When I got to the hospital, the nurses told me he was still recovering from surgery for some internal injuries and this and that, but I could go see him for a bit. So I went up to his room and realized that I didn't really know what he looked like, other than blood and bruises, but I could still tell it was him by the way the bandages were wrapped around his head. "Hey Chief," I said, "howya doin'?" This time I knew he was conscious but he didn't say anything. He just gave me this look like he was saying, "Who are you?" and "How do I get rid of you?" at the same time. So I replied, "I know your name is Mitchell, but I figured the only way you'd remember me is if I called you 'Chief,' like I did before." That got his attention and he threw me this sudden, glowering stare for what seemed like a real long time, like he was trying to make up his mind about something. I thought I had ****** him off with that "Chief" crack, but then he said real soft,  "My name's not Mitchell."

     That suprised me a bit, so all I could say was, "But that's who's room this is, according to the nurses."

     "Maybe so. But that's not my real name . . . It's just a name I made up."

     "What, you on the run or something?"
    
     "Something like that."

     "And you ain't a Marine?"

     "How'd you . . . ?" Another stare, and then, "Nope. Not now. I was though."

     "I don't get it."

     "Mitchell was a name I made up when I joined the Corps . . . "

     "So, why did you make up a name? . . . You got a record?"

     "Nothin' like that . . . My real name is Irniq . . . It's an old Inuit name. When I joined up, I thought I was puttin' those days behind me."

     "Inuit . . . What's that, a kind of Indian?"

     "It means, 'People' . . . but you prob'ly think of us as 'Eskimos.' We don't like that name, so we don't use it."

     He stopped looking in my direction and kinda tilted his head back and rolled his eyes back before closing them. Then he took a few real deep breaths, and said, "I grew up in a village that was mostly hunters and fishermen. It was fun, when I was little, kind of like goin' on an adventure all the time. But as I got older, I realized how dirt poor we were and how we seemed to catch less game every season. And then I learned that our tribe owned land that the oil companies wanted to drill, and that the oil money could end our need to hunt, and get us modern, comfortable lives, but the tribe kept clingin' to their old ways. My father said it was oil that wiped out the herring habitats, and caused the seal population to crash, and was keepin' the ice away. I didn't care and thought he was a fool fightin' a losin' battle. I thought I saw the future and that he was goin' down with the past. We had terrible fights and I believed that the man who had once been this mighty hero of mine had turned into a pathetic has-been, and I didn't want to get dragged down with him. I thought that by leavin', I could somehow be part of the future. I didn't have too many places to go, so I joined the Marines."

     "Then what are you doing here?"

     He dropped his head forward, opened his eyes, locked them right on to mine, and said, "I left the Corps a couple of months ago. When I joined up, my father told me he no longer had a son. I guess I didn't really hear those words until I went back home and he shut the door in my face. My mother came out and tried to welcome me home, and get me to stay, but I knew that my father had been right all along, and that it was me who was pathetic. So I got on a bus and went as far as I could until my money ran out, and here I am."

     "What do you mean, about your father being right?"

     He closed his eyes again, brought both hands up to the sides of his face, and said, "When I was in the Corps, I got sent to Iraq. I was pretty gung ** at first, and thought I was fightin' for freedom and the way of life that I wanted, but then it just seemed to get pointless. Day after day of cat-and-mouse with an enemy hidin' in plain sight and no real purpose other than bein' there and gettin' into firefights. Then one day I was on this mission clearin' some homes of insurgents. I was leadin' a squad goin' door-to-door and not havin' much trouble 'til we went to this one house and there's this woman screamin' and tryin' to get past us. A couple of my guys had to hold her down while the rest of my squad got her family to kneel down beside her. The woman kept on screamin' and we didn't have an interpreter, so I went up to her and tried to calm her down. I told her in as soothin' a voice I could that we weren't goin' to hurt anyone, we were just lookin' for bad guys, when I saw this blur out of the corner of my eye. The woman started screamin' louder, and I turned and yelled, 'Stop!!! Stop!!!' a couple of times, but it kept movin' fast and I just reacted . . . I didn't have any time to think . . . it just kept movin' . . . and I was yellin', 'Stop!!! Stop!!!' . . . but it wouldn't stop . . . it wouldn't stop . . . it just kept movin' . . . . . . and I reacted . . . I just reacted . . . . . . and then there was my muzzle flash and this red mist . . . . . . this red mist that just erupted . . . and kind of hung there . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and then the woman wasn't screamin' . . . and I wasn't yellin' . . . . . . . . . and there was just this little boy . . . . . . . . this little boy, lyin' on the ground . . . . . . with this mush where his face used to be . . . . . . . . . . . and it was quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so quiet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . until I heard this sound like nothin' I ever heard before . . . this kind of moan . . . this deep, hollow, primeval moan that kind of rumbled at first . . . . . . . . and then it grew louder . . . and louder . . . and the pitch got higher and higher . . . . . . until it turned into this ferocious gut-wrenchin' shriek that filled my head and reached way down and ripped my insides out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and every day I try to put that boy back together in my mind . . . . . . I try to see his face . . . but I can't . . . . . . . . . . . . I can't see his face . . . . . . and I can't get that sound out of my head . . . . . . . . . . . . every single day . . . . . . . . . . . . and all I can see is my muzzle flash . . . and that mist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that godawful red mist."

We two boys together clinging
Absinthe drinking
Paradise garage dancing
Old people alarming
Tower top gazing
Hands clutching
Discordant steps searching
Sound of you falling
Giovanni's room emulating
Stop the lift kissing
Separated
Then returning
And turning
Swinging
Dancing
2-stepping
Laughing
Crying
In
Bars
Clubs
Roofs
Rooms
Corridors
Parks
Shops
Seats
Cinemas
Streets
And then returning
Hands clasping
Lips locking
On our mattress
Fulfilling our foray

There he was, Archibald Walker, like every mornin standin on the riverbank starin across the water as the sun began to rise.  He would just stand there with his lunch pal in one hand and that funny bowlers hat in the other.  That boy always had a big ol’ grin stretchin across his face from ear to ear.   Archibald Walker the third was actually his name.  A college boy from down south, he came from ol’ money.  You’da never knew though.  He came up here to escape he said.  I had always wondered why anyone in their right mind would give up money and education to come be a logger, but there was Archibald just starin across that river as happy as a peach.  I used to ask him what he learned down there in school and he would always reply the same way, “Good Jokes”.  I never could tell if he was being serious or if he just didn’t care too much to talk about it.  Archibald was real good at his job though for being a college boy.  Came in before everyone else and worked ten times as hard. Never did see him ***** up either.
He liked to keep to himself.  I was the only one he ever really talked to and even then he never talked about much.  Took me a year and a half just to figure out he was educated and from money.  I looked at that boy funny for a week after he told me that.  I was dumbfounded as to why someone would give that up for this gruelin job.  Funny thing is, he seemed to like it.  He had to clear up logjams and keep the wood flowin smoothly down the river.  Boy was he fast.  He would skip across them floatin logs like he was walkin on dry land.  There he’d go just a bouncin up and down across them logs, big smile across that baby face, with that funny lookin bowlers hat on.  He always had on that goofy thing.  Looked like someone had glued a bowl onto a plank’a wood.  I asked him why he liked wearin it so much one day and he just laughed and said, “Now what makes you think I like wearing it”.  Still don’t know what that boy meant, but I never took to tryin to understand him.
Everybody called him Walker cause he walked across them logs all day and it was his last name I suppose, but mostly cause he loved walkin them logs.  It was a dangerous job, but he never hesitated to go runnin out there with his push pole and clear the jam.  I told him to be real careful what logs he pushed outta the way cause if he got the wrong one, well he would end up crushed out there between two of those god-awful things.  He told me we all end up stuck between two pieces of wood in the end anyhow, so he didn’t care.  Boy shoulda listened.  Wasn’t a week later he went walkin out on them logs, smile and all, and wouldn’t you know it he sliped, got crushed between two big ole trees then sank all the way to the bottom of that river.
We searched the river for three days and never did find Archibald’s body.  It was sad to see that boy cut down so young.  We hired a new boy about a week later and he wasn’t half the walker Archibald was.  He wasn’t even a walker.  Nicknamed that boy crawler cause he was so scared of them logs he would lay down on his belly and crawl out there to fix a jam.  Three separate occasions we picked him up a mile down the river clingin to a log for dear life.  Boy was something else.  Needless to say we let him go down the river the fourth time and politely told him to not come back.  Symbolic in away.  Archibald got taken by the river and that’s how we let crawler know he was fired.  Just let it carry him away until he finally reached the bank a mile or so down river.
I finally took Archibald’s post after we couldn’t find anyone to replace him.  I won’t lie I was scared at first, but then I remembered what Archibald had told me about all of us endin up stuck between two pieces of wood in the end.  I figured he was right so I would just go boundin across them logs day in and out just like he woulda.  I still didn’t know why that boy was always happy.  Even though I did the job, I still hated it. For a while anyway.
One day I came in about the same time Archibald used to and I stood there on the edge of the river and watched the sun come up.  I knew why he was so happy all the time.  Boy it was the most beautiful thing seein that sun comin up.  It was like for a second the world was just explodin with life. I’m not sure what it’s like to have money and be educated, but I’m sure it’s nothing close to watchin that sun come up like that over the river.  Wouldn’t ya know it though when the sun was done risin and I was about to finally get to work there was that goofy hat of Archibald’s washed up on the bank.  It was a little soggy but not in bad shape.  It was like that boy knew I was gonna be there and had just left it for me.  That hat didn’t fit to well and it looked awfully funny, but I wore it everyday I went walkin them logs.  Now I start everyday like Archibald did, standin on that riverbank with my lunch pal in one had and that bowler hat in the other watchin the sun come up.  Still don’t know why that boy wore the thing, but I’m glad he did.

....... He'll never know. Ever know that I cheat on him with a dead man. the nights he says I hum in my sleep, it's cause I'm singing to you as you stroke my cheeks.
I giggle pretending he's crazy but 'tis really me that's the loon, calling for a dead boy in my dreams and not knowin' till the livin' one hushes me.

....... He'll never ever know. That while he's lovin' me in my sleep, I'm curled in a breathin' man's chest heaves. I'm grateful he'll never see me wake, clingin' to another in the sun's full rays. Despite all my desperate pleas for me to remain, the light always steals me away and I wait with bitter disappointment for the one that only night's sweet shade can bring

Lets retrace
Back to amazing grace
Singin' ***** hymns
In front of the nations face
Wither it be
Conscious or nonconscious community
These fools be sellin' they
Compositions for free
Naw not me
Uh i pulled my bat and gat out
To let these fools know what we about ?
My goon soon to open up ya wombs
Til you last drop of blood now taste the tombs
Death aint strange things done changed
It wasnt long ago before i had much dough
Livin' the high life
Then a flash before my eyes
I seen my homies lose they life
Uh first he came with the pain
Had all eyes on him
Hail mary called em home
Ya know who im. Talkin' bout
Listen to the words of the song
Theres many more
I got my first buzz off purple haze
Uh jimmy souls still singin'
My hearts clingin'
On to all the *******
My minds everywhere but still cant
Find peace
So i pack a steel piece
Foreeal cuz fools be watchin' what ya say
Cuz if ya dont
Youll be dead naked or drugged out the next
Day
And the media knows rhe truth
But they exchange there souls for riches
Tiny grains of sand just like gold
And someday i will fold
**** the law and yall.tell.me what ye saw?
When i broke the jaws
Off lady liberty
The bit ch aint defendin' me
Or my homies
*****!!!!!! Its a conspiracyyyyy



They say im crazy and that my minds lazy
Cuz dont nothing phase me
Anymore i used to cry alot
But know im a grown man
So i hide alot
Of pain diggin' out my brain
Im growin' frantic
**** near insane
So im just letting yo know
Im on the urge of a ****
As freee will
Im going to defend mine
No heart for one time and many seen
The flat line
They claim they want peace
But all i see is war
Are we ever gonna even the score?
What happened with Michael
Wasnt that some bumshit
Everytime somebody get conscious
They quick to silence the prophets of the pulpit
And when they reach no one takes it
Serious they classify you delirious
This is serious
I aint playing no games
So ya need to quit snortin'
That in yo brain
Tv ******' up ya cognizance
And comprehension
Break the slavery chains
Free ya mental detention
And once ya get free
Youll see what i see
Money makes the world go around
Which in society is labelled as God
How odd?
Is that imagine that?
A world chasin' false reality
Givin they dreams to facade a fantasy
Sports
Is a joke how about we loot the courts
And hit em in the skirts
Bow down leave they ***** in dirt
I love pain
It make me focus more
Adrenaline rush til ya head touch
The floor of the concrete
Stiff with cold feet
Brace ya self in my shoes
What the **** would you do?
If the boys in blue was after you?
Protect all by means necessary
Like malcolm i see the cemetery
In the future
No fear in my soul im standing bold
So you fools keep on eyein' me
Your just proving my
Conspiracyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! $

Serenade me with your violin
A music I've always wanted to hear
Striking like a Spartan's glass spear
Lives in my heart clingin'.

Serenade me with your composition
For I will listen full of passion
Show me your hidden talent sanguinely
For I will treasure it genuinely.

As your bow dances
Play a piece that will leave my heart in trances
As your strings singing
Make my mind mesmerizing.

Serenade me with your violin
And I will listen unsatisyingly
Put your heart willingly
For it will leave me forever wanderin'.

the one thing that I've wanted
eludes me to this day
I drive around just looking
with nothing much to say
the ones that have it, earned it
while the others, we just pray
for the one thing that we wanted
but eludes us to this day~

Aye, the one thing that we wanted, but eludes us to this day!

well you take the road to riches
and ****** well you may
find the path that intersects it
when your greed gets in the way
and blindly turn aside
when all the beggars plead, "Oi Vey'!
you've got the one thing that they've wanted
but eludes them to this day~

Aye,the one thing that they've wanted but eludes them to this day!

while I wait around just hoping
that my wages serve me well
and try to keep the heat down
while the gas bill goes to hell
not the thing I really needed
but the one that keeps me warm
it's my thermal underwear~
and all that's clinging to my form~

Aye, her thermal underwear is all that's clingin' to her form!

I pull myself together
in the early morning light
and layer on and layer up
'cause this has been my plight
the news guy says it's snowing and
Long Island's in a freeze, Geez
the last thing that I needed
and it's right up to my knees~

Aye, the LAST thing that she needed and it's right up to her knees!

So I'll boil a *** of water
and I'll fill me up a tub
and I'll soak my father's daughter
till there's nothin' left to scrub
and when I'm toasty warm and ready
then I'll climb back in the bed
close my eyes and dream of summer
and the one thing in my head~

Close her eyes and dream of summer and the one thing in her head!
It's the one thing that I've wanted, but forever left unsaid.

I ain't ever belonged to no one--
not even those that came before,

those frightened immigrants and spanish tangerines tumbling
below deck, toppling into the scattered bed rolls that still smell
like cumin and tarragon, sea and spiced salt seeping through the strong lungs of every youthful San Fermin boy in Pamplona
the raised voices in Seville singing San Jose and my mother's
maiden name--

i fumble in the dark for things to keep me rooted
the strong arms of working men and their weak hearts
barely beating
secondhand boys breathin' dollars an' truck exhaust
lookin' for their match, someone that'll fit
or do 'em just right
sharp things that'll sit pretty and
look good in lowlight,

and me with my tulip bulb heart
plantin' myself in wax, in muck,
in Utqiaġvik, Alaska
during the Polar Nights,
in my palms, beneath pillows, sproutin out the lungs of
those unassumin' who think i'm healin' them
of all the silly, misplaced  ideas

but they got me creepin' out the sides of their cheeks
hookin' these delicate stems
leaving thin perforations all along their sheets
gratin and sharpenin they's teeth--

used to think i was the sun
real pretty and smooth like them stones
you find down near the river
or leaves just 'bout to fall, clingin
to low hangin' branches
just askin to be plucked or swept away
but i'm not any of those things

just a girl
lord, the awful truth
just a girl.

the one thing that I've wanted
eludes me to this day
I drive around just looking
with nothing much to say
the ones that have it, earned it
while the others, we just pray
for the one thing that we wanted
but eludes us to this day~

Aye, the one thing that we wanted, but eludes us to this day!

well you take the road to riches
and ****** well you may
find the path that intersects it
when your greed gets in the way
and blindly turn aside
when all the beggars plead, "Oi Vey'!
you've got the one thing that they've wanted
but eludes them to this day~

Aye,the one thing that they've wanted but eludes them to this day!

while I wait around just hoping
that my wages serve me well
and try to keep the heat down
while the gas bill goes to hell
not the thing I really needed
but the one that keeps me warm
it's my thermal underwear~
and all that's clinging to my form~

Aye, her thermal underwear is all that's clingin' to her form!

I pull myself together
in the early morning light
and layer on and layer up
'cause this has been my plight
the news guy says it's snowing and
Long Island's in a freeze, Geez
the last thing that I needed
and it's right up to my knees~

Aye, the LAST thing that she needed and it's right up to her knees!

So I'll boil a *** of water
and I'll fill me up a tub
and I'll soak my father's daughter
till there's nothin' left to scrub
and when I'm toasty warm and ready
then I'll climb back in the bed
close my eyes and dream of summer
and the one thing in my head~

Close her eyes and dream of summer and the one thing in her head!
It's the one thing that I've wanted, but forever left unsaid.