The city's best hypnotherapist
Can't seem to trick me into thinking you don't exist
With the shades drawn in his office
I remember tiny flashing thoughts
Of your breath rattling in your chest
Why won't you stop smoking cigarettes?
Of handwritten letters, begging
Your hands around my waist
Or as I wait,
the aspirin sliding down my throat
Thinking it would cure me of my broken heart
Of the words "I don't love you anymore"
Or
"I've been ******* her for months"
He can't make the thoughts fade
Of me on my back in the park
Blowing out smoke
Waiting for death while you fall in deep
Deeply, deeply, deeply
Out of love with me
I'm getting sleepy, very sleepy
As I fall into the grasp
There is no erasing
For what slipped through all the spaces.

Ambience...
Lofi brainwashing beats to study and relax to.
A ritual nook, tucked in the back
Of the museum;
A perfectly designed trap
For young 20-somethings with anxiety.
One, two, three
Colorful figures spin across the screen.
Or was it four?
There definitely weren't five.

Something about it was appealing.
Perhaps it felt like a resting place,
To be quiet and breathe.
Or perhaps we simply liked our idea
Of little aliens being under their hats.
In that moment though, I felt a door open in me.
Where the door was, I couldn't exactly tell.
My brain? My heart?
Maybe my pancreas, which is my favorite body part.

At first it opened just a crack,
But a chill draft slowly swung the door.
A light filled that space,
Falling on corners that had never been lit.

What I'm trying to say is that
While sitting there,
Watching the three (four?) men whirl back and forth,
I realized that
I wanted to love you for as long as the universe would allow.
Lo and behold, as if you knew what I was thinking,
You looked straight into me with your radiant eyes
And took my sweaty hand in your own.

"The Drawn Ones
Not the chosen ones."
~Oda

"Let's go... thru Melodic Existence
Into Hypnotizing Non-Existence..."
~Oda


You can say it
However you want so
But things, come
and go.
Passing by
All Beginningless Time,
The River of
Never-Ending Lifetimes...

Sinous Word flow
Of Ever Rhyming
Saying So's;

So you can say...

Since Beginningless Time
Yet it could Never Be...

And so goes on to Culminate
Paradoxically United...
Becoming Defined
In You Looking back at it
Once Again....

....But otherwise,
A Prison of The Mind
Lost in the
Illusory Tide...


...And with each Passing Facade
Forms Begin to take Shape...
And So The Soul
Begins to Focal-Point,
Preluding a Flowing
Of Coming and Goings...

....Thru Melodic Existence



....Into Hypnotizing Non-Existence

....So it will go;
The Push and Pull
The Ebb and Flow
The Ying and Yang

Frantic mornings can make me grumpy,
Got to get you both to nursery.
Get to the car we're gonna be late:
This is the time of day I really hate!
I'm seriously considering hypnotherapy,
To make these mornings a lot less hazy.
But - a saving grace - you are but three,
Which means you're often very funny!
And this morning is no exception,
As you always say something to break the tension!
And, as you are so young,
You often get the expressions wrong!
Like this morning in struggling to belt you in,
You looked to me with that lovely grin,
And declared so happily:
"Easy pie, daddy!"

The story is that Rachmaninov was depressed for three years from 1898 to 1901. Eventually he sought the help of Dr. Nikoli Dahl who saw Rachmaninov daily using hypnotherapy and psychotherapy. Rachmaninov responded favorably to these treatments. In 1902 he composed his Piano Concerto No, 2. There are, of course, many great and beautiful musical compositions.

But Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 2, along with Beethoven's 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th, and 9th symphonies, together with Bach's Brandenburg Concertos and his Toccata and Fugue in G Minor stand at the pinnacle of the world's pyramid of great music.

I have written poems since my early 20s. A poem is not a symphony, but it
is a work of art. Do I ever feel the way Rachmaninov felt when he heard
the deafening applause after No. 2 was performed for the first time?

Close.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

"I can't do it", said Tinkerbell when she met me in a dream.
"Why not", "I yelled, I'll get you 100 quarts of cream."
"Cause she's still putting up, I see her soul still has a gleam."
I flared up as Bell smiled, and disappeared in the greenish moonbeam.


Tossing and turning very single night,
Even Austen or Moonlight Sontana won't help me sleep.
My sunken eyes would stoically await the daylight,
Wishing on the morning star to caste away that black sheep.


I called upon a crossroads demon, begged for a fresh start, a clean slate.
Real kicker came when he refused to trade her, even for a key to frekin' Hell's gate.

Booked a session and asked my therapist to once and for all erase all her memories.
"Even hypnotherapy won't help", she said, "you seem to be looking for all the wrong remedies."


Neither does the Doc, nor does the demon, star or Bell,
Fathom what I'm going through is not a rough patch, but shady dark black Hell.


I've see the monster hiding behind that mask, I've seen the real her.
I know all the things she's pulled off, she's a ball of thorns camouflaged in pink fur.


Sanity hit her hard, now she's drowning in sadness and self guilt.
She broke down into a thousand pieces, now there's nothing left for her to build.


Her weight pulls me down daily, so exhausted! I wanna die.
But there are people I need to look after, promises I need to stand by.
It's down to her or me now, either one of us lives hereby,
The other one, for the greater good has to bid this world a bitter goodbye.


"I'll go" she volunteered "as I'm the one who went dark."
"Good luck for all the future journeys that you will alone embark."


I pulled out a silver knife and stabbed her right in her heart.
A tear rolled down our eyes, it was the pain of being apart.
"As I fade away she said, you'll get what you deserve your so called 'fresh start'



I'll sleep calmly I thought, dream about the northern light.
I found myself lonely and scared, curled up in my blanket at midnight.


She is gone. I killed her. Despite,
Something felt grave wrong, something wasn't right.
Every thing was bland and colorless, nothing seemed to excite
my stupid heart, who had perceived that it had put up the wrong fight.
It then struck him, the coin always has two sides the black, and the white.


I killed a girl who was lost,
But never estimated what it would cost?
I killed a girl who did wrong,
But didn't realise that her soul still had a song.
I killed a girl who wanted to whine,
But forgot that her kindness had brought many hearts sunshine.
I killed a girl who's heart had turned all stiff and stark,
But forgot that her deep brown eyes still had that fiery spark.
I killed a girl who, form all relationships just wanted to elope,
But forgot to question myself, -was that her only hope?
I killed a girl who's soul had a scar,
But forgot how perfect we all actually are!


Now all aghast when I sit and ponder,
I comprehend what I did was a very big blunder.
I judged a girl, categorised her as an outcast,
Why? Only cause she had a scary past?

Heartbroken in greif and regret when I look into the mirror,
My eyes fill up and body shivers in terror.

Cause the person I see, is no longer me,
And my heart cries out loud, in agony,
Cause I carved out and killed a piece of my own Soul,
Now, I'll never ever be the same, I'll never be whole.

Next thought that pops into my brain, is to fix this and summon the elves,
But I forgot that magic only works when one believes in oneself.

Close your eyes
Sit somewhere safe
Relax and unwind
taking in slow deep breathes
you can see inside your eyelids
and hear what's going on
and as you go a little deeper
imagine you're in the sun
feel the warmth all over
now you're having fun
as you relax and unwind
as the day is done
you will surely find
peace, perfect, peace
and a very healthy mind
In the name of hypnotherapy
I love being hypnotised!