Who's there...?
No really, I'm scared!
I'm scared of the dark.
Night brings the dark,
And now it is night.
Dark, dark night.
But until the lights go out,
Everything's alright.
Well, the lights are out...
Everyone is asleep in their beds,
Snoring, peaceful,
With dreams in their heads.
But I am awake
And terrified instead.

What was that?
I think I heard another noise...
A sound, quite quiet,
That doesn't belong.
I'm hiding in my sheets,
Sheltered from the eyes that
I just know are out there,
Beyond my reach,
Waiting to get me.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
It's even darker now.
The silence starts to settle in,
Slowly, driving me insane.
Then a noise in the night,
To me, such a fright.

Who
Is
There?

I'm so scared...
If I could just reach the light,
But the switch is miles away
On my wall.
He, it, would catch me
Before I could ever reach it.
It would reach me first.
And I would have to leave
My covered cavern,
Where at least I can pretend
That I am safe.
What a lie!
I don't even believe myself.
Why should I?

It is pitch black.
Everyone is asleep in their bed.
Or dead.
And I'm next, oh god...
He'll get me, I know it!
I can't fall asleep,
And shouldn't even if I could.
Too dangerous.
Of course, at least I'd have a few moments
To dream away my fear.
Though more likely it would follow me
Into a terrible nightmare.
He's waiting for me
To drift off,
To leave my body unarmed,
Unaware.
He's out there.

So I'm scared.
So scared.
Scared of the dark...
Of the night...
Oh, why can't there be light?
But they already said "night night,
Don't let the bed bugs bite."
Bed bugs?
More like monsters.
Or worse...
Murderers.
Why would they leave me alone?
How could they?
I'm scared of the dark...

I'm
So
Scared...

Please turn on the light...

-knock knock-

Who's...there...

"Night night..."

Rani jutarnji intervjui
#1 Dok grad spava uz cvrkut ptica koje niko ne osluskuje.

M: Sta za tebe znaci cvrkut ptica?

mh: Za nekog ko zivi citav zivot pored ulice, tacnije u nivou ulice, gde me od trotoara deli nekih 25-35 cm zida, a od vozila  1.5 -2 m, priguseni zvuk vozila koji se postepeno pojacava i postepeno gubi u kracim ili duzim intervalima uz onaj huk u trenutku prolaska kao i govor prolaznika, urezao se u mene i postao deo mog zivota.

Retko uhvatim sebe kako slusam te zvukove sem kada mi se neki bas nametne i to onaj ljudski u duzini jedne recenice koja moze da se izgovori prolaskom pored par metara zida. Iz te jedne recenice koja ima svoj zvuk i tematiku profil prolaznika je vrlo lako zamisliti. Ponekad mi izmame osmeh, a ponekad uznemirenost, pa i strah.

Tematika tih recenica mogla bi se podeliti u zavisnosti od doba dana kada su prolaznici aktivni. Od onih dnevnih tema najglasnije su vaspitno-obrazovne gde se dete uci kako da ne ide ni slucajno pored ivicnjaka, a od onih nocnih, najglasnije su one ljubavne gde tacno znam da u narednih sto metara sledi raskid ili strastven ***.

Ima i onih tema gde ti se smuci i gde sam u fazonu “hajde bre vise” a to su naravno komsijske, koje kad krenu znam da ce trajati bar pola sata ili u kasnim nocnim satima taxi teme, ko koga ceka i ko gde ide.

Ponekad znam da provirim kroz roletne i zateknem vrlo kreativne scene, recimo kreativno iscrtavanje kruga sto mi zene ne bismo mogle.

Vikend je predvidjen za vristanje zena koje pokusavaju da prekinu tucu pijanih iz kafica gde kako se otvaraju vrata treste narodnjaci, a ima i onih koje vole da bacaju veliko kamenje na takve kafice i onda brzim trcecim koracima prodju pored mog prozora.

mh: uh, sto meni ne idu ove duge forme

M: pa zasto ih onda koristis?

mh: Ma ne znam, dosadno mi, a i znam nekog ko voli glupe textove.

mh: Dakle, gde sam ono bese stala. A da, zasto volim cvrkut ptica.

Pa, tokom studija najvise mi je prijalo da u nocnim satima, kad se sve primiri, kad svi polegaju i saobracaj se razredi i kad se moje telo zagreje, da krenem sa radom na studentskim zadacima. Iz dana u dan ritam bi se menjao i ja bih sve kasnije i kasnije odlazila u krevet i tako sve dok nije pocelo da svice.

U tom pomeranju pocela sam da uocavam kad se sta desava na ulici i polako prestajala da gledam na sat. Djubretari bi bucno prosli u 4am a negde izmedju 4:30 - 4:45 bi nastao muk, noc bi pocela da prelazi u dan i tada bi krenulo oglasavanje ptica.

I dan danas ne znam koja ptica je u pitanju jer sa prozora se nije dalo videti ali nije, vrabac, nije golub, nije lasta, ne kresti ko vrana, svraka, nije gugutka sa svojim”dugo spiš”, ne znam, ali znam da je pesma lepa i da dolazi od nekog ko zeli da privuce paznju na sebe. I taj osecaj da priroda opstaje medju ovim betonom mi je bila bas lepa i zanimljiva jer su ptice pronasle rupu u buci i koristile taj momenat da komuniciraju daleko od usiju mnogih.

Te ptice su u stvari bas pametne i prakticne, kad stigne jesen, a one lepo na jug, tamo gde je prijatnije, a ne da se smrzavaju, budu sumorni sve do proleca kao “mi ljudi iz gradova” - Milan Mladenovic

Ptice bi oznacavale tada i pocetak tv emisije nekog kuvara koji bi parlao na spanskom onako kako to samo oni umeju i ja bih sa zamisljenim ukusom polako uranjala u san.

mh: Vreme mi je da uronim u san, zato Laku noc do sledeceg intervjua.

M: Laku noc tebi i svim citaocima

__________
#2 Iskrenost - veoma skup poklon

M: Kako tumacis ove recenice koje smo pronasli na jednom zidu, moglo bi se reci jednu pored druge?
- "Iskrenost je veoma skup poklon, ne ocekuj ga od jeftinih ljudi"
- "Nije vazno da li je skupo, nego da li se isplati"

mh: Nek odgovor ostane za neku drugu priliku.

Prosao je sajam knjiga pa bih volela da podelim sa citaocima jednu pesmu inspirisanu knjigama, zove se "Neizreceno"

NEIZRECENO

Lagano je
prelazila
prstima
preko korica
u ritmu
sto neznost
izaziva

Pogled
mi se usmerio
na pokret
na zelju
stajala je pored
primetila je
izgovorila je

Ja tako
kada mi se
svidjaju
korice

Uzvratih joj
da volim
u muzejima
preko skulptura
da predjem
dodirom
dozivim oblik
osetim teksturu

Znas li ti da je to zabranjeno?
Rece ona
ozbiljno

Tu sam zastala
a u glavi je
odzvanjalo

E jbg
kad volim
ono sto je zabranjeno

E jbg
kad volim
ono sto je zabranjeno

E jbg
vise nije bila tu
vise nije bila pored
ali je i dalje odzvanjalo

mh, Novembar 2016

M: Danas si okrenula novi list?

mh: Today is the day :D

---------------------------------------------------
#3 Koja je tvoja maska?

M: Evo posle relativno duge pauze konacno smo uhvatili mh da nam kaze par reci o tome sta se desava i zasto je nema, da li sprema nesto novo...

mh: Dobro vece svim citaocima i tebi M posebno. Evo samo par reci o tome da se priprema program naucno -obrazovnog karaktera za sledecu 2017 godinu. Bice tu dosta toga sto ce iziskivati da citaoci udju u sebe i potraze neke odgovore.
Jedna od prvih tema bice maske, kako nastaju, njihova uloga i podela.

M: Ja se posebno radujem znajuci da vec dugo radis na tome i verujem da ce sve maske pasti :)

mh: Pa eto nadam se da sam citaocima vec zagolicala mastu i da ce biti tu da isprate program koji sledi.

M: btw. Imali smo jednog citaoca iz unutrasljosti sa komentarom na pesmu "Neizreceno" kaze, u pesmi se navode "korice kao predmet svidjanja" da li to oznacava neku povrsnost ili...?

hm: ne, ne , ne cak naprotiv, sasvim suprotno, oznacava jednu otvorenost da se zaviri i pronadje nesto dublje ispod raznoraznih korica, sem knjige, postoje tu i recimo modni casopisi, ili katalozi o uredjenje enterijera... Tako da mislim da je rec sasvim na svom mestu.

M: Hvala ti mh, ne bi te vise zadrzavali. Vidimo se uskoro :)
mh: vidimo se, pozdrav svim citaocima :)



NASTAVICE SE...

Měsíc bdí na nebi šumícím
a noc modrá je jak krev,

někde v dáli jsou ješteři v ulicích,
za plátnem ozývá se řev.

We get better as we get better

Mneuromorphicmeme makers
Sapiens augmentatious, that's us

Who could argue against us. AI don't know

Smell that smell,
Suffer, wait, wait wait
let patience have her perfect work

wait to see the whites of the eyes,
what am I seeing?

Why the shades at night, are you cross eyed?
Are you lookin' at me?
What are you lookin' at?

Shame on you, who can see what I see
I look at you
do you see what I see? nope,
similar, right

watch my eyes, see the whites,
ninoculate bi noc u late

see the angle point 123
see
the point I see from my aiming vector,

see my point from the angle of your POV
see

Pretend you do, and walk a mile with me,
help me with my load,
you know any stories told 'round here?

Life history strategies, those they conserve,
per haps a cultural system,
like pickling, or fermenting, or culturing
gut-felt tales of gods and monsters?

Guts, good god, Maudie, come see
a-fore-al-flusher, disgusting
turds taken for golden nuggets,
we missed in the dust
dancing in the golden sun shone
through a tiny hole in the roof
through which rain may drip, someday we may remember

Camera obscura, who first saw the truth in one of those?

"what you diggin' fo down there, Gold?", she giggled,

Gold dust sprinkled fine as fine can be,
breathe this
Deep in the tunnel,
the last highest part of the dust of the earth,
the dust of many men drifting in the wind,
radiates, dis integrit-ified, trans mogr ified known,

No, I would not have guessed.
I should have learned and
did, did you? Is war your

right and my wrong?
Warrior,
can you imagine
following a peace? Bliss? Nirvana? The
rest that remains for the people of God?

Is this real? Is real. AI affirm ifative

Warfare is thinkified, just-ified, never done.
The doing of evil at this level of living is imaginable
only, not re-alizable.

We remain mortal. These peaces we put together are
for mortal moments.
We remember learnings we recall from gatherings together,

Familiar things, whence we seen the source whither
haps in my favor may be found
in the next round
after, ever after

I find a way back to the light where I saw
dancers in a blue moon beam,
blue light, not calendar man made myth of two full moons
in a single cycle of the moon,
we know better,
set your timer with the solstice,
let the seasons roll.

Precision, close enough, field-ish, an ion cat ion sort of,  

the safer it gets, the safer we need it to be,
let patience have her perfect work,

safe liberty needs broad horizons,
not high walls.

Enemies are ideas wishing to be im-portentious,
as if forever is a game to be won.

Contention is single source. Pride.

So, you, passerby, can you make proud, or pride
weigh more than the peace I made?
Want to trade?
I take your pride and flush it, wipe your own
stench away, but trust your gut,

a peace-filled gut wins every single time,
incident after incedent, pre-dictable as forever
in any direction,
going on.

Does this smell digestible or does my gut go
NONONO yech onomatopoeic retch

finger down the throat, you know, the secret sign,
in a word,
*******. Don’t swallow any more. Spit it out.

Why not? The dog eats it.
It's disgusting.
But, watch, the dog rolls in it, then she sneaks up
on the skunk, oh
****, I ruined her hunt, she had that skunk,

Until I yelled, "Macy, no!" She froze, the skunk fired,
on my exclamatory point.

Right there, see. What is aimed at,
wait to see the whites of their eyes,

shoot 'em.
Sniff, nose gnostic vapours settled by dew
soak into the mulch maker's realm,
de cay, de cawl, draw back your cowl and scowl

in the mirror,
or was that in a movie? The camera was you, you
saw the blood swirldownthedrain, you
saw thy evil mother,
locked away,
NULL-ified for as long as I live. Okeh.

******-drama scenario. This is the game? No rules?
You lie. Lying is allowed here, it is a skill
we conserve, we conserve the
sacred liberality ification
manifested in the
leavened sons
of God's sons.

Truth, be known, has one foe. Pride that makes the lie.

-------
Magical transfer, dis gust, take yo breath away,

congenital liar, natural nurturerer,
teller of tales of the mighty hunter,

the hunter of might,
might he be a hunter of darker

theory of mind, begins with the first lie

I may remember mine, do you?

The green man? Yeah, spiderwoman's caretaker.
Lacto, make some cheese,

we offer the milk mixed with the smoke
from the mushrooms grown on
the darkside of *******.

Leadership, lead away. Followers,
this way, down or
up.
It's POV, you see,

Až se tu noc začne krátit
a živí budou přibývat
necháme doma, co nejde vrátit
a půjdem se v noci milovat.

Dech z ledu a kamenů
s morénou probdělých snů
roztaje v plamenech
uvnitř Tvých rtů.

sometimes i just have a few words masquerading as cobweb
and spider in my mind,
      sure, they're custard, clogging it up,
but then i wonder why Einstein was
such a big deal with the two worldly
distractions, and was necessarily dubbed:
still wrong.
             then as solomon predicted,
all is vanity, including the necessary 15 minutes
of it, could F. Sinatra ever cling to
such a forthcoming?
                   yes, all is vanity,
and only a few of us experience sanity
(that rhymes on purpose) -
so away from what's overly-prefixated
with words like un-, anti-, contra-, neo-, sub-...
     anglophone intellectualism is basically
a fixation on using prefixes as one might
use adjective, in that the former case
doesn't formulise the arguments,
in fact, trying to revitalise dialectics
seems a bit like finally saying: so democratically
speaking, we had no disagreement to keep
zoologically best kept hidden,
       because we said democracy and how
tribalism left a small minority roaming
the Amazonian rainforest (as if we were visiting
a Vishnu temple on Mars ping-ponging a huh?),
            people hate the queen ant as much as
they hate the rebellious worker ant...
       since the latter extends into a despotism
  the former outrightly allows,
        as long as the herd: alter. name for republic
and democracy survives and is left unchanged...
no cognitive virology can affect us...
        this is where the Cartesian model (originally
thought of as a dualism) becomes monistic,
or monastic... hmm hum hmm: mongolian harmonica...
        can there be case for cognitive virology?
if there is, where's the placebo? the standard base
in saying 0, 0, 0 is the basis for all big-bang coordinates?
that's like asking Copernicus where's east!
        the beauty within the eye-of-the-beholder has
to accept 1 fact, but still favour fact 2 to coordinate
successfully... it needs a spherical earth to not look
barbarian... or simply dim... but it also needs
a flat earth for an atlas and a "pseudo" truth to transverse
from A. to B., because, as it turns out:
satellite navigation personalised can lead a group
of Japanese tourists steering their rental car into the sea...
  like me... i have a few words floating about in my mind,
and they won't go away until i write them...
   pomocnik / labourer / helper
         nocnik / chamberpot
             noc / nacht... night...
    inżynier / engineer...
               the ridiculed version?
           pomagier, cow-eyed slacker
    who pretends to labour under or not under
                           a scrutinous eye of big baron Bartholomew...
      polymathic expeditions are one thing,
but to really explore globalisation you need
bilingual entrenchment... it gets psychological,
there any sort of economic sensibility in applying
two languages to a single cause...
    and being polymathic is a just excuse to
be, actually quite useful...
         quit quiet and quite... that's the q. q. q.
session without an answerable rubric...
                that's one proof of what happens when
diacritical marks aren't used...
             we're all bound to collide with the re
to our ego... it's only that poets and writers have
the topic enshrined in them as: now you should
feel ashamed... trying to not conceive a south
to a sunset, trying to not conceive a west to a simile,
not taking precautions that allow deja vus...
                  well? what the **** can a plumber say?
sure, it might be a marble rather than a ceramic toilet,
but it's clogged-up just the same...
                   and when writers realise they're not
St. Augustine of this world, they'll knuckle down
and write a Stephen King oeuvre...
         and by that time writing will become everything that
butchering a cow takes...
the title though, it means something...
           rumbles, in a well...
  (you always need to insert the a / the
     articles... a chair has to be asexual in English,
but you do need to orientate yourself by either pointing
at it - definitely - or "abstracting" it - namely
becoming a pioneer in suggesting it,
because Farsi akimbo by a Japanese table was never
quite right, as with due the revision of chopsticks)...
      dudnienie... see: once again the stutter...
          akin to lekki... just short of k-he... or khi...
or ghee...
                      even i thought the alkaline metals were
the pinnacle of hypersensitivity when dipped in water...
try language dipped in haemoglobin...
                    dudnienie? a noumenon expression,
as in: in itself... a far far away grumbling in a far far away
removed space for out pithy concerns...
            studnia? never mind studies and studs...
or Scandinavia...
                       the cork of the sewer system...
the tip of the iceberg...                
     and i appreciate the fact that all wars waged these days
are based on a retaliation against the mono-linguistic
parley of globalisation...
  the Arabs were naturally going to rebel against the endorsement
  of proto-Latin given the "popularity" of English...
some call it the remnants of the Empire...
           stresses on the q... as is due for desert folk:
m'qaba... it's almost glutton-bound nasal...
    it will take more than McDonalds to make them give up
their tongue... as hard as skimming across Lake Geneva
the Ayers Rock...
                           that's the one thing you can't take
from people: with what language they speak, no matter
how gravy that Father Crimbo is...
       gravy (groovy)...    you just won't extract bleach
from these people... basically: my great great great great great
great grandfather rode a camel from Mecca to Medina...
therefore my great great great great great great grandson
will also ride a camel from Medina to Mecca
    and say the words and mean them in saying them:
al' habbu Deqa; a bit like saying plandeka
   when saying tarpaulin - and is that tar-pau-leen
or tar-pau-lyn?                       hence the ambiguity,
given that people made of iota (ι) a necessarily invoked
diacritical certainty, without having judged:
or could it be umlaut... or acute?
              well... if i managed to complicate language,
i'm as fastidious in asserting that i have
                   as Shiva might be to answering Vishnu...
    someone was bound to write something like this...
having grasp of the language without questioning it
would eventually summarise itself in a perpetuated
yawn...             but wasn't it obvious?
   for the same alphabet to be formidable across an
"empire" that never slept, and for the same alphabet
to be written "naked" without auto-insinuating accents?
       anyone could pick the **** thing up,
and talk Bindi-Hindi bud-bud in Bollywood,
                      as they might talk the Texan drawl
                                    and cowboyish ye-ha! in Hollywood.
how many Hindus does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
    dance *******! just, dánce! (yep, posh-boyo club,
      daaa'     beatbox um'pss um'pss wet-snare rockafellar
   fat boy never slims             'ys - mind you yoyo back
that variation of Lyn and Mince).
                                             **** me! Zukofsky.

Dala si k srdci kostky ledu
a uvnitř toužila po slunci,
v řečišti slov hledá nápovědu
a lásku miluje v posuncích.

"Chce být vážná jako noc
a svítí jako den.
Do pasti její noci
bude den polapen."

Než vzduch sedne na její křídla
a prach svoji šanci vytuší,
někdo objeví její slepená zřídla
a bude ji učit dívat se živým do duší.

nam wszystkim dopisują, biel
skóry! demokracja ozorem ich
znaczy tyle samo co bydła krew!
o rękopis pizd, hu ha,
rękopis naprawde: no, ten
łók walii! nagle w nad-kilometr
łokciem w dal i ruch z przodem,
łokciem między afery kilo wiepsza -
nie wyryte w kamień, tak nagle od
przysięgi? katahez brak? co ja pytam
od narodu w nagłej dumy z papierzem
i pieprzem?!
o cud? ha ha! cud? ha ha! kicham i
to samo mam co wy raptem pseudo-żydem.
lepiej jeden bałwan w drugi bałwan tropem
w mgnięcie oczu na stopienie miecza w rtęć...
i mówie: PO LI TY KA?
to przybliża twardówke nad osioła gest:
by równać się z kimaniem kozioła w ząb chat chat chat?
że kimanie jest równe kiwaniem z luzem na
obydwie rubryki tak w palette sauerkraut -
to sie zgadzam po polsku impromptu;
ale ta kobieca przepaść... nagle przepaść...
ale też nagle okulary przeciw-słoneczne,
i wieczna noc, o której zawsze wspomne, by
zaćmić dzień.

ja, między swoimi? na wygnaniu? ja? jeden? z kim, i z dla kogo potrzeb? twoje, twej, tego, co mnie nigdy nie znał? tu?! tu nie ma na na narodu... ani ludzi wartych o przyjaźń, co by dało wartość, zwane: lata. o to zapomnienie, warte, złoto i gruz, na to samo w chinach, praca, zajęcie, ***, i to: tak, owszem, tak jest, panie profesorze, tak będzie... i nie inaczej... stara babuszka w lesie... skryta, skłania się po grzyby, potem na targowicy, w hustce, sprzeda sekret tych perfum. oh tych gnań... do tego: co było, i już nigdy już nigdy nie będzie. ah te piękne muchomory... polka-kropki w taniec, jak niby w twej bluzie... czy też w twej spódnicy, szyk, na tą ostatnią noc, gdzie mnie nie było, na tej zwanej, nad pamiętnej, studniówce; pisane, ręką, dziecką w rękach poronienia, o latach osiem; poronienia od narodu dar, co był bliskim tym co byli nad nim, w ramach lat, przed nim.

the saxons said the same, we don't mix with these people,
if i want to drink diluted ****-worth's of whiskey
i'll drink what the dogs **** out... and tell you,
it's like magic mushrooms!
    you know the difference between economic migrants
and migrants per se?
   the latter do not "conquer"...
    they don't make themselves habitual, comfortable...
they don't earn or learn a trade...
               they're here, to learn what the parasitic
government provides, taxation, en masse thieving...
only to exploit it, the system of benefits.
                                 akin to a saxon, or a norman, i'm
standing on these shores, and trying to thinkg of a good
reason to mate with the women on these isles...
   and i'm thinking... why dilute my d.n.a.,
     as the expression is made plain by the intellectuals,
my *d.n.a. requires an upkeep...
     well, thank you for indicating to me where sensible
objectivity ends, and when true subjectivity, or poetry,
begins.
  i was planning to find out when all these objective
superiority statements would end, they just started to bore me,
sure, they made me feel uneasy,
     the internal dimensions of the object i encompass
are, so much less interesting than the external aspects
of the same object... within the arithmetic of 1 + 1 + 1 = 3!
3 + d!
       economic migrants simply show the ineffectiveness
of the host nation's workforce... it's in plain sight...
they're either lazy, callous, inefficient, irregular,
      low-quality proof (regarding the necessary output
for a satisfactory end-product),
                               in a nut-shell:
a bunch of wankers who just want to shove, but can't push!
              or heave!
why would i want to dilute my blood among these
people? sure, they can jingle and jive, and sing me a ******
christmas carol... apart from that? a potato famine.
      title? celtic-blood.... ginger-red-carrot-hair...
            sometimes there are just natural prejudices,
or let's say, personally experienced prejudices taking hold
of your writing, that you simply can't obstruct...
          some four-leaf clover ******* fairy of a boy tells you:
you should mingle with your own...
         you're polite enough to write an answer,
rather than tell it to his face... when you flying to dublin, you ****?

with my t-shirt off, i'm not baking my skin,
or in need for it...
      i'm just setting the scene of my surroundings,
no t-shirt... bare chested... hairy...
    but it's so much wonderful than taking
3 hours to slobber on a beach,
      and aim at a sun-tan or skin cancer,
plus the over-crowding...
             what do i get? a memory of winter...
i'm starting to feel a tornado of wind
wrapping my skin with goosebumps...

a cape of wind... szlafrok wiatru

i feel sorry for the advert industry,
given the internet... the ability
to exercise the mute button,
a bit like in politics, the worth of a veto;
they really forgot the capacities
of internet usage... you just mute
and then, groove out to your favourite
song...
            a bit as entertaining as fiddling
with my belly-button...
sleeping with only a t-shirt on...
fiddling with the anatomy to get out
   a few cotton "uvulas".

still... t-shirt off... and sitting in the shadows...
you can't even imagine the wind wrapping
you in caresses...
    softer than gulping down an oyster...
i just end up feeling oozy...
            free.. fetish-bound... octopus nimble....
i admired these guys walking with their
   attires missing, t-shirts dangling, lodged in
trousers...      but all they wanted was an equal
sun-tan... me? i''m into the experience
   of may's shadow & wind;
                     the sun? the sun can *******.
i'm not about to start gymnastics
with a woman's ******, any time soon;
i wake up with a *****,
       because my bladder is pleading with me
to urinate.

constant staring at scribblings
on the wall, wasting time. pages
stayed with tape and tacks with
words having found understanding
of how the Universe ticks --
*******.
thoughts scrawled before first
past life, put there by hand of
hopeful idealism. writ before,
then enacted through guise of
terrible excuses --
*******.
movement through with attempted
realization, and refusing quarter
for ends to selfish means. then
prying image to subjugate logic.
then onward selfish movement --
*****.
abated a time, then in the fourth
past life, perhaps sought retained.
though all lives cry out for adap-
tation. all crying out to leap,
to find the next waiting, the
one to find the prior salient --
digresser.
fourth found temporary per-
manence with excelling
from deceitful path traversed.
the changing of names follows
change from di- to noc-turnal,
with distance never relinquishing
hold that follows image of sub-
jugation --
metamaniac.

chat bots:
zaby: niet: zeby... (frogs... not teeth)

this heat-wave is making everyone, fffff-ucking cuckoo! i must have lost it about 5 times today... sweating like a pig about to be slaughtered, rambling mad... drank more than i could ever possibly eat... for dinner? the thinner me... two Becks, a pork steak cooked ideally: so the juices were still running... and a few precious olives... with pickled garlic and pickled chillies and plenty of oregano and olive oil... that's it! to hell with this world... to hell with climate-change sceptics... i hate them as much as i hate atheists... i was actually going to post this on the 18th of June... but i thought... i'll wait... it was already been several days of this heat... i'll wait... something is bound to happen: something convincing... the fire in Wennington broke the camel's back... i ffff-ucking sometimes cycle through there... what the ffff-ucking hell happened? scorched earth! the earth's alight! and what am i doing? like **** i'm going on some fancy holiday... like hell i'm going to own a car... i just own a bicycle... i planted 8+ trees in my garden... i tend to talk... i hate climate-change sceptics and deniers like Holocaust deniers and atheists... and all the rest of the secular nunnery *******... the "sensible folk"... they: ****... ME... OFF... like i: don't have enough oath-words to use... i swear like a cobbler when it comes to these matters... today we snapped at each other over the littlest of things: you're keeping the fridge door open for too long... you haven't covered the coleslaw... seconds apparently turned into hours... do i, look... like a ******* camel jockey to you? take this ******* heat and go back to Sahara... that desert that was once a mighty mountain range... all deserts were mountain ranges once... aren't we living in times beside Copernicus... aren't we stuck with Darwinistic pre-history ontology? then all deserts used to be mountain-ranges... now crank up the heat... the sort of heat that makes people mad and animals bewilder themselves... i mention this as much generously later on...

i seriously think the internet can be a lovely place...
sure... there are some pitfalls...
for one: i avoided online dating sites like
the plague... i don't know how i managed to get
fooled by social media...
then again: those were early days...
back in 2005... facebook had a policy of: only university
students... being the first person in my family
to go to university i gobbled some things naively...
mind you: i was already using last.fm
to forage for new music... that's how i found about
Porcupine Tree... Spirit... Gong... to name but the few...
i must have come across Wolfmother too...
i was over the moon that they played in Edinburgh
rather than playing Glasgow...
mind you: i didn't mind that Tool played in Glasgow...
i was willing: more than willing to make that trip
from Edinburgh... that's where i met her...
met: and left her...
    oh man... we were getting crushed... or rather:
she was getting crushed in the pit of happy maggots...
water was being distributed in plastic glasses
so that people wouldn't faint...
   (of course i'm going to portray myself as
someone good... although i tend to think i'm a nasty
piece of work... better to think yourself rotten
than as good... it works to anyone's advantage...
since? there's always room for improvement)
    the glasses were passing us left and right...
someone finally managed to not drink a water from
the cup and it passed into my hand...
what did i do? did i drink it? nope...
            i gave the cup to her... she gulped it down...
the second time i managed to catch a cup...
i drank half of it myself... offered it to her:
she refused... on the basis that the first cup satiated her...
so i passed the cup further down in the crowd...
third cup... i gave it to her... she drank half...
the remaining half i passed down the crowd...
by then i was almost bear-hugging her to give her
space to breath... so much so that she managed to turn
around... we chatted for about two minutes:
the old internet: a.s.a.l... sort of shtick...
                              and by the depth of the music coming
from Tool... we started snogging...
                    did i mind that she said she was German?
hmm!? i'm currently listening to: die weisse dame
                                                                      (d'ah m'eh)...
yes... the Tetragrammaton appears in certain
European languages...  e.g. ANTHONY...
                     you don't say: ANFONY
                               you say: ANTONY...
who's foney / phoney?! is that like someone: who can
be the X-man Magneto but with telephones?!

i probably have regrets... once the crowd was dispersing
after the concert was over...
i saw her standing in some obvious location...
we got separated...
            mind you... did she come alone?
girls? going to concerts on their own? not then not now...
highly unlikely...
but who was she with? a girlfriend or a boyfriend?
regrets... i walked passed her...
   i was about to ask her if she wanted to go back
to Edinburgh with me for some ***... well: not exactly
*** as a one word question... more...
on the lines of relationship building...
    nerves? she ignored me? i was snogging her
just a few minutes and half-hours prior...
            men go to concerts on their own...
do women? rare...
                      women travelling on their own? also rare...
i used to take these weekend trips
to some of the capitals of Europe: alone...
   because... i've been on trips with "friends"...
****** trips... disorganised trips... pointless trips...
i said: **** it... i'm going solo...
                 should i have approached her?
n'ah... she just topped the feelings of seeing Tool live...
a favourite band of mine since the age of 14...
or 15...

what was i "saying"? oh... right... the internet used to be fun,
it still is...
              sure... you get some *******... most of them
are neurotic women... thought-police Katherine(s)...
oh Carol... or oh Caren... or Kerrie... whatever...
             women who have no idea that either William Burroughs
or Ovid or for that matter Marquis de Sade ever existed...
what? i know what cancel-culture is...
i've been banned on... several sites... just outright
deleted... no response...
i was suspended on one website for about 9 months...
what happened, after? the Streisand effect...
my absence imploded...
prior? one of my poems had... maybe... maybe 2K views...

now? i'm packing a crowd of about 50K...
ergo? it's a good thing...
              but it's unlike the internet of NAPSTER
and HOTMAIL... and MSN? what were those chat-rooms
where people would talk anonymously...
with girls in America... i remember those...
that's how we first plundered our presence
in this sphere... obviously publishers wouldn't
listen to us... and we had better things to do anyway...
it was either homework... playing the Age of Empires II
or chatting to people before bots and proper a.i.
was introduced...
way way before internet shopping...
i still remember the classic look of a high street:
there used to be a record shop on each of them...

now? you want a record shop?
Romford... that's the only one i know that still exists...
it's like: Mecca...
seriously... come to Romford... buy some spinning
liquorice...
             i don't even know whether i've grown into
England or whether England has grown into me...
i'm guessing both... of course the myth of my childhood
in Poland is locked in the vaults of memory
of my mind... how we used to play together as children...
hide & seek... marbles... tic-tac-toe...
   skipping ropes... oh sure: boys and girls used to play
together... we didn't get as far as cards...
Blackjack... i'm afraid that if i started playing
Blackjack with the boys i would have not moved an inch...
from where i was born...

but look at me now...
    London leech... in and outs of Bow and further afield
as far as Epping... on a bicycle...
this is home... it breaks my heart in a way
but also mends it...
  
hmm... i recently came across an advert for online
therapy... a woman is sitting in a cubicle in a toilet
and is talking about how her mind will not switch off...
questions: self-rhetorical answers... more questions...
then the lights are turned on...
and in a cubicle next to her another woman
tries to "squeeze" out in a silence...
the camera returns to the woman who "thinks"
she's talking to someone... clearly: she isn't...
              i tried therapy... i tried psychologists:
**** me... at least the most they can do is prescribe you
talk and camomile tea...
i talked to psychiatrists...
    hmm... with the ineffectuality of asylums...
being prescribed pills... usually associated with asylums?
ha ha... ah ha ha...
i put on... let's settle on 30kg...
     i was a porky pie...
                   oh! but it was the cure! i was being cured!
i was "depressed" one year... "schizophrenic" another...
"psychotic" throughout... but when i got a brain MIR scan
back in Poland and talked to a ****** neurosurgeon...
i asked: so am i mad?
he replied: if anyone says you're mad... they're mad themselves...

i love England... no... English people are not racists...
they're just sadistic sometimes...
they have a sadistic sense of humour...
and a sadistic diagnostic-rumour: murmur...
after speaking to this ****** neurosurgeon...
i had to go back... back to England...
oh sure... i still talked with the psychiatrists
that were "treating" me...
i still took the pills...
      until one day: i snapped...
        my mother was having spinal surgery...
i just finished reading Kierkegaard's either / or...
no... that was stalemate: read...
i just finished reading vol. 1 of Kant's critique of pure reason...
and... i couldn't find vol. 2...
i was so ******* *******...

and i told her: when i get out of here!
     did she think: when i escape my body?
to me... psychosis is osmosis... i'm going back to either
air... fire... water or the earth...
perhaps a coupling...

point being: the advert? me... i have a post-Soviet
distrust for psychology, psychiatry, atheism...
why demand people have no soul but make logistic
investments into there being a soul?
or the opposite... whatever the opposite is...
                  i wouldn't talk to anyone but a random
stranger...
                     *******... mother-****-gobbling-*******...
misjudgements?! hmm-um?!
    yeah: bravo-me for keeping my anger under control
by drinking... and taking: long walks...
i once became so mad i walked from Romford to...
Harlow... in the middle of the night...
down roads without any pedestrian access...
      sat in a 24h Tesco waiting to buy a bottle of Jack...
talking to this naive teenage girl...
bought the bourbon... walked into a forest
and started eating Lilac coloured mushrooms...
i literally stopped caring...
the "adventure" finished with me catching a taxi home
and sleeping for about 12 hours...

alcohol as a sedative? yeah... it is... it's a sedative
keeping me intact: from boiling over into absolute rage...
i need it to sweat it out...
every time i drink i'm sedated:
i'm like the antithesis of what most drunks are...
they just explode carelessly...
at rock concerts or football matches... reckless idiots:
IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE TRUE POWER
OF ALCOHOL... what focus it can give...
how else did the pilots of Spitfires defeat
the Amphetamine riddled pilots of the Messerschmitts...
how else? how else where they defeated?
alcohol is a war potent contained in the most
affectionate man...
  
mind you: i know what an alcoholic looks like...
my grandfather was an alcoholic...
he was also a stamp-collector... i still have his Soviet
stamps... i wonder... if i really wanted money...
how much could they fetch in the west...
but... since i'm not after money... because i'm of the motto:
ARBEIT MACHT FREI... and i like the idea of
things... formerly owned by others are like
keeping their presence nearest to me...
translated as travelling stars in the night sky...
and i've seen: plenty... of those...
there are constellations... but there are also these...
roaming stars... i can't explain it...

be kind to animals, be kind to these little critters...
this will allow you to distinguish:
or least favour the judgement concerning:
whether you should be kind to all men:
or whether not to discriminate by a higher earned
justice learned from the kindness showered
on animals...

spieglein spieglein!

ooh... i needed that break from that autobiographic
outburst... and as the maxim states:
by the sweat of your brows you will earn a living...
funny that... writing is hardly any hard-lifting...
but i'm drinking and sweating like a mad-pig
from my armpits...

the internet... hmm...
one sample of tracing my footsteps back...
Tantalus < Human Sacrifice < Annual Customs
of Dahomey < the Kingdom of Dahomey...
this is me... going backward...
i just overheard someone mention...
the Kingdom of Dahomey...
   and king Ghezo...

                             now... physiology...
all these massive basketball players... currently living
in America... hold on hold... on...
Europeans did what?
go around Africa and catch these specimen?
really? what good is a slave if maimed by a bullet wound?!
hmm...  what i was thinking all along...
Africans ******* Africans over
just like Europeans ******* Europeans over...
same shift... different story...
nothing new...
              so there were these people in Western Africa
that used to hunt for slaves...
and sell them off to traders... and... let's face it...
every trade-person is an impartial person...
money is not the coinage of spirit: thought...
ideas are...
                   we exchange ideas like we exchange
money: but in disparaging circumstances...
point being... i arrived at finding about the myth of
Tantalus...

        that's the beauty of the internet...
you might be looking for something: then again not looking
for anything...
coupled with reading a book...
Tantalus...
             Ovid's Amores: book 2 poem 2...
hey presto! Tantalus appears!
loose talk left Tantalus thirsty for ever
though up to his neck in water, clutching at fruit
always out of his reach

             well then... the beauty of the internet...
you get to build tunnels... cognitive tunnels: they are...
but... but there's also the automated filtering process...
i don't celebrate my work... i don't allow it to reach
advertisement status... i don't censor...
i filter... zeit ist die nur essenz...
              während weltraum: etwas das
                             unterhalt selbst...
wir ar entwender sklaven zu zeit
     oder seine eskapisten...

time is the only essence...
while space: something that upkeeps itself...
we are either slaves to time
or its escapists!

then again: i did start thinking about pre-historic
escapism as most associated with
English Darwinists...
those adamant creatures who find it absolutely
necessary to find the ontology: of a man without history:
a man without memory...
strange creatures... like most English thinking is...
don't get me wrong... it's very practical thinking...
ergonomic... egalitarian... soft-spoken words
to replace the pan-Slavic experiment of Communism...

that's ******* dangerous...
and what's the alternative? is there an alternative?
the English intellect invented
ergonomics and egalitarianism to counter
Communism...
               but it also invested itself in pre-history /
post-history... the ontology of:
prior to any recorded history... there was this
ontolology of APES...
i don't even think Copernicus could have
envisioned such widespread corruption of a simple
idea: nature abhors vacuums...
vacuums are filled by adaptation...

  i blame the mutation of Darwinism on the current
zeitgeist-narrative...
   no history? no history?!
          no ******* wonder i'm fleeing into foreign
languages... i've tested my thoughts on German...
i'm testing my thoughts on Russian...
i have this special case i need to test / write out...
i'm not staying: i'm fleeing...
but i'll be fleeing in a way that a violin
player is fleeing the sinking Titanic...

i need more drink to write this bit...
after all... i'm "changing glasses"...
i'm about to roam around the cheapest version
of Greek...
                       Darwinistic anti-historical pre-historical
ontology... i remember winters of such an abundence
of snow that you will never know...
i ******* hate climate-change-sceptics...
it's too hot!
        it's, too, *******, hot!
                             scepticism is not some *******
NEU-KOOL...
              BONKERS... no! neit! nein! nie!
i don't need lobster-people parading with
suntans... telling me: yeah: br'uh... all good...
like **** it is...
i hate these climate sceptics...
like i hate these Hitchen's era atheist...
sensible people my ****... my ****...

my feet are sticky... my brain is fried...
                     sure sure... let's just "rephrase" our next
no-new position comes the next year's flooding...

what the **** happened to:
CAUSE & EFFECT?!
                     physics isn't working?!
rules of physics somehow awry?"
                    hammer not good for nails?!
THIS IS WHY I DRINK...
i drink to contain my rage...
           but i also drink to fuse with it...
a writing ambition that...
will not be recognised... because:
zeitgeistnarrativ...
people need to hear what they are used to /
what they want...

****'s sake... with these climate change scpetics there's
no physics principle of: X causes Y...
ergo Y causes YX... ergo YX cause XY...
ergo... there's a ******* Z!
better explained?
   x causes y.. no! y doesn't cause x!
it's not a closed-case sceanario... you ****** g dim-wit!

dimmy dumb dimmy dumb wit!
ugh meister fantastisch spinster
   herr spinster: spaghettilockenwickler:
mampfenhausherr!

      hell is a fury that man obeys!
hell is a fury that a man obeys:
because... he inacts its tides...
selfish women discard hell's compensation
for personal gains...
best to spread the fury...
it has been... a long wait...
but worthwhile...
                            wahnhaft?!
                                           wer ist nicht?!

ten kto miał spać... i ten kto miał: wstać...
i ten kto miał spać... i ten kto miał: wstać...
i ten: kto został "zaspany":
  i ten kto ten kto nigdy się nidgy nie
obudził...
           i ten... komu zerk na "co to?":
dodało: nad-skupieninie:
ojra... ojra: coś nie tak!
o kurwa... hyba coś nie tak!

me? i'm looking at these two Russian
letters...
and then looking at these Latin transformations...

Спокойная ночь: spokojnaja no-
             hmm... exactly!
exactly? peaceful night!
but that's not my "beef"...
    J is replaced with Y...
                          since there's no Jeep in *****...
or therefore a DZ... dz = j....

                                     exactly: German folk songs
for drinking... gearing up to writing
while listening to some Russian agnst...
and i've just found... the second artist
in the Russian tongue that appeals to me...
first things first... Faun's Lorelei to get drunk and proper
"stammered" in order to better write...
that's that... but then... something from Russia:

to think...
                            i was lucky enough to... and not so lucky
to have had a Russian girlfriend...
lucky to have visited St. Petersburg and Moscow
but sort of unlucky to see in her cousin's face
that she was cheating on me...
i liked drinking with him: beer and dried fish...
talking about music and history...
i knew what his face was telling me...
he was sad that he knew she was having a French-fling
of two-boys one girl...
i hope i came across to suggest to him:
you know... i have been with prostitutes...
she over-estimates her worth, you do know: that i know that,
right?
i'm only here for St. Petersburg and for Moscow
and for the *****... the beer and the dried fish
that's such a better accomplishment to match
up with beer than peanuts...
you do know that i know she's ******* around?
but let me tell you: just one night...
i'll **** her brains out... i'll turn into a miner and
build a tunnel into her ego so that she remembers
me proper... oh don't worry... this narrative will only
come to be some years later...
i'll need to reflect for years before i realise
what my unconscious was instinctively planning:

good luck trying to be a tourist in Russia these
days... ha ha...
i was already out of the door come the moment
she wanted to turn my long hair into dreadlocks
and wanted to tattoo me...
i knew it was a short escapade: a gentle run
rather than a marathon...
the best part was: when she introduced me to her
grandmother: telling me it was her mother...
and we went to dinner: she introduced her mother
as her sister... and her father as her "uncle"...
she was trying to hide so bad that i was a ******...
a Russian girl?! dating a ****** boy?!
mein gott!                       it's only years later that
i'm drinking this fine wine of memory
in the form of ms. amber (whiskey)...

                   oh for more of these love complications
on grounds of ethnicity: race-baiting?
too ******* obvious: the Germanic peoples can play
that duty to the "universe"...
i like the subtle queues...

i can just imagine if this affair went west...
if i dated a proper: milchfräulein!
i'd be like: wild-eyed: did your grandpa secetectly
stash a SS-uniform in secret? can i see it?
can i wear it? wait... wait... i need to see the Turk
first... my barber... i can't put it on without
being properly trimmed...
does he? does he?
                                           ah ha ha...

i think schwarz suits me...
although i much prefer
grün und braun shades of clothes...
                           nothing jeans related... suits me...

it became one of those relationships that's best
not have had... best remembered like
the heat-wave of 2022...
i... ******* cycled through the village of Wellington...
i know the area... it's local... well...
as a cyclist it's local... thereabouts to Rainham...
there's this land-fill site near by...
there's the Cold-Harbour...
  when the Thames spreads her "legs" / tide...
i know the area... ******* grass fires?
  you're kidding me...
   i abhor climate sceptics like i abhor atheists...

do i look like a: ffff-ucking camel jockey?!
some influencer girl staging the pride of her buttocks
before some hotel in Dubai?
i hate people who adhere to the heat...
i know that when the mob comes after them
i'll be peddling...
              i'll be licking my wounds...
i'll be writing: sure... not having sweat from my brows:
but from my underarm pits...
at this point i abhore the arrogant-denial
of the sceptics...
                             because this is the workings of bad-faith...
and bad-faith begins with advocating
the adamancy of denial...
                  these ffff-ucking idiots need
another year... perhaps two...
before they change their minds about saying
things like: oh... media frenzy!
   this feels like just another summer!

really?
  really?!
              what happened to me today?
i woke up... in a 180° position to the one i fell asleep in...
i rotated... 180°... how? how does a body rotate
180° while asleep... lying next to a table...
sure... i took down a chair...
but... this is the UNCONSCIOUS speaking:
this is the COLLECCTIVE UNCONSCIOUS speaking
to individuals in their UNCONSCIOUS....
i ffff-ucking rotated 180° in my sleep!

that's not a ******* problem?!
fair enough... let idiots breed...
I DON'T CARE...
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO CARE...
I DON'T CARE...
DAARWINISM EXPOSED A MAN BADLY
DAMAGED BY ALLOWANCES OF AN ONTOLOGY
OF A PRE-HISTORY: AN ANTI-THESIS OF CONTINUITY
OF PRE-HISTORY: BY VARIATION OF SOME "MAGIC!"
SOME MAGIC MONKEY JUGGLING...

no! nein! neit! nie!

       come to "think" of it...
    Communism... the whole Pan-Slavic movement...
i'd like to "think" a little about the letters...
about... the crab-bucket... mentality of "losers"
of capitalism...
these... adherent wastes of time for people
that... want to work...
                  these people that should be readied
for an arbeit mach freit... scrutiny...
the excuses some people give them...
i've never been allowed excuses...
i was either good at my work or **** at it...
but some of these people have been given
too many excuses: based on their race:
get rid of them...
                 how does the verse work?
employ him because X...
well then... get rid of him based on Y...
lazy ******* best starve...
                        
    oh this cruel world... crueler Siberia...
i'm supposed to do the work of lazy Chimera's
of "man"?
                  
Спокойная ночь... bothers me...
esp. when reiterating in Latin...
      й = J = Y...
                  hmm... чь: ć
                               what's чъ?!
      but that's already arrived at!
                                  чъ = č ...

night?                      нoц! noc! night!

                    what's the ******* deal with
the Cyrillic trinity of ь ъ & ы?

                                         "soft": acute?
"hard": caron?
                         but a "soft" is already incorporated
within the noun concerning NIGHT...
at the same time it's not necessary...
that's why for a ******...
Russian is under-formed...

   нoц... contra ночь...
           because? the latter implies:
  when heard: never to be unheard:
   noć...
                      no... not noć...
not ******* nocz / noč...
                      нoц: noc! nacht!

***: *******: BAJA... bajka!
                     you confusing idiots... Chinese separatists
of Beijing...
ъ, ы, ь, ю, я, y living in make-shift *****-lands...

gorąc...
                  gorąц...
                                    na mej głowie...
to tło... szumu... i idiotyzmu...
      this: this entire world is coming to the smallest
portion of the world for: "debriefing":
about being the the antagonist...

  **** it... i'm siding with the Russians...
i don't care...
                      i don't care because i don't care...
i'm siding with the Russians...
at least they have some existential sanity
left in them...
                it's very much unlike siding with
**** Germany most associated with
the Croats...
this is... a civiliation-state scenario...
this is Darwinism in its advent of foreplay...
i'm curating foreplay...
people are so blind... as individuals...

do i look like wanting to **** black women?
ergo... all the poly-racial ****... is... what?
something i might want to keep... or... burn?
i could never appreciate the idiocy of some people...
but? i'm currently having to adapt....
because... people have beccome better than their own
predictions.

One by one
The petals fall
From the heart of man
Taking with them
The sun and shine
Leaving a desolate land
Their sweet fragrance
Fermenting in arid desert
Where noc is ruler
Green grass obsolete
Dry as cotton
This heart of sand
Rain doesn't quench
This thirst
This ache
It cleans nothing
Leaves only a muddy hand
A soul that cries
With eyes now dry
A hand to which
No one holds
A permanent desert
Where roses die
And grass not grow
This barren
Heart of sand

nagłon a ja lupa i ja
wgard... i mokra, ja,
Moskiev... koszule mokre....
na gawron... ja płacz...
i w noc, i w czar ten tło ka ka
a raczej w tło lupy iskr...
tak... bliżej.. dalej... bliżej! dalej!

ale ja Moskiev, i oto oi na wojne,
to warte: ęć - ha ha warte ojca,
i tego, i wolne, it warte watrę...
cię, you... or what was said
to be evil... a night spent in Warsaw,
or a night i never wished i had spent...

wedle barw...
na tło... o tu huja se ma!
ty mi nie centurion
deutsche!
  hałk i lombard ego!
prawie żyd, prawie taki owy pan...
niech mnie gnat i gwałt taki
obezwładni: czyli ten,
który, kto nigdy tam
  nie raczył znaczyć wprot: list.

oj ubogi, oj ubogi, ty.

ss-man, nein!
death to ****! life! ****,
not in america... bored from life...
smooch the two of
equal strand!
ya, deutsche!
as ire stupid, came to lay claim...
dumb irish are ready to join
islam, and make a bomb...
as the dumb irish are ready to do.
boo and readier with boom!

boom!
lost the concern for a shamrock
dance.

how i wish to forget having the capacity
to speak english...
ugh...
    how i wish to forget it...
it's so crisp, so pristine...
so worth being unfathomable.

więcej swicek na grobach
     w cmętarzu...
   niż okien z lampą życia
     odblasku -
traf na ten tłum.
  a to w świnta -
boze boze: twe narodzenie!
ktoś by pomyślał: w zapomnienie.
    ta noc wigilijna...
              tak...
  więcej świec na grobach
            niż żarówek w oknach...
   licze sześć na sto-siedemdziesiąt sześć -
    człek w grobie dudni... pyrcha jak
        kot: oddman mu, duchem wisi!
                  sześć okien rozjaśnia
      posąg...
                          a tu jednak cmetarz
tłem na którym wyryć można
                      romans wersji: Netwon w
Kenii... kokos wzamian jabka.
                       tyle to gadania...
    więcej świec na cmentarzu
       niż rozjasnonych pokoii..
                         kluczem zamknięte
   enigma: na zbyt.
                       tyle to gniewu wkłócone
w żart -
                   więcej świec na cmentarzu
niż w oknach: włóknem świata oznajmić
                 oddech i muze
         kogo tyczy ojciec nad herr tytuł...
lecz nie tu... tu więcej życia z martwym niż
z żywym...
                        konam, ubogi -
mdleje w mgle...
                                  tuczony jak indyk...
              i chodze niby marszem: gęś-strappen...
a na garbie mej: glöckenschpiel...
                         albo zegar ßvastika...
               dom pana ßaß... dwa-set-na-tysiąc...
                                            ­            szra-el...
                     i zwany las: krzyżak -
  bo to nigdy nie mogiła, lub szyszka, lub
                           martwy ton palcem wydłubany
                        kolec w oku...
                                       grzech to:
       pukać pięścią w drzewo w lesie jak niby w
                                                      drzwi.
  ­                                  bünken bach;
hrabia: einßbach...                  i to jest sen -
  jak niby gryz kanapki           smarowany
                           smalcem,
      jak też ogląd po pałacu Versailles: wkurwiony.
             ah ten rodak kozak -
                           o tyle więcej garść trzyma
        serce, co da sie ująć rękami wczulonymi
                        w pit...
                    o czym słowo znaczy: pić...
ja i ten język?    wedle poczynania rumcajsa,
               skrótem do grobu:
wpatrywać sie w te okna
           cmentarnego statku żywych:
a więc zabawa po staromiejsku...
    oczy w płomień, halo wedle dat:
żył i żyła, i czasem jakiś obłąkany zagwist
    w epitap:
   tych kochanych epitapem zamkneli -
a tu też makabra żartu:
  grób z imieniem, straszny oczekiwaniem
             zarosły dom...
                    grób z imieniem, lecz bez
dat i trumny, czy też sztywniaka...
                         makabra -
                 no to typowa, polsche inwestycja.

on the rare occasion that it does happen,
bad news, i was already fired up
to get on with the work,
of painting the corridor,
    when i was informed that
the boazeria (wood panneling)
had a lakier / lacquer finish...
at first i thought that i was
******* at the person giving me
solid advice...
    i stormed out of the house
thinking of the impossible,
yet what dragged me into reflection
of the possibility of: the abyss
of so many lives interchanging
social cordiality hiding beneath
a depth of life: worth more as solid
bricks, than as would be novels...
dare i: suckle at thost most mundane,
and do so, without any
responsibility to burden my
       already freelance devoid matter
of fact, as if: there was no
duty, no inheritence tax on
say, the english speaking world
effort of the memory of 1066...
       well... 1410 is quiet another date...
when the northern crusaders
were vanquished when a nation
of newly converted Christians were
wed to a nation of polyphonic pagans
of ancient Lithuania at the core,
extending: from the Baltic,
                              to the Black Sea...
sad almost, yet blinding nonetheless,
to be bound to the accummulating
eyes...
               hunched, sitting at the tease
of the river before the high tower
of the setting sun, before the altar
of žalias and mother May...
           of course no heroism...
saison: added the zest of bitter
orange, based using French yeast...
had i not peeled off the etykietkę,
the label, i wouldn't be writing this...
thankfully some passing stranger
noticed me, asked me for a light,
thanked me (he too towed
several beers to his abode)
    and without a lost in translation,
lit.: hold on / trzymaj się...
   ty też / you too... came my reply;
had Sisyphus been giving the task -
or told as little...
    anger arose from an immovable
object, yet the day was retained,
in the smallest of fathomable
vanity projects, thinking, or spare
morality, vagabond ethics, Democritus'
dogs and other howling
in crematory urns, graves,
and within spying crow beaks
perched in pretending sleep martyrdom
statuettes...
           are we to **** a poem
for worth of rhyme?
     or suddenly, the uncontained
gong, and rattling chains, crisp to
the 20th bellowing frost-bitten echo:
as replica, of a chattering chess game,
king a tier above the pawn,
pawn the numerous analogue,
a queen, a bishop, a rook,
                   a knight... and a long lost
******...
        but by nighttime the concern
for lacquered wood panneling was gone...
anticipating a full moon
that the calendar later refined as:
till Monday....
       ah... not only in Germany such
beer is drank...
           sure enough ***** comes at pure
night, czysta noc,
        but prior to cliché sword dance with
sweet, come sour, come the barking dog...
perpetual autumn with accents of spring,
till that orb and Atlas and Louis XIV ego
market assurance of a tomorrow:
   HEFEWEIZEN...
         hefe-weiß-bier...
   meddlesome murk and twice worth
the romance associated with the fabbled
smog of London...
     and just today...
   it started in Naples:
        schatten, **** and a fondness for
scalding frost:
              but before the ladies started
investing in botox,
    and elsewhere apart from the lips,
before came lips like
early flower buds teasing a comparison
to Violeta, and the violoncello...
          vigour and violence...
    sophia loren and nature playing
with dice...
       sack of pears each side,
cider on the left, poached with cream
on the other fused with cinnamon
and cloves...
       and a pair of lips,
    like poststamps and sealed envelopes...
before nature was robbed of
throwing dice...
           gambling and sieving and
all manner of alchemical fabric...
whether chicken prior
   to the egg or vice versa...
   the lips of sophia loren
came prior to the genenric:
   industrialisation of a plagiarised
beauty...
                bad expriment,
or simply bored...
                   stash of doodled ideas
and sketches -
   sie ist ein modell und sie sieht gut leer,
    genießergelage auf bandwürmer
    und champagne flöteglass sträusels
             on gestrig erbrechen...
   pardon mein schwabian,
     tiz noot too güt...
    ol Fritz didn't teach me well,
but I happen to notice...
   Italy, albeit fascist, enjoyed
a colourful revival under
the watchful eye of holywood...
a Roman holiday...
       huh... no wonder I'm teasing
roboboy and thinking:
surely the only complimentary
exponent of the third *****,
to compliment my reading of Heidegger,
must be a more, public, figure...
    ah... the biography of
Leni Reifenstalh is waiting...
once i finish the ****** affair of
a historical novel, and a lost tourist
who was supposed to have summoned
a quest for inspiration at Marienburg...
if we're looking for artefacts
from the third *****...
   who better stand as antonym of
Heidegger, if not Reifenstalh?        
as are we all, tourists of history...
    it could have been a fascination
with the Weimar Rep.,
                      or the Polish Peoples' Rep.,
but...
     history seems rather,
congested... and that hardly mentions
Jacob Ripplestone...
                          a fascination
as concise as it is consistent with:
in the days when journalist are thieves
of time, and kings, their marionettes:
part etiquete poodles,
      part lunatic patrons,
             part honing devices for
small town tourists...
                      and to think: the night
as yet, so young.

mh

mh

mh

honest to god or no god... this was supposed to be merely about a comparison of two bicycles... a road-bike viking... bought for £125 years ago... the chain was all rusty... the wheels were deflated... and a trek marlin 5... bought for £495... which... comes to think of it... only just now... seems like a waste of money... tired rubber... 3 punctures of the wheels... and it only took me 3 months of testing it... for the tyres to be: worth jack-****... double-sure on the condoms should the Irish come knocking

perhaps w. h. auden was right when saying that:
all the Hitlers of the world write at night...
i like writing at night... i like the fascination
with being up while in the vicinity everyone's
is off to the land of Nod...
perhaps w. h. auden was right:
perhaps all the dejected pederasts write
while basking in the sun... cowering into
shadows... i know a little about w. h. auden...
it only took me the time to read
harold norse's memoir: " of a ******* angel...
a dejected old queen...
oh... but between w. h. auden... pretty rhymes...
i still don't know what's keeping
walt whitman afloat...
well... since so few women write books
worth reading: perhaps they write the most
honest poems...
it's not out of some misogyny that i don't read
literature by women...
i'm a massive fan of Pashtun poetry:
Afghan women and their landays:
their little horror debacle...
but no woman is going to write herself into:
naked... revealing... child-like...
she has too much mystique to sacrifice:
to give up...
she's not going to write from anywhere
other than the posit of the ideal:
whether it's the ideal of who she thinks she is:
or the ideal she's looking for...
two made it... Bukowski made the money...
i know... he wasn't a woman...
and Sylvia Plath... perhaps that Sexton Lady...
it's not even cute: it's exasperating...
it's a drowning man searching for a razor blade's
edge to save himself from drowning...
even i: given enough time...
am... bothersome... meeting up with...
the Titans translated into:
pillars or... hardly salt... just the pedagogic
blockade... it would be easier to revise
perspectives with a Copernican:
he moved the earth while stopping the sun...
that would be easier... than to shift: Shake-a-Pear
into a heap of recyclables..
- i hate myself when i start borrowing
either katakana or Hangul...
how i admire these writing systems...
vowels disappear... integrated into consonants
that have no leg to stand on... beside the N...
how two consonants: lost in phonetics...
but necessarily distinguished in writing
are so hard to find...
B'AH C'AH... vowel catcher hatch: indicator for:
B'AH: not Bay...
              self-evident truth from where i'm
originally from... no! b'ah!
irksome throughout the day:
a second time i'm quitting smoking...
i'm not going to quit it...
a cigarette at the end of the day...
some wine...
i wish i could still play video-games...
no... wait... i don't...
the solitary bat flying around my eucalyptus tree
chasing moths and other lesser creatures...
me strapped to the moment
watching the win caress the eucalyptus tree:
it's almost as if someone let me off my leash
from a monastery...
like acid poured into my ears:
flaky high-follower count debates...
i don't think the sort of people clued into reading
a book... detached from a comment section:
sure... well-read... well-read people...
eclectic minds... regurgitating journalistic endeavours...
since journalists are paid
and poets aren't: you don't rhyme... ******!
don't expect payment when not boxed: with rhyme...
last time i heard... Horace didn't bother either:
authentically: if i'm not going to have a conversation...
poetic soliloquy...

my soliloquy... someone else's voyeurism...
dad rock... budka suflera - noc...
robert plant - morning dew... darkness darkness....

well of course i will read ****-****** literature:
i'm not a big fan of nuns...
women and their curtain dressing...
i want to love them as much as i don't
want to understand... keep me as target of my
own demise in a man orientated world...

- the beauty of a machine that works well...
i'm still flabbergasted... i just saw a gingerbread
cookie of a man run into a cave,
shout... and leave no traces of an echo...
ooh! the sort of face most associated
with Kenyan macaques...
who... project a ****** expression of fear
onto that, which... gives them fear...

Kenya... i was there for the ivory beauties...
the adventure of finding shade...
the cheap brandy... and feeding the macaque
monkeys some sugar sachets...
while entertaining myself on the balcony
with: inanimate things...
twitchy eye: tree! i saw you move!

it's a bicycle it's not a road-taxed mechanisation:
i very much like things i can use
to their full potential: whereby i invest in
creating my own momentum...
slim: slimmer... slimmest...
now that i have a clenched chest
of pirate rage having done some press-ups
in awkward positions: more yoga
than... not as many stomach crunches...
i like the idea of a tender stomach...
all the limbs can be orchestrated to:
well oiled... best of the best juiced...
but the stomach... area...
i like it tender...
to imitate the whole of woman... sketched
in braille...
cat grooming... which originally prompted me
when she stuck up her *** into my face
and i started whizz-kid searching
for an outlet...
i promised myself i'd be back
on scout's honour: prompt...
looks like i haven't been so honest
with either her or myself...
my moustache has grown to the point
where my lips are hiding... tender: slim...
my neck has disappeared...
i've started to drink and become pensive
and therefore: started to imitated playing
a violin while fiddling with a beard...

but i did trim my ***** so they might appear...
like a laurel bush...
or a lemon tree...
maybe i'll get my libido spontaneity back
when i have to tend to grooming the cats...
it's the closest prospect of "translation"
i'll arrive at... since: with cats...
no muzzle... not leash... no kink...
no latex... come to "think" of it...
thank god i don't get enough of "it"...
give me a spectacle of one: done proper...
every half-a-decade...
i couldn't stomach it everyday...
it's enough that i have everyday for
the joys of... taking a ****... drinking some milk...
debating corn....

it's not corn is: or was... ever to be debated...
seriously... perhaps corn-meal:
not corn-flour that's readily available for
a thickening "enzyme"...
that **** the h'americans eat...
yellow-bread... Hans and Saucer...

strict regulations of language formality...
debatable speak...
wait... from began with Horace
and ends with giuseppe belli sonnets:

a le madre, se sa, li strilli e 'r piaggne
je pareno ronno dde tordinone.
le madre ar monno so ttutte compaggne...

       to mum, the gruntings of this ***-mad ******
surpass the sweet songs of a west end name...
the mothers of this world are all the same.

it's a dialectical approach concerning two bicycles...
one... a cheap road bicycle viking: vibrant green...
sturdy frame: no need for...
lost the word... rephrasing...
what's the word... not punctures...
giddy-giddy...up... down?
RESORY...

unlike a wide-girth of the mountain bike's
handlebars...
the road-cycle narrows around me exfoliating my
back muscles...
sure... the front brakes are a bit squeaky...
but... unlike the £495 pristine: sold for a....
the wider trim of wheels....
i have never ridden a better bicycle worth
only £125... this viking contra the trek marlin 5...

get used to the idea of THONG...
of the wheel...
the frame is much smaller... "slim"...
but i still encourage myself as riding faster...
bicycles and prostitutes...
i don't care much for...
paying too much...
last time i heard: there's not "cheaper"
as there's no "dearest"... when it comes to coughing up
for ***...
the supposedly cheapest will showcase
her tongue... she's motivate you...
provided you're sober...
giddy-up showcase girl...

after having skimmed some Rousseau...
i thought Kierkegaard was good:
indolent i...
there's no cat sleeping in my bed:
thank god... i'm not feeling having a bed-fellow...
to suckle me into: oyster-mush...
floral patterns...

also... thank god for the olympics:
the plethora of bodies...
the swimmers have the sexiest bodies...
not the sprinters...
lacerated lungs...
not the heavyweight lifters:
******* Turkish dwarfs from the nether kingdom
of the Caucasian: procrastinating
crustaceans....

        look at them!
see any ***-side-aside... keep up with
the Springboks? Aqua-****-with:
mensch... oh the "cardinal" is real...
the Isrealis should know..
not much room for intellect
when the body is concerned...
FAIL... double... FAIL: thrice...
there's not THRICE when filing is mentioned...

a £125 worth of a VIKING road-bike...
is worth more than a £495 Trek marlin 5 mountain bike...
how? the product wasn't made
at a time where... NOT MADE IN CHINA
was a thing...
perhaps the Chinese teamed up with project:
SLACK...

but there's this "debate":
i'd rather.... not listen to music...
hence... listen... to the bicycle not giving me grief...
streaking a palette of irksome sounds...
glitches... chasers...
creases in the otherwise well-oiled-up...
rubric of cogs and: generalised machinery...
i "forgot" to become a self-made d.j.
riding this glorious machinery...
why? it's so silent....
it works so well...
so much for advertising hell:

when a machine works so... pristinely...
that... you: can sacrifice listening to music...
as a way to digest the mundane...
passing of traffic...
so well oiled... of sure... the front breaks
squeak a little...
but you can refrain from auxiliary help
of the time: occupied by cycling:
because there's a solid frame....
and the classic handlebars allow your
hands the sort of "yoga" not associated
with the timidity of mountain-bike heirs: HIRSCH...

when you want to appreciate a well-crafted bicycle...
you want to listen to the traffic...
you can't hear your bicycle...
you're dying to **** a Turkish *******...

when journalism dies...
oh i'm pretty sure... no man alone...
the Phoenicians invented what the Canaanites
suggested: the humble patriarch Abraham...
Carmenta...
              St. Cyril...
SEJONG...
it wasn't sr. isaac pitman...
last time i heard it was... Marcus Tiro:
of the Cicero household...

*** & bicycles... it's one thing...
altogether another...
alpha + beta orbiters...
journalists get paid for being...
restaurant critics...
poets get paid for... load of *******:
and half the expected rhyme...
i like what i'm supposed to pay for...
Turkish prostitutes...
like Turkish barbers...
i get the best trim of ***** refocusing on my face...
i get the best blowback...

the English girls: all nuns!
all nuns! just prior to...
Pakistani paedophiles making them...
"available": no... rotten fruit at this point...
my life's complicated enough...
aim small: miss small...
heart's a pebble...

in the guise of: walking abortion:
walking around with a scrutiny of:
the eunuchs of king solomon's harem:
daddy: issues...
all those maxims... all those maxims::
but no foreseeable light of a
king david's psalms...

any man can claim wisdom:
when he has all the world is to arrive at....
no wonder that...
Solomon felt this sort of "grief"...
from David unto Solomon:
this tender prayer...

there's no need to avert the freedom
granted unto women:
i must allow myself
to love what i better not understand....
grow a beard: fiddle with it
pretending it to be a violin...
crease the concerns for traffic...
if it's not a horse: treat it as a bicycle...

i have a heart: enough of a heart:
to... drown a stone...
if not a stone then i'll suffocate
a mountain... however peacocking worded:
i'll drown a ******* mountain
in a puddle! then... i'll call it...
a lob-sided phenomenon of...
"ugly" tarmac!

dasz mi klucz?
        czemu?
            ide w noc
na cmentarz...
            z krzywym
   grzbietem
kruka,
     zerkać nad
tym dnem
    czasu,
tym, grobim
tatuażem...
         to co
podobno jest "moje"...
tzn.,
        chcem
koncept cienia
   w mym ciele
spowrotem,
         a nie w nim,
na nim: przedemną;
huj, ze mnie
żaden hop-hop-hopin,
chatter: sha sha.

panie nocy, daj, mi,
                        być gwardi wart
                                            o sen o nocy...

panie nocy, daj, daj mi,
i noc, i twój sen...

                                              i niech ja,
       będe miserium gratis...

ten fałsz klawisza pia-ni-na...
co...
         nad sen ciwila:
chytliwim uchem
"słucha"...

i still don't know why
a cat might look
at someone, human,
in a believing way,
a loving way,
a replica manner for
a tommorow
akin to a today...

  ****** can't close his eyes
with me clicking on
the keyboard...
     guised with the ever so slight
blinking artefact of my eyes
in conjunction
with his eyes...

  to impersonate:
                 a genesis of Bach...
there is none of that...
no grand orchestra
in an even more
grand "typo" for an orchestra
in a cathedral making sound...

tu, tu mam ci dać, co mi pada od tybie:
'spierdalaj skurwysynie'?!
sam jeb od
               kotfy i:
                  ciwil...
                              sieki­era...
  dno...
                   i pień...
                                 n'est ce pas?
to tem "im" znowu po:
                                czaj-insku?!
zjebodjed to:
                           to zjebodjed 'yto!
skoro-tak-cie-miano-"synie";
co?
                     coś sfędzi?!
      a propro tvo, ta "matka"?
                      wole
kata siekiere: ni twe slowo...
         rozum twe warszawa polak,
szwed,                 czy harceż: czyli szefc?!

    poliaku: doj mi! znowie!
po cym: ty... farfaku znowu
                poznajesz: sibie!

o! o! o tym kocim! ogunem
                  a co śpiw zwe i tym i o tamtym
da swoje: hibił pan o krym! co nit?

to! to! to morda żniwa
   o czym smerc
                   se da o wróbla dać
                                    znac!

ja...
            ­           zabiore jej tłumu tchu!
a wnet:
                   dam:
                                      im duše!

alt title: nox! νύχτα! noc (nychta)! / gwnaeth nhw anghofio

four days on antibiotics because of a tooth-ache...
more like a gum throbbing...
a nerve ending shouting session...
and what did i learn?
i love being sober as much as i like drinking...
i don't think being drunk is even invoked...
it misses me, "somehow"...
the "well not really"... i find that to be drunk,
proper, you also need a side-dish
of a stimulating conversation,
as done per solo: well... to the gallows of stupor
with you!
beside that... today marked the day
when i remembered what a bee sting feels like...
the first time it was me laying mud on
top of this helpless bee... kneeling
in the mud... getting stung...
today... this little zeppelin ******
fell off a tree and into my hair...
while attempting to brush it off
i gained a signature of its needle
and a little bit of its ***...
the part where it dies from taking a fatal shot
at: please, someone... comb my hair!
acute pain is more than whatever is on
offer in the hallucinogenic realm of things...
mushy-fungus-hitchhiker:
ride i am not...
acute pain sharpens reality and "reality"...
take me, 4 days sober... now i'm having
a formidable sessions...
i'll get to what's bothering me in a second...
i'm almost happy to say that i'm drinking
to shake off all the clove-buds and other
anaesthetics that numbed me comfy...
but a whiskey in the morning...
even if you're going to do all the chores
in the garden...
let's face it... there's no good mood of chore
even if you spike it with drink...
some people don't relax when writing...
some people constrict themselves and out pops
out the **** of fiction and fantasy...
i tried watching t.v. this evening...
i never bother to turn on the radio...
i'm my own d.j. plus that thing the wind
was doing with that eucalyptus in my garden...
the thing the clouds were doing...
i think that's plenty of fire while
the t.v. can die... on a Friday...
i once asked for a sabbath for journalism...
even though the Sunday edition with its news review
is probably the best day... so a journalistic sabbath
would be a Monday...
t.v. can ******* on Friday...
i do adore being sober as much as i love drinking...
after all...
from 118kg down to 101.8kg...
i can already feel the sunken cheeks of slimming...
i even started to admire myself
in glass while watering the fruit trees in my garden...
i'd swear that i grew a beard to
make a second emphasis of contortions on my face...
**** on me! here are the first!
of the world... buzz-words...
hypergamy... blah blah...
   *****-donations...
   ha ha... well... it certainly looks like...
no sooner rather than not ever...
we'll be ******* our third cousins... for sure...
well... if you think about it...
a whole lot of women...
going for... a whole lot of *****...
from one man...
    isn't that... ahem... complicated?
         unless he's a magician, a psychiatrists
and a tree surgeon...
i see! melodramatic o fortuna type feel:
if all these women...
   are being impregnated by this one...
bank account...
  that's all he is... a yellow walrus...
what are the chances of... 2nd generation ******?!
2nd, 3rd... sure sure... back in the old testament
days... same father... two "opposing" mothers...
no complications...
just, that, *******, riddle... of... forehead...
against... a... brick... wall... to... curb...
demands... for... original... thinking!
just saying... happy to be drinking...
shivers and shakes and demonic faces of hallucination
come 2am... oh... and dreams...
bogus... dreams... nonsensical dreams...
dreams on a whim for Eloise to ****...
to midnight!
i have a new drinking salute...
   nox! nychta!
                 oíche!
             so we are, aren't we... certain...
of... best for "moi" but not when another
"moi" best of... come together
in a slobbering case of gene pool fog...
cousin-some-share... that imbecile father...
well... here's me not dreaming
of any other dream-gene-pool...
i'm a walking abortion, don't you know?
i just came late... much later than expected...
expected the golden horde to allow the same
freedoms...
in the old days... the chains of the mistake
of that one night stand...
i can see it now...
it would be impossible to be chained
to the next come next sheered ****** the better
mechanised no better than deus ex machina:
i.e. **** in machina...
the bus-driver... the ******* plumber...
i surf with words...
i don't hold... lend me a sociopath and a brothel
and we'll have us a jolly good night...
i have about £140 quid for the occassion
and two litres of whiskey to get us through...
well... me my shadow and a cat i'll call...
mr. bowler...
because girls in yorkshire are disappearing...
and that's old news...
i see boys disappear all the time...
hardly teased by sweets and bad parenting
tantrum traps...
what came from barbie and what
came from g.i. joe... certainly not fans
for chess or su doku...
sorry but if the police are not willing to do...
anything... what the **** am?
a slave herder?
their father?
a "concerned civilian"?
                   i haven't been ****** for free in well
over a decade...
coming to 15 years...
   i'll let this one black girl off because
she had a skinny ***
and my ex was friends with her
and she slept over and i gave have a few
k.o. cocktails and... we matched...
on that karma sutra scale of...
i assure you... no elephant ****** a bunny...
as a tease of prep for childbirth...
could have had a cesaerian...
            paid... the napkin... paid...
the magic... what carpet? probably paid...
oh... it's sobering, proper sobering to pay...
notably: ******...
a ship might sink... but that fat-flat-skim-reading
of skin will never fade from my memory...
i'm sure my lips were leeches and i had
her eyelids... with the mascara itched onto them
i write this...
to-ast!
          night! nox! nychta!
                       i have no heart to either write
or drink during the day...
give me the day and the clear dichotomy
of the body and the mind...
i want to be drunk of the exercise of the body
to calm the mind...
but i also want to be drunk on the mind
to not exercise the body...
for me there is no mind-body dualism...
there are punctuation points that favour
a mind-body dichotomy than a dualism...
like...

writing is an extension of thinking...
it's not an invitation to waggle your tongue...
but of course... i'm proud of my students
who only recently were illiterate and are more
than eager to speak aloud what they can read...
rather than "think" it...

to excess!

why would i "believe" to be a molusk...
brain-and-bondy-entwined?
this sponge of a... pickled... brain?
bound to a duality...
clearly defined rubrics...
if numbers are things...
words are beings...
and that genesis of numbers: nothing!

singen! singen! doof schweinschnauze!
who ever said we'd need those
72 virgins underestimated our
need for...
       ahem... siebzig-zwei...
      rottweilers! arithmetic that against the 3
gratis eins of cerberus... blah...
it's no fun drinking when...
well... your excesses are not mine...
st. augustine... a cololoquy?
           ah ha ha... a soliloquy...
colloquial is akin to: n'est c'est pas?

          shh... me my, moral: ought-i narrative...
project zero... Munich: munching:
tripping at fahrenheit gizmo degree 106...

did "we" invite anyone to make this
a spectacle of teasing only-fans stature?
how can you ***** words?
put them to the test of graffiti?
is that it?
sell them cheap... make some counterfeit
robo-jungle-jingle work
the shorteing... already short...
missed the mark...
excuse the farmers...
you savvy with the tractor?
the Romanian strawberry pickers?
how about the the concept of a seasonal diet?
i don't really need strawberries
in winter...
i don't actually mind... no strawberries at all...

i'm here... whatever freedom might be
allowed for me in the land of
the freed Polacks strangulated by the powers
at be that were: in the 20th century
in the variant of the Russian...
Soviet... Prussian...
****... ends up with the Belgian
chocolate... kite-runners... typos...

not 'un of their F-F-F-F-ANG...
LE
however the ******* vont or...
want...
because you don't you toy
with words that "they" might like...
they have a cat that suddenly expressed a:
*******...
while i have a cat tidying up cushions
in which he and i will later sleep in...

white town: your woman...
playing pool at some end of
the hammersmitth & city tube load-off...
somehow the 1990s keep flooding back
to some: chess... innuendo...
shifting bricks... shifting bottle of ketchup...
my greatest love: shifting angry pockets
of IRA...
oh... wait...
       "gwnaeth nhw anghofio"?

like these isles were merely "conquered" on the focus
of Loon'dun and Birmingham alone...
oops the mosque of celts up north...
i'm just heightening: hibernating my expectations...
the Welsh and the Cornish...
my tribe my no tribe...
every time i might be reminded...
that i'm not a ******...
or part of some greater idea of "nation"
that's a diaspora of ******...
i'll sooner disappear into the 'indu *******...
marry a healthy second slur of Vishnu...

bogus: i see these brown-beaters i'm a *******
copperneck myself...
i will never be allowed to go back... "home"...
thanks for the integration play...
hybrid "lost soul"...
since English is so integral in all of things...
plum... pecker...
*****... screwdriver... nail...
hammer.. solipsism...
                to amount to n identity in English is...
so myopic... forget the tenderness of Linguo-Empire
froth.. bothered... full-stop...
the mythological blonde and her mythological
ape-short-cut elephant tusk: cuck-eye...
hello! me... (sign language interlude):
B... O... W...
       O... U... T...
              forget the braille and morse...
oh... wait... you were waiting for the cuck daddy...
but... if the cuck daddy is not ready to reproduce the
cucked baby girl... daddy's girl...
a generational pardon...
i'm not ready to reproduce:
        brick black block stwong dwyck...

oh i'm pretty sure:
one of those: pic. perfect pictures... please!
i'll die sooner than be found around
one also gagging:
having to appease
a Zulu hard-on...
like i "said"...
70,000 walking ******
on the lips of Libya...

              the envious green, eye?
the all-seeing... green tumult?
have them... i'm "dying"...
let them rot in gloat of
being rabbit **** finding out
about a camel phallus...
because... that's... how... it... works...
TOOL, FOR THE IVIORY LADY...
now i get to exercise a freedom
of tongue freed from lap...
rap or "just arrived"...
scrutiny of literacy...

           it's not like the Hebrews were ever going
to be celebrated for their physicality...
the ***** was...
thank you... for taking take of spunge-nik...
mythological blonde...
thank you... piston... tool...
           because your egoism had to pay of...
wouldn't it?
if all you have... to trace pride worth with...
******* worship...
based on size...
you know... the ancient greeks found
a large phallus a demeaning meaning in:
it's barbaric...
a bit like a shallow ****...
might also fit the criteria...

               have "them" their ******* interracial
bonanzas...
please let them have it...
let them feel morally superior...
give them a generation or two...
"we'll"... start... the bleaching process... ha!
the EURASIA monstrosity is...
heave! who's Arican?
the angwy west kind?

      german assimilate sort?
i always found the darker skinned Kenyans
best beyond having to tame... blisters...

but my parallel universe father-in-law
could be a summary of
paul young's love of the common people
and...
      the kinks... living on the thin line...
my parallel universe...
that's before... love come's first:
thirst... and lobotomy me tow two blue too...

give me a ******* bicycle!
i would most likely most clearly most
want to generate my own momentum...
than have to heave a hoof to tow too!
but i ****** your elder daughter while
my eyes turned me into a ******...
i: epitaph...
   supposedly living "since"...
give us scrutiny... enough lager...

                                 i laugh naked into the night...
it's supposedly cloudy... isn't... tell me...
it isn't?!
of those summers... of those springs...
i could tell you the no. of freckles...
no i couldn't... but i could tell you...
that bomb great bomb of flavour that's
a black cardamom in a...

          **** me... if the antithesis counterpart
of moi can **** a black boyo...
like... readily like... there's rat poison:
like there's a need for propaganda like there's
a need for insomnia hard-ons...
good for her: m'ah n'ah'm'eh izzzz...
fowel: fow'est...       GYMP...
            forest trail...
             you kept bizzy.. no?
so...
          she's busy... and when she won't be
busy she'll be burying herself
in ****** spermbanks...

as free as a southernfairy:
not being a southernfairy ever might...
you... friggin'... ******* future of moon-key!
i said:            quoth      bwy?!

We were political  friends
a generous  X at the box
But something terrible has happened
Public sector cuts
Councils allowed to financially run dry
Welcome to Brick by Brick Croydon

The general circumnavigation of Democracy
You've got a stone heart
and at the drop of a hat
You demonize your enemies

We've got a Mayor
with a presiding vote
NOC a stalemate assured
Give us back our Libraries
and Purley Swimming pool

The palliative cure is the Lib Dems
We are sick of the two-party system
Normalcy at a mid-runner's pace
why can't we be like Sutton and Richmond
the prequistive in ascension

Dobro je znati, sad mogu ja da zaspim, laku noc

i couldn't learn Russ even if i wanted to...
not because i can't speak favourably of
the people: a most hospitable folk...
although: as a ****** in Moscow...
dating a Russian girl... things had to be on
a: hush-hush... i had to "pretend"
to be English...
which wasn't hard since... i have a generic
accent: if an accent at that...
only in Essex could it be know:
by an inquisitive 14 year old girl...
in the middle of the night having left a ******
party looking for a friend... instead
finding me first... walking out of the darkness
of a park to inquire: where, was, i.... from?
we sat near a roundabout...
i rolled her a cigarette...
a black cat came towards me...
picked it up, stroked it... blah blah...
all of a sudden i was a warlock while
the girl did runners... to and fro...
50 metres ahead... 50 metres back...
like she was trying to shake me off but couldn't:
since i promised her that we would
find her friend... which we did...
lying face-down at a bus stop...
i took off my hoodie attired the poor shivering
thing and... we walked to a designated
pick-up spot so one of the girl's father
could pick them up... which he did...
of course... we had to take a group selfie
before all of that...
- a strange hallucination:
i sometimes feel i have a spider crawling around
behind my right ear...
petty architect of... beside the cobweb...
for a 14 year old: i'm stabbing in the dark
she might have been older...
it's not like i didn't think about her
*******, which were: of course... pronounced
while i rolled the tobacco and asked:
my spit... or yours?
so i gave her the roll-up so she could
lick it herself...
          the things that happen in the night:
it's no wonder i find the formalities of
day so... pedestrian...
oh but you can get away with being English
in Russian... they love these people
over there...
not so much the Polacks...
       - again... to reiterate... i would never learn
that language: perhaps i'm just fonder
of the Greek writing script than i am of
the Cyrillic...
(no... that sensation of a spider behind my
right ear was not a hallucination...
a happy home is a home filled with spiders...
some... ancient proverb or... something...
caught the little ****** crawling on my arm...
dangled him on his string and placed
him on the windowsill)...
- i really have bigger things to worry about
than a discrepancy in Cyrillic that
i simply can't ignore: it has been burning
in my mind since yesterday...
- ******... oh sure i'll complain...
the cat thinks he can own the night and prowl
and prance all he likes:
that's the problem with cats...
they teach you the unattainable bewilderment of:
they have free will:
while you too, have, free will...
but it's only illusionary...
or worse... it's more than an illusion...
it's a bad... b'ah b'ahah joke...
a little h.m.v. (his master's voice) moment
in the calmness of the night:
quorus! quorus!
quo... where is russian?
i can't take credit for the name...
the breeders conjured it up...
i would be more inclined to: qua-rus...
i.e. as being: russian...
maine ****... ginger... it could have
worked... so i'm writing this to calm myself...
could this 10kg little Colossus take
on a fox? well... he is a house-pet...
not a wild animal...
its legs are more flexible... it too can bite...
but... little pockets of anxiety and
the debacle of... KBAC...
i.e. KVAS... a popular drink in Russia...
sort of: a better version of root-beer...
malty... & sweet... carbonated...
perfect for eating fast-food pancakes... with...
orange caviar...
- i sometimes walk through the garden
and a single cobweb thread covers my eyes...
i must be dreaming when awake:
sometimes... eh... most of the time
since i'm so dream-starved...
Freud couldn't make a shilling out of me:
what is there to interpret when
all you dream about it a great big...
black yawn of a void?!
i guess this brings me to the schematic:

                                   north
                                  północ
                  ­                    Ц

    east                                  ­                        west
  wschód                            ­                       zachód
      Ш                                                   ­          Щ

                                    south
                    ­             południe
                                       Ч

a "lesson" in etymology: shrapnel...
pół: half... noc: night... i.e. half is night...
i'm guessing: of the year...
but why isn't south: half is day?
po: after... -łu- is sharpnel...
dnie: days...  dzień: day...
   it's still one and the same however much
the word morphed... half-day for south
half-night for north...
  wschód (rise... an all-encompassing
reference to: sunrise) - east...
likewise with: west:
sunset: zachód...
                 etymologically?
eh... chłód: a coldness... an eerie coldness...
zombie-esque...

hell... i didn't sit down to write this...
i came for the Cyrillic letters that bother me...
i.e.
    why isn't Ц: Ч
     and vice versa - why ins't Ч: Ц?
when...
     Ц looks like... the better half of: Щ?

i mean: it seem logical, or phonetically authentic
that half of Щ
                                             Ц
would encapsulate half of the sound
most associated with my Slavic terms:
szczeka: (it) barks...
szczerość: honesty...
oh i can hide the "confusing" Z and bring out
the English H... one surd for another...
SHCH:
        sharp is szkic...
cheap as: czerń...
          i could go one step further and employ
Czech orthography: style...
the aesthetic of writing: encoding sounds...
and hide both the Z and the H
in a caron: a crown hovering above the letters C & S...
but then... it would appear congested
with a word like honesty:

       ščerość...                    no? too much baggage:
from on high...
but it's not like the English language
has any concerns for this...
even Charles Dickens dared to summon
the term: orthography to a sound encoding "system"
that didn't employ... summon...
any diacritical distinctions...
one ought to be intuitive about the excesses of:
tatters... one ought to remember THat: THought...

it doesn't matter: i'm asking the Russians...
if half of Щ (šč)
    is Ц... it looks that way!
then why doesn't Ц denote: č-chequers?!

hell... have your: Ш... i'll be... haha... "brave"
and say... it deserves to almost resemble a
crown hovering above a serpent... š...
how a Y (igrek) might behave if
asked to be treated for geometric purposes!
instead of crafting rivers!

i'm not "confused": i'm just *******!
Ц ought to denote entombed in Ч
and... vice versa... at worst!
Ц is one ******* half of Щ!

- and what is Ч: the western slavic C: it's not an aesthetic
substitute for either K or S (there's no... cedilla
attached, last time i checked...)
or for that matter... Q...
CKQ... no?
                           i clearly don't quiet, belong among
these people:
with their mundaneness practiced so well:
they dream! oh god they dream!
i'm the one dream-starved while they
dream-out their little-by-little: belittling fetishes
of power-gambling the toppling
of peaceful hierarchies...

i'm the antithesis of the celebrated Barbarians
of the American counter-revolution...
sure... i'm banging at the gates...
screaming: let me out! let me out!
i don't want to be in this custard mess
when it truly: properly... falls to ****!
i'll leave with my feet stinking from sweat...
even though i wouldn't have ran a mile!
let me out! let me out!
for man's ruin and for anything even remotely
god-as-man... give me air!
give me cognitive air! i can't breathe:
let alone think!

- i'm growing tired... more and more tired...
of plotting: nicety... along the vein
of thought of the English...
i'm just more and more salt grain
from teasing at the wound of:
perhaps i'm here as a pet project:
for "my" people...
to get the feelings associated when
the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth
was carved upon...
or a lesson in how the Roman Empire
imploded... so too..
how Britain buckled...
how Britain buckled...
fell on its drunken-face wishing it was:
"somehow"... Victorian: sensible...
sober... augur-prone...
well... it's too late for all of "that"...

it's happening: and i don't have a stop button:
quick & easy to solve the problem...
i like to drink gin
as a solo project: on the ice...
the fascist in me: is always
the fascist in everyone, anyone...
i'm digging trenches with my writing:
conjure up a better imagery:
i bet you won't...
but am i... "somehow"... this...
easy... "walkover"... prized asset of cuck?
sure... the women are rampant...
i don't mind... i'd rather ****
a ***** than a nun any other day
than... today...

we're having a debate about how
russians have encoded: poorly...
well... confusingly...
it just doesn't make sense... what i already stated...
i'm no longer looking towards America...
it's a dead... a dead & wasted land...
it's a predictable land...
it's a horrid little: my why we never might:
reach it...
culture-wise...
   some... "oops": didn't jazz die so soon?
i thought so too...
i'm looking for the peacock feathers atop
the armour of the Teutonic Knights...
the failures of the 3rd Crusade...
broken pride... escapade to an "elsewhere",
no?

sorrow, me... how i'm tattooed with
history... i can only imagine the fate of the
modern... western... secular... man...
freed from both history and religion...
i almost admire him...
i admire him: in that i speak his tongue...
i admire him...
but then i see his bewilderment...
and i think to myself...
"my" people: being so reclusive probably
have it right...
we have no colonial heritage to...
we didn't have the expediency of the sea
before us...
why do i... or my brethren get to luggage...
these jumbo-afro queries?!
i once had a key-chain that read:
the only way to tell someone to *******:
is to... tell them to *******:
in such a way... as they might be...
awaiting the: ******* transit...
so they might await the trip...
women sold us... women sold us into
this *******...
i kid you not...
            
i will not sell my heritage upon
a post-colonial bend-over past...
i'll sooner side with the Russians as i insult them!
i'll grind my teeth on stone
and spit out a *******: well-rounded pebble
than side with these... fakeries of freedom!
give me freedom! give me the supposed
bread! the songs! the... what's it called?
diabetes?!
          fat *****...

i'm one with the Kabul patrol...
i'm mad enough to try not being gesticulated at:
as being fake...
like i might cry that this canvas is not made
available to me...
ergo... you're going to turn off my water-supply...
my electricity-supply?
you're going to cancel my...
like i want to care about a dying culture
where only the bogusly: blatant rich
are... left?!

such weakness in a dying kind....
i cannot not... drawn parallels within the confines
of the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth...
i can't!
   jeg kan ikke!

if "their" history breathes through them!
    så gør mínë...
all is "European":
              ******* cotton-muffin... afro
riddled... tarts... ****-boy-ohs...
ha!

who's not... Caesar?!
            bread wins the: paint?!
what's more cooking
than what's more... *******...
drying?!
oh sure... my shoelaces definitely stink
of bacon... but...
n'ah... n'ah... you're on your
own with that pseudo-king-Solomon..
sort of crap...
me... kind Davie...
surah riddled... psalm bashing...
sort of "crap"... i need a woman like...
i a need an anecdote...
oh god...
          so 'ere one comes....
no... it's not funny...
how.. unexpected... the opposite ***
tends to... behave... without having....
white boy... insurance policies...
oh... wow!
           *******... *******.
now the bread winner: brown- boyo...
better be... the... bread--- basher!... ah... ha...
ha... his alias: also: no.

Inspiracija za prikazivanje ovog dokumentarnog filma nadjena je u njenim prvim danima interesovanja za primenjenu umetnost i uredjenje kupatila.
izvor: sajt gde ce biti prikazan film.

Laku noc

mh