Once upon a time
There stood a frigid little snowman
With finger holes for eyes
Which spoke no truth nor lies

Two twigs made his disfigured arms
And a stoll for keeping him "warm"
There he stood with all his smiley charm
From the dusk until the dawn!

His head covered with dad's old beret
And a stalky little carrot nose
Oh yes,He was our brave little snowman
Who grew as he further froze.

Then came the mighty spring
Putting our little snowman at risk!
And then came the sunshine
Leaving only the beret,stoll and the twigs.

Months passed by
Winter came again
And Childern came along
With the Brave little snowman!

you told me at a young age you would be there for me, love me. you lied you choose women over me, you wish you never had me. I remember  coming home from school to find you not there, you were at the bar you knew you could lose me did you care no the only thing that would make you happy is *** and captain Morgan.
you got your license suspend for too many OWI's  and you were out driving to some more beer and I see the lights flashing you said god fucken damit you told me to put my finger down throat and throw up I didn't understand at the why.you told the cop you were taking me to the hospital you lied.
you were a very Dysfunctional dad you had so many problems why didn't you just go to the doctor.
I remember you weren't your self that day sadder then usual later night you had scared me to death I was only six why would you put a gun up to you head and try to commit suicide.
I remember how strong you were ever time you  lost your chew you would go in to shock in beat me. you always thought I Stoll from you. I could go on and about all the other ******* up things you did but am not going to waste my time on a dead beat dad like you.
the only thing good I learned from is never to fall in love with a man like you.

7:00
Wake up
Im awake
in a b--- No
My bed
Warm

7:30
Get up
Stand
Cold
dizzy
Jamie...
Where is-- Who?

8:00
Breakfast
Eggs
Bacon
Toast
Milk
Mmm

9:00
Stoll
Trees
Sun
Flowers
I miss being a flower
So beautiful
So free
Flowing with the wind
I wont forget that

10:30
Seeker
Told her what i know
Yet apparently she knows my human
Better than the one inside
We should just **** her, save some time
wait
what?

12:00
Comforter
"These feelings I have never felt hatred
I dont like it
but I cant let it go
being here even I just Hate It"
Souls are pure
Flowers were perfect
Calm and peaceful
This alien body is just a ticking bomb
A killer

2:00
Thoughts
I just want to sleep
But
I miss him
Who
Theres a wall
whats wrong with this body?
Was it damaged?
no Healer Ford wouldn't have let me in it
but why I cant i see this over this wall
I want to see

Glowing concrete
But a worn out side walk
Cause those lights would make the blind see
So bright it resembeles eternity
And enternal light is where i want to be
Eternal light is where im bound to be
Eternal light of this old club called 23

This bar stoll is bound to break
If i sit on it with all my mistakes
on my shoulders is everything i could take
And cant take
But im blending in with the music my heart beats fast with or without this music
I see you and i ask you to abuse it
This emptiness that i came with
Undress this mess
And dance till death

But they tell me this club was closed since 1994
So how'd you open this door
This club was burnt down to the floor
The people who died here you can still hear them roar
Since 1994
Their ghost still roams the halls
They say you can check in but you can never leave

But your image I breath
So can you please leave me here ..

9 years later
Your name still comes across my lips
9 years later
The small fights we had feel like yesterday
9 years later
I'm stoll looking for what we had

And though I know
It will never happen again
I still look for that fire

Not a spark or light
No the flame that burned my heart
And taught me how to warm a home

9 years later
I still recall that name you wished for a child
9 years later
I still think of you
9 years later
I hope your happy with with your wife

In the corner of her room
She sits with leg between her legs
She has been abused
Verbally
Sexually
Emotionally
By those she called family and friends
By those she was supposed to trust

Trust, yeah right whatever
Those demons stoll from her
Those demon tore her soul apart

In the corner of her room
She sits with leg between her legs
She does not cry
For crying would let them win
Give them a victory
That
She can not
She will not allow

We talked,
my lover and I,
about this illness,
this virus that
has us all locked
inside our homes,
hoarding toilet paper,
hand-sanitizer,
hamburger.

We spoke of
my mother,
the challenges
that she and her husband
struggled with,
how they bested her
on the beginning
of her 71st lap,
barely started,
never  allowed to
finish.

“I’m glad she’s not here for this.
It would be so hard for her and your dad.”
says Angela.

I nod,
wondering how
in-home dialysis
would’ve worked out.

“I am too,”
I agree after a pause.

She’d overcome enough,
paid her dues
long enough
to pass
this pandemic by,
not sheltering-in-place,
instead,
breathing easily
as an afternoon stoll
across the face
of The Universe.

*
-JBClaywell
©P&ZPublications 2020