It feels strange with you not here
not quite right,
the room is still,
but for the sound of little ones, playing, squeals of delight,
it's hot,
an empty space & for some reason I am not at ease ......
Then they are gone 1 2 & 3 toddlers, gratefully to be alone.
then, my mother on the phone,
her voice calm but direct, "Mello is missing -
what ?
nothing is clear, my heads in a whirl, what did she mean ? how could this be ?

brother, rail staff, pharmacist, painter all searching but no sightings anywhere - she has gone. 
 Ok, I am on my way !

Brian Bridgette, Bootle, blind fear - Mello's missing - I need her here
I cannot breath, heart is pounding, a silent fog wraps itself around me,
home - I must get home

panic I become frantic, hot, traffic, car, stay calm but I am dizzy,
she'll be ok was all my friend could say.
sick to my pit, I stutter and stammer, my mind is a soup,
........ please lets not delay

midday & eventually home, I open the door, the sticky air a blanket of suffocating heat, "Mello!" I cry, MellOOOOOO, across & above the blue empty sky
nothing, no wild shaggy beast to greet me, stillness, Mum, friend, chatter, I feel sick, irritable, anxious, its true, where is my Mello ? I so love you ......

a few feet away, just over the fence a train draws into the station, the screech of heavy brakes, its murderess horn sounds twice as this metal machine slowly comes to a halt. Silence, its not reached the station.
My mother is chatting, they are blissfully unaware.
"That was Mello" I muttered to myself, that was Mello ......... I felt,
but no one was listening, no one had heard. We went into the house .......
"No, I don't want tea!"

Into the garden in search of clues, the compost is high the wall low, no genius to work out how she escaped,
stolen or did she run ? why had she gone ? after a cat or a bird or just for some fun.

Phone, Mike, Mello's gone ! -
......... what will I do, I cannot bare to consider life without you,
Your perfect my friend, my little girl,  so very wise, too young to be taken, my soul mate my rock, you gave nothing but pleasure, please return to me safe & unbroken.

My ringtone sounds,  "is that ......... ? there has been an incident"
A dog, white, on the track, can you come ?
Tears frozen round my heart, in shock & disbelief, oh no you've been taken
YES, a railway official, orange suit, stands waiting, he carries your carcass, she's heavy with sweat, he lays her at my feet, please leave me alone.....
I fall at her side & hug my friend, still warm she lye's silent & still, beneath the roots of the old copper beech, in the dirt, I cry, not believing but breathing.
Lifeless my best mate is slipping away,  

Why, oh why???? ...... did I abandon you on the 10th July ?
RIP Mello x

when the world,
was much younger
and i was a stupid-crazy
girl-ly-chick, enamoured
with her youth.

i drove, a sunshine,
lemon, yellow bottomed, white pith on top combi van. coyly, cloyingly named Mello Martha.

it was...surfboards and swimsuits,
egg and bacon sangers,
early morning breezes,
after a blitz at the breadbox.

before... changing into
the structured, tortured baby, bank teller blues,
in the back,doors left open.

it was... rockin, knockin,
***, on credit,
to a promised future,
alluded to, but postponed,
for the moment.

it was... bruised back and
grazed knees,
harder, deeper oh god!
oh god! please... faster, fucken frenzies,
on a saturday night.

it was....running away to nowhere,
to find myself,
then finding me,
running away from,
the self i didn't want to know.
noway, nowhere, nohow.

it was... a barrel of monkeys, a barrel of laughs,
a keg of beer,
a box of wine,
under the crowded stars.

it was.... a roadtrip,
up the coast,
midnight bonfire,
midnight munchies,
playing hunches,
exploring reefs and reefers and such.

it was...far from family
and church rules,
a friendly rebellion,
of loud, proud youth.
totally and brazenly,
uncouth
it was... wham! and m.j.
cindy and boy george's culture club ,paperlace,
billy idol and the beach boys.
sung with abandon,
at spinal tap level eleven.

it was... peaceful, quiet, sleeping grace.
insanely in love with...
i forgot his name.

it was.... the birth of bodaciously me.
all brass hair and bosoms,
wild and carefree.

it was ....so long ago,

it was... yesterday night,

when i saw... Mello Martha's identical twin,
stopped at a traffic light.
it was... sunshine and lemon, bitter and sweet,
as she sailed off, down the street.
i sat and watched,
wist, full of recollect,
far and away, from my presently minded place...
sitting in, the driver's seat,
of my mom-blue subaru.

Dear Light,
I can't imagine a world without you! It'd be very dark.
You're so Near to the end, and you've been working so hard. You should be more Mello, some would **** for your abilities.
On an unrelated note, have you heard R.E.M. recently? I love them to death! You should try them, even if you don't have an eye for that sort of thing.
I'll love you till the end,
-Misa

the coke machine
up on the hill,
the hill it’s been on
for forty years or
more,
reads in angry red
letters:
SOLD OUT

the coke
the diet coke
the sprite
the fanta
and
the mello yellow
too

all gone
but it still begs
for your dollar
fifty
even though
it can’t give you
anything back

the forty year-
old coke machine
up on the hill
is sold out
but it’s still thirsty
and so are
you

I use my brains, i imagine.
Express my passion, in a heavily fashion.
Wonder 9 times. Just let me think, i have ideas.
I dwell on the subjects of life, and i love to tell my side of the story,
inside of the story.
I make lines in space, and i leave ‘em there.
If you don’t see them.. blink.
Double think.
People think with their mind, but i think with my pen.
Heart is the treasure of my chest.
The fat struggles i have make results, so my feet are to balance.
Heal my legs.
Jesus Walks.
Night time, if i sleep, is another way my eyes rejuvenate.
In the kitchen i just keep making, but you can’t dream what im cooking.
Various pace. I said it all with my face.
Hello..
Stay mello.
You’re keeping yourself in God’s theater; made of liquid velcrow.
When i write, it takes me to reality, but i travel through fiction.
Visuals of a railroad in invisible trains of thought.
All love.
It’s the only time my soul appears, trees with secrets and fears.
Experience is energy, i transfer it so readily.
Tick for tock, im patient so steadily.
Words i engrave in the air.

It’s never my hands.

let us laugh hystaricaly
when we see with clarity
how ****** up it's become
from all the things we've done

burned from the inside out
we never heard the shouts
were they real?
can he heal?
how lost is he?
did he choose to be?

let us laugh hystaricaly
when we see with clarity

swirls in her mind
answers she cant find
shes crumbling
peices tumbling
can we fix her now?
would we know how?

how ****** up it's become
from all the things we've done

i'm not the same me
different insanity
meddicate
to allievate
the confusion
from my delusions
mello, manic
low, or panic


let us laugh hystaricaly
when we see with clarity
how ****** up it's become
from all the things we've done*

let us fracture and break
when all they do is take
how did it get like this
from glory to ****

Looking up at sea level
Daydreaming the highest low
White horses trample capriciously
Beating panic in mello brine
Choke down to realize
You're your own demise

My lullaby is a dream song so sweat, dreaming of a night with a man laying on nothing but satin sheets. Red rose peddles on the bed leading a path to a hot bubble bath... with scented red candles with a aroma that makes your love buds swell...

Mello music plays in the back with champagne bubbling in the glass... you take me by the hand and say let me lead the way... your body dark chocolate, your hair black with deep waves, your eyes so seductive ******* me in every way... I'm just ready for you to just touch me so my lullaby can begin to play...

Baby oil soft water is what you bathed me in so sweet... dried me off really gentle then swept me right off my feet, carried me to the candle lit room where you laid me upon the satin bed... you rubbed lotion on me and began to kiss softly and whispered do you trust me, if so dnt be scared..

My body motion gave in without hesitating as I allowed you to take me to another world I closed my eyes and thought about nothing but sweet nothings and enjoyed the moans from my perfect but oh so needed lullaby...

Sitting in silence wrapped in thought
Thinking of what could have been and what was.
Being distraught over the mistakes you've made in life, some few, many most.
Yet the bitter sweet melancholy of life continues, without giving you a second thought.
But here I am, still going deeper into the rabbit hole that are my thoughts.
Some hate the silence, the thought of being alone,  for it shows who you really are.
Maybe abit of gratitude for where you are,  a change in attitude here and there, an appreciation for the solitude, will get you there. -Akash De Mello

Even a blind man could see
    That you belong with me
And this knowledge would even make any fool wise
  Each time I look into your eyes
   I get so soft and mello inside
Upside down is the way you touch my heart
    And every day I feel the same
Sunrise to sunset the very best is coming yet
  My love will faithfully remain
Don't ever want this romantic spark
Out of my grasp
  Want to always walk beside you
  And make these feelings last
  You know that some people only get that  one chance
    I believe we can be together
Despite stormy times on life's trying seas
     Baby  I 'll always believe in the strong love ahead
       For you and me

Cherry Coke tastes sweet.
Mountain Dew is so neat.
But darling, you're my favorite flavor.
The one I always savor.

Sweet as a strawberry soda.
Fresh as lemonade.
Smooth like Mello Yello.
Makes me glad I'm your fellow.

Drinking nice and slow.
Satisfies my thirst.
Every part is sweet to the taste.
Not one drop goes to waste.

You believe your deceived wrappings it in plastic is packaging dope
No hope its insinuated it's a rubber for
The **** bout to poke a hole in your throat.
Drastic is savage how you manage bad tactics like a crack head in a black bed. Light your trap house with gas and matches soak your mattress like a can of nitrous gents a black wire set to blast ****. Have it you blackhead attack and stab like bed bugs attack female abdomen. I'm a savage kid.
Your bout as average as a sadness in a hinder concert
Get nickleback to frame your picture in their photograph so your last day on earth is bout as happy as the *** you never had *****. **** it I'm a habit you cant grab so I'll wreak havoc on your planet. Stash your body parts and dismantled *** in the trash can next to the Pepsi cans you had next to my mash potatoes you *** **** stuff your prison up your ***. Go **** your dad and. Cry about the drugs that enhance the logic that your trapped in
Let's agree on one thing after this happens we gotta manage as ateam or crash and burn in damnation like damaged plastic afire and smoking toxicity gasping like a snoop dogg ***** flick with ******* laughing at your *** crack I must be forgetting passion they asking what's your rebuttal. Something subtle or drastic. *** this game of masking your existence to be free of guilt is actually fuck8ng classic but your gonna your asskicked oh it's going to be drastic wrapped like caskets burgers chips and dips and every ******* single thing I want like devils glass
******* and massive grass to grab like plants of madness in my field of dances... your up ***** cant wait to laugh it. Have it.


Split personality hey denial itself
Concocted script you knew was wrong.
I live it well so sit in hell
And **** your self
Slit your wrists and listen to the
Rythym of your heart since your so smart you only get yourself.
Furthermore. Evicted from your prison I ******* built so well. Eventually you built yourself. And the prison clothes youfitso welll
So sit in hell.
You selfish toy that never helped
Go fist yourself it fits you well.
You got stabbed by **** so well. You cried a little bit poor boy you've been through hell.
But heres no love your plate of **** can spill. Drastic plans of rapid cracking of limbs and body tissue will fill my hope with love and devotion to promote my open self. Go to hell.
My boat is well. Stash my *** in the trash *** I'm *****. And that's my *** as well. Grab it well. Romance is swell. But dancing with the devil is a dance with chance that actually matches well with how you have yourself.
**** **** your *** is *****
Cancer tip you have your **** you laugh at **** that lasts like bicks at psrtyd where theres random kids blazing massive spliffs
Cant handle it
The tactic is. I'm eradicatingrvery center of power you managed to position ammunition in a plan to have me blasted *****. I outlasted satan's plan you think you have a squint and grabbing any chance at this
Your dance exists for two minutes
Heres my *** handle this your switchblade is fuckingmanly ****.
The plan is this I'm sick as ****. Of surviving always asking forascrap of esteem from god or passengers on this path we get. Its laughing capacity I couldmanag3 actually with out you in my family. You actually tactically kept my fragile self in happy health and fuckingtoxicly mis managing and tragically opposite of what I want romantically halftime guysaroundme ******* want me actually I'm amazed gods brought me Hope's of life beyond senseless prisoner bitter denial depression and insanity.
That ravaged me so savagely
You laugh but it's not funny its very sad to me.
You gladly and happily where my protector when my fragile soul was grappling with battles unmanageable damaging. But now you've grown insatiable and practically so terrifying I'm afraid I'll pass my life with drugs and suicide and no love left for my boyfriend kids or family. My uncles passing came like blasts from heaven that wrapped him in an aura of glowing light with magic like gravity to keep his soul in heaven when god was mad at me.
An angel he took to heaven. One good friend and sacred family.
Darcy your practically a massive black hole that sits empty like a blackness cavity in the center of my anatomy
Tragically
You battled cancer but god never waits for Angel's. Specially when he has to be. The watcher of creation and defender of reality.
Happy me I wanna see you in the realm of angeps with my beloved family and laughter fills our gasping lungs with guilt free cancer at lungs max capacity for exhale detonation placed so much buttons in this rhapsody its practically packaged labelled match me up on tinder let's get this freaky **** happening I know you want me so bad you practically attract my *** like a black hole collapsing in a pocket of a space attracting madness to your black ****
Savage get my *** licked. With a passion for romance like candles make a blanket feel like panic in a disco. Like let's go into abyss and finish what we started. Let's pump this heart. And get *******. Who's the marksman whose the target. Regardless I'm going to be the smartest your the hardest. I'll see when every card revealed and my darkness becomes your heartless target in the part so ******* even Gabriella and serial killer valentine's yo smart and scared to watch it.
Slowly marshmallow
My hearts jello.
This parts mello.
I start with hello
Smart but metal
Is a complex
In my mind that never let's go
With a pencil scripting truth like dental floss keeps teeth from being yellow.
Instrumental suspenseful
Pen on metal like mulisha
Intentions like mental
Retention on forgetful
Eventual. The devil
Of hello.
With fangs like ivory moon
By silent
Silent but dreadful
Incredibly lead soaked
To bad that the rest of his buddies
Are dead yo
A weapon of settling with ***** status
And learning your not a devil nor god nor king of the temple.
So your the chosen sent message.
Of god and his men. But you feel weak and resentful. *** you were tough.
And no one told you an order.
So your slowly learning submission
Let go of your heads load.
And focus on worship
Regret is a dead flow.
The rivers stagnant no growth in contempt the fish dont go where
Lifes not willing to let go. Embrace totality of god surrender and be s member of gods home.
Were not known. But so hot yo. Cant wait to watch for the hope of having myself back in order. Pray I'm not alone in the journey you fought so hard to watch me walk home with slot of love you brought home to my top dome. My heart a hot zone of love your like a rock show.you talk so gravy you and god saved from a rotting talk show where I never ate hotdogs and pretended to love nachos.
Where oprah unfolds before my eyes I'm in a foreign body. But I reject it and fu kingwalk home
I dont want those. I fuckingwant home.
Be awesome when I get to heaven I fought the devil. Awesome wish but god ill accept any gift you give me. I know it's not home
Unless god knows
We all have roles. If I'm the door greeter I'm never gonna talk slow.
If I'm feet warmer I'm a make them feet go from hot cold.
Server of elixir. I'll drop half the tonic on the furnace to ignite a flame *** fall out boy obnoxiously thought so.
Like I'm the slowest to complete the list but different in every box that's chalked or marked and oprah's talks full

Soft and mello.
Sweet like jello.
That's how you felt when I held you on the dance floor.

Eyes closed.
As we took our whirl.
Felt like I was in dream world.

Bodies entwined as they played our favorite song.
Sparks that you send.
God I prayed that this slow dance would never end.

Sometimes I hear Winter
Through the voice of a cello
Music written by Bach
In andante and mello

Sometimes I see Winter
Through bare trees in the silence
Birds perched on white silos
Awaiting Spring violets

so fat
so ugly
he'll never get a girlfriend
you're the size of europe!
i hate you
nobody is ever going to love you
nerd
obviously a 1/10
he buys mcdonalds every day!
god you're sickening
you're all so ******* sickening

why are you all so mean
what the **** did i do
and you get mad?
and tell?
and tattle?
when i spread a little truth about you?
well hey mello
just because you're a small little crying boy
dosent mean i am
so get the **** over it
"he said a mean word!!"
*******

well that was mean
but i dont feel bad
because god you're sickening
you're all so ******* sickening