i write
because i am upset
and since when has writing become a form
of exploitation of the human condition
?!

this will all be over soon
he said
over? can that be replaced by fixed?
i don't want it to be over
i want my expectations to become real

i don't want you to go
that steady decline you've been in
you made me hope for too many things
we talked about
starting a business
suceeding in business
starting a charity
building communities
we planned out
my wedding
my family
your new house with a swimming pool
you said you'd give me away
watch whether i decide
to be a stay at home parent
or pursue a career
you're still convincing me
to take on a responsibility im not yet ready for
i need you...i still
want to need you
to be my support
at some point i'm not so certain
of my intentions

before
i met you
i was taught
to value
money
to build
a reputation
to keep
up appearances
above all else

with you
all i had disappeared

before
i met you
i learned
to do
what was convenient
to be
invisible to myself
to have
less than what was due

does it stop there?

maybe you taught me
the better part of me
maybe you showed me
the other side of things
but there is so much more
to hope for now

the just will have a cause
worth fighting for

things are at an end
all these will be done
it shall be finished soon enough

WHY BOTHER LIVING
WHEN YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE THROUGH OTHERS
WHO ARE ONLY TOO WILLING
TO POSTULATE, AND PUBLICATE
EVERY DETAIL OF THEIR FABULOUS EXISTENCE
INSISTENT
THAT YOU NEED TO SEE
THEIR SOULDS LAID BARE ON THEIR LATEST FEEDS
PRIVACY IS STRANGELY SKEWED
TO ALLOW EVERY RANDOM STALKER TO VIEW
INAPROPRIATELY INTIMATE MOMENTS
JUSTIFIED AS LONG AS YOU LEAVE COMMENTS
RE-AFFIRMING THE POPULARITY  
OF THIER EGOS SELF MADE CELEBRITY.
EVEN THE AVERAGE JOE CAN POMP, PREEN
AND SIMPLY BE SEEN
BY ALL AND SUNDRY
TO BE SUCEEDING, WINNING, LIVING THE DREAM
BUT ONLY THE VETTED IMAGES WE PERMIT
ONCE PHOTOSHOPED AND EDITTED
AN ILLUSION WE STRIVE TO SUSTAIN
TO SHIELD US FROM THE MUNDANE
TRUTH OF OURSELVES OUTSIDE OF THIS SOCIAL NETWORK.

I've been drowning in crap
The demons they live inside
There are promises of life
wrapped in concertinas and barb wire

What are we running away from?
That is not the question
but whether we are suceeding or not

I've been in my little ****** dream
One foot in each side of me
I was real when I wasn't all over it
I saw honey and ran, ******* scared
Is it that you left me scarred?
Your kiss - I had you when I didn't expect
but I saw the rich honey get close
so I got lost

So afraid! So helpless!
Poetry is a stress dumpster
but this way of living is the solution and the problem

I've been drowning in myself
which is part heaven and part hell
how to catch a hold, a grasp
I have to be aware, only sometimes

This wisdom from the depths
this happiness when it rains
this is something to tackle
oh God, where did this become
such a battle?
To watch things happen!