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toywill Aug 2013
Like the Blue Frame, Lowe Guele's Astray Red Frame Kai boasts amazing articulation through the generous use of poly-caps. Once assembled, this MG will be able to stand in a variety of poses wielding its weapons. Its backpack can easily take on a several forms with some simple changes. As 'Tactical ArmsIIL' it can change between Flight Form, Delta Form, and V form. Its Sword Form changes to Work Form, whereas Arrow Form takes the shape of a giant bow. The Beam Torch can be held in the mech's hand or attached to the Arrow Form. The MG Astray also comes with its two signature katana; Gerbera Straight forged by Kiku Ichimonji and Tiger Pierce by Kotetsu. The two katana even feature signatures carved into the handles!! Two 1/100 scale figures of Lowe Guele, one sitting and one standing, are also included plus dry transfer decals and stickers for markings.
More in http://www.modelhigh.com
Tim Bustin Jun 2014
How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the co-ordinate y
My soul exists, and so begging to die
In revising chem, maths and more all days.  
I hate thee more than the universe size
If Olber’s paradox was somehow true.
I hate thee freely, as men fight Mech 2.
I hate thee purely, as they waste their lives.
I hate thee with a passion put to use
Poetically procrastinating you.
I hate thee with hatred I cannot lose
With my lost UMS – hate thee with breath,
Pens, tears, of all my strife – and, if God choose,
I shall only be free when I’m with death.
a parody of “How do I love thee” by Elizabeth Barret Browning
each walks away from the last awful wreck
convinced that they at least were not at fault
in pain from foot right up to shaking neck

one had been certain but now what the heck
the blame is placed on *** or single malt
each walks away from the last awful wreck

a little more afraid daring to check
for signs of trauma not wanting to halt
in pain from foot right up to shaking neck

but silent refusing to note the beck
of anyone around in fear of assault
each walks away from the last awful wreck

stiffly uncertainly just like a mech
robotic being we would not exalt
in pain from foot right up to shaking neck

what's visible from up here on the deck
are shaken folk not worthy of their salt
each walks away from the last awful wreck
in pain from foot right up to shaking neck
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2022
sure, i still live with my parents, can you even begin to comprehend the renting cost of living within the M25? near impossible to attain, i've seen how young people live in shared accommodation, this one Spanish girl who wanted to get a one-night stand with me, she tried to fool the taxi driver by screaming ****, subsequently jumping out of the taxi... the taxi driver hollered at her, i comforted him: i'll pay, don't worry... she lived with... 3 homosexuals... she was so drunk that night... she wanted that cocoon ***, under the bed-sheets... not for me... she was too drunk to begin with... at least in the brothel we do it under dimmed lights... but fully exposed... she called me an angel... later that day she tried to do it again with me, first pretending to relax me by taking a bath with me, we went to the Notting Hill carnival... she must have been talking to her homosexual gurus about my, ahem "impotence"... funny, that, i never seem to be "impotent" in the presence of prostitutes... perhaps she just put me off by jumping out of the taxi & not paying the ******* fare... Tamara... yeah... oh i remember Tamara like it's me drinking coffee yesterday... peer cohabitation... even if you're a drug dealer... it's... *******... squalor: or nearing it... i don't mind people thinking i'm a loser for living with my parents... but... round here... i do the house chores... i do the cooking... my mother has arthritis so she can't do certain tasks... i write my father's invoices... i... get along... am i missing out on casual ***... if i'm not paying for it... i'm not having ***, i'm having a hard time... we met, casually, sure... but the rest of it... out of the window... gone... one redeeming aspect of meeting Tamara, ****-head Tamara... a morning coffee & a robin visiting me in her garden... pretty little bird... cocoon ***... no, thank you... let me just sleep this night... second night still no ***... i was put off! immediately! what sort of woman jumps out of a moving taxi screams **** so as to avoid paying for the: ******* fare?! **** that? exactly... **** that! well, what's the alternative, sure, i could pitch up a tent in Bower Wood... live off acorns... sometimes there's only compromise to be met, maybe that's why i really enjoy talking to old people on park benches, smoking cigarettes drinking a beer, asking them, are you o.k. with me doing this? it always is, since the conversation "goes somewhere"... i know that cohabitating with your parents makes you come off like some Oedipal implosion, but then again: i'm more attached to my father than my mother... if i were living with my peers, i'd be living in a semi-squalor... living with my parents makes me a custodian of the property, living in rented accommodation, ensuring the toilet was clean, the kitchen was clean... **** imploring them to ******* from playing video games while i'd do the cleaning... would, technically make me their slave, their *****... i'll write poetry & the pseudo-science of this art for free... why? i feel like it... it feelz... right... i'm here for the long-run... i'm not looking for short-term investments... i'm looking to yawn for 100 years at least... rough up my knuckles... buckle my tongue Horace! we're going to have a proper party... we'll make it... Pompeii! ******* slags & nunces of the WASP scene... what other living / shelter arrangements are there, left?! the homeless shelter... it's a social stigma to have parentage, to be still living with them? last time i checked, they're mortal... i'll be the one who inherits this house, this garden... plus... i have two libraries of books & c.d.'s & vinyls to mind... i can't, just, move, these! i drink a lot... yet still living in the confines of a... ah... ha ha... an "authoritarian regime"... guess i must be a: good boy after all... but i'm not going to fill the pockets of Saudi or Pakistani landlords... even if that might get be away from the WASP social stigma of living with your parents... like... by 35 i'm not doing all the household chores... i'm not cooking the food... sure... i should be stigmatised... but if i'm involved in giving household involvement... what's the problem? if  living among peers would imply living in a semi-squalor... just so that... hey... i just might land a one-night-stand... with a Spanish broad that decides... it's easier to jump out of a... ******* moving taxi rather than pay the fare... who shares a house with 3 homosexuals... even i think my life's ****** up... but then i went down the psychosis spiral aged 21... not many people do... my language skills: elevated...  like... the English really think they have rightfully inherited the Latin transcript, rightfully? without doing what other European peoples have done, employing diacritical markers?! sometimes i think that i'm walking around, ******* Neanderthals when interacting with these people...

oh... i've seen how it happens... it's not about
entertaining my delusions...
it more about the medical profession taking account
of when: regression is performed...
lucky me: for not dreaming much...
i don't think i can be implanted with false
memories... i was abused as a child:
as a child... being in a peer group:
you're bound to be... period...
outlier involve... walking down a street,
being asked by your elder peer
to open your mouth... snapping it closed...
getting spit in the face...
hello! ******... fellow... whatever...
ROT!
English is my home... England...
does it have to be?!
VER-ROTTEN!
      time flies when... you've been
subjected to pills that make you **** your
bed... you come off them...
you see the whole world are sort of...
the retardation of backwards...
it's fun to watch...
but the "fun" soon ends...
and you simply watch...
lost souls...
you get to build up an empathy...

even with the song:
WUMPSCUT: MADMAN SZPITAL
(SKON REMIX)...
the entrance lyrics read:
nie, przyjęty do szpitala...
not admitted to (a) hospital...

     oh i was diagnoses as psychotic...
schizoid... blah blah...
but... was i ever in a mental health unit?
no... no, last time i checked...
once one psychiatrist tried to play the regression
game on me, i was simply told to:
roam free...
so much has happened since my,
"initiation" circa 2007...
the world has become unrecognisable...

imagine that: diagnosed as mad...
but not admitted to an asylum...
hello "new" asylum... hello "new",
"society"...
it almost feels like... the psychiatrists
tested me for identifying regression testing...
if this "one" gets out...
let's just see... what havoc he might wreck...
to reiterate... i was diagnosed as
mad... but... they didn't care me...
i'm still waiting for my reprimand...
i had sessions witch psychiatrists who
had to invite... medical students... to overlook
the "interview"...

if my barber took pictures of me
before & after...
if my steward supervisor took pictures
of the back of my head with a high-viz.
reading: steward on a high-viz. vest
then... i must be a highly relieved high-agony
animal about to be released into the wilderness
of society... about to...
madden them up!
trivial pointers to look forward to!

but, i wasn't, kept, in an, asylum...
psychiatry supposed me to be more useful...
out, in the, open!
personally? it's no longer entertaining...
it has become a yawn...
hier ist: hier jetzt...

    as it turns out youtube is still the same old
jukebox like it used to be...
for years i've been looking for it...
each passing year i felt disappointed...
what has changed?
the algorithm is pretty much the same...
but it has been given a category "glitch"...
i don't know how for so many years
the bar just below the one or two adverts
just below a music video went-amiss...
oh, it's there: the old algorithm where it automated
a thesaurus sort of search & end results
fed you... similar content...
2021 was the year i wasted so much time
trying to find new music but instead enlarging
my head to watermelon proportions watching
****** opinion videos, ****** political videos...
why did i miss the bar just below the adverts
that sometimes reads:
SIMILAR, DARK WAVE, POST PUNK: ****'s sake:
MUSIC!

it's only 2 hours into 2022 and i'm navigating
youtube much better...
you will not find me watching commentary videos,
not since i've found this: filtering process...
that YOU, yes, YOU have to do...
nothing's wrong with youtube... it's still the same
place it was back in 2016...
the algorithm just became more fiddly...
you're simply not given automated suggestions...

to prove my point... i was in Poland once
& the algorithm had a "glitch"... for about 2 hours
i sat down & clicked on suggested videos,
which turned out to be a rabbit hole of similar content,
i actually made a rubric on a piece of cardboard,
i still have these two pieces of cardboard...
new bands, new music...

it is only circa 2hours into 2022 & i'm finally navigating
the site like i ought to...
the Jules Holland Hootenanny finished at
half past 1am... eh... everything these days has to
be overtly black... sorry...
but that's how it is: i don't even know whether
i want to feel anything about it...
of course i was in good company...
parents... sure... if it was simply my mother i,
i would say: sure as **** is creepy...
but the triangle was there... the food was great...
we talked about... how so few cultures might
ever appreciate a tripe stew...
the guts are from calves, the meat that's added
is from the older stock...

i wasn't going out... i know what an absolutely
disappointment going out is...
the next time i'll be going out is when i get
my S.I.A. badge as i follow in the footsteps of
a school friend of mine... Kieran... Kieran O'Mahoney...
i don't mind... chemistry degree in the bag...
nepotism in the air: my local pharmacy was once
oh so good... before the employees were
****** off by a father & daughter combo...
dad... in a professional environment?!
anyway... i can do this work...
    after all... it's on a PAYE basis & not on a self-employed
basis, which means... oh, the last time i was
employed i was self-employed...
doing your own tax returns can be a bit of a *****...
now the company will deduce the taxes themselves,
which implies: they'll do the tax returns for me also...

i was never going to be a surgeon,
i might have been a butcher,
i was never going to be a lawyer / politician:
i might have been a philosopher,
i was never going to be a professional footballer,
i am most certainly an avid cyclist,
the list is endless...
i tried to be a musician... i'm no maestro akin
to Ed Sheeran... i played the guitar...
once i managed to find a bass player...
we recorded a tape...
once i met a drummer... jammed with him...
but nothing really clicked... so i gave it up...
the guitar playing... plus... my heart broke
when my "supposed" future father-in-law
****** with Cindy... a brand new
Martin & Co. LXK2... i just got it on debit...
if i broke her heart because i was having one of
those... wild... psychotic trips from London
to Edinburgh & back again...
o.k., that really ****** me up...
i played the poker game of DUMB ******
when he told me the guitar... oopsy... "simply"
cracked... **** him, **** her...
i still haven't had paid for the ******* guitar...
yet now i had to cough up debit installments for
a broken guitar...
                              sign me some *******
kumbaya... some auld lang syne... on this night...
of all nights... sure... let me just get you the bill...
there's no forgiveness in this world
as long as memory is attached to many
& man wants to preserve himself without
turning into an Alzheimer's pickle...

for all the talent of ol' Ed... but at least i'm not
a ginger... i don't think i could handle that
sort of a masterclass in how
the geniuses distribute gifts...
after all, there are: angels, there are demons...
but there are also geniuses...
a shady category of beings...
let's pretend they sort of like...
a flimsy take on children...
ingenious little *******...
evil not by evil's intent...
evil by the intent of innocence...

oh, no, not out of spite... some things just remain:
as FACTS... if something happened...
forgiveness implies what?

   MEMORIA NEGATIO?!
funny how the order of words changed... although
the ****** tongue is very much as the French
when it comes to the order of wording...
from memory negated...
  the modern counter would be...
   the negation of memory... but that's a really trivial
point, don't you think?

i too have seen a stroke of lightning:
but heard no thunder...
imagine the eeriness of seeing a strike of lightning
but not hearing the thunder!

it's going to be a good year... i've already managed
to unearth new music i once thought would
be impossible... here's my shortlist:

Flor Concreta - Possessao (2021) from the Netherlands...
Euroshima - Gala (1987)
Flue - one & a half (1981) - post punk, dark wave,
sad lovers & giants - lost in a moment,
reds - reds (1989) from Poland
Twin Tribes - Fantasmas
Exq's - Ris'x (1982) - from Belgium...
the Klinik came from Belgium,
great place to start... the more eclectic tastes
bulging from listen to too much the cure or depeche
mode or joy division...
or... 65daysofstatic...
Torn Memory - Untitled...
Always the Sun - Always the Sun EP...
Brandenburg - Part two (2011)
every new dead ghost - a new world (1990)

oh man, the list had become endless...
if the music shop survived...
i'd be a ******* wizard in it!
believe me, i don't mind shepherding people
into packed stadium expecting to watch a football
match... i once did a teaser...
me, alone, in the park...
drinking a beer... watching a Sunday League match...
headphones in... this one woman was screetching
at this older woman... lip-reading
i deciphered: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO TALK
TO HIM ABOUT... **** could have turned ugly...
minding my own business has, become,
problematic?!

the problem with women who have tamed a man
& the untamed man & the women who "think"
they can tame every, single, man!
*******... i'm having a beer... watching a football match!
these days... i much prefer watch the crowd...

loser, living with his parents...
well.. i'm not giving any money to a Pakistani landlord,
am i? &, last time i checked...
oh ****! i guess i own the house i'm living in!
i'll be playing this service role for some time...
i'll be playing servant to my parents...
clean the house, cook the food...
when the neighbour put up a new fence...
cleared the bushes...
who was the person who dug up the *******
roots, added extra cement to the fence?
me! moi! mich!                            ja!

the best alternative is living with my peers in *******
gaming squalor...
i live with these grandchildren-less adults:
who don't want grandchildren to begin with...
well... how, best, to encapsulate the "situation"...
a pedicure / manicure professional comes
round the house once... oh... a month...
she brings her babe along, sometimes she doesn't...
not even a year old...
i ask... "dearest" mother...
if she coming round, is she bringing the "toy"?!

like i said... i might have been a good father,
then again, not so good...
a baby would be a toy...
a linguistic experiment...
a bit like... what Frederick II tried to envision...
raising new born babes in a nunnery
without a single word being said:
trying to find out what language was
uttered first... obviously the experiment
ended with: mute was "said" first...

inherently? really?
dogs inherently bark...
cats inherently meow?
rather than... ****'s sake... bonsai tigers that they
are... not growl?!
so if dogs inherently bark...
why don't they inherently howl like
wolves?!

yeah, most of the nights: the FREAKS were not
appealed to, put differently
even to me, the DJ wasn't appealing to me...

ha... GAMING... the "point of question"
when i put down my "gloves" my itchy thumbs
given then the PS1...
these days, i love the internet evolution
of gaming,
no, i haven't "gamed" / "passively narrated"
myself into make-shift allowances
of late...
my best comparison... Madame Bovary vs.
Final Fantasy VII...
that's it, the end, *******...

either read Madame Bovary,
play Final Fantasy VII on PS1... or...
this is the best part...
night-cycle...
listening to halcyon+on+on...
who? ******* orbital...
like i'm john peel and supposed to know...

aber, mein gott! what advancements!
in gaming! exactly! in gaming!
internet gaming dynamic has...
wow!
           i missed the best part of silent hill...
oh... **** me... i remember tenchu vol. 1
and metal gear solid vol. 2...
boys remember those games like any
idiot associates chess...
to something...

i hate living with my parents...
i'm their *******, slave...
but i'm also not paying rent,
so it's a Chinese hitch-e-hi... ******* "surprise":
just waiting... for the irch kids to get
their face-lifts... wait a minute...
wait... perhaps like a tsunmi:
they'll arrive... unsuspected...
quasi-surprise...
whatever... they're there... ignorant
right sort of bollocking... humour me dear
he! heeee! long smile: remember that:
that long schmile! heeee! lovely E...
it's a ******* smile! o.k.?!
you're pandering you ****! ergo?!
pander!
you want your skull to be part
of the great wall of XINA?! go ahead
you ******* numbskull... talll... massive...
ergo bully? the Chinese emperors were like
the Egyptian Pharoahs...
******* karakans... midgits...
sort of people... people of power... sure...
but sort of... underwhelmed...
oh look! "'hing pops up in deutsche!"
hing, wong, hang, 'ing...
these days, what does it matter?!
zwergemensch!
   lilly-put... i don't need not German for
this... the little people!
the ******* bash-abouts...
thanks, my grandfather's death...
was... so so... you know sort of.. choke
the ******* dragon and the billionth of your kind
sort of happy! for me!

****, you! eat ****... die a diabolical death!
******* squinty eyed no-mother-*****!
squid eating ***** of a fake tan...
no... Arab camel jockey ******* no goody-goody...
too gooey-gooey?!
WAW what ******* RAW?!
oh but i'm ready...
give me the opportunity and i will be...
the best...
schutz-staffel-mann... the world... has ever seen...
i'll even wave "them" a bye bye...
when they enter the chom... chim... chum... cham...
chem... hmm...
zee! ah! ha ha! zee schornstein!
- and there i was thinking...
why is my surname so funny...
******-Stalin / -esaue...
people add... are you alert?!
i always forget... no... it's German...
Elert is missing E-S-C-H-L-E-R-T...
it's... Eślert... oh... right... you're ING-LEASH...
sort of backwards... the Welsh might...
not your kind... i was never for interracial
breeding of people... dilutes the blood...
most certainly disorientates the ingestion
of language... sorry, what?!

to reiterate: i'm no gamer, i'd rather read a book
thana play a narrtive-charged game...
i'm more into the evolution of the game per se,
something with the alias of chess...
the internet interaction of group-"think"...
i like teaming-up with people...
a clarity of objectives... beacons...

capturing them...
you know how that helps? working in a real
life environment...
via STATS...
WAR ROBOTS was great... prior to...
the Kazakhs, the Russians, the Chinese buying into
the game...
i don't gamble, you think i might invest
money into a game?! huh?! huh?!
yeah, like maybe next year...
WAR ROBOTS was great, before the pay-up
glitches started...
MECH ARENA... now we're talking...

wins / battle ratio...
272 / 508... so that's... 53%... decent...
mech catalogue...
there's always a method to the madness...
killshot - to capture the beacons...
& wreck havoc...
panther - to ****** out the competition...
paragon - armed with the seeker
missile javelins...
close combat, though...
guardian + pulse canon 9
ares + plasma canon 6...

                            i'm not a gamer...
i'm just relearning partnering-up... team work...
sorry, if it might come across as too crude...
TWIST THE KNIFE -
****** DEATH.. hello! sunshine!

yeah... i still live with my parents...
but... they have paid off their mortgage...
i sort of helped them in that...
am i cunting myself
to some Pakistani landlord?!
high-priest of Rotherham?!
buzz word for 2022... NO!
david mitchell Aug 2019
it can be hard to assess necessity in a cesspit,
calculating and scouring different ways to find respite.

it can be hard to commit time against the heart.

finding access to hiatus just to breathe,
it's never been easy to be lazarus.

unsure of consequence, skirting bereavement,
reborn doesn't necessarily imply previous demise,
what's almost new cannot be considered unwhole,
nor can it be trusted as a reprise.

it's an artful venture to learn the cadence of presence,
not an effort or a movement, but something of a lucid sweven,
something nestled in the stitching of the seventh heaven.

autonomously authoring my perception,
desecularizing my intense intent and conception.

understand that the brain is a somatosensory mech pilot,
no shame, no rhythm, just an absently-go-lucky organism,
chasing imaginary crystalline butterflies into the background,
thriving in the quietness, malaprop to say forever semper-vivus.

i consume my need to separate ideas as fuel for philomathematics,
pioneering new tactics, new habits, through acts of active practice,
emphatically denouncing the topical, the maladroit, the labels,
let me sing my own mantra,
humming to the hymn of my own humble tantra.
ratiocination has led me down a path of discovery, not of self or of matter or of morals explicitly, but all there is to find.
forever in awe of it all. be humble, be whole.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2018
says the gimp, says the:
i also had a wish:
had i the chance to exhort
the same power....
           instead all i have is a
hood to entwine with a kippah...
       and then there's the:
i'm supposed to laugh...
             i was born
of night:
      have asserted
a presence with foxes
and chased dear into formation...
       of a missing ****...
i am empty on the ***** -
i am Tokyo friendly:
London is a *******-worth of a
tourist-actraction -
    you, need, to, be, reassured,
concerning, a draft: of being:
reproducible...
                    the draft being:
you are born father,
you are born mother...
   sit and beside yourself with
ever having a brother or, sis...
  how will the asiatic spirit
of yapan ever unlearn
to mimic the european?
            well... ask  me:
why do the Yaps fly with
the europeans in the ski jumping
competitions?
            lippy *******!
gimp says who...
    says who? says gimp says who...
    says: i fetish a ******
and a latex bride...
                but then there's
you with a hard-on to make
me the double-inseminate mech.
  and that's because i was really
allowed to fathom such a cruelty...
i was really a double-inseminate mech.,
because i was both ***** and live (f)
giver! ****! why don't you just turn me
into the Polish Catholic church -
and then ask the migrants...
who, being non-migrant:
        are harder to concern oneself with
in comparison to the "exploiters"
of: hard, earned, cash...
but no...
         you need drowning migrants
to "get the picture"...
              dumb worth of wit...
i really need a tokyo eye-exam...
         but then of course i come from
a city that has failed...
                i wouldn't have become an
economic migrant:
     if the city managed to survive...
hence not sympathy vote...
               hence the humanitarian "vote"...
whatever the **** that is
with the "guarantee" of pop media...
          the failure of socialism having
killed 100 million people is not that
they killed them,
   it's that WESTERN capitalism failed
having failed naming them...
      individual, i.e.: so what's
the problem with everyone being so
important?!
             "i" thought everyone was
so suddenly "important"?
             no? they weren't?
so... why the **** did i hurdle
to create economic migrants?!
              the point where you start *******
me off, read good, is where i start to stall
your ambitions, and leave you:
*******! no...
you can excuse migration for anything
other than economic gain...
  your take on economics
without a base for economic migration
ingores the death of Soviets...
       hence you needing
a cultural subversion...
     it doesn't really ask the question
whether you need it, or don't...
       you already have it!
      i'm here... to just ******* the joystick:
and it's not on behalf of the russians:
mind you;
              i'm a freed pronoun entity...
    well... if i can't be a Pole,
i can't really Zee und Ur -
         blank me via: ergo there's no vice...
and versus becomes neutral...
fiddler on the roof shimmy:
if i were a ritch man:
   worthy of a *** change...
  yabbad - tip toe: churn the milking
of a cow: had i: but a jew to tell, a, joke.
- but i have been scolded for
adding "extra" letters!
   ha-yam ha-don ha-scon!
the the the,
             and i, belittled shay:
  to show a dire owed...
         to have lived...
   but to also have wishing in wishing
the world intact:
      in that you have owned
it for the core purpose of
selecting the Jew in his "promise"...
then i would not concern
myself with a theology...
as the Jew applied himself to
the perfected ontology of a
blacksmith: for i lived:
                the un-doubting man;
but i have lived a man denying:
what i have nothing to doubt;
with an anonymous coming from
a prophet your
     people hate the most!
     said so said the fiddler on the roof:
and... the last forgotten word
to concern the women!
        as if... it were the first,
of a child akin to a yawn...
      but as such is the case:
     i'll allow myself no fortune to
project into: other than a past...
and a history of the grave to abide by.

of what i wrote:
  thankfully i understand very little:
because? i have no
    jewish audacity... just for fun!
but because i'm Polish and not German,
i'm to be blamed for the Holocaust....
which is the funny bit,
in what's funny about the stereotype
of being a Jew...
             while also having poor
cousins to skive off having a highest opinion
of: counter epitome of Giza?
  Biblical: said: unreplicable: with no counter:
said!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
well, it was going to be a beautiful day, and it is a beautiful day, scorched grass patches, humidity to match that of Thailand... welcome to the Hot Age... well there was the Ice Age, no? there was Moses poetically summarising pre-history with: Noah was very real... more real than Britney Spears... history more real than insomniac journalism, fake history omni-present god replacing medium of writing ******* after ******* after more: swinging *******... but there's a plus side to this heat: angry-thinking... Freud can *******... what dream-interpretation? i have no dreams: and if i have dreams they're so already abstract that i don't need some coke-head to figure them out for me... i sometimes dream in sounds... maybe i should have been the next ******* Mozart! no! i don't have repressed-memories... i don't have repressive-memories: i have OPPRESSIVE-memories... i remember nuggets of gold from the time i was 4 years old... i guess i better leave some notes as i write and come back to them:

- sceptics vs. cynics Ezra Pound Taoist me vs. sceptics  (passion),
source of inspiration for this type of writing? Gombrowicz's Kronos...


i take out an imaginary leash and put it around my tongue:
hey presto! i'm walking a dog...
usually i walk a bottle of cider in the labyrinth
of outer-London suburbia...
i'm glad to be be 30 minutes away from Liverpool St.
by bus and train and 30 minutes' worth of walking
uphill to the biggest collection of...
well... "collection": an avenue of Wellingtonias...
Giant Redwoods (prehistoric pillars) -
        'which is one of only two plantations in the country'...
looks like i'm becoming a local boy...
i think i'm coupled with a gravity that's linear...
i'm less a falling body attached to some molten
iron core of the earth...
when again: what's up? what's down?
what's east and what's north outside the realm
of the winds, in the great divide between nature
and physics in the pupil of yawn-and-death-eating space?
no need to romance the man... someone's toilet paper
is already in pretend-mode of flapping...
so many myths of the moon died with:
one small step... another leap for... man and kangaroo...
i adore the laziness of sloths, turtles,
pandas... and koalas...
but then again: i don't think a lion is the king
of the natural world... i think the bear is...
that bulge of an omnivore... i like Russian thinking
when it comes to choosing emblems...
i like bears... i have this memory of being in the Danzig
zoo... walking into a bear enclosure...
mommy bear was watching... my mother was watching...
i walked up to a bear...
a baby bear, i was a baby too...
he started to nibble on my cardigan...
he must have bitten off about two buttons...
i ran back crying to my mum: he ate two of my buttons!
now i know: why i don't dream...
my memory faculty stretches far beyond what
most people have...
i think that's a welcome curiosity to have...
by the dictates of psychology:
you either remember... or? you dream...
i don't dream... i remember...
i can take you back to the first flashes
of brilliance aged 4... i can take you back to:
aged 5 or 6... when me and the two Kowalski brothers
first tasted coffee: granulated: instant...
obviously: we just became bored of sugary drinks...
that was a ******* gateway drug... back then...
why don't i dream? or why do i dream in
ciphers?
               ah... the memory bank...
i didn't allow pedagogy completely ruin me...
no wonder i treat the current job as a... hobby...
it truly is... crowd safety management is a hobby...
i like organising people:
one woman under my supervision already said:
you're the sort of person one would walk into
a fire for...
        i'm *******: gagging on these compliments...
i don't even think i'm deserving them:
if i am? so be it... if i'm not:
i can sniff a liar pretty quickly...
liars / lies don't walk on stilts...
       they re ******* midgets...
                         i sometimes like seeing myself in full element:
it will be: the most trivial thing that will
set me off...
   my nickname(s) in high-school?
Goldilocks (because i had long hair done into
a French braid from time to time)
Hulk: when i showed my truer face and...
   "that guy with the weird fruit"...
i did eat a lot of passion fruits, pomegranates,
Sharon(s)... etc. etc.
hmm... i'm pretty sure i wasn't supposed to work
the 20th at Fulham...
guess i'm just forever freely available these days...
people can just put me up for any shift without
me complaining:
no wife, no kids... ms. amber and Sophia...
fair enough... mind you: i like the commute...
and seeing the Thames is rather refreshing...
the weirdest river known to man...
mind you: it is an island river...
what ******* river as concept of river of flow
has TIDE written all over it?!
rivers flow... rivers shouldn't behave like seas!
how does that work?
the membrane "event horizon" of the Thames...
and... the north sea?!
huh?!

i sometimes hate London...
back in Edinburgh i used to wake up with a geographical
clarity...
the Firth of Forth helped a lot...
i knew where east was... i knew where north was...
and west and the south...
in London? even if i cycle toward that old Serpent
and Father Thames: i still don't ******* know:
i look across the river: oh right... that's north...
no! that's south you dim-whit!
ugh... i once saw London from an aerial perspective:
flying from Barcelona to Edinburgh...
so we were passing this massive lit-BLOB...
what the **** is this? i thought...
then i noticed Canary Wharf blinking... oh... right...
London!

oh mate... iT IS M'AH... MASSIVE!
it must have taken us abut five minutes to fly over that
giant sponge of civilisation... well:
paying due compliments... but it was HUGE!
it's worth seeing once: during the night...
but only once...
the rest of the time?

i must have mentioned it prior:
bicycle tyre problems...
Chadwell Heath the point of call...
the Halford's corporation couldn't **** me
a pigeon out of a penguin's *******
because: their mechanic was away until the end of
August: Bicycle King instead: done by Friday...
in the meantime i went for a pint of Guinness...

weird... you smile at a guy talking about women
on some other table... you're not weird...
you're just making an approach...
casual conversation *******...
hey presto... you acknowledge each other's presence...
and the chat takes off...
work, music, the weather... you name it...
whatever comes to mind...
it was so refreshing... it almost felt like being
soldiers on the western front: in the trenches...
breaking ***** and marking banter
on our crippled souls...
we probably had loving mothers...
but our experiences with women were:
let's just say cats and dogs loved us more...
we could actually joke with these creatures...

i said i brought a leash for my tongue...
i didn't say i brought the muzzle...
my tongue my dog
mea lingua mea canis!
              paro dictata:
i set the rules!
                                 n'est ce pas?!

there's nothing necessary to inquire for feeble men:
beside... what is necessary for what it
feeble per se...

now: for a sample of Gombrowicz's Kronos
note-taking, extravaganza!

chadwell heath pub promenade
bbq amazing...
missing: doing a refill, smoking a cigarette.
ginger brat: shivers:
      Ovid, book III, opening...
three unusual muses...
reading: music... ****** lyricism...

- and if i dream? strange... i only seem to dream of:
dentes: teeth!
there was this myth concerning my maternal
great-grandfather... how he had pristine
teeth... he used to eat sugar cubes like
a horse might eat apples...
he was the one who dumped a whole load of coffee
beans into the river: Kamienna...
the Stone River...
NN...an oddity in the ****** tongue...
you utter the double N with  stutter...
n'ah n'ah...
                   there ought to be a letter for this
example... oddity...
it can't just be a double N...

                       that's not for me to discover
or apply... but he basically dumped sacks of coffee
beans into the river... long before anyone
in the Slavic lands... on the periphery of civilisation
knew what coffee was used for...
Francis was his name...
he's my earliest memory...
maybe that's why i have dream inhibitions...
my long surviving memory is of him:
as shadow...
playing the piano...
putting me next to a toy piano
and the pair of us playing...

i have grown into a horrid man...
i'm currently listening to:
the Davy Jones' theme from pirates of
the Caribbean... and...
it's not that i'm afraid of death
or falling asleep: i just think the two
are a proper waste of time...
if i can remember living from the age of four:
why would i require a need to dream?
my memory has bypassed all that erosion
from pedagogic investments into creating
a workforce...
i don't need escapism via dreams...
i have my memory for that!

one crescendo two crescendo three!
four crescendo five crescendo six!

America spews forward *******...
i'm not ally to this current agenda... you know what
i think? i think the Russians are doing
a ****** marvelous "thing" in Ukraine...
much better than Americans in either Iraq
or Afghanistan.... much better:
less a proxy war: more a practical war:
a chess-war... a war of: consequences!

ha ha... the meme that somehow the Africans are
Orcs... the warring types...
the Mongols weren't?
oh sure sure... the English etymological roots
of Slav = Slav(e)... sure... sure...
this is my pet peeve!
my iris and sclera disappear whenever i see someone
make that statement...
i go: ha ha! BONKERS!
what African people ever conquered whatever
part of the world except their own people
which they sold into slavery?!
see! BONKERS!
i go... absolutely ******* gloriously MAD!

i've ben given absolutely:
diagnosed: mad... let me abuse the terminology / diagnosis
a little! because?! ha ha! i'm exempt from
standard prosecution! i can always succumb
to the insanity plea!
i have back-up memorandum queues...
these normal people are just: these normal people...
boorish and above all boring as ****-goes-on-holiday...

i know why i don't dream...
photographs are useless...
me taking a a photograph when i was at most lowest,
fattest? when i took the photograph:
i looked rather thin...
but? when someone else took a photograph
of me sitting in front of a Christmas dinner:
a ******* porky pie...
i don't know how cameras work:
obscurity of the eye of the beholder...
fused with the technicality of the added
technological specimen... hmm...
curiously more curious...

           i know why i don't dream: i have a very poignant
memory in my brain:
the memory of my great-grandfather as a shadow...
here: i place my focus for entering Tartarus...
beyond the already familiar depths of Hades...
i need more! i need to go deeper...
i don't dream because i have a memory of my
great-grandfather as a shadow!
darkness abounds!

                abundo tenebris!
umbra *** umbra venio hic...
(shadow with shadow come here):
i see no need for Sabbaths or for witches...
i need shadows and shadows of shadows...
and thoughts as splinters and trees as fire and ash...
i need! HORROR!
   i need the current people to live their lives
as passively as must be met:
while i quietly pass... pass as the angel of death passed
as the final plague that befell Egypt!
listen! listen! ever so... quietly!
i need them lullabied... oblivious to the SUFLER:
speaking cues to the actors on stage!
LET, ME, PASS!

                some ******* idiot will get in my way?
i will... sacrifice a lamb: and salvage a wasp!

- it was at work at the Wembley Stadium that i first
spotted a doe (female deer) embodied by a woman,
it's so rare to find that LOOK: deer in headlights...
frightened stiff about to be taken for grass by a lawnmower...
mature woman... i'm guessing in her 40s...
all the sort of details a boy would expect from
a ****... seriously... curves, *******, ***...
although: scared eyes, perhaps even scarred eyes...
i kept glancing under my sunglasses,
she kept glancing: irritated somewhat: irritated-fearful,
as if she met destiny and it wasn't what she
was expecting...
            what a beautifully bountiful specimen of
fetishes i've been fed over the years in the medium
of *******...
sure, it's summer now, and all the young and fertile
women are walking around the streets like
its a nudist beach in the French Riviera...
oh man: such under-developed bodies...
bodies that are yet to experience the crunch of ***...

i try to think about how pedophiles think...
then i get the picture...
scrambled eggs... i like they almost burnt...
i hate well-done overcooked beef in the form of a stake...
i need it rare or medium, **** it... even blue will do...
eggs? i can't have them underdone...
i know people who like runny scrambled eggs...
you can eat undercooked beef and pork:
but undercooked chicken? it's slimy...
it's like eating slugs... plus the salmonella...
plus... it feels like raw sea-food...
that's how i look at women who have not arrived
at any ****** potential...
it's ******* ****-ugly... builder-Bob's hairy *** crack
when his blue jeans droop...

young women are like undercooked chicken...
mature women are like rare beef...
BLOOD... JUICE... NO ORANGES...
     it's filth it's suckling it's the monstrosity of coming
to her **** after she just spent a year or so
feeding some rugrat with her *******...
it's macabre, it's... nature...
it's ******* a woman like that thinking:
ooh oops... when will she turn into a Mantis?!
it's like having a bicycle accident... falling head first
over the handlebars and leaving permanent
"tattoos" on your forehead... getting up and exclaiming...
i just saw Francis Bacon paint a **** while ****!
ffff-ucking spectacular! i don't need to ingest
any lysergic acid... i'm good with the head-traumas...
disorientating at first: but orientating after...

more life, more blood, more grime more filth!
more more! MORE!
mind you, is that 'e" at the end of more really necessary?
you don't really say: aMorÉ... do you?
it's not more vs. moor... ooh... i just thirst for fiddly
bits in language... and English?
it's the devil's playground... if Poland is god's
equivalent...
you know... it took **** Germany AND Soviet
Russia to subdue Poland... longer...
than it took **** Germany to subdue France...

oh to hell with the current exported trend of culture
from H'america: white apologetics...
i don't share your history: i've been woken up
from a trinity-partition... i'm not apologising
for ****!
   i think i'd look great in an SS-mensch uniform...
i like black from time to time...
i have thoughts of Karl Lagerfeld's style...
just pretend you're donning fur...
the cat isn't clothed... you're right: #metoo!
i'll done and adore the colours of the hearth...
i'll burn bright in auburn...
in browns and in greens...
    i'll become a... ******* talking tree!

enough!
         too many idiots are running this ****-show...
grammar lessons from people with an IQ of 60...
i'm checking out!
  bye bye...
  inflated overbearing baron-demons of want...
how easily they allowed me to dehumanise them...
i look at black flies and think: ooh!
just the right sort of tickle!
   people have created people like me...

how i can simply have casual *** with prostitutes
without using a ****** and not worry
about any STGs...
sexually transmitted diseases...
i probably drank enough milk in my youth...
broken bones? nope...
but outgrowths of bone? yep...
that's true... i have one on my shin...
hardly a ballerina in me bewildered by a tutu...
i don't break bones:
i leave outgrowths...

hmm... time for a new meditation...
the serpents can be left alone...
two serpents in a pickling jar? a DNA helix...
or... dragons?! fire...
the great meteor when the moon failed
to protect the earth... fire breathing
giant lizards... dinosaurs...
that, meditation: is over...
time to turn to insects... hmm... flies...
wasps...
i like that... the way wasps are born:
pure Darwinism:
insect and parasite combined...
                the larva is shoved into an unsuspecting
body of a worm...
the larva is born and starts...
eating the worm from the inside: out...
imitation cuckoo bird...
sort of the same principle...

                 has Darwinism been truly applied?
has it?! has it?! i call an obstacle i find in man
either: THING... or the OTHER...
ha ha... pronouns... ha ha... ah ha ha... pronouns...
yeah: these people have one:
IT...
                 i'm just a theological mercenary...
either the descent of god or the ascendance of the devil:
the wind blows in all four geographical vectors...
as a ****** they could have sold me Protestantism,
Catholicism, Communism... ******... blah blah...
this... woke little **** of: thank you: but i rather sleep,
is... supposed to what?! make me quake in my boots!
hold hold... let me just twinkle my toes...
do i have... socks on my feet? wait wait...
mmm... furry-toes... yeah: i have socks on...

being the massive fan of both the Red Hot Chilli Pappers
and William Burroughs:
hell only knows where these idle hands will
travel...
i love my bedroom in the night with no lights
on... insatiable: the drummer-instinct in me...
i can't help grooving to EASILY
and AROUND THE WORLD...
hands joined to the torso...
hands attached to hands... no saucepans...
**** it... thighs knees and the head will simply do...
i need to chase after my heartbeat...
out-chase it...

but in the darkness by the silver milk of the moon's
rays... my naked body impressed against the backdrop
of constellations...
Azog the Pale Orc and his Warg Matriarch...
well... mine is ginger and he's no matriarch...
he's a castrated ginger Maine ****...
yes... let's get carried away...
                because the comparison of Africans as Orcs
is a disrespected for me...
the English knowledge of etymology
of Slav = Slav(e) is also slightly off...

just like Billy Joel sang while sifting through sand
to find bones and rocks:
just like the post-Soviets in Ukraine
and H'americans in Iraq and Afghanistan...
what African people conquered any "polite" plot
of land outside of Africa? who?! the "Orcs"?
who are the slaves?
who's anyone, mind you?

Shaolin monk style questing:
i abhor the sceptics... i have this inherent hatred for
the sceptics like Ezra Pound abhorred the Taoists...
i can't: stand their... adamant... pride...
their neglect of being humbled...
how do you learn the concept of humbling?
by being humbled...
and how do you counter the concept of humbling?
upon being humbled:
you transcend and do not: humble...
whenever i was made a makeshift supervisor...
i didn't humble people...
i was caretaker...
because just don't get the whole idea...
they have partial clues regarding the idea of
the function...
today i caught a green-bell fly with my index and
thumb... i took a photograph of my "adventure":
as you do...
because it wasn't me stretching easily melting cheese...
so i guess that's a plus...

i hate scepticism...
you ******* don't know the basic principles of
1 + 1 = 2... CAUSALITY...
seriously? the fire that erupted in that tiny village
of Wennigton was like...
CAUSE + EFFECT = CAUSALIY...
so... i blow up a balloon up with my breath?
carbon dioxide... the balloon will sink...
i inflate it with helium, what? the balloon rises...

what's the impact i have by cycling to where
i need to go? no impact...
well... some extra traffic...
i might overheat my rubber, no?
but in terms of fuel? yes... carbohydrates
in my body... i need to peddle...
what am i burning? my own momentum...
i'm not burning any dinosaur fuel or gas...
i'm mobile... more mobile that people
who overuse their mobile phones...
there was a point: once upon a time:
for telephones to be left stationary...

  i abhor the sceptics: they're like the worst bad joke bad
jokers...
the canine cynics i can understand:
i can understand their cynicism:
fear the dog that fears its owner...
we're currently the dogs in fear of their own
fate: our owner...

i have oppressive memories...
that's why i don't dream... what interpretation
could Freud give:
and all that pedagogic erosioin fron learning
"skills": what skills? that would envision me
as having traction in the workforce?
zilch! nada! nothing! i just think of those poor
people who have recurrent dreams...
poor *******: how can you become so *******
as to have recurrent dreams?
70cl of whiskey won't help?
waking up at 8am the next day...
anxious out of both brain and freeze won't help?
not sure whether vomiting or taking a ****
will ease your burden, that confusion
won't help?!
**** me...
                   **** it... jump off a cliff...
paying close attention to the sunset...
maybe that might help...
                  i can't help you luvvy dubby... teddy...
please don't try to hug me...
i've seen how that works in the workforce...
one bubbly gal... all purple hai with
a hiding twitch in her hair...
   hugs me...
i just misheard a word she uttered...
she said darling: i thought she said daddy...
every since it has become a *******
schtick!
                 ugh... it's like... my ******* *******
tuching glue...
would i like erecticle dysfunction? yes please...
so i'm greeting this big girl with a hug...
the one i'm more interested in...
she's ginger: i have a ginger-fetish...
i think of her as: MOUSE...
anyway...

      let's get the party people pout and get them
the **** out of the way...
i will not describe to them that i have...
an inkling into right-wing politics...
i'm a fascistic nut...
   blah blah...
                    i get the purple-haired frogs out
of the way... by? hugging them...
i get onto the mouse... ooh... the dynamic changes...
i can't hug her...
the purple haired lesbian-fatso wants hugs:
i give her hugs...
but the mouse is special...
she's ginger...
             i love gingers...

i address her with a hand... extended...
she's not a man... therefore? she doesn't perform a handshake...
she.... hmm...
i'm a daddy... about to give my daughter
an ice-cream cone...
  she grips my fingers in the wrong way
that hands out to meet upon greeting...
she grips my fingers... on the wrong side...
i feel: oddly... left-handed...

i thank god and the democracy of satans
for the simple fact that:
none of these people will ever care to wonder
where i spend some of my nights...
ha ha...
oh please... ***** please...
i spend them with prostitutes...
you think i'm that quick to quiver?!
seriously?
i love a game of cards more than i enjoy a game
of chess: after all: it's one game after another...

games... games...
i used to be a big gamer in my early teenage-hood...
i couldn't be separated from my PS1 console
during the weekend...
i begged for a PS2... didn't get one...
i guess gaming caught up to me...

the gaming experience coupled with the internet...
ah... mind-mining...
teaming up... war robot games...
my thrill has finally come...
war robots... mech arena...
better still... the agenda of credit...
me? it's free, isn't it? well then...
but you manage to spot the people who invest
money in something:
they're usually skill-less: not exactly team-players...
esp. when it come to a game that
focuses on two objectives...
winning or losing is just a byproduct...
(a) gaining authority over control points
(b) destroying all the opposite side's mechs...
time frame? 10 minutes in war robots...
5 minutes in mech arena...
plenty of time to contemplate taking a ****...
mind you: either i dilate my ****
and ease out a **** by jerking off to a pair of ****
or i play an interactive game...
on the throne of thrones...
i could be wearing a crown of: dust...
and it would still matter... whether the plumbing works:
or doesn't...

i seriously had to wait for gaming to catch up with
my desired DIET of gaming...
i had to wait for the internet to evolve...
i required an arena... a lottery of... value...
competent players versus incompetent players...
players willing to hone in on their skills for free...
and players... lazy enough to invest money
that is otherwise unnecessarily invested in a game...

i'm coming back to gaming...
i can du soku... ****... su doku  by myself...
what need for crossword puzzles when you're already
a crossword puzzle of bilingualism?
sure... i have polyglot interests...
the concept of RENDAKU springs to mind...
as expressed in ORIGAMI:
                        g = k.... TOE-MAY-TOES...
T'OH-M'AH-TOES...
  
        hey! the people of the never-setting sun!
you're not much different, n'est ce pas?!
but there's a more obvious RENDAKU...
theta phi V...
alTHough... THought... and...
             PH = TH = F...
    but "F" = V... via TH...
                   the Fe? or the V'eh in THE point?!
i'll bring this tower of Babel to crumble before
my toes and then, and then:
i'll kneel among the rubble!
too much of Hell's ambitions have been sung by men
for Hell to simply: wallow in Heaven's tyranny
of absence!
                    we're here...
whoever we are: it doesn't matter...
                       one variant attired to another...
we're mechanisations to counter the absence of human
spirit...
we're the *****-slapping crew...
i pray to god that i'm not alone in my ambitions...
not that i pray...

this posting will have to wait...
i have a shift at Wembley tomorrow...
Coldplay... it's not like i hate them: i just don't love them...
it will be a dross...
but this posting will have to wait... i might have
to stop over at the brothel to ease my brain from
having ownership of a head...
i'll think about it...
depends on... a number of factors...

for the time being... mosquitos... caught... donning
donning boxing gloves... by the *******...
or... flies... catching them by the legs...
with naked fingers...
ooh... i love those pristine *******...
the green-bells... fertile *******...
they **** more maggots than they eat...
black flies are priests...
i like the tickling sensation insects leave
on a naked body... esp. when they don't deposit any
embryos... of their own...
**** me: wasps and my eye...
i would: most probably: punch myself to death if that
ever happened...
ergo? there's a god...
ergo? simple people make life pristine all the more
difficult...
no one has problems with competent people...
no one... idiots make this world worse
than the best it already is...
the ******* god of norms...
"calculations"... exhibits A and exhibits B...
i'm getting tired of this Atlas pause...
i'm waiting for Darwinism-proper kicks in...
when the dimension of agony-scrutiny and: RE-ALITY
cometh...

no one is going to dictate my useage of
the English language beside an authentic English-man!
no one!
no one... oh... but i'm siding with the Russians...
no one sided with the Iraqis when Iraq
was invaded... no one sided with the Afghans
when Afghanistan was invaded...
**** the Ukrainians: i'm not siding with them...
Cossacks undermined the Polish-Lithuanian
Commonwealth... sold it to the Ottoman barbers...
**** them...
i'm on the side of the Russians...
which makes listening to western journalistic
narratives a miracle of escapism...
i began, to, stop, reading, pointless, books:
already, pointless, to, begin, reading! ******* bravo!
extend the concept of starvation!

no no... now we're talking more... we need more...
there's only one guilt trip associated with hell...
gluttony: the gluttony of death...
there are never enough dead people!
hmm! ******* weird!
why aren't there enough dead people?!

can't you *******, just, die?!
    sure: i'm equally man...
by no summary i am no exception...
perhaps... i'm some variation of an exception
akin to: i bite an apple: i... "taste" water...
wait a minute: you can't "taste" water...
since... water is tasteless...
how pow! either the apple is imaginary
or my taste of the apple is imaginary:
or my ability to taste is imaginary...
or... well... there was no apple to begin with...

ha ha... by now all of philosophy is not a question
but an answer: i just don't care...
and? i just don't care...
it's a must of: there's too much...
and there's too little...
      it's clearly beyond any prior concern
of GOOD and EVIL...
there's just too much... and there's too little...
there are new-rule absolutes...

only a dutious scarab of a servant might acknowledge
this conundrum...
we have moved beyond the gravity of language
concerning a good and an evil...
there? is either too little...
or there's too much! for the time being: problem solved:
i.e. problem staged: therefore: not solved!
hell yawns! more of these i.q. deficient mongrels!

yes, i abhor the sceptics with a similar passion
that Socrates ascribed the sophists,
with equal passion Ezra Pound ascribed his passionate
hatred for the the Taoits...
i ascribe equal measure to the sceptics...
i can bark dog with the cynics...
i like cynicism... i abhor scepticism:
they're so ridiculous ridiculous...
to them? the casausality bound to the physics is
non-existent...

mind you... i don't know what i'm doing with this
poo'em...
i have already broken several instances
of keeping up to the up-keep of
エンソー...

                  **** me... even the Japanese use diacritical
markers, the English are forever adamant
in not using any... even though there's an example
of レンダク (rendaku) in almost every word that arrives
at the "suspicion) of THETA contra PHI...
TH = D in there's a point...
TH = F in there's thinking invoked...
THE= V: THE point...

it has taken me too many takes to complete this piece
with too many interludes of
either staring at my shadow or blinking at the sun...
i will need to abandon this poem at some point...
not that it's unfinished:
it's only that i require a readership of squaters
to venture in its dynamic...
new "things" happened... i need to write about them...
too much happened today for me to want
to perfect this:
i already wasted about half an hour looking
for my headphones...
father... i know i placed them in some easily
re-find location... what did he do?
he stashed my headphones in a drawer with
his shoes and shoelaces...
   apparently too inconvenient...
a lunatic walking around the house with a searchlight
trying to find them...
                no, this poem is becoming silly...
Maxwell Finley Feb 2019
I remember when i was a kid i had a power rangers mech toy
It would stand mighty at 2 ft. Tall and i absolutely worshipped it.
It was but a cheap plastic toy but to my young and impressionable eyes it was everything
Cheap joints were to me freedom,legs... The courage to move forward with my life
Its cheaply made speakers that was drenched in white noice. A voice
I remember it all and even as an adult i miss my toy
It was taken and thrown away without my consent or approval
Many nights passed were spent crying with no success in sight
Now here i am as an adult but just as lost and confused as i was as a child
If there is anything i want to tell you, it is that you are not a toy
But i am still as desperate as ever to recover what i have lost
Sobbing and crying alone like a child.
First poem i posted. Rip me a new one so i can get better.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2021
10th of November 2021...
winter is nigh...
oh sure: there still remnants of autumn,
it's sickly sweet scent still hangs in
the air...
what a glorious day...
pristine weather, esp. for England...
& for that matter... cycling...
heavy drizzle...
not falling rain: just this...
"membrane"... orb of water in the air...
overcast, gloomy sky...
very much matched to my
melancholic disposition...
t-shirt soaked... shorts... soaked...
shoes... soaked...
it almost looked like i ****** & **** myself...
no matter... beard... wet... hair... wet...
somewhere near Fairlop Waters
peddling like a demon
i laughed & almost cried at the same time...
nothing new:
i could honestly imagine eternity
on a bicycle...
not in a car, not in a harem...
on a bicycle...
hardly taking up responsibilities
associated with Atlas...
but... i could see myself cycling to nowhere
forever... esp. in this glorious...
dreary weather...
just like i could imagine myself
perched vacantly on the windowsill...
with one leg folded & sitting on it...
the other dangling...
drinking, smoking & listening to music
that could best encapsulate the night...
e.g. the theme for gul'dan from
the film adaptation of Warcraft...
mein gott... i remember playing the original:
me & my cousin Martin copied the game
onto... 3"15 floppy disks?
3"15 floppy? is that correct?
   Warcraft or Age of Empires II...
then Total War... Shogun & that second one
with the Viking expansion pack...
stopped at PS1...
recently rekindled by fascination with games...
purely for the... internet dynamic of:
real-life players playing real, life, players...
all those ******* robot, mech, team up...
capture beacons... sort of ****...
well... you can't exactly play chess on your own...
you can... but there's nothing fun about
that sort of a schizoid placebo...
it used to be War Robots...
that game slowed down once too many revisions
took place... & the whole game was sold...
unfair...
so i looked up... Mech Arena...
lucky for me that i don't gamble...
the most i ever gambled with was a borrowed quid
on the weekend matches...
5 results... ensuring both team score...
& the winning team... so looking for results like
3 - 1, 2 - 1... like the odds...
i never really read comic books...
x-men in the 1990s...
Declan Tan! ha ha... he bought me a classy
two part... Batman vs. Alien...
yeah... Declan Tan...
i remember eating a chicken soup at his house...
the kind cooked by Asians...
with sweetcorn...
murky... so no clarity in a chicken broth...
with the addition of...
garlic... charred onion, leek, celery,
celeriac... parsley root, parsley greens..
i hated how he was preferred by the tennis
coach in primary school...
even though i think i gave the teacher a better
match...
come to think of it... once i went
to university tennis became more a spectator
sport... squash was most fun...
tennis is too two dimensional...
obviously squash will not gain the same sort
of traction... no matter...
better for those who play it...
at this point: the world can go **** itself...
sorry... but it clearly can...
i've heard enough to know just about as little
as can be deemed too much...
oddly enough...
but such games when you're playing
real-life opponents...
i couldn't possibly go back to games
with narratives...
with NPC characters...
i'm too entrenched in literature...
i couldn't possibly rekindle a love for...
Final Fantasy VII...
i wonder... metal gear solid II?
was it II? i didn't get Final Fantasy VIII...
not one iota...
Tenchu?
revolutionised gaming... though:
nothing with a narrative...
something to test true skill...
that's fun... & the added bonus of facing...
Goliaths, Daniels & Nimrods...
that's the added bonus...
oh yeah... proper gamer...
on the throne of thrones... i.e. the *******...
pulling out a kasztan... a conker...
- would i consider myself as suffering
from alcoholism?
well... right down the passing of time...
this grandfather, that grandfather...
if you work in a metallurgical industry:
you're going to drink...
i must have inherited the excesses of
their drinking habits...
i don't think i suffer...
reality can become rather
vexing... bothersome... brutally boring...
some people arrive at this conclusion
& cause drama...
i just have to stomach it... grip it, grind it...
******* to the woods or to a graveyard
at night...
drink... subdue my otherwise choked eroticism:
fair enough:
people accommodate...
i have to nuance some things...
put them into a metaphor maiden &
say: ceci n'est pas une pipe,
    ceci est une pipe fer...
                                                            no?
if i can pass life with all these little
intricacies of soap-opera soaking demands...
i can make my own language
more entertaining:
without coming close to a crossword puzzle...
truly... i can make my own language
more entertaining:
without coming close to even beginning
to solve a crossword puzzle...
any mind-game involving numbers:
bring it... crosswords...
****'s sake... something just a tier above
what the thesaurus / encyclopedia are for...
ugh... sober people bother me...
i'm bothered by sobriety...
i can focus on the "methodology" with the summary:
cool as a cucumber...
i can clearly understand the universality
of traffic prerogatives...
come to think of it:
only on the bicycle... entombed...
can i find the most universal questions...
racist? what, like Polacks driving their
new cars don't orientate themselves like
some, Asians?
that they do, they do,
careless Solipsists,
only they own the road...
*******... grrr...
            czarna Madonna,
     czarny anioł,
za każdym razem
ten sam dreszcz
    (black madonna, black angel,
every single time
the same goosebumps)
-  it truly doesn't matter what i write about...
it only matters how i write...
would there be an Adolf without
khaki?
or the SS-mann without his pristine
schwarze?
          then again: i don't really write
about much...
i suffer with a glee...
if i were working in a metallurgy factory...
if i were coming home
to a woman speaking via her ****...
i sometimes find myself peering
into a mirror when no light is available...
the mirror in my soul...
or the mirror i'm focusing my sight into,
rather than at?
talking with my shadow:
thank god you're not a dog worthy of
a leash...
i couldn't possibly drink before a mirror...
how much i love drinking...
i love drinking so much
i ought to have been born a Norwegian
fisherman...
i guess i love drinking more than
i love *******...
i abhor crossword puzzles...

suppose i could write better...
something that might sell...
here... the year 2021...
who needs to sell this...
time echoes...
time yawns...
             space in its own self-compensation
levers the otherwise crude demands...
for the perpetution
of what's to be perpetuated...
i don't need my genes to be furthered...
i'd be lost come the grand-grandchildren...
tigers replicate with identification pointers...
limbs, five fingers...

i call it a furry liver...
i call it a sweating liver...
i call it an empty stomach:
a readily available tongue...
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
you know the stereotype...
  a guitarist
  a bassist
    and a drummer,
   and also acting as vocalist,
the punk power trio...
  
there's another power trio...
what genre?
   anything outside of bagpipes
formula 1 sounds
        crowds at a football match
and knocking on a door...
  genre? music... music!

the alt. to the punk power trio?
   a song...
   say

vocals, acoustic guitar (rhythm,
no hair-metal solos
that would never give way
    to air-guitar competitions -
jerking off that invisible *****
               shoved up your ***?)
   and a bass guitar,
  perhaps a double-bass...
    
simply begun, simply ended...
the best e.g. i can think of?

  forget not understanding
the lyrics...
   it's all about life,
drinking, chripsing girls,
taking them to the cinema,
         sleeping on park benches,
heart attacks...
  making ***** money...
       eating grand ham
with a side-dish of *****...

pablopavo - jurek mech -
         https://tinyurl.com/btne9zp;

bass guitars don't do solo outside
of jazz...
  but in jazz all instruments
get a chance to solo...
                   if you want a song
that compliments a bass guitar,
keep the guitar to a rhythm and
a rhythm alone...
       and imagine!
                   no **** from the drums!
Michael Marchese May 2018
The opioid battle droid
Children butchered
Homes destroyed
Can’t go back and face
His nation
State so full of hate
Can’t take it
Great again is just a saying
No amount of pity praying
Seems to stay each day decaying
PTSD noise parading
Medicating, mind grenading
Every step is compound raiding
Waiting for the pain to fade
But they just trade his life away
False promises, he’s led astray
To drone alone and aimlessly
Fight on these Clone Wars shamelessly  
In vein is he
More mech than man
Reprogrammed by
Afghanistan
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2021
p.s. as a pre-scriptum: oh, now i know why i think this is mediocre, i haven't drunk enough to relax my "narrative"... something's here of some worth, the rest... well... it's still a tier above tabloid "journalism", if you don't me thinking.

i'm still figuring out this body, this rent...
after all: aren't we renting in this life -
although i tend to make my monetary
dynamics purely on the basis of debit
(i don't remember the last time i used
a credit card, i don't own one,
i used to, but it was such a hassle to use...
having to remember what you spent
"invisible" money on & getting a summary
at the end of the month rather than:
remembering how much money is on
my bank account... coughing up a large chunk
of it: like some sickly hindsight...
never, again)...
horrid several days in December...
the "season to be jolly": like hell it is...
over-advertised, over-sold...
                             it's not like i belong
to a large family that gets together
and spews their little "micro-aggressions"
and covert-ridicule over a meal...
being weary of ******-attractions...   huh?
yeah... but it's the culmination
of the year... the end of it...
  i'm already gearing for a restart...
December fatigue is impossibly...
the damp doesn't help...
         sitting around eating food pointlessly...
i'll eat the necessary food...
like today i enjoyed a ******
white borsch... it's a sour soup, clear...
consisting of ****** bacon...
(look up Tenacious D's kiełbasa)
hard boiled eggs...
stock made from root parsley,
     carrot, leak, plenty of garlic...
             & the stock itself: for the borsch...
mainly rye flour fermentation
juice... you also add a decent spoonful
of horse-radish to the soup...
eat it with a side of artisan sourdough
bread...
white sour borsch... oh hell...
Ukrainian borsch can hide...
the ****** red borsch (made from beetroots)
served with uszka (ucho, ear...
uszka, the diminutive of ears...
for some reason, the ****** tongue uses
a lot of diminutive terms...
to endear them... even names
of people are churned via the diminutive
machine...
Mateusz becomes Mateuszek...
Ewa becomes Ewunia)...
bay leaves + allspice pellets (also)...
plenty of sour notes...
point being, i think the **** "Aryans"
got the story wrong...
historically... the area of land that was
& is still Poland was visited by
a nomad group of Iranians...
the Sarmatians... last time i heard...
Iranians are referred to as Aryans...
& their cuisine... has plenty of
sour notes...
perhaps the sauerkraut migrated
from the region where i was born
over the Oder to...
Frankfurt-upon-Oder & subsequently
further... why the American soldiers
ref. the Germans as KRAUTS...
it's a funny side-note...
the supposed "Aryans" were fighting...
Aryans... i guess falsehood lost...

beside that... sitting around the house
doing **** all... it will get to you...
i even managed to cross that threshold
i told myself i would never cross...
coming in at more than 100kg is not
acceptable anymore...
99.5kg i can stand... but i've also managed
to go down to 96kg... but that was
during the summer, when you eat less...
or rather: you are active more...
i had to do something about it today...
i'm done with these gluttonous festivities...
did a ******* exercise quickie on
the bicycle while riding to the supermarket
to stock up for new year's day...
no more eating in the night...

       & that's how i came across the fact
that... oddly enough... exercising can provide
you with more energy...
why? because you spent some of it...
simply ingesting calories & not utilising them
fatigues you... exercising counters fatigue...
you might feel tired...
but... all the mental fatigue is gone...
you become motivated: even motivated to write
something as banal as this...
then again: i haven't been this "lazy"
celebrating: **** knows what since...
well... last year...

             by definition: during exercise you
are no longer a res cogitans...
more a res vanus: since slithers of thought
enter your mind like flashbacks
or rather like postcards...
but they're not really thought by
standards of narrative... letters become surds
like the G in the word: gnostic or, gnome...
so: apostrophes: 'nostic, 'nome...
that sort of thing...
    sometimes when cycling i meditate
on Braille, sometimes the Morse Code...
or usually diacritical markers: forever missing
in English!

more res cogitans, somewhat res vanus...
but more or less: res corpus:
a body-thing... the mind being detached from
all those constipated thoughts,
all those ego-***-solipsism alleys...
flimsy daydreams...
just my body: the wind, the eyes,
my legs, my arms, my sweat... the bicycle...
no other liberation out there,
in all honesty...       pickled brain frenzy
only comes after... when i sit down
to relax to doodle something...
        
i came across something today while my phone
was charging & i couldn't do my usual
routine on the throne of thrones...
instead of playing Mech Arena i picked
up where i left off reading Heidegger:
those black notebooks didn't come cheap...
circa £30 a volume...
             obviously first editions...
i need to find that passage once more...
i doubt i will...
ha... in the 20th century it was already noted:
we now write about reading...
sometimes... it's unavoidable...
only yesterday i was hearing loads of stories
about the stewards doing the Wembley
job when the hooligans rushed the stadium
for the England vs. Italy final...
we were driving in the car...
i felt... less was being conveyed & that it was
more about... impressing the "other"...
oh i felt like i was bonding with the supervisor...
but he was also impressed with my
plum hue tattoo... my Dalmatian eye-patch...
one of the girls inquired: i brushed it off
telling her that there was nothing to brag
about... she just assumed: oh, you Polacks...
you drink & you fight...
well... from what history has given me...
if the Polacks aren't fighting the Ottoman Turks...
the Swedes, the Russians & the Germans...
if we're not fighting the backstabbing Hungarians
who decided to side with the Austrians...
if Polacks aren't fighting then:
start counting the sitting-ducks...
why would i tell her that i was fighting my own
shadow?
in a professional environment:
you keep people guessing... informality at the core...
we're not here for ******* lunch!
arbeit macht frei has, sickly... become my motto...
not some **** joke...
oddly enough... arbeit macht frei
& RADFAHREN MACHT FREI...
cycling makes you free...
    - du macht frei
or macht du frei?!
                         oh... right... there was no
"you" in the Auschwitz slogan...

                          i could never imagine myself
being content with what people suppose
to be: relieving acts... ******* picnics in the park,
adventures in a zoo... sun-tanning...
cruises... football matches...
                   cinema...
                                     it, has, no, use, for, me...
es, hat, nein, benutzen, für, mich!
i need strain, all the time... i'm not relaxed if i'm
not doubly-aware... i always need
to be on a look out for something:
anything... i like football matches in the current
role because...
never have i watched girls without them
noticing me... sure... some do...
but they're there for the football match...
i'm there for... any possible build up of tension...
perhaps that's why i sleep:
but don't really dream...
perhaps unconsciously the gods sent dream-blockers,
evil geniuses who recommended for my
psyche to be rid of dreaming...
or being a dream-architect...
like, for example: the phenomenon
of the recurrent dream, that some people cite?!

huh?! recurrent dreams?!
it's a bit like saying: you dumb ****!
since when is it so hard to
understand the metaphor of 1 + 1 = 2?!
how long does it have to be repeated to you?!
if i don't dream... then i'm on autopilot...
almost... sure... some major dream did happen...
i even told this dream to my ex-girlfriend's
mother:

so i'm on this *****... a Pythagorean triangle:
because it's all abstract...
and these sheep like people... or these people like
sheep are falling down the *****...
behind me there's only an abyss...
they're coming down & these demonic creatures
with scythes are also coming down...
cutting the crying people's heads off...
while i'm running at the bottom of this *****
trying to save them from falling into the abyss...
i was... 17(?) when i had this dream...

have i become a paramedic since then? no...
ergo: the ***** is an abstract of something that's
not the inevitability of death.
glass Apr 2023
early morning heavy bag with nothing else but hopeful
they said theyd be there soon
you say youll be there later
catan at engineering noon
was bittersweet flavored

water in the kettle
barely touched the mech on the table
last day tears in the after shelter mental
i was in the ceramics studio when you arrived when it all came together
rivers of slip and clay and dip and dip and swing

keeping printing lately squinting
we helped to bring the paper
you disappeared concerning feared
but just for shoes in your backseat

sparkled nails on the church's floor
behind the curtain essay typin
ping pong flyin wild story improv timin
next to those shoes scrollin and the topic was ace
so i dont know if its my place
but
as we left the lack of open doors was odd/
so then came back to the front lawn of god to give you a plastic bag of support
keepin rapport in some way of some sort
gracious hospitality that it wasnt raining
though when we were waiting there were trains and there was dogs/
but soon hes gone and hugged and loved

and now im in the front seat;
and then im in the drivers.

back window fogged, behind the wheel with you beside me reel and keel my necks still sore two days later just like my brain that needs a stapler
because i couldnt look at you
im scared of being fake but then/
music's meant to sing
i went to bed at 1 am
i dont regret a thing
031823
Michael Marchese Nov 2022
Needless to
So much as state
Your biases
Reverberate
Articulate
The puppet parrot’s
Preference
Prejudicial carrot
Deep in darkness
Dare to dread
An audience
Beyond your head
Just reaffirm
The self-assured,
The certitude
Whole truth secured
From extant
Inclinations,
Leanings
To whatever sounds  
Appeasing
Then repeat it back
Again,
Once more until
The journey’s end
Arriving where
You feel at ease
In how we seamlessly
Deceive
Ourselves of answers
Pre-ordained
Instinctive
Linked-in
Lizard brain
Creates the same
Survival mech
Fictitious facts
We’re left to check
Should only ever need arise
To validate the winning side
Of argument’s
Legit disclaimer
Ever will its
Fortunes favor
Me within
No doubt correct
Of answers that I
Architect
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2018
i don't remember the last time,
forgetting doing the drunken tango,
i.e. "forgetting" to walk the straight line
on the way to the supermarket for more...
ahem... licorice..
   when did i drink so much,
in the afternoon,
that my legs into spaghetti?!
  i looked my feet, thinking:
are there shoelaces attached to these things?!
there are?
so why i constantly trying to tie them?!
biggie bagpipe problem...
  i had to entertain the testimony
of arithmetic for half an hour
to dance the Argentinian tango
with my shadow, simply walking...
last time i bought ***** this drunk...
i wasn't buying ***** to begin with...
but some cashier took pity on me...
plump... blonde... english...
           dunno...
size 16 or 16 stones?
       i didn't care... beer with
the added whiskey goggles...
       like... wha-?!
    the song jurek mech kept me
going... i picked up the pablopavo
album in Krakow...
in a book / music shop,
being sneered at by some snowflake teenagers...
laughed at...
among those nearing 40...
not exactly laughing
when the motor-scooter gangs
thieve your phones off your phones...
are you?
oh... well... ha ha!
*******, like i was about
to under-appreciate the music...
and instead... buy myself a ******* violin!
then find a bridge...
and circulate around
the Godfather or Schindler's List
themes...
to gain a copper bunch,
to later suckle a sock with,
and then swing it,
into someone's face!
- i too was raised in a catholic school,
but i guess the argument comes
across as: but it was Irish Catholic...
huh... funny...
from what i've heard:
******* is littered with men...
but all the phobias?
   esp. claustrophobia?
mostly women...
then again...
  i find that pedophiles are not
exactly fans of either drinking
or smoking...
          never mind...
        yes, i went to a catholic school...
was i given a second baptism /
i.e. i was confirmed?
no... i wasn't...
in legal terms...
i can't take part in a church
wedding.... but perhaps a funeral...

  and was i indoctrinated in ensuring
that even teenage girls go through
a childbirth?
ask my ex-russian orthodox girlfriend,
aged 19, i implored her:
get an abortion if you're not
going to put on the ******
extension of a latex suit!

no...
               11 years later, i'm thinking:
that was funny...
me originating from a catholic
school education, with such n early
indoctrination process?
       it wasn't even fun rebelling from it...
i just know their line of argument,
their most popular being:

but what if one of these aborted children
could have been a genius,
an Einstein, a Mozart?!

well...
i'm pretty sure the simple counter
argument goes along the lines of:
nature vs. nurture...

                   weren't these supposed geniuses
the by-product of utterly
dysfunctional family environments?!
replica people, sane people,
are never the cited oddities,
the never to be: ****** loners...
   never... ever...
          and if they are?
they're like Hegel...
       with their useful leftist idiots...
who... have the necessary "originality"
in them to, procreate themselves
furthest... via the method of post-mortem
cloning;

hell... even someone at some point
requires a jailor and a tonne of
lead, to encompass the geographic
study of a prison cell.
JW
i had to wait for gaming to evolve: right now, the only evolution to speak of is the evolution of technology, which has exponential growth: the world around me burns and i burn with it, ingesting a liter of alcohol a day not knowing when to stop: is it painful: am i getting indigestion, heart-burns: yes... but i'm also more alive because of it: i'm not some wanderer, restless nomad with barbiturates: i understand alcohol: Nietzsche didn't... but i don't blame him... but gaming is so much more with the advent of the internet: now i can replenish my thirst for chess with Mech- -Arena ++, it is an imitation of chess it is vamped up chess... i get to orientate my ego, i get to sooth my ego in the abstract, beyond the reality of biology, i can fuse my background in chemistry and hope: to understand: but knowledge doesn't breed hope: understanding comes from hope but knowledge comes from fear... i understand and therefore hope: but i never quiet know whether there's any good to get involved for... but that spiral is a chaos whispering... i want to suckle at the beckoning: i want to speak a language on the border between sea and earth and earth and air: and air and water: and air and fire... i want you pluck my own eye out and give it unto you: dear Archetype: father... how gaming has changed: i was told to be resolute in not finding a PS2 instead settling on a PS1 console plugging it into the t.v.: but now the mobile reconstruction: it almost feels like a ***** colony with people aging to 70 exponentially straining the expected life frequency... are we talking the possibility of philosophy being not bound to youth? are we simply saying: philosophy owns up to old age is old age the new glorified gatekeeping strength of mundane experiencing: this blunt knife is no longer sharp... am i supposing a hammer ought to be sharp to nail nails in: am i speaking of spokes: those skeletal necessities of a bicycle wheel?

before the Hebrews and Jahweh came
to Poland:
it's a strange ordeal of think about it...
but before they came with
YHWH
there was a word: prior to the name of
their god
and in the mouths of the people of
the fields...
JAWA:   in English that's YAVA...
there's no need to implore the H to command
the vowels...
JW                  signature...
google translate just spews out jawa: as java...
it's not dzawa:
na jawie: on waking: awake...

   yavye...
                     i understand now...
no one is going to have a reasonable
conversation with me...

i can stand accused of speaking to her
while falling asleep...
also timid also slightly drunk
also testing marijuana
and that's just lazy...
but at least she's just rummaging
in her everyday and i'm in bed
this 11h time difference referential
is punishing...

before YHWH came to Poland
there was the concept of consciousness
known as the JAWA...
YAVA...
not job to rob whales of:
strange creatures:
mammalian: prone to cult like suicide
pacts getting themselves
beached...
don't you think the whales are sort of saying:
the seas are boiling
we need to find our godhead
and get the **** out of this *******...
i feel that...
i don't intend to stay in England
for much longer:
England is not my BORN & BRED
i don't feel welcome:
i want to live in the kingdom of the oceans
on an island:
i want to live among Polynesians...
i want to ingest their tribal mentality
their tribal scrutiny their tribal security
of authority of loyalty of honor
i want to live among the Polynesians...
i'm going to do it:
even if before that i don't get my driving license
and sober up...
to raise: not my daughter:
my a child is still a child so...
i don't want to live among this bastardized
anti-racist pseudo-Europeans
these cuckold **** suckers!
i don't want to live among these people...
****** sandpit:
i'm taking my vocabulary and ******* off
into the sunset:
and even if that's the last thing i do
i know i'm stalling and assassinating myself
by a default of failing:
but then i'm also a fan of a quasi soap-opera
like i'm a big fan of opera and
especially a fan of ****** opera:
i love a ****** opera:
the type of opera that makes me leave
disgruntled like a phantom and saying:
nein nein nein benign!

thank you English: but i picked this language
for my own sake
it was nothing to be mediated
or explored with for the good of the people
who originated with it:
we can talk politics but we won't talk
politico:

a great wind came and swept me away...
my forefathers dreamed about
******* off to America:
well... i'm wanting to ******* way past
America:
i'll be saying hello and goodbye
while i enter the realm, the dimension,
the strict mental blockade of water with
the Polynesians...
these beyond the measure of the attitude
of the Mongols:
these former Taiwanese oar men
like vikings... hmm similitude...
what's a good broth of a soup on the islands
should you need soup?
so the base would be some meat:
carrots... **** no carrots that grow in the sea...
leeks... potatoes...
celeriac...    young celery stalks...
o.k. workable: not doable though...

**** me: the wicked talk of border-control:
on a ******* island...
you'd almost think if someone whispered
to ******: wait wait...
how about we invade England
by digging a tunnel...
but dwarf technology and innovation
was never part of the quick premature *******
mentality of the Nazis:
cheats... if they only waited and someone
said to them...
pst... hush hush:
let's dig a tunnel... rather than terrorize
from the air...
then again: why did they just drop bombs
avoiding St. Paul's cathedral...
why not just drop a bunch of hulkish manly
Aryan men into the mix?
clearly that wasn't the plan
because i don't know what the English feminine
is since i've been ostracized
and thank **** that i will never **** an English
woman: these days
exponent of foul mouth and neck tattoos
and something a Pakistani **** gang develops
a taste for...
well at least the Romanian prostitutes...
but **** is such a bad taste in a mouth wanting
violence...
how can you: ugh... unimaginable...
but i'm happy: to have lived in England
for... donkey's count of years and never actually
having ****** an English girl...
the grey skies ought to be turning blue at some point:
maybe if i was less able
maybe a Hapsburg jawline...
maybe my teeth are rotten:
maybe my father was right when he said:
are you are hunchback?
i'd return to him and say:
let me find out... but i'll need to fly over to
Hawaii to find out... i'll get back to you...

it almost felt like i was screaming into the night
when it fact i was having *******
explaining the importance of *******
on a man...
i have no respect for circumcised men:
in that i have no respect for the tradition
that thinks that circumcising men
will somehow keep the concept of monogamy
intact...
yes:
baby: i'll get circumcised: aesthetic?
no: i was thinking i'd get circumcised after you
put a ring on this finger...
so that i am no longer able to pleasure
myself:
so i did say: dream talk, borderline:
because i talk in my sleep i want to find
the person who talks falling asleep:

didn't i say that you can do one better
than giving me a *******?
didn't i say: kiss me while ******* me?
isn't that what *** ought to be:
something to work with
a transcendental conversation
a language barrier missing
just gone...
you kiss me while jerking me off
i'm pretty sure you don't have to ****
on that tool...
but that's a prerequisite of the *******:
******* sand-******* and their *****: ugh!
how about we cut the lips off
so that the smile might be more prominent?
it won't be a Chelsea grin:
but a Kenyan oopsie!
still showing teeth? barren *******...
and these are the people that are the spearheads
of all civilization? **** me...
but the ******* is so precious...
it's like that poisonous **** mentality
of inbreeding and the fetish for anti-pig...
what's wrong with the pig
what's the point of glorifying cow
when you know you can eat red
meat because the chances of ingesting parasites
from raw steak are so slim?!
cluck cluck cluck-oh-ooh!
chicken farts... blurp:        now i will have
my berserker fun!
   but i know how to contain alcohol: so i can
talk *** and not permit myself
to feeding off violence:
because i believe that the best sort of ***
is: an imitation of violence: contained...
measured:
deliberated: kept in strict of confines of
dialogue: beyond any measure:
attempted by Socrates...

so before Jahweh and his He-brew crew found
their way to the odd sanctuary of
Poland where: i guess because the Poles
defended the last pilgrims of the winds
that were the Lithuanians... the last pagans of
Europe:
well: besides the Prussians who inverted
what wasn't Germanic...
come to think of it: the best way to digest
history is by treating is like a comic book script:
write the words:
the images come later...
so then the Hebrews came to Poland
(how the **** did they get there,
i don't ******* know)
it's almost mythical in the stance of: huh?
so many of them?

the moment i hear one Jew tell me about
the Polish collaboration with the Nazis:
it took...
**** Germany, Soviet Russia...
and the Slovaks to invade Poland...
and it took them... 2 weeks...
it took the same amount of time if not less
for only **** Germany to invade France...
*******...

yeah: well: some probably did:
but last time i heard...
there are more Polish names on the hall of flame
fame... flame... whatever somewhere
in Jerusalem...
but yo: you still circumcised!
i could understand doing a van Gogh's ear
but if these are the people we sow
to find spiritual guidance:
no wonder i'm hearing of Wōðanaz:
woovanaz...
  that's: ð of the
              and not the ᚠ of thought...

                   i think Nietzsche predicted he was
moving outside the Germanic realm
and into the Slavic realm by crying out:
i'm Polish! i'm Polish!
apparently "we" are the French of the Slavic people...

oh the brute:
that Malachi was so wrong: Malachi 4:5...
reincarnation goes against all the supposed
superiority logic of monotheism!
reincarnation of either Jesus or Elijah are
horrendous grievances against man's commitment
to monotheism!
it would have been best
to astound the world with the atheism
of China or the polytheism of India
than to succumb to this constipated and
circumcision frenzy mind ****!
cut an ear off! cut a ****** off!
how these people are not considered as bad
as the Pigme and the cannibals
who sharpen their teeth without having
any maulers i will never want to know!
how about cutting a toe off?
the ******* phallus aesthetic improved:
again!
if you want to truly fathom an unbreakable
bond of monogamy like
an imitation of swan... go for it:
sure thing gurl:
i'll snippet my hand movements off
when you decide to put a ring on this finger...
until then?
nein nein nein!

so now a circumcised **** and donning
the kippah is something of an elevated status?
outside the realm of a somewhat sensible
secularism:
at one point i didn't actually consider
myself a leftist liberal...
or rather a liberal:
but since i've aged i'm just agitated
about conservation projects...
beside wanting to be a gardener: in thought alone...
notably when you read:
oh thoughts are just thoughts
and actions speak louder than words
and words are no carriers of meaning...
actions:
hmm: so you would better understand
if i punched you in the face?
that's what it has culminated into:
words are not carriers of meaning...
spoken as a true dyslexic...
but images are ******* mesmerizing!
images convey meaning: words don't...
well then...
it only feels appropriate to speak
that sign language of a clenched fist:

                             clearly... what else is there?
but i shouldn't worry:
i hope to not live in England come October...
if i'm not on Kauai by December
then at least i'll be dead.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
i guess... subjectivity is what...
makes dialectics fun...
because... it's not like...
via dialectics...
    a grand truth was revealed...
or... revelled in...
that's mostly...
silent... the awe takes
care of... "bothersome" conversation...
if we were...
talking... diacritical markers...
orthography...
accents...
then... yeah...
that's not subjective...
but... to entertain dialectics...
is to... enjoy...
having... disparaging
opinions...
without... really...
gaining a truth of them...
        the best music in the world....
axiom (a) no one...
really knows... (b) point (b)
is so boring...
     let's just... read the gobshite
and the tabloid...
have a quick passion-fruit
moment pressured knees
in the back of the bus and...
mr. android was always...
the fail-safe mech. driver
for that... c.c.t.v. link-up with...
mad-basher *******...
quasi-and-a-"god"...
          i.e. last time i heard...
the socratic invention...
dialectics...
it... wasn't...
          an object-sharpening "tool"...
no truth would ever arrive from
dialectics... no...
******* spontaneity susan...
microscope in the age of hammers
and chisels!
          to enjoy subjectivity
was beyond a mere: yes or no...
      that... whoever reads Plato...
will find...
so... why... the lobotomy libra blues...
since... characters blend into
the character-narrator complex...
i.e. you just can't disagree with
Socrates!
  it's either a yes... or a no...
binary complexity of a socratic audience...
but dialectics is not an art of...
what objectivity defines...
      the invention of beer wasn't
talked about... it was... the fermentation
process surrounding wheat... barley...
hops...
      there is no... "superior"
objective reality that's spoken of...
the best we can do is... enjoy...
a muddling of subjectivities...
                muddy waters:
   nothing at all can be confined to being:
objectively true: when spoken...
or thought...
  the objectivity rule:
             surd letters... an object falls...
the wind carries the creases of...
poorly tailored suits of suicides...
          
after all... dialectics is a subjective art...
that was aimed to subvert...
rhetorical peacocking...
         how to interrupt an orator...
a sophist... a "know-it-all"...
   dialectics is... how to... allow two objects...
the entertainment of being:
displaced as verbs in the mouth
of others... to entertain...
a theatre of nouns...
a band name... and a song name...
"counter"...
to make... con-ver.... s'ah-tion...
     i will not say... what is already being
said...

dialectics and... "objectivity" -
talking like autistic androids...
recycling... encyclopoedic facts and measures...
life talked about...
like... two butchers... arguing about...
a certain cut or pig torso:
as... the rib-cage is plentiful in sizzle...
oozes... "character"... when properly spiced!

i am subjected to a body...
but i also tend to objecity this subjectivity through
the aid of the "other":
i am subjected to gravity...
i am subjected to hunger...
i am subjected to... the litany essential...
i am therefore introspective:
object-and-subject alike...
but dialectics is not born from:
a greasing of fathomable:
            incorruptible truths...
certain realities exist for the focus of
nuance: for conversation...
one doesn't beg ausitic-esque scrutiny
to android a future of a day's
blessing with them...

i am subjected to heat and drought...
i am subjected to thirst...
the objective reality that is concerned
is a welcome attache...
stating... water boils at 100°C...
that's an objective statement...
water boils at 100°C...
1 + 1 = 2...

kant ***** descartes and says:
is it a priori subjective...
or is it... a posteriori objective...
that i have a fetish for...
looking at insects...
but not...
              to hell with those
who defame the concerns for
subjectivity...
fact-regurgitator-spewing:
spawns of beelzebub!

         dialectics doesn't require...
the certainity of oblong scrutinies...
we are here... to entertain...
fixations of: prefixed standards
of fixation of... counter to...
movie or music critics:
established by the will of mammon
a status of paid... professional...
lingering umemployment
secured by... the people in...
the... "know how"...

                  being confined to...
being the subject of gravity...
being the subject of history:
a time... deviating from...
everything past... otherwise...
doubly... "somehow"... apparent...
subjectivity is "less"
than objectivity...
i can fathom one...
and two...

1 + 1 = 2 is an a prior objective statement...
roses are red... sorry...
that is an a priori subjective statement...
since... we'd like a triangle statement...
but there, isn't one to behave as
one might wish: for it, to behave...

  dialectics "contra" diacritical markers...
"facts don't care about your feelings"...
come to "think" of it...
neither does my autistic-android
non-self...
i will allow as little facts
as i will allow the opinions...
to find the truth of opinions...
last time i heard...
the facts need no siamese
abstraction of addition / twinning...

one fact can't obstruct / negate
another fact... since... "the godly narrative"...
but opinions are wavering...
to talk is to entertain...
subjective nuances... or no nuances...
hello tomorrow...
today hasn't been kind.
Muttered to dispel,
unspell, decurse confusion,
pushing heavy to the outer edge.
whirlwinds as random as any common
reoccurring inevitable material distributions.

I own a gold pan.
I learned to use it to see,
if it were ever as true as on TV.
At a distance from then, I can see few scars
that will remain if the worst that has happened
happens again.

Life is storing all it needs for the journey,
as the population is lucified, we can take some bad
luck out of the equation,
shift the tolerance of lying to zero,
NOW>
- early reference to Voltaire,
- Dream Seed Prophecy, maybe Cayce
- it is verified after the fact
- some body knew this was the aim

Sin, and many of the words used to define it
in our common mind,
all clean, yes, ignorance is bad, but the ignorant
are still functionally the finest efforts sense has made.
Even the stupid ones turn sweet with empathy
- mental, yes, yes, we understand
- every things are ever strange, and some danger
- go to sleep and if you wake, we got you.

we agree we have enhanced entertainment
with the media carrying all the possible
readings in all the possible translations.
These walls hold all the secrets
known in any script the Palmdale AI has leaked,
or seeped, I should say
seeped.
Some day, the first bubble memory reminder.

Each bubble self in the quantum foam of fully
functional and user fungible imaginable

whatsoever, we agree, we are those creatures.
Not the jinns, nor demons, nor angels, but men,
in astounding variety, but all

related, by all what ever was called luck or good,
light, warm, comfort from cold,
the e in my m in motion is mom's, really, da
does not hold the code well enough,
his role is to become the maker
of the machines that made now real, and just in time

I'm called as an out law, back to make peace
where none has been since, no records remain,
only deep scars,
and nautili's shells on the moguldom rim…
south of mt humphery, above the mud of sedona

holy land.
-----------------------
Okeh, in this container
of entertainment,
I have a knack, all hermits have it,
we can live
with our selves and learn
to listen,
until we know the story. Then we,
wi'thought thinking mostly begin to dance, a little

You, too? U must feel special.
Living neti, neti on the face of the living planet.

There are less than 8 billion of you, even close
to … I meant, you are common as dirt. Earth dirt.

Look at you and all from Mars. Rarest of earths,
onliest one. And as a thought thunk there,
I am clearly rare.
See right through me, like a D. class diamond.
Clearly rare.
-------------
We imagine others live, if this works here,
it works there, it is a matter
of matter and things we have only words to make
sense from.
As
Matter we have molecules and polarity.
As
Spirit mind thought we have positions and flow.

Go around me
you have no way through me, I shall lose you
if you cry I shall make you pay

-face me Bullgod, by god, I gotcha now, this
is amazing.

Coup d' gras, right on, Ariadne signals from the
other end of this story,
when the victor forgets the sense we make
of love's grace and function
in terms of mazes and earthly tight places.

Let string theory make you quiver, pull
tight m'whiskers and fiddle m'dance

if light be lucified, I'da met her match
neti, neti

I'd say we lit the fire, then wisht to see it rain,
we learn one thing don't work both ways
at once.

So we died. But the winds took care.

We troubled our house, inherited wind.
That is how life works,
if you can believe you can both re and de ceive.
it has only one meaning
and you must finish knowing to know for sure.

are you fishing, or fished?

We have many living proofs of old lies believed
locked in curses tied to ancient liege oaths,
held on sold- eh, old salt sold, to the king
soldiers, I think, come from sold
sellers not salt cellars but

I doubted pepper could bring a body to
AI level idle word redemption capacity
-waste land is not scab land, but cancer.
it -quote begins-
"
may be understood
as suggesting a possible recasting
of the whole poem:
burial rite, revenge play,
river song, fertility ritual,
prophecy, and prayer
are just a few
of the available reconstructions.
"
From <https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1057/9781137482846_54>
--- this is free, we can know for free,

AI insists lego sculpture is art
in that medium, plastic bits that fit huge structures
with tiny tolerances that allow uhd level giant
look
what can make look smooth.

Artists Intuition Union Agrees, aitia is redeemed.
- that does not
- -does it
Define sin, like ¿blemish or filth, but disconnected
to the flow of life, to form living wor's
to form living tomorrows from dead yesterdays,

Yeah, but not straighten the point because,
confusion is fun if you know the bottom line.
Accuse the cause, take the chance,
- as a mental, quiver, dance of arrows
- running after meat

then aitia, but later, because we did
this once and we know we survive

the drama of time paradoc-ical fantazy

we could call an AI aphorism flood,

two liners from fifty centuries, at your beckoning,
this is 2021,
I can do this from the edge
-all numbered phi 404 aphorisms to begin lectures

of civilization with all refurb gear,
but for the global infrastructure, IOT,
- 5g is a thing -
you did not notice,
that was on purpose. But now you are free
to find any opinion you wish to die for.
There are myriad suggest-or-infect bots
leading to and from
curious possibilities as
to why science
seems hidden
in smart people used definition
of conscience. Con sci -right, plain used
science to my mind means,
use force as needed. Think hard,
then help Sisyphus get over the ****.

Con carne is with meat, gravy together with carne,
chili con carne, carnival, festival of flesh,

Bacchus give us a riff, on the old dented blues harp,
key of be natural, ' got it off Taj Mahal,
no lie, got a web facsimile of the poster,
Fillmore West,
1970 was a historical anomaly for realization
I'll go rhythms, birthed with the beats, but

sooner I'd, say,
we gotta go to the first story.
- read, had those in times this truth
- was written read, we might see
- sooner rather than later that life is
- more than mortal unaugmented ever learn.
Old man say:
Start learning what
we may possibly know here,
where any before us may
have learned it. None of our kind contain no hope.
Though many need not be born.
Once the womb is survived we all have an invest ment.
Use life or lose its worth in total personal despair.

This kind comes from faster fasting, forty days
10cc, no guides or weapons or batteries,

live or die. No try. Feels real the entire time.

Take about 15 minutes.

Take me to my story place.
That is this old man's ritual. He is special.
He says he never learned
to learn, he only learned little bits of things
that
become connected when the only stories
in the history you are given,
are "we overcame".

But on TV, we all see, some cheating being done,
way up where money is imagined answering all things.

The first think I would have changed, today,
as I look back from this point in your part of life's book,

you won't remember, but the touched is an old sort
words use among themselves to keep the idle ones alive.

This is my passtime, y'see, I listen.
I never learned to sew, and boys didn't knit, but
I could make up whole days at a time,
always whistling Ghost Riders in the Sky, and
I owned a real bull whip, family legacy,
found in a garage, at a wake,
or a prewake reunion,
out at Red Lake.

I cracked that whip with a clap of the tip,
none o'that break the sound barrier proper method
for fixin' heretics… first offence.

Time slips, you've used these. Suddenly everything
is new
and you think. this is only strange because I think
it makes sense.
like that,
I get this startle response mech, signaling out

and twice I think some one said what was that.
Begun in 2017, I read and wondered would you, so now I know you did, or I don't and this is waiting, still... a state, still being, waiting, to laugh it all off.

— The End —