I.

Hélas ! que j'en ai vu mourir de jeunes filles !
C'est le destin. Il faut une proie au trépas.
Il faut que l'herbe tombe au tranchant des faucilles ;
Il faut que dans le bal les folâtres quadrilles
Foulent des roses sous leurs pas.

Il faut que l'eau s'épuise à courir les vallées ;
Il faut que l'éclair brille, et brille peu d'instants,
Il faut qu'avril jaloux brûle de ses gelées
Le beau pommier, trop fier de ses fleurs étoilées,
Neige odorante du printemps.

Oui, c'est la vie. Après le jour, la nuit livide.
Après tout, le réveil, infernal ou divin.
Autour du grand banquet siège une foule avide ;
Mais bien des conviés laissent leur place vide.
Et se lèvent avant la fin.

II.

Que j'en ai vu mourir ! - L'une était rose et blanche ;
L'autre semblait ouïr de célestes accords ;
L'autre, faible, appuyait d'un bras son front qui penche,
Et, comme en s'envolant l'oiseau courbe la branche,
Son âme avait brisé son corps.

Une, pâle, égarée, en proie au noir délire,
Disait tout bas un nom dont nul ne se souvient ;
Une s'évanouit, comme un chant sur la lyre ;
Une autre en expirant avait le doux sourire
D'un jeune ange qui s'en revient.

Toutes fragiles fleurs, sitôt mortes que nées !
Alcyions engloutis avec leurs nids flottants !
Colombes, que le ciel au monde avait données !
Qui, de grâce, et d'enfance, et d'amour couronnées,
Comptaient leurs ans par les printemps !

Quoi, mortes ! quoi, déjà, sous la pierre couchées !
Quoi ! tant d'êtres charmants sans regard et sans voix !
Tant de flambeaux éteints ! tant de fleurs arrachées !...
Oh ! laissez-moi fouler les feuilles desséchées,
Et m'égarer au fond des bois !

Deux fantômes ! c'est là, quand je rêve dans l'ombre,
Qu'ils viennent tour à tour m'entendre et me parler.
Un jour douteux me montre et me cache leur nombre.
A travers les rameaux et le feuillage sombre
Je vois leurs yeux étinceler.

Mon âme est une sœur pour ces ombres si belles.
La vie et le tombeau pour nous n'ont plus de loi.
Tantôt j'aide leurs pas, tantôt je prends leurs ailes.
Vision ineffable où je suis mort comme elles,
Elles, vivantes comme moi !

Elles prêtent leur forme à toutes mes pensées.
Je les vois ! je les vois ! Elles me disent : Viens !
Puis autour d'un tombeau dansent entrelacées ;
Puis s'en vont lentement, par degrés éclipsées.
Alors je songe et me souviens...

III.

Une surtout. - Un ange, une jeune espagnole !
Blanches mains, sein gonflé de soupirs innocents,
Un œil noir, où luisaient des regards de créole,
Et ce charme inconnu, cette fraîche auréole
Qui couronne un front de quinze ans !

Non, ce n'est point d'amour qu'elle est morte : pour elle,
L'amour n'avait encor ni plaisirs ni combats ;
Rien ne faisait encor battre son cœur rebelle ;
Quand tous en la voyant s'écriaient : Qu'elle est belle !
Nul ne le lui disait tout bas.

Elle aimait trop le bal, c'est ce qui l'a tuée.
Le bal éblouissant ! le bal délicieux !
Sa cendre encor frémit, doucement remuée,
Quand, dans la nuit sereine, une blanche nuée
Danse autour du croissant des cieux.

Elle aimait trop le bal. - Quand venait une fête,
Elle y pensait trois jours, trois nuits elle en rêvait,
Et femmes, musiciens, danseurs que rien n'arrête,
Venaient, dans son sommeil, troublant sa jeune tête,
Rire et bruire à son chevet.

Puis c'étaient des bijoux, des colliers, des merveilles !
Des ceintures de moire aux ondoyants reflets ;
Des tissus plus légers que des ailes d'abeilles ;
Des festons, des rubans, à remplir des corbeilles ;
Des fleurs, à payer un palais !

La fête commencée, avec ses sœurs rieuses
Elle accourait, froissant l'éventail sous ses doigts,
Puis s'asseyait parmi les écharpes soyeuses,
Et son cœur éclatait en fanfares joyeuses,
Avec l'orchestre aux mille voix.

C'était plaisir de voir danser la jeune fille !
Sa basquine agitait ses paillettes d'azur ;
Ses grands yeux noirs brillaient sous la noire mantille.
Telle une double étoile au front des nuits scintille
Sous les plis d'un nuage obscur.

Tout en elle était danse, et rire, et folle joie.
Enfant ! - Nous l'admirions dans nos tristes loisirs ;
Car ce n'est point au bal que le cœur se déploie,
La centre y vole autour des tuniques de soie,
L'ennui sombre autour des plaisirs.

Mais elle, par la valse ou la ronde emportée,
Volait, et revenait, et ne respirait pas,
Et s'enivrait des sons de la flûte vantée,
Des fleurs, des lustres d'or, de la fête enchantée,
Du bruit des vois, du bruit des pas.

Quel bonheur de bondir, éperdue, en la foule,
De sentir par le bal ses sens multipliés,
Et de ne pas savoir si dans la nue on roule,
Si l'on chasse en fuyant la terre, ou si l'on foule
Un flot tournoyant sous ses pieds !

Mais hélas ! il fallait, quand l'aube était venue,
Partir, attendre au seuil le manteau de satin.
C'est alors que souvent la danseuse ingénue
Sentit en frissonnant sur son épaule nue
Glisser le souffle du matin.

Quels tristes lendemains laisse le bal folâtre !
Adieu parure, et danse, et rires enfantins !
Aux chansons succédait la toux opiniâtre,
Au plaisir rose et frais la fièvre au teint bleuâtre,
Aux yeux brillants les yeux éteints.

IV.

Elle est morte. - A quinze ans, belle, heureuse, adorée !
Morte au sortir d'un bal qui nous mit tous en deuil.
Morte, hélas ! et des bras d'une mère égarée
La mort aux froides mains la prit toute parée,
Pour l'endormir dans le cercueil.

Pour danser d'autres bals elle était encor prête,
Tant la mort fut pressée à prendre un corps si beau !
Et ces roses d'un jour qui couronnaient sa tête,
Qui s'épanouissaient la veille en une fête,
Se fanèrent dans un tombeau.

V.

Sa pauvre mère ! - hélas ! de son sort ignorante,
Avoir mis tant d'amour sur ce frêle roseau,
Et si longtemps veillé son enfance souffrante,
Et passé tant de nuits à l'endormir pleurante
Toute petite en son berceau !

A quoi bon ? - Maintenant la jeune trépassée,
Sous le plomb du cercueil, livide, en proie au ver,
Dort ; et si, dans la tombe où nous l'avons laissée,
Quelque fête des morts la réveille glacée,
Par une belle nuit d'hiver,

Un spectre au rire affreux à sa morne toilette
Préside au lieu de mère, et lui dit : Il est temps !
Et, glaçant d'un baiser sa lèvre violette,
Passe les doigts noueux de sa main de squelette
Sous ses cheveux longs et flottants.

Puis, tremblante, il la mène à la danse fatale,
Au chœur aérien dans l'ombre voltigeant ;
Et sur l'horizon gris la lune est large et pâle,
Et l'arc-en-ciel des nuits teint d'un reflet d'opale
Le nuage aux franges d'argent.

VI.

Vous toutes qu'à ses jeux le bal riant convie,
Pensez à l'espagnole éteinte sans retour,
Jeunes filles ! Joyeuse, et d'une main ravie,
Elle allait moissonnant les roses de la vie,
Beauté, plaisir, jeunesse, amour !

La pauvre enfant, de fête en fête promenée,
De ce bouquet charmant arrangeait les couleurs ;
Mais qu'elle a passé vite, hélas ! l'infortunée !
Ainsi qu'Ophélia par le fleuve entraînée,
Elle est morte en cueillant des fleurs !

Avril 1828.

precursor - title correlation
body -

mind of:

C                oh

    oh                      Ri

n'ah.   (half an hour fiddling with a 502 bad
gateway; traffic these days! jeez!)

I.

it don't know what's more frustrating for the reasons that it's so good... i can't choose... it's a close call... either listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers' B-sides from By The Way... ugh! why didn't they release that as a double album! Stadium Arcadium was not that good as a double-album... all the prior albums are MAGIC... literally... for ****'s sake: GOLDMINE is literally just that... there's that... i can't concentrate on making my own translation of Ovid... i'm yet to scribble down the translation i have... i can't even drink my whiskey properly... the other frustrating focus? watching Armand Duplantis break his own world record of 6.21metres... the ****** has still at least 10cm in him! a record that will have to stand-still for the next 20+ years... i'll be dead before this record is broken... Сергій Бубка best be sleeping... i'm listening to the music, reliving the end of the World Athletics and trying to heel-myself-in-the-buttocks: better get a move on boy... hmm! "trying"... i'm actually heeling myself in the buttocks: no time to wait... one can wait for a bus... one cannot for one's own incentive... ol' Lizzy is coming up the mountain... she's coming with the proper closure of the 20th century... however many popes she outlived... however many prime ministers and american presidents... come on Lizzie... just one more year... i'm actually dying to spend money with whittle Charlie printed on the notes... my fingers are itching... but **** me... music so good By The Way should have been a double-album... no! Stadium Arcadium was not the salvagable double-album worth session... i'm getting "schizophrenic" vibes... i know that poetry is not an entertaining medium: it's a complacent self-congratulatory, thereupeutic load of *******... it's obnixious when staged: the exasperated art of speaking with speed... today i realised that i much prefer drinking to having ***... i like the preservation of my brain with a hard-on of itchy fingers than any actual ******* hard-ons... the knife opening oysters or plucking out the eyes of deer... best the eyes be gauged out... than having deer stare into car lights... hybrid confusions of static, motivated to move... frozen in a make-shift imitation of root and clay and copper: bam! one more statue down...

II.

it's no wonder why i'm not looking for a girlfriend, it's no longer bewildering why i'm not looking for a wife, at best i'm looking out for that ancient custom of Roman emperors: to become a foster father, a surrogate - i'm yet to find a match-up... i almost did, but she undermined my chances by undermining her own seriousness in such affairs... but clarity does come... as much as i might be a surrogate father to her son or daughter: i wouldn't be faithful to her... i would steal the night and run away into a brothel... but there's something else... the whole dynamic of publishing has changed... the whole idea of a library has also changed... i own more valuable books in my private collection than the public library of Romford... which is me peering at the dire straits of what the public is fed... i know why i don't aspire for pair-bonding... perhaps man so levelled aspired toward the imitation of birds a long time ago... perhaps swans are truly noble creatures: for one hears of widow and widower swans... perhaps parrots: born from those monstrous beasts that were the dinosaurs can imitate our talk... all that's this reality within the confines of "perhaps": nonetheless, it's all true... but perhaps being the mammal that i am... i moved from a community of chimpanzees into a solo-ride of imitation-bear... perhaps i only entertain the opposite *** on the encounter of ***... i couldn't land a conversation with a woman outside the constrictive-framework of work, so much so: i would abhor the mindset of men that go on dates with women: buy them food and then EXPECT... i leave that ******* out in my interactions... pay-up-front for what you're about to receive otherwise don't play cat while the woman plays mouse... or rather... a rat in cat's clothing: the woman therefore becoming a rat-trap... mind you: i can't think of a more terrible idea than the modern version of: eat first, **** later... at the old ****** proverb states: a hungry ****** is angry... a filled ****** is lazy... god forbid i ever become tempted by those dating sites... i'm currently looking for the original Latin text of Ovid's the Amores book 2 poem 6... why? what i have in my hand... and what i'm finding... it's like what Robert Pinsky remarked about once: TRANSLATIONS differ so much from one translator to another...

they have done it... UEFA are mad... just to get my
accreditation for the women's Euros final
at Wembley they're asking me to bring my passport
with me... so is Wembley the JFK of Florida
          space-shuttle launch? Houston? am i leaving
the country?
                but the girls have done it...
funny: some other people are still complaining:
IT'S TOO WHITE!
   there's not enough diversity in the team...
          that's me also planning to go and live
in Kenya and become a model for toilet paper...
i'm sure i could replace that known Koala bear /
golden retriever or perhaps i could go there
and model for soap adverts...
it just so happened that racial tensions (only football
could create them) rose up for a little:
just one night the day England lost to Italy
on penalty shootouts... because... 3 black guys
were playing a rigged roulette...
            then again? me? and the African heat?
fat chance...

find me the original Elegy VI: the death of Corinna's
pet parrot...
oh man... and her name was Polly...
i sat up late last night trying to find something
interest on the television...
bam! thank you ma'am...
                       kurt cobain: montage of heck...
sort of reminded me of...
                           a SCANNER DARKLY...
                           mind you: i sometimes do enjoy
a one-man show... or at least two...
there was this brilliant show in the West End...
Stones in his Pockets...
       two actors... sharing the roles of...
                  about 15 people each...
but it was back in circa 2001...
so... maybe it was Louis Dempsey
                                                        & Sean Sloan...
mind you... i'd still love to see Samuel Beckett's
             NOT I...

Jack Trades says: i'm about to a heap
of hay of hate...
                                i'm everywhere sometimes...
if it's not music, then its visual arts,
then it's philosophy, then fine literature...
then something "oriental" in thinking...
then its coupling my fetish for Deutsche as:
father to the English zunge...
then it's back east to rummage in some Katakana...

i know why i'm single, Roger Moore remained
a bachelor until his death...
  courteous: as ever as forever always...
i'd be a terrible match-up... i've given pair-bonding
a chance: i can't bemoan why X is not Y...
the sort of men that pair-bond are claustrophilic...
they love the company of a mate...
each time i was ever in a "relationship" i already
had one foot dangling: tapping an imaginary
drum set...
recently i discovered the B-side of the Red Hot Chilli
Peppers... so for me it's a version
of keeping the 20th century alive with
the "dichotomy" of the Rolling Stones vs.
the Beatles... i'm more... R.H.C.P.'s A-sides
of R.H.C.P.'s B-sides?
                                        i'm busy...
                i'm always busy... i don't want to relax...
i want a Turkish barber to suggest that
i need  hot-towel and an arm massage after
my beard is trimmed and... i'm still going to state:
getting a Turk to trim my beard is a close
contender to oral *** from a Turkish *******...

but try finding me that original Latin of Ovid's...
ah! found it! let's see if i can compete with
my own translation... the one i originally read
and the one i found finding the original Latin
were so disparaging...

**** yes! well... there was Ted Hughes writing
about the Crow... poor ******...
should have killed himself: might have competed
with his terribly-wonderful wife of a poet...
i give her that: what noose?
best head in an oven...
and you want a shovel with that?
but this is Ovid... "complaining" about
the death of his lover's parrot...
immediately i jumped to conclusions:
not enough crackers...

(A) the Original:

Psittacus, Eois imitatrix ales ab Indis,
    occidit—exequias ite frequenter, aves!
ite, piae volucres, et plangite pectora pinnis
    et rigido teneras ungue notate genas;
horrida pro maestis lanietur pluma capillis,
    pro longa resonent carmina vestra tuba!
quod scelus Ismarii quereris, Philomela, tyranni,
    expleta est annis ista querela suis;
alitis in rarae miserum devertere funus—
    magna, sed antiqua est causa doloris Itys.
Omnes, quae liquido libratis in aere cursus,
    tu tamen ante alios, turtur amice, dole!
plena fuit vobis omni concordia vita,
    et stetit ad finem longa tenaxque fides.
quod fuit Argolico iuvenis Phoceus Orestae,
    hoc tibi, dum licuit, psittace, turtur erat.
Quid tamen ista fides, quid rari forma coloris,
    quid vox mutandis ingeniosa sonis,
quid iuvat, ut datus es, nostrae placuisse puellae?—
    infelix, avium gloria, nempe iaces!
tu poteras fragiles pinnis hebetare zmaragdos
    tincta gerens rubro Punica rostra croco.
non fuit in terris vocum simulantior ales—
    reddebas blaeso tam bene verba sono!
Raptus es invidia—non tu fera bella movebas;
    garrulus et placidae pacis amator eras.
ecce, coturnices inter sua proelia vivunt;
    forsitan et fiunt inde frequenter ****.
plenus eras minimo, nec prae sermonis amore
    in multos poteras ora vacare cibos.
nux erat esca tibi, causaeque papavera somni,
    pellebatque sitim simplicis umor aquae.
vivit edax vultur ducensque per aera gyros
    miluus et pluviae graculus auctor aquae;
vivit et armiferae cornix invisa Minervae—
    illa quidem saeclis vix moritura novem;
occidit illa loquax humanae vocis imago,
    psittacus, extremo munus ab orbe datum!
optima prima fere manibus rapiuntur avaris;
    inplentur numeris deteriora suis.
tristia Phylacidae Thersites funera vidit,
    iamque cinis vivis fratribus Hector erat.
Quid referam timidae pro te pia vota puellae—
    vota procelloso per mare rapta Noto?
septima lux venit non exhibitura sequentem,
    et stabat vacuo iam tibi Parca colo.
nec tamen ignavo stupuerunt verba palato;
    clamavit moriens lingua: 'Corinna, vale!'
Colle sub Elysio nigra nemus ilice frondet,
    udaque perpetuo gramine terra viret.
siqua fides dubiis, volucrum locus ille piarum
    dicitur, obscenae quo prohibentur aves.
illic innocui late pascuntur olores
    et vivax phoenix, unica semper avis;
explicat ipsa suas ales Iunonia pinnas,
    oscula dat cupido blanda columba mari.
psittacus has inter nemorali sede receptus
    convertit volucres in sua verba pias.
Ossa tegit tumulus—tumulus pro corpore magnus—
    quo lapis exiguus par sibi carmen habet:
"colligor ex ipso dominae placuisse sepulcro;
    ora fuere mihi plus ave docta loqui".

mein gott... in English it reads so smoothly reading
it while listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers'
B-sides... quixoticelixer...
teatra jam (short)... and then thinking about it...
through to and through Going Li coupled
with trouble in the pub (instrumental version)...

i will never own a car...
              mind you: i already secretely own a house...
if i keep appeasing my mother and my father:
when reality kicks in and they're dead and i'm
project solo... it's not like i'm waiting for the day...
they are hoarders of shoes and screws...
literally... no metaphor...
  on my own: i will have to recycle so much ****
before i will put the house on the market...
and? i never pledged any allegiance to Essex...
England... i have: pledged an allegiance
to the English tongue...
                 but if not the Shetland Islands...
north... "god" send me north! even as far as
Greenland!
                i'm not willing to die in a place where
villages are flaring up in a July heat...

i can't bemoan what i honestly couldn't keep...
i sometimes get mad at my father for being
so submissive to my mother...
i sometimes get so mad at my mother for only
being able to talk about her chronic pains:
i'm alligned with my grandmother
who once said: she's just like your paternal
great-grandmother... every itch and scratch...
it's like writing with chalk on a blackboard...
hey presto! ruptures of the Grand Canyon...
that ******* bollocking of: ooh! ah!
           me? i don't understand people with tattoos...
me? i collect scars...
these two fading ones on my face are a disappointment...
i thought something more pronounced
could be kept from that bicycle-crach Francis Bacon
esque imitation of painting:
   the sort of painting where you can still revel
in brush-strokes being visible...
   because it's not rigid: Renaissance form painting...

now: i can sort of imagine what men couple up...
those who fear being alone...
those not interested in art...
those mostly interested in sport... but not all sport...
just some sports...
sports that they support "passing their lineage"
with according to the cult of football teams...
not all-sports... i.e. not an interest in fencing...
swimming... certainly guys who thought:
wow! tennis is great to watch!
   but squash is so much more fun to play!
cycling... well... if you love cycling per se:
watching other people cycle is a bit: BOO-RING...
what sort of other men get married?
probably those not interested in risque ***
with prostitutes...
ones interested in making money for a woman
to spend...
me? i'm not interested in money...
                       in terms of money:
i'm more likely to spend £30 on a book than
think about a dinner date...
                      
is that...   ??? i'm not even going to ask myself
that question that begins with a buzz-word
and the letters Mmmm... miso...
                             well... what is a boy to do...
figure out what to do with his spare time...
               i don't mind cleaning the house:
who ever said that it's the duty of a woman to keep
the house clean? i like living in a household in order...
i love cooking: it's like chemistry 2.0...
                      give me a bag of Indian spices and i'll
cook up a perfect storm of a curry...
but then again: i'm not work-shy when it comes
to using heavy-duty tools akin to the KANGO...
which... i later found out was a Japanese word for
Chinese in general... or the other way round...
i'd hate to be one of those Phil Collins types of
forgetting how many hands i have
by changing gloves like i might be an octopus...

and when it comes to children?
eh... it's enough for a boy in a buggy in a supermarket
pointing his finger at me as i walk past
making that chimpanzee face of OOH at me...
or a fist-bump with some teenagers at the London
Stadium... that's enough... i'm happy to play
the "secret uncle" role...
while women remain women: as fickle as the wind...
i've learned to live with that reality...
i scratch my beard and pretend that i'm playing
a violin...

plus, i'm a terrible drinker... i'm a loving-drunk...
i'm drunk right now...
if a litre of whiskey per night satisfies
my libido shortages i'm happy:
it implies i can write... i stop drinking and start
*******: alles goot...
                           today i was visited by a wasp...
i was visited by a bee before...
oh man... it was heart-breaking...
he was dying... i had to help him...
   i poured some honey onto the pave-,
and moved him towards the puddle...
he stuck his mighty Gene Simmons sucker out
and started to perform an OD on sugar...
i was glad... watching him die from a sugar-overdose...
it was: rather pleasant to watch...

TERROR! mix JAINISM with TAOISM
and fuse that in an European mind...
               but i'll still eat meat...
                        it's a parody of what's to be expected:
i prefer life with the possibilities of change...
with... curiosities of: extensive ulterior
possibilities that run counter to estblished norms
of expectations of a RIGID MIND...
i water: i flow...
      i fire: i dance...
i air: i whirl...
i earth: i rumble...
i lightning: i blink...
hey presto! the five elements!

in another language close to my heart:
since i was born with it...
the pronoun disappears:
ja woda: płyne
ja ogien: tańcze...
   ja powietrze: kręce się (odd)
ja ziemia: trzęse się (also "odd")
ja grzmot: mrygam

there are languages in existence where pronouns
hide... to be honest...
in ******? the pronouns are rarely used...
oh mein gott... when they're used in a sentence:
esp. the I... it's like... wow! i just found
a "nugget of gold"!
seriously... that how my mother-tongue
is structured: on English is the current
prounoun-circus available to watch...
i'm siding with the Somali pirates having
a giggle... playing blackjack with either Greeks
or some other Africans...

there are languages in English that cannot: will not,
succumb to the current Marxist onslight
happening in this tongue...
not because these languages will not:
they CANNOT...
mind you... it's such an intellectual low-bar
of achievement... but since it's piggy-pop...
it must be slaughtered on an individual level
before this DISEASE is allowed to spread...
thank heavens that English is only my second
language... how that allows me to bypass
buying into any sort of propaganda...
   my lingua Ingelese... my tongue for spreading
ideas...
    oh: and thank **** i' expressing in a medium
desecrated by the same people pushing these
sordid ideas... post-humous fame! 'ere i come!
obviously! who's in it for the "real" and immediate
if one isn't... fabricating a pickling of a shark
in plastic.... who? who?! woof!
   a-woooooo"

            my heart has shrunk and hardened to
the size and hardness of a pebble...
    i wish i could entertain cosy nights with a woman
watching some pointless movie about
the stereotypes of love... then again: no...
i'd rather not...
drinking alone: who the hell said i was alone?
i sometimes "hallucinate" someone crying:
of late... i'm like: this isn't Aud Lang Syne...
this isn't Shakespear...
then again i love the idea that my true readers
are yet to be born...
i'm happy, happy-bear-alone...
                       a Maine **** is sleeping in my
bed... i'll join him come the right hour...
but he's not looking at me... he's looking above me...
only yesterday i started to paparazzi
a wasp that flew into my bedroom...
          what the **** do i have above me?
please say letters... i will not do alright with a halo...
i'm not going to join that
archangel one minute... saint the next...
clip my ******* wings for a get-through-easy
card: no!
          
it became finalized today... i'm literally tired
of ***... i'm tired of *** when it's equivalent to not...
being tired of eating food... drinking water...
it's unnecessarily-necessary... *** as golf...
per say...
                2 months of delay in payment...
i'm thinking about rekindling my affair with that mountain
bike... i have to forget the streets...
i need the woods again... but for that i need new tires...
oh... hell... i no longer have anything
to prove in the brothel... blah blah whatever...
threesomes look great: LOOk...
like a block of cheddar looks great...
when shredded...
and then melting...
perhaps in pornographic flicks...
but in reality? the changing of condoms
from one mouth to another...
from one ****** to another...
                          
what?! peiple are having unprotected ***?
vermin ****?!
   **** me... well... at least i'm obnoxiously savvy
in that regard...
no no... it's too disappointing...
you have to split your attention up...
there's nothing good about a *******...
why? because, usually... of the two girls...
there's one you really want to be a screwdriver to...
while the other is just being a, *******...
a ******* bandwagon... leftovers...
a pair of **** you get to imitate ****** with...
it's a bit like:
coupling an elephant with a giraffe...
but i want to ride the elephant!
but i want to stroke the giraffe's neck!
but  i want to pretend the elephants's tusk...
no! not tusk! TRUNK....
that rectangular bit of ******* you shovel
your clothes in when travelling...
TRUNK... or a TRAMPOLINE!
no... not the bouncy layer...
TRUNK... sneeze! trambone! jazz! ******* Miles Daisies!
Davis!  trumpet *******!
no... don't get me started on the sax...

then again: i want a rhino's horn! ram-jam...
Black Betty Bam B'eh Lam!

- oh no... i moved along... R.H.C.P.'s: thanks for the t-shirt...
Big Bukowski style:
i hate the eagles... run through the jungle...
run Forrest! whun!
WHUN!
  and that's me... hardly a LAMNTIA of the Beatniks
tripping... me? enough whiskey
and the right song... and i'm grooving beside
an imaginary drum-kit...
in that: once upon a time...
when men grew their hair long...
they were the barbarians knocking
on the gates of Rome... rather than being
the implosion of Rome within with
all of Rome's degeneracy of transgender gimmicks...

mind you: i've given it some thought...
i broke it down toward the following schematic:

anonymous audience, commenting,
video making blah blah...
****** "schematic": if you can call it that...
mind you: the VAR in WIETNAM
had the best soundtrack...
just saying: hey! her?! hey! don't shoot
the messanger!
i'd rather work the Fulham opening night
with the new stand: Thames-side being opened
than attend Wembley for a Westwood...
Westworld... Westlife concert,
i'm all up for handling those Scousers:
northern monkeys?
southern fairies...
let's just call them for what they are...
northern TOURISTS...

but the dynamic of publishing has changed:
i already know the criterium first...
women and children first...
THIRST beccause water matters...
i'm thirsty too... one litre of whiskey and
i'm still typing like a machine...
i'll box my liver and kidneys
as long as i keep my brain and eyes happy...

but it's just a different dynamic...
the internet experience...
i know a lot of people miss it...
i can't force people to read my bollocking-riddles...
ergo? i don't stagnate into celebrating it
or therefore advertising it...
i'm either read or i'm STAUB...
   dust...
                
i can't! i'm only making something available...
i can't force people out of their democratic "wedlock"...
you like it? great! you don't? great!
but the psychology of those video creators that
mind how many views they receive and
how many comments they: likewise receive...
"false hits" with the number of hits of viewership?

me? i'm not bothered... i've been watching
the female Euro finals...
i was almost scared... what if the female England team
don't make it to the finals?!
me? i'm gearing up...
any rowdy hooligans up to speed?!
as much as i hate women not trying toi compete
in sports that are sexually-exclusive...
there's this... THIS... i watch the games because
the Colleseum is burning...
i'm only watching the fire...
    and i'm watching the women i'd love to ****...
this never would have happened if watching
tennis...

    the crisp biting attache of a sharpshooter
WONG sort of mixer-mix-up with a whiskey
and a pepssi...
me... reaching for a second glass
with one already filled like: *******... RAINMAN...

keep your horses!
i'm gearing up to a translation!
wait, the, ****, up! keep it cool in Doob-Lyn!
oh no... you don't get to tell me
i use too many vowels without me showing
you... you mishandled the vowel-to-consonant
dynamic... Doob-Lyn is Dublin: tow me...
no: not to me? tow me... now you're dragging me
along the snail-trail...

the disparaging translations:

(B) the A. S. Kline translation

Parrot, the mimic, the winged one from India’s Orient,
is dead – Go, birds, in a flock and follow him to the grave!
Go, pious feathered ones, beat your ******* with your wings
and mark your delicate cheeks with hard talons:
tear out your shaggy plumage, instead of hair, n mourning:
sound out your songs with long piping!
Philomela , mourning the crime of the Thracian tyrant,
the years of your mourning are complete:
divert your lament to the death of a rare bird –
Itys is a great but ancient reason for grief.
All who balance in flight in the flowing air,
and you, above others, his friend the turtle-dove, grieve!
All your lives you were in perfect concord,
and held firm in your faithfulness to the end.
What the youth from Phocis was to Orestes of Argos,
while she could be, Parrot, turtle-dove was to you.
What worth now your loyalty, your rare form and colour,
the clever way you altered the sound of your voice,
what joy in the pleasure given you by our mistress? –
Unhappy one, glory of birds, you’re certainly dead!
You could dim emeralds matched to your fragile feathers,
wearing a beak dyed scarlet spotted with saffron.
No bird on earth could better copy a voice –
or reply so well with words in a lisping tone!
You were snatched by Envy – you who never made war:
you were garrulous and a lover of gentle peace.
Behold, quails live fighting amongst themselves:
perhaps that’s why they frequently reach old age.
Your food was little, compared with your love of talking
you could never free your beak much for eating.
Nuts were his diet, and poppy-seed made him sleep,
and he drove away thirst with simple draughts of water.
Gluttonous vultures may live and kites, tracing spirals
in air, and jackdaws, informants of rain to come:
and the raven detested by armed Minerva lives too –
he whose strength can last out nine generations:
but that loquacious mimic of the human voice,
Parrot, the gift from the end of the earth, is dead
The best are always taken first by greedy hands:
the worse make up a full span of years.
Thersites saw Protesilaus’s sad funeral,
and Hector was ashes while his brothers lived.
Why recall the pious prayers of my frightened girl for you –
prayers that a stormy south wind blew out to sea?
The seventh dawn came with nothing there beyond,
and Fate held an empty spool of thread for you.
Yet still the words from his listless beak astonished:
dying his tongue cried: ‘Corinna, farewell!’
A grove of dark holm oaks leafs beneath an Elysian *****,
the damp earth green with everlasting grass.
If you can believe it, they say there’s a place there
for pious birds, from which ominous ones are barred.
There innocuous swans browse far and wide
and the phoenix lives there, unique immortal bird:
There Juno’s peacock displays his tail-feathers,
and the dove lovingly bills and coos.
Parrot gaining a place among those trees
translates the pious birds in his own words.
A tumulus holds his bones – a tumulus fitting his size –
whose little stone carries lines appropriate for him:
‘His grave holds one who pleased his mistress:
his speech to me was cleverer than other birds’.

(C) the  P. Green translation

parrot, that feathered mimic from India's dawlands,
is dead. come flocking, birds, to his funeral:
come, all you godfearing airborne creatures,
beat ******* with wings,
   mourn, claw your polls, tear out soft feathers
(your hair), and pipe high your sad lament.
Philomela, nightingale, the ancient crimes of Tereus
which you lament is long past -
    divert your grief to the obsequies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique.
all wind-borne voyagers through the clear empyrean
lament now, and above all his friend the turtle-dove
they lived in complete agreement,
    their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes or Argos, that Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while fate allowed.
yet of no avail your devotion, your rare and beautiful
plumage,
your adaptable mimic's voice;
    not even the care that my darling lavished on you -
poor Polly, paragon of birdhood, is dead.
so gree his feathers, they dimmed the cut emerald;
scarlet his beak, with saffron spots.
no bird on earth could copy a voice more closely
or sound so articulate.
fate, jealous, removed him - that unaggressive creature,
that talktative devotee of peace,
with his tiny appetite , whose love of conversation
left him little leisure for food,
who lived on a diet of nuts, used poppy-seed to encourage
sound sleep: kept his thirst at bay with nothing but water.
quails spend their whole life fighting -
maybe that's how they reach a ripe old age.
carnivorous vultures, kites gyring high in the heavens,
weather-wise jackdaws, prophets of rain to come,
are all long-lived - while Minerva's bête noire, the raven,
can outlast nine generations. yet Parrot is dead,
that loquacious parody of human utterance,, that bonanza
from the eastern edge of the world,
greedy death almost always pickss off the best ones early -
it's the third-raters who reach a ripe old age.
Thersites attended the funeral of Protesilaus;
Hector was ashes while his brothers still lived.
what point is recalling the desperate prayers my sweetheart
uttered?
some stormy sirocco blew them out to sea.
six days he survived, and then, at dawn on the seventh,
his thread of destiny ran out.
yet somehow, though dying, he could still find utterance,
and the last words he ever spoke were: 'Corinna, farewell!'
beneath a hill in Elyium, where dark ilex clussters
and the moist earth is for ever green,
there exists - or so i have heard - the pious fowls' heaven
(all ill-omened predators barred).
harmless swaans roam after foot there, there dwells
the phoenix, that long-lived, ever-solitary bird;
there Juno's peacock spreads out his splendid fantail
amid the billing and cooing of amorous doves;
and there, in this woodland haven, the feathered faithful
welcome Parrot, flock round to hear him talk.
his bones lie buried under a parrot-sized tumulus
with a tiny headstone bearing these words:
r.i.p. Polly: this tribute from his loving mistress:
articulate beyond a common bird

the thought of LEMONS or perhaps
the IDEA of lemon...
then again: i can't refrain from
ORANGES and LIMES...
and the shy-sunlight of autumn
and the blooming of apples...
and operas...
             "someone"...
                              what pretty pies of
unfuckable wonders await...

divert your grief to the obsequeies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique
(antiquated?).
all wind-borne voyagers through tge clear empyrean
lament nowm abd above all
his friend the turtle-dove, they lived in complete
agreement
   their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes of Argos, that, Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while Fate allowed,

i'm not even going to bother with a "bananna C"...
i woke up wild-awake with ideas...
brimming with Tao...
"non-doing" id est: point PROVEN
or rather point SERVED?!

Russia and China are clashing...
or rather sparring...
they're having their civilization-state
agenda being put in place...
while there's a "culture-war" in the "west"...
right... James Bond...
so we're refrrering to nation-stattes
as post-nationhood...
  "states"...
                    precursors to the globalist agenda
of fake space exploration via the ******* telescope...
if Russia and China are civivilasation-states...
then... whatever culture "war" is investing in:
or rather: digressing into... impliies
the FSA (federal states of america)
             is a culture-state...
                                                ­                 no?

personally? i don't like the current h'American culture...
it's absolute *******...
no! i'm not going to translate any more of Ovid...
i already read the better translation...
i found out only two minites ago that
i prefer drinking to having ***...
and keeping an eye on cats is just as rewarding
as rearing children: if you allow yourself
to give them a personality...

           so Russia is a civilisation-state...
while America is a culture-state...
                    well... no wonder...
                                            America is the zenith
that could be: but doesn't have to be
preserved...
the culture-state-of-the-sand-*******...
i wish: the Arabs clocked in lucky...
sitting on so much raw ill of oil...
bounce bounce libido bounce bounce...

hmm... "inner monologue"... i had that "thing"
once... i kost it... turning psychotic...
then again: within the confines of having
an internal monologue? i was passive...
       i was a passive agent...
                         upon losing it: having my soul
evaporate: becoming an "N.P.C."...
i became an active agent...
i opened my eyes a second time...

           i think my inner monolpogue became blocked
by:
został wyciszony... bo zaczoł być cykliczny,
tzn. nie po prostej:
       wymarł według koncepcji
sprawiedliwości...

even i know: the gods uttered the words:
shut the **** up! we know you're right!
but we're playing roulette!
shut the ******! we're playing cards!
shut up!
wait! wait your turn!
**** me, given the prowess at attaing
a concept of the differential of space comparing
time... i.e. speed... i'll be karma-happy
once i die...

i'm not translating the rest of that Ovid...
a girl's parraot died... great!
now i'm thinking about:
a bicyckle is a terrible idea... to ride...
on the roads towards St. Paul's... i think i might
require a horse!
i need a horse! bring me a hood, a hoof,
an apple and a toothbrush!
the last place i'm thinking about moving
to is California...
   and thank no god for that...
just the people who already live there.

III.

i sooner discovered the rare B-sides of Red Hot Chilli
Peppers than having realised... oh right...
they release two albums after By the Way...
i completely forgot about those two...
               guess i'm not as big a fan as i thought i was...
Go Robot... it's not oh so wo terrible now, or anymore...
oh woah woe... what a whale to ride into the night...

sometimes it just happens, a sort of blend of an Ezrra Pound
and a Charles Olson moment, poem, moment-poem...
it stretches for three days and you just don't want
to finish it... you kept repeating yourself writing seemingly
aimlessly with no focus...
at this point writing becomes theraputic...
by the simple act of writing: not theraputic regarding
what you're writing about: memories of frustration and
complications having finished Thomas Mann's Dr. Faustus...
unlike those joyous frustrations with Samuel Beckett's
Watt...
                  and on the third day "he" finished painting
four metal chairs a new colour of copperhead...
a copperneck painting chairs copperhead...
to me the colour of copper is more appealing than
that of gold...

if i still had that inner-monologue people speak of
i wouldn't be writing this,
that inner-monologue fantasy i once was a proud owner
of: i.e. the closest "thing" to the idea of soul
was also filled with so many doubts...
i simply don't care what the supposed benefits
of it were... that whole no-inner-monologue ergo
one's an NPC (non-playable character)...
    i remember that that when my first psychotic episode
slammed me on a rampage i started to see DIFFERENTLY...
it was as if a veil was lifted from my eyes...
if i didn't write terrible poetry back then...
i most certainly wrote very little...
             the inner-monologue doubts... a plethora of them...
no? psychosis = the osmosis of soul...
   the body has remained... the devils said:
but these idle hands and this idle intellect have to stay...
we'll pass on the message with your soul
as it leaves your body...
call it whatever you want:
   res vanus or the silence of the "mind"...
that's how you become more of an active agent...
it might be called writing but i call it digging...
a tunnel toward some variaton of: marrying Hades
with Tartarus...
                after all... Venus is the daughter of titans...
and she's the only Titan among the Olympian gods:
such is her perfection... almost on par with
   the patron of philosophers that's Sacred Sophia:
who entertains the foolishness of elder men
without being able to tell them apart from boys...

IV. if i were to translate Amores II. XI

would i be willing to add a D in the translation sequence?
i don't think so
there's no need... i like comparing the two i already
made available...
i just wanted to stress how unbelievable Latin is...
compared to the modern tongue, for example English...
how compact it is!
- and course, i prefer the second translation...
     it... exfoliates!
                     this is the point for me where i truly appreciate
Ovid to be on par with Horace...

side by side walking through the zenith-nadir of
man...

   i'm finally come across a sequence of events that
make me unwilling to stop typing: perhaps if i get
drunk enough and stumble on my first typo
perhaps a series of typos would end my ambition...

do i think men in the west are living
in a land of libido-insomnia? i think they are...
whoever said that watching one type of pornogrphy
soon spirals out of control and men start
scouting for more extreme *******:
hello outlier A! hello outlier B!
where's outlier C? oh... he's coming...
at a time when women are supposed to be these
sexually liberated creatures while men
are either STAGS with harems or limp biscuit *****...
thank god i managed to catch the train
of having the ***** of walking into a newsagent
and buying a pornographic magazine to ******* to...
stashed about six in a folder behind
the radiator in the bathroom at 21B Beehive Lane,
Gants Hill...
                         mind you: i started prematurely...
8?
     i switch off with western ****** antics:
people are either having too much ***: ergo the kinks
or not enough of it...
outlier in the middle: when it's too hot
i leave the insects to do their lineage pride...
cooler temperatures: *** like rubbing sand-paper
on a ****** paint-job...

                         makeshift boney **** of the hand...
well: at least ******* makes me more interested in
the **** than **** ***...
but i did the opposite... i need to keep a sack-of-sanity
atop my head...
beside adoring the Katakana...
i very much adore Japanese tamed sexuality...
     グラビア アイドル (gurabia aidoru)...
back in the day when the English tabloid newspaper
the Sun had a page 3 girl...
back to basics... a show of *******...
    a show of cleavage... perhaps even the breast
like the eye... the sclera of the rounded breast...
the darkened skin at the iris and then the pupil
as the ******...
  floral patterns of the *******...
                  back to basics...
                           a photograph of a naked woman
and all the imagination at work: what wouldn't
i want to do with her?

well... if you begin pleasing yourself while concentrating
on the kiss between Venus and Cupid
in one of Bronzino's beauties of paint-strokes...
you're hardly going to go down a rabbit-hole
of "hide and hide": wihtout seeking it out...
people and thier kinks...
while a minority: dodo-project sexuality of
homosexuality is celebrated: garnerded unto the guise
of "pride": i can't stomach shame...
but hey: look at me! i'm about to parade my sexuality
like and ******* latex-clad gimp readied
for being given ***-favour-orders...

outlandish! god-forgiving god-fearing...
  hardly every god-loving...
           a settling in of a blue that's not the sky
but a melancholy... i'm finally willing to end this
"diatribe"... to start afresh... again and again...
like mixing: Dreams of a Samurai with
Hans Zimmer's spectres in the fog...

                      my ***: going back to figuring out
the premature adventures into ***...
one boy passing on the secrets of *******
to another while sharing a bath:
the cruel curiosity of the circumcision:
in a secular environment: without the kippah
or the niqab: the submission of the women...
i will not give up the "sheath" to my "sword"...
i will keep my teeth with my twirling tongue...
if ever an improvement on the aesthetics?
clipping the ears of Dobberman dogs...
banning clipping the clipping of their tails...
but still: the preserved atrocity of male circumcision...
i could agree...
once a woman is devoted to her man...
a circumcision like putting on a wedding ring...
noble swans... oh noble swans...

a melancholy that's sort of azure...
amass enough water and you will see blue...
amass "too little": freeze it...
a paleness somewhat grey...
but then the icebergs roaming that are
the Cistercians...
            all i need right now is for some lonely
dog to start barking into the night...
or the cackling "laughter" of a fox...
    
    but all those sexless lives...
            "lucky" me for taming my consumption down...
where would i be without it?
i didn't ask for a *******...
i wa offered it... i will never forget how she clamoured
for the opportunity...
she couldn't stomach being rejected twice...
she just had to clamour like a crab in a crab bucket...
even if she thought she thought she succeeded:
she was the spare wheel...
what i've learned... i prefer one-on-one interactions...
but i gave in...
   it would have never worked out:
not like it "works out" in pornographic flicks...
the sharing of saliva and other juices...
we're responsible adults...
unlike in the pornographic flicks...
          two women: one man...
the changing of condoms...
                           i had to think quick:
there's only one way i will not be undermined...
snuggling up to the one i really wanted
to spend an hour with...
                       kissing neck and cheek...
while she did a hand-job...
   the other just sat there sort of idle...
                          until i figured out... those *******
could be of some use...

- i couldn't pull off a Jesus look...
long hair and a beard is not my "thing"...
even with a sly undercut...
i chose the better option.... short hair, a beard, yes,
but a "fu manchu": an elongated love-spot...
competing with the length of the beard...
i really "don't understand" why i have no memory
of my chin and neck...
it's like there was never the idea of using
water as a mirror... perhaps poor Xerxes lashed
at the Aegean for hiding his reflection
when he had one of those Narcisstic moments
of anguish: he forgot how he looked like...
but then the sides of the moustasche also drooping:
elongated... that work much better than
a beard and long hair...
it's so unfashionable these days...
i don't get why men think beards and long hair
"work"....

then again i never figured out why Khadira
wanted to have unprotected ***...
  how she insisted that it was just plain o.k.
for me to ******* into her...
how i snapped and dived in into her pandamonium
of multiples springs of irritated ****...
all slobbering with oyster-tongue
and knose...
                               all that informed me...

companionship? what a rare commodity...
it's enough to have a mother to know
how a woman's company can quickly sour
the already sweet grapes...
one word: tell a man he's LAZY...
while he's just tired of being pushed and shoved...
if a mother can do that to a son?
what could a wife do?
                          and i'm come across curiosities of
men who waged wars with their mothers...
at the Tyson Fury boxing match...
i was trying to calm the **** down a guy
who was having a panic attack after being
"abandoned" by his mother...
who bought the tickets... and drinks...
i squeezed him hard... told him: but i'm here for free!
nay! i'm here and getting paid for it!
blah blah...
               i hate seeing panic attacks in men...
it makes me either feel like
more than a man or less of a man...
it makes me think of the men prior
with shell-shocks... or women exploiting
the challenges of p.t.s.d.

                                    i've seen so many people fake
a mental illness... i've spoken at length
to them... how easily open up to their own struggles...
while i'm left alone with whatever ones
i have...
                   maybe because my "mental health issues"
have morphed into philosophical caviats
implies that i'm immune to outright sharing
the details... and boring people to death...
so i listen...
        i listen...
                            in one ear out the other...

i remember days in high school when we would love
to change the subject, create a game:
SLAP-BALL... imitation of Tsar Peter III prior
to tennis... an imitation court... with a fence between us...
or just playing BLACKJACK...
cards... that was big... we understood that ignoring
women was best done with / by playing cards...
at one point: i remember it to this day...
Samuel Richards grabbed Ian Goodman's neck
and pinned him to the floor...
we tried to intervene...
i don't know whether it was about the actual
game of cards or whether it was about
Sam bailing out... he was about to move to France...
and ****** off from pur in-group...
started playing basketball with the black-boys...
forgot he was supposedly the "PUNK" in the school...
i remember skateboarding with him...
he actually stole his mother's credit card and bought
a skateboard for me...
but his ******* MOHICAN was ****...
it didn't entertain the entire length of his skull
meeting his spine...
but we did walk back from Romford
toward Ilford this one night...
underage drinking... singing Backstreet Boys songs...

ha ha...
         time is a museum of melancholy...
while space is a museum of furthering whatever is left
of leftover potential...

i'm so despondent about this life having to end...
today i cycled up to the traffic lights
on my ******... ******?! £125 viking road bike... say the word
****** one more time... what was i facing?
a solitary man in an Aston Martin...
behind him? some solitary guy in a Porsche...
right... "alphas"...
i'm on my bicycle... but these two guys
in those choicest of motor-examples?
that's the thing with "competing" in life rather than
sport...
     i like my bicycle... i love my bicycle...
i am yet to wash away the blood from my head
from the crash...
i don't have a broken leg: i just have an outgrowth of bone
on my shin where my bone should have cracked:
i love milk...

competing with these men... **** me...
i was thinking about the Porsche guy...
nice game... but it's not playing cards...
i taart myself up: compete...
what do i get? i get a Porsche...
     but then ahead of me there's this guy
in an Aston Martin: mate! i'm ******!
oh blue blue Hue... the Aston Martin looked like
the bomb that is already was...
the Porsche? the Porsche looked like
a ******* Ford Mondeo by comparison...
Civic Extra... if that's even a car...
i was sort of happy to by cycling...
i figured... well: i'm not using my legs...
to walk... i'm peddling...

ever heard the expression "push-bike"?
i heard that only recently... what a werid coupling
of words... a motorcycle is distinguished from
a a bicycle by the term: "push-bike"
this half-brain-dead coworker...
what the **** am i pushing?!
it's just as weird as calling it a peddling-bicycle, no?
eh?
but what am i pushing? a bicycle is a bicycle
a turtle is a turtle... i still have to figure out
what's being pushed...
what comes first? the donkey, the carrot, or the stick?!

mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
keep nurturing the spacing between numbers
but also keep lost track of the alphebticaal
queue...
never the type to rehash a refurbishment
of SPAWN...

           i simply don't want this day-dream to end...
around me people cowering into sleep...
i'm left in limbo...
            between consetllations and the scythe
of the moon... dearest: moooooon...
i'm itching to break the silence with a howl...
but first: the thirst of a dog barking...
i hear a dog barking i'll start to howl!

aren't we simply becoming the same
tired people of old?
              more impetus...
more gravity! more fire! more tides!
more the quaking of the earth!
more whirlwinds! more! more!
one Pompeii is not enough!

                       almost one litre of whiskey
into the session and i'm sober-tense...
i'm starting to think that entertaining
hell is not a bad "gimmick"...
                  there's the imaginary hell-crowd
and there' some also doubly-imaginary
crowd of people that yet to be bound to imitation-migration
focus...
           next time you ask me:
i'd rather be eating ice: crunching on
ice than drinking water...
i want to burn my tongue...
licking ice...l i want to burn my tongue
licking ice: but first i want to be dipping
it in coridnader-cumin-chilli-turmeric mix-up
of spiders...

i want to first bruise my knees before
i lick them clean...
i want the strict juices of: not tomatoes?
red is red: ergo blood is blood...
vulture ****...
there's an open window:
there's an evaporating night too...

best refrain: 6 by 6s refrain on 9s...
since? there's plenty of 0s / oopses...
by this "flesh and blood"...
i heave this sand and timer
like: i was sadly woken up with
an inheritance of salt...
boiling blue bloods and boiling gravy...
a smile that reads: clenched teeth...
a smile so awkward that
it make^ a parrot think twice about
imitating human speech.

^a notable typo, i think i might require an editor
(insert a snigger); two alternatives:
1. it might make a parrot think twice,
2. a smile so awkward that it makes a parrot think twince...
all depending on the tense.

Sol vaste et immense de notre monde,
Contient et abreuve ceux que tu abrites;
Ces pensées sombres qui t'habitent,
Enterre-les à nouveau dans leurs tombes.

　　Lorsqu'apparaissent souvenirs et angoisses,
　　Lorsque démons d'hier refont surface,
　　Sache ne plus raidir, tel pierre, tel glace,
　　Sache enfin te démunir de fragiles carapaces.

Sol vaste et immense sous lequel gronde
De larges et longs couloirs couverts de stalagmites,
Ces désirs profonds qui jamais ne te quittent
Éclateront un jour comme des bombes.

　　Lorsque surgissent ces intimes miasmes,
　　Lorsque tentation refait surface,
　　Sache ne plus raidir, tel pierre, tel glace,
　　Sache enfin te prévaloir de fragiles carapaces.

Ayant élevé ainsi nos corps au-dessus de ces ombres,
Que jaillisse à jamais les flammes par-delà les décombres.

When my time is up,
forgive me from such a failure i am,
You earn them all
You sure the most deserving pretty,
Im ignorant and stubborn to keep repeatedly breaking you into fragiles bits
Never actually wanted to wait
Nor listen before the piston blew it
So tell me am I human or are this missing pieces
Trapped in another men's hopes and dreams 
Are we simply made of rainbows and sweets
But ome thing for sure,
They're both are temporary
This words won't deceive me
But the other one will leave us a mark
As for the entire time  
Well spent assuming.

Maman Screams

Copyright 2016

I.

Je voyais s'élever, dans le lointain des âges,
Ces monuments, espoir de cent rois glorieux ;
Puis je voyais crouler les fragiles images
De ces fragiles demi-dieux.
Alexandre, un pêcheur des rives du Pirée
Foule ta statue ignorée
Sur le pavé du Parthénon ;
Et les premiers rayons de la naissante aurore
En vain dans le désert interrogent encore
Les muets débris de Memnon.

Qu'ont-ils donc prétendu, dans leur esprit superbe,
Qu'un bronze inanimé dût les rendre immortels ?
Demain le temps peut-être aura caché sous l'herbe
Leurs imaginaires autels.
Le proscrit à son tour peut remplacer l'idole ;
Des piédestaux du Capitole
Sylla détrône Marius.
Aux outrages du sort insensé qui s'oppose !
Le sage, de l'affront dont frémit Théodose,
Sourit avec Démétrius.

D'un héros toutefois l'image auguste et chère
Hérite du respect qui payait ses vertus ;
Trajan domine encore les champs que de Tibère
Couvrent les temples abattus.
Souvent, lorsqu'en l'horreur des discordes civiles,
La terreur planait sur les villes,
Aux cris des peuples révoltés,
Un héros, respirant dans le marbre immobile,
Arrêtait tout à coup par son regard tranquille
Les factieux épouvantés.

II.

Eh quoi ! sont-ils donc ****, ces jours de notre histoire
Où Paris sur son prince osa lever son bras ?
Où l'aspect de Henri, ses vertus, sa mémoire,
N'ont pu désarmer des ingrats ?
Que dis-je ? ils ont détruit sa statut adorée.
Hélas ! cette horde égarée
Mutilait l'airain renversé ;
Et cependant, des morts souillant le saint asile,
Leur sacrilège main demandait à l'argile
L'empreinte de son front glacé !

Voulaient-ils donc jouir d'un portrait plus fidèle
Du héros dont leur haine a payé les bienfaits ?
Voulaient-ils, réprouvant leur fureur criminelle,
Le rendre à nos yeux satisfaits ?
Non ; mais c'était trop peu de briser son image ;
Ils venaient encor, dans leur rage,
Briser son cercueil outragé ;
Tel, troublant le désert d'un rugissement sombre,
Le tigre, en se jouant, cherche à dévorer l'ombre
Du cadavre qu'il a rongé.

Assis près de la Seine, en mes douleurs amères,
Je me disais : « La Seine arrose encore Ivry,
Et les flots sont passés où, du temps de nos père,
Se peignaient les traits de Henri.
Nous ne verrons jamais l'image vénérée
D'un roi qu'à la France éplorée
Enleva sitôt le trépas ;
Sans saluer Henri nous irons aux batailles,
Et l'étranger viendra chercher dans nos murailles
Un héros qu'il n'y verra pas. »

III.

Où courez-vous ? - Quel bruit naît, s'élève et s'avance ?
Qui porte ces drapeaux, signe heureux de nos rois ?
Dieu ! quelle masse au **** semble, en sa marche immense,
Broyer la terre sous son poids ?
Répondez... Ciel ! c'est lui ! je vois sa noble tête...
Le peuple, fier de sa conquête,
Répète en chœur son nom chéri.
Ô ma lyre ! tais-toi dans la publique ivresse ;
Que seraient tes concerts près des chants d'allégresse
De la France aux pieds de Henri ?

Par mille bras traîné, le lourd colosse roule.
Ah ! volons, joignons-nous à ces efforts pieux.
Qu'importe si mon bras est perdu dans la foule !
Henri me voit du haut des cieux.
Tout un peuple a voué ce bronze à ta mémoire,
Ô chevalier, rival en gloire
Des Bayard et des Duguesclin !
De l'amour des français reçois la noble preuve,
Nous devons ta statue au denier de la veuve,
À l'obole de l'orphelin.

N'en doutez pas, l'aspect de cette image auguste
Rendra nos maux moins grands, notre bonheur plus doux ;
Ô français ! louez Dieu, vous voyez un roi juste,
Un français de plus parmi vous.
Désormais, dans ses yeux, en volant à la gloire,
Nous viendrons puiser la victoire ;
Henri recevra notre foi ;
Et quand on parlera de ses vertus si chères,
Nos enfants n'iront pas demander à nos pères
Comment souriait le bon roi !

IV.

Jeunes amis, dansez autour de cette enceinte ;
Mêlez vos pas joyeux, mêlez vos heureux chants ;
Henri, car sa bonté dans ses traits est empreinte,
Bénira vos transports touchants.
Près des vains monuments que des tyrans s'élèvent,
Qu'après de longs siècles achèvent
Les travaux d'un peuple opprimé.
Qu'il est beau, cet airain où d'un roi tutélaire
La France aime à revoir le geste populaire
Et le regard accoutumé !

Que le fier conquérant de la Perse avilie,
Las de léguer ses traits à de frêles métaux,
Menace, dans l'accès de sa vaste folie,
D'imposer sa forme à l'Athos ;
Qu'un Pharaon cruel, superbe en sa démence,
Couvre d'un obélisque immense
Le grand néant de son cercueil ;
Son nom meurt, et bientôt l'ombre des Pyramides
Pour l'étranger, perdu dans ces plaines arides,
Est le seul bienfait de l'orgueil.

Un jour (mais repoussons tout présage funeste !)
Si des ans ou du sort les coups encor vainqueurs
Brisaient de notre amour le monument modeste,
Henri, tu vivrais dans nos cœurs ;
Cependant que du Nil les montagnes altières,
Cachant cent royales poussières,
Du monde inutile fardeau,
Du temps et de la mort attestent le passage,
Et ne sont déjà plus, à l'œil ému du sage,
Que la ruine d'un tombeau.

Février 1819.

Triste et soudain fracas d'un trône héréditaire,

Profond enseignement aux puissants de la terre,

Qui vous eût pu prévoir, et dire : Dans trois jours,

Cette tige de rois par les siècles blanchie

Et ce vaste pouvoir et cette monarchie

Auront fui sans espoir et croulé pour toujours ?


Et toi qui n'es plus rien et qui fus roi naguère,

Charles ! n'avais-tu pas ton droit de paix, de guerre.

Ta large part d'impôts, tes châteaux à choisir,

Tes veneurs, tes laquais, tes chiens, tes équipages,

Tes chambellans dorés, tes hérauts et tes pages

Et tes vastes forêts où chasser à loisir ?


T'empêchait-on d'aller au sein des basiliques,

Courbant ton front royal et baisant les reliques.

Garder, comme un soldat, un prêtre à tes côtés.

Et, du ministre saint implorant l'assistance,

Consumer dans le jeûne et dans la pénitence

Tout le restant des jours que le ciel t'a comptés ?


On t'entourait d'honneurs, de respects, et la France,

Qui voyait tout cela d'un air d'indifférence.

T'eût laissé jusqu'au bout, sans haine et sans effroi.

Saluer de la main du haut des galeries,

Sourire à tes valets et dans tes Tuileries

Mourir tranquillement sur ton fauteuil de roi !


Mais des hommes t'ont dit : « Sire, l'heure est venue,

Où votre volonté, trop longtemps méconnue.

Doit être apprise à tous et s'ouvrir un chemin ;

Et si quelque mutin se dresse et se récrie.

Nous avons-là Foucault et sa gendarmerie ;

C'est l'affaire d'un coup de main.


« On en eut bon marché sous l'autre ministère.

Quelques coups de mitraille à propos l'ont fait taire,

Ce peuple ; il faut qu'il sache, au moins, si c'est en vain

Que Charles Xdix est roi de France et de Navarre

Et si d'un peu de sang il lui sied d'être avare

Pour soutenir le droit divin,


« Et si des gens venaient, artisans d'imposture,

Vous parler de promesse et que c'est forfaiture

Que manquer de la sorte à la foi des serments

Jurés, devant l'autel, sur les saints Évangiles,

Et qu'après tout, la terre a des trônes fragiles,

Et l'avenir des châtiments ;


« Sophismes dangereux, maximes immorales !

Propos séditieux de feuilles libérales !

Mais seulement un mot, un signe de la main,

Et vous verrez pâlir tous ces faiseurs d'émeute,

Comme un gibier peureux qui fuit devant la meute,

Dans les forêts de Saint-Germain. »


Et toi, tu les as crus et, risquant la partie,

Sur un seul coup de dé perdu ta dynastie,

Bien puni maintenant, ô roi, pour avoir mis

Tant d'espoir dans ton Dieu, tant de foi dans sa grâce,

Et compté, pour ton trône et les gens de ta race,

Sur l'avenir sans fin qui leur était promis !


Mais comme au premier coup du marteau populaire

Ta vieille royauté, masure séculaire.

Lézardée et disjointe et qui n'en pouvait plus,

A craqué jusqu'au fond, tant l'heure était critique.

Tant sa chute était mûre et de ce dais gothique

La toile était usée et les ais vermoulus !


Et pour baisser si bas des têtes couronnées,

Qu'a-t-il fallu de temps au peuple ? Trois journées

D'ouvriers descendus en hâte des faubourgs,

Qui couraient sans savoir, au fort de la mêlée,

Ce que c'est qu'une marche, et comme elle est réglée

Sur les sons plus pressés ou plus lents des tambours.


Trois jours, et tout fut dit ; et la pâle bannière

Du faîte des palais a roulé dans l'ornière.

Et les trois fleurs de lis, honneur de ta maison,

N'ont d'asile aujourd'hui, tristes et détrônées,

Que dans quelques foyers de vieilles cheminées.

Ou les feuillets jaunis d'un traité de blason.


Eh quoi ! de tes malheurs le rude apprentissage

N'avait-il pu t'instruire et te faire assez sage,

Sans qu'il fallût encor, vieillard en cheveux gris,

Entendre le fracas de ton trône qui tombe.

Et retrouver si **** et si près de la tombe.

Ces leçons de l'exil qui ne t'ont rien appris ?


Tu l'as voulu pourtant ! Aussi bien, à ton âge.

Quand la mort à ce point est dans le voisinage,

A tout prendre, il vaut mieux, de tous ces vains joyaux

Débarrasser un front qu'a touché le Saint-Chrême,

Car pour qui va paraître au tribunal suprême.

Les plis sont bien persans des ornements royaux !


Va, mais ne songe plus, Majesté solitaire,

Qu'à ce royaume saint qui n'est plus de la terre ;

Songe au soin de ton âme, et, déchargé du faix

De cette royauté dont t'a perdu l'envie,

Songe à bien profiter, au moins pour l'autre vie,

De ces derniers loisirs que le peuple t'a faits.

Quel qu’unes
Me dis
Que ton nom c’est come un belle chanson

Mais a moi
C’est plus comme revenir aux maison.

Tes yeux fragiles
Me regarde comme un roi
Le seul personne qui peut t’aidé

Mais je sais
Il n’y a rien que je pouvais faire

On est moins seul au fond d'une église déserte :
De son père inquiet c'est la porte entr'ouverte ;
Lui qui bénit l'enfant, même après son départ,
Lui, qui ne dit jamais : « N'entrez plus, c'est trop **** ! »

Moi, j'ai tardé, seigneur, j'ai fui votre colère,
Comme l'enfant qui tremble à la voix de son père,
Se dérobe au jardin tout pâle, tout en pleurs,
Retient son souffle et met sa tête dans les fleurs ;
J'ai tardé ! Retenant le souffle de ma plainte,
J'ai levé mes deux mains entre vous et ma crainte ;
J'ai fait la morte ; et puis, en fermant bien les yeux,
Me croyant invisible aux lumières des cieux,
Triste comme à ténèbre au milieu de mon âme,
Je fuyais. Mais, Seigneur ! votre incessante flamme,
Perçait de mes détours les fragiles remparts,
Et dans mon cœur fermé rentrait de toutes parts !

C'est là que j'ai senti, de sa fuite lassée,
Se retourner vers vous mon âme délaissée ;
Et me voilà pareille à ce volage enfant,
Dépouillé par la ville, et qui n'a bien souvent
Que ses débiles mais pour voiler son visage,
Quand il dit à son père : Oh ! que n'ai-je été sage !

If I could write a new forever
I'd lie beneath the ceiling splashed with
the glow-in-the-dark stars that you sighed
before you ever knew me but
when I was poised to make you known
I'd fly forever in flames and soar set
in your fire to warm my cold hands
(so strange that you like my cold hands on your chest --
so strange that I used to
never like chest hair, but you laugh my
never used tos away into smoke)
I'd crack my glass heart
to stay beautifully fragile but you'd cut away
my fragiles from beautifuls
(so strange that you like my cold hands on your chest
so strange that you see me and like me at all

Un tout petit enfant s'en allait à l'école.
On avait dit : Allez !... il tâchait d'obéir ;
Mais son livre était lourd, il ne pouvait courir.
Il pleure et suit des yeux une abeille qui vole.

« Abeille, lui dit-il, voulez-vous me parler ?
Moi, je vais à l'école : il faut apprendre à lire ;
Mais le maître est tout noir, et je n'ose pas rire :
Voulez-vous rire, abeille, et m'apprendre à voler ? »

« Non, dit-elle ; j'arrive et je suis très pressée.
J'avais froid ; l'aquilon m'a longtemps oppressée :
Enfin, j'ai vu les fleurs, je redescends du ciel,
Et je vais commencer mon doux rayon de miel.
Voyez ! j'en ai déjà puisé dans quatre roses ;
Avant une heure encor nous en aurons d'écloses.
Vite, vite à la ruche ! on ne rit pas toujours :
C'est pour faire le miel qu'on nous rends les beaux jours. »

Elle fuit et se perd sur la route embaumée.
Le frais lilas sortait d'un vieux mur entr'ouvert ;
Il saluait l'aurore, et l'aurore charmée
Se montrait sans nuage et riait de l'hiver.

Une hirondelle passe : elle effleure la joue
Du petit nonchalant qui s'attriste et qui joue.
Et dans l'air suspendue, en redoublant sa voix,
Fait tressaillir l'écho qui dort au fond des bois.

« Oh ! bonjour ! dit l'enfant, qui se souvenait d'elle ;
Je t'ai vue à l'automne ; oh ! bonjour, hirondelle.
Viens ! tu portais bonheur à ma maison, et moi
Je voudrais du bonheur. Veux-tu m'en donner, toi ?
Jouons. » - « Je le voudrais, répond la voyageuse,
Car je respire à peine, et je me sens joyeuse.
Mais j'ai beaucoup d'amis qui doutent du printemps ;
Ils rêveraient ma mort si je tardais longtemps.
Non, je ne puis jouer. Pour finir leur souffrance,
J'emporte un brin de mousse en signe d'espérance.
Nous allons relever nos palais dégarnis :
L'herbe croît, c'est l'instant des amours et des nids.
J'ai tout vu. Maintenant, fidèle messagère,
Je vais chercher mes soeurs, là-bas, sur le chemin.
Ainsi que nous, enfant, la vie est passagère,
Il faut en profiler. Je me sauve... À demain ! »

L'enfant reste muet ; et, la tête baissée,
Rêve et compte ses pas, pour tromper son ennui,
Quand le livre importun, dont sa main est lassée,
Rompt ses fragiles noeuds, et tombe auprès de lui.

Un dogue l'observait du seuil de sa demeure.
Stentor, gardien sévère et prudent à la fois,
De peur de l'effrayer retient sa grosse voix.
Hélas ! peut-on crier contre un enfant qui pleure ?
« Bon dogue, voulez-vous que je m'approche un peu,
Dit l'écolier plaintif ? Je n'aime pas mon livre ;
Voyez ! ma main est rouge, il en est cause. Au jeu
Rien ne fatigue, on rit ; et moi je voudrais vivre
Sans aller à l'école, où l'on tremble toujours ;
Je m'en plains tous les soirs, et j'y vais tous les jours ;
J'en suis très mécontent. Je n'aime aucune affaire.
Le sort des chiens me plaît, car ils n'ont rien à faire. »

« Écolier ! voyez-vous ce laboureur aux champs ?
Eh bien ! ce laboureur, dit Stentor, c'est mon maître.
Il est très vigilant ; je le suis plus, peut-être.
Il dort la nuit, et moi j'écarte les méchants.
J'éveille aussi ce boeuf qui, d'un pied lent, mais ferme,
Va creuser les sillons quand je garde la ferme.
Pour vous même on travaille ; et, grâce à vos brebis,
Votre mère, en chantant, vous file des habits.
Par le travail tout plaît, tout s'unit, tout s'arrange. »

« Allez donc à l'école ; allez, mon petit ange !
Les chiens ne lisent pas, mais la chaîne est pour eux :
L'ignorance toujours mène à la servitude.
L'homme est fin, l'homme est sage, il nous défend l'étude,
« Enfant, vous serez homme, et vous serez heureux ;
Les chiens vous serviront. » L'enfant l'écouta dire,
Et même il le baisa.
Son livre était moins lourd.
En quittant le bon dogue, il pense, il marche, il court.
L'espoir d'être homme un jour lui ramène un sourire.
À l'école, un peu ****, il arrive gaîment,
Et dans le mois des fruits il lisait couramment.

[Pour Marie C.]
Tu te souviens de cette fois
Quand tu m’as demandé
Si j’ai jamais pleuré de la douleur ?
Car je te réponds
profondément et tendrement
que oui.
« Oui » vrai de nouveau chaque jour.
De supporter un nom
Un sexe
Un âge
Des vêtements qui me donnent
des descriptions
et m’emprisonnent en plus.
De la longueur de ma maison.
Et ça fait mal comme un pur viol.
Voir, sur les genoux parmi des bêtes,
devant soi-même tout ce qui t’admire,
ce qui te laisse respirer,
t’aime,
te donne l’identité
et vit en tes soupirs des yeux
et des larmes,
juste à la distance de la main
pour ne pas être jamais rendu à toi
en publique
et te tuant ainsi dans un pays étrange.
« Oui » de souffrance inédite.

Quand j’t’entends,
te vois en mon esprit,
Je nous demande
Combien de nuits sourdes,
trop silencieuses,
du goût du sang et du métal
as-tu passé séparé, tout en eau,
Sans air, les mélodies
comme la seule compagnie ?
Combien des choses y a-t-il
auxquels tu ne donne jamais la voix ?
Combien de masques as-tu créés
et détruits ?
Combien des portes as-tu claqué
devant les personnes
qui s’appelaient ta famille ?
Combien d’êtres as-tu blessé
pour te protéger ?
La masque de pierre n’endurcira
plus un jour
Et la pierre se cassera en porcelaine sanglante.

Je désire te voir te romper,
Toucher une corde sensible de ton piano,
Pour que tu meurtes et naisses de nouveau.
Pour que tu puisses authentiquement respirer.
Pour que tu te laisse pleurer sans cesse.
Pour que je puisse te tenir dans mes bras.
Comme si tu étais la chose plus valeureuse
et fragile du monde,
Et pour qu’on puisse se regarder
dans nos yeux pour des heures,
Sans mots ni pensées se retrouver,
Devenir fragiles tous les deux.

« T’es trop lumineux », tu dis,
« pour moi »,
Eh ben, t’es pas trop sombre
pour moi.

Tu t’emportes des écouteurs,
Ta barrière et ta rédemption.
Seule distraction et chemin au ciel.

On se rend tous les deux aux étoiles,
On peut s’y rencontrer un jour
et entrelacer les mains.
Peut-être même s’appeler
de derrière de nos miroirs étroits
Avec des nouveaux sons pour nos noms.

Je t’embrasse, observe
Et écris de là,
Marie.

Sur l'effrayante falaise,
Mur par la vague entrouvert,
Roc sombre où fleurit à l'aise
Un charmant petit pré vert,

Ami, puisque tu me laisses
Ta maison **** des vivants
Entre ces deux allégresses,
Les grands flots et les grands vents,

Salut ! merci ! les fortunes
Sont fragiles, et nos temps,
Comme l'algue sous les dunes,
Sont dans l'abîme, et flottants.

Nos âmes sont des nuées
Qu'un vent pousse, âpre ou béni,
Et qui volent, dénouées,
Du côté de l'infini.

L'énorme bourrasque humaine,
Dont l'étoile est la raison,
Prend, quitte, emporte et ramène
L'espérance à l'horizon.

Cette grande onde inquiète
Dont notre siècle est meurtri
Écume et gronde, et me jette
Parfois mon nom dans un cri.

La haine sur moi s'arrête.
Ma pensée est dans ce bruit
Comme un oiseau de tempête
Parmi les oiseaux de nuit.

Pendant qu'ici je cultive
Ton champ comme tu le veux,
Dans maint journal l'invective
Grince et me prend aux cheveux.

La diatribe m'écharpe ;
Je suis âne ou scélérat ;
Je suis Pradon pour Laharpe,
Et pour de Maistre Marat.

Qu'importe ! les coeurs sont ivres.
Les temps qui viennent feront
Ce qu'ils pourront de mes livres
Et de moi ce qu'ils voudront.

J'ai pour joie et pour merveille
De voir, dans ton pré d'Honfleur,
Trembler au poids d'une abeille
Un brin de lavande en fleur.

J'ai voulu tout aimer, et je suis malheureux,
Car j'ai de mes tourments multiplié les causes ;
D'innombrables liens frêles et douloureux
Dans l'univers entier vont de mon âme aux choses.

Tout m'attire à la fois et d'un attrait pareil :
Le vrai par ses lueurs, l'inconnu par ses voiles ;
Un trait d'or frémissant joint mon cœur au soleil,
Et de longs fils soyeux l'unissent aux étoiles.

La cadence m'enchaîne à l'air mélodieux,
La douceur du velours aux roses que je touche ;
D'un sourire j'ai fait la chaîne de mes yeux,
Et j'ai fait d'un baiser la chaîne de ma bouche.

Ma vie est suspendue à ces fragiles nœuds,
Et je suis le captif des mille êtres que j'aime :
Au moindre ébranlement qu'un souffle cause en eux
Je sens un peu de moi s'arracher de moi-même.