Every now and then when you can't eacape through your pen
When there's no letter to send, no heart to mend, you can't pretend
That perhaps you might just wanna collapse cause you feel so trapped
Like your foreheads been stamped, with "out of order" cause the light bulb won't light up in your lamp...

-J.A.M

She wants to eacape
To run away
To never come back
To set you free
But she couldn't
Because she loves you.
And she wished she didn't.

She is not what u see

In a statue full of embellishment

She is just hiding,

A solace from the sufferings outside

An eacape from the miseries inside!

Wanting to run
But with no where to hide
How to eacape this misery?
I can't stay

It's not a house
It's not a home
It's a hell
I'm in for eternity

I'm ill, Tired
Stressed
2 jobs, school and dance
With you are far too much

The rising pressure
I'm constantly under
The want to please you
It's killing me day by day

I can't stand the agony
Any longer
I'm out
Finished
Done

I will run from you
Hide in a safe place
Not that I have one,
Yet.

Run and hide
Hide and seek
I know that I will be found
You know where I feel safest

An unexpected place
I'm still to be found
I live in a public place
Known by many I do not know

Help me run
Help me hide
I just need to
Run and hide!

In my deepest depths, places darker than words worth describing
You lit a torch to find your way out, your eacape from a hell you envsioned
Before you there was no light, never a dream or glimmer of anything but dark abyss
After you disappeared the memory of your torchlight stirred new demons
Mixtures of envy and pain swirled amongst fleeting thoughts of joy and elation
Empty and hollow pains began to mix with the fleeting warmth you so hastily left
A light began to shine in your absence, darker now, more dead than ever alive
Glowing if anything as an affront to the joy it might have once been in life
Each shadow it cast a grim and sickly replaying of memories it couldn't understand
It grows in me daily, this darklight not quite dead and cold, but never warm and loving
This sick abomination of a heart that could have been is your legacy inside me
Every day it cries out in constant torment, everday I feed it lies.

It's a tad rusty
The key barely goes in
The inside is so messy
Please don't unlock it and go in
You'll regret it
Don't touch that lock
Don't turn that key
It's so hard
The rust will corrupt
Why can't you see?
This is a terrible room
There is acid on the ground
The air is filled with toxic fumes
You won't make it out alive
If you manage to escape after entering then you will never be the same
On the other hand, if you cannot eacape
You will remain another visitor in this place that met their untimely fate
Please leave and don't come back
Take the key and run far away
Don't let anyone get it
Melt it down and poor it into the keyhole
Seal it shut forever
Don't let me drag anyone else in here for I am the one that created this hellish place and I cannot destroy it


— A letter from my brain to those trying to enter my heart.

Everything has been drained from me.
The blood settles in my limps and my heart sinks 10000 leagues under the sea.
Waves of amber colored ponds drown my eyes.


I lay here, in my coffin, faint.
I lay here, in my hurse, breathless.
Barely gasping for any of air that surrounds and suffocates my body.
You've done it again.  
You've taken my peace of mind
my empathy and pieces of me.


I've decided to look back at those before you and ask them to tell me what lessons I've failed.
They stare at me, blacked eyed like children.
Gagged up and stored in the back of the basememt.
Tattered and tarnished by countless floodings.
Drown and dried  over and over...
They give me no answers.

I lay here with a heart that melts out of it's cage.
A heart that melts through the cage of my ribs.

In my dreams, I try to eacape his tortue to get back to you.
I've climbed  stories, jumped over buildings, jumped into cars and bushes to get back to you.

And then, I lay awake.
Afraid of  waking adventures ahead of me.  
Afraid to ask you why and afraid even look.

I lay here lost and confused
60 hrs of emotional labor unpaid.

Can I please
Just eacape reality for a day
As I lay on the floor
Drowning in music
And every memory of before

Let me escape reality
As I bleed out
Behind a closed door
And fade away

Let me escape reality
As I burn myself
And stare at the flame
Mesmorized by how I made it
Through the day

Let me escape reality
As I bite myself
As I have no other way
To feel the pain

I want to fade away
From reality

I want to watch the blood
Drip down my arm
My thigh
Or any other place
Shy of view

I want to watch the flame
As it turns my skin white
And burns the thoughts away

I want to watch the bruise
Form on my skin
When I bite myself
And it splits apart from within

When I harm myself in many ways
I can escape reality

When I watch the blood
It mesmerizes me
With the way it flows

When I feel the burn
It soothes me deep within
As the only thing I can think of
Is now the pain
And not the painful
Memories

When I bite myself
My thoughts numb and dissappear
As I dissociate
From reality

Music isn't loud enough anymore
I can't write enough poems
Your cuddles make me insecure
And drawing is too much effort for me to cope