You may say that I am arrogant
That you have lived too long
in a reality that I defined.
But while pompous I might be
I track closer the real than thee.
You say you never left me for him
until the marriage was done.
But in reality you jumped to him
before we were through.
In your heart you know that's true.
Motherhood is flag you fly
as if it's not a coequal branch of love
that nether needed nor received help
Your love of children I will not deny
but neither will I cede to a lie.
For you will find that I was there
Not as an accuser or judge
but as a lover and a friend
who sought nothing more than sharing
while you saw only overbearing.
you actually wondered why I was
not more supportive of your "growth"
I had to remind you that finding him
was to me not a sign of progress
but from reality a clear digress
you may say that we were doomed
long before it happened
you may tell others that "we had problems"
But when the tree fell , fast and furious
was not everyone's confusion curious?
I acknowledge your suffering
- all the sadder for being self created
but maybe its wrong to see me as the source
I may be an easy foil
a simple source of all your toil.
But as TED talks intro promises.,
the ultimate reality beckons,
you are the author of your own tragedy
by the light of burning bridge you drift
you walk forward giving me short shrift.
I know not what the future holds
and I hope that in solitude you can find
a way to understand this life.
one that does not feel borrowed from one
who you so clearly shun.
I so trusted the ground beneath my feet
but failed to see you were not so grounded.
my pain is to know that you have gone so far
that what we have is so much destroyed
to fix it tools cannot be employed.
They say time flies like an arrow
but fruit flies like a banana.
A sad dad joke is my refuge.
But in truth I do hope beyond hopes
that this world you will find your snopes
where you go in this world is beyond my ken
even if your new house is near
i hope you build your own life.
one that is not built in reaction to me
but one that in peace can be
I accept that in this life you find me
to be soul *******, destructive and vain
oh I wish with all my heart this were not
but please take for when you are ready
the memory that I tried to be steady.
I too am building my own new life
in the stark glare of reality.
I will furnish it with love and hope
and in a corner build a small shrine
to remember what was once so fine.
So fare ye well and please lessen the fear
that you will be judged or condemned
for in this world you are your own enemy
the field is bare and all allies rejected
so try not to stand self dejected.
as you can tell, I am working through a lot. :-) I hope to arc more towards the positive but I am still grieving.