
by forever & always,

I don’t mean 17 years like you did.
because I’m seventeen writing this, and I can assure you
I’m not halfway done loving you, nor your imperfections.

by forever & always,
I don’t mean I will look for a replacement when it gets tough.
I don’t mean running away when it gets overwhelming.

because believe it or not.

I can love better than you, because of you.

because I learned when to be like you, and
when to be the opposite of you.

I would like to finish this by saying,

I will never stop writing about your failure,
not to criticize your life or your emotions. I would never.
but to simply show that love CAN come out of such broken souls.
fullness CAN come out of such massive sacrifices.
grace CAN come out of such anger.

with unjudgemental love,
your 17-year-old daughter. **

I'm starting to question
What is family?
What does that word really mean?
Thought I knew the definition
Contradicting what evidence I've seen

As kids are told that our parents have the answers
Zero reason to believe otherwise
We trust, obey, and rely on them
They nurture us with lies

Like "We do not have a favorite child"
"We love you and your brother the same"
You'd rank two different colors equally
As long as sharing a similar name?

The words, stories, and advice passed along
From elders through the years
Vague clique anecdotes
To pacify our fears

But we cannot be anything we want
We aren't perfect just the way we are
Wish my mother had warned me
Some goals are just too far

We try hard to make them proud
Opinions matter so much
You grow up and realize
Flawed they are so you lose touch

Honor mother and father
Commandment known to all
Guess the Bible's author never shared his
With pills or a bottle of alcohol

Blood thicker than water?
Sayings a joke to me
Thinner than sheets of paper
About the same transparency

Family above everything
I dont think that's fair
Sick of putting people first
When they don't seem to care

Relatives are supposed to lend a hand
Express unjudgmental support
Every time I need help from them
Always somehow come up short

Hastily taking others sides
No matter what arguments about
Assuming I must be totally wrong
They refuse to hear me out

Unconditional love I will always have
That doesn't equal unconditional respect
Don't extend the same courtesy to me
What do they expect?

I have friends treat me better
Than own relatives
Who don't hold over my head
Favors or gifts she/he gives

My parents jealous of my boyfriend
They refuse to understand
I always put him first
Against them take stand

Maybe because he strives every day
Does all he can just to see me smile
Isn't perfect
But when it counts,
He will go the extra mile

They do not care about my happiness
In fact
The last thing on their list
Just want to control me
Push away but they persist

My brother thinks he is superior
Lecturing how I should live the right way
Disagree with a few of his own life choices
The difference is I don't say

I will always be there for them when I can
Even though they aren't always there for me
Mom and Dad sure set great examples
Examples of what NOT to be

Family is a meaningless word
I learned that long ago
Just because someone created your life
Does not mean to them your life you owe

I know they love me as I love them
It's difficult to see
The messed up **** they do
Is because they care for me

But the word "family" lost meaning
The older (and wiser) I became
Now only really matters
When referring to last name