Brandi

Brandi Oct 2015

....... He'll never know. Ever know that I cheat on him with a dead man. the nights he says I hum in my sleep, it's cause I'm singing to you as you stroke my cheeks.
I giggle pretending he's crazy but 'tis really me that's the loon, calling for a dead boy in my dreams and not knowin' till the livin' one hushes me.

....... He'll never ever know. That while he's lovin' me in my sleep, I'm curled in a breathin' man's chest heaves. I'm grateful he'll never see me wake, clingin' to another in the sun's full rays. Despite all my desperate pleas for me to remain, the light always steals me away and I wait with bitter disappointment for the one that only night's sweet shade can bring

#love #death #ghost #sorrow #cheating #infidelity #longing #secrets #parting #halloween

Brandi Feb 2015

Panic switch

I can't. It hurts too much, I love you and I never said it and it ended too soon and now the words are ******* burnt on top of my tongue and heart forever stitched into my memory like an infected
Wound closed too early that harbors a breeding infection worsening with time. And I hate it, wish I could cut it out like a nagging splinter but I can't because it's intangible so ******* and **** this and **** me for
Letting you sear me branding your face into my eye sockets so I can't rest and I close my lids on purpose just to see you. So when he thinks I'm lost in kissing him my eyes are ******* shut because I'm saying hi to you again with my lips.

Brandi Sep 2014

Untitled

"I like your veins" was the first thing I
ever said to you.
You laughed and let me trace them
with my fingertips up your arm.
And then we couldn't stop. Everyone
in the crowded room seemed to watch.

Brandi Apr 2014

Stigmata of the Heart

To the boy who held me like I was his teddy bear
I dreamt of you nearly every night these past 4 months
and woke up sad, missing you
I bled for you
Biting my tongue to hold it from
telling you everything that my heart screamed
Because I, the girl who doesn't jump during horror films
walks through cemeteries at night
sometimes leaves the front door unlocked
and always speeds through yellow lights
was too ******* scared to show you my insides

Today I saw her. And you with your arms around her
Your face was hidden but hers wasn't
Her smile, those happy teeth tore into me like a jagged hot knife
and seared the tendrils of my insides that I worked so hard to guard
That's what it took to lay bare my weak heart
in a message to you that bore all the words buried alive
on the battlefield of my scarred tongue

Love heals all wounds
what about the ones love makes
that open up and bleed afresh
when thoughts of you fall
like brittle thorns from my wandering mind
trickling between the ribs unnoticeable
a quiet wound to suffer
a heavy cross to bear
this stigmata of the heart

Brandi Mar 2014

Yellowed and Fettered

The books that are old,
weathered, and worn
are the ones to behold,
love, and keep from scorn

Crack their spines
and anytime could be the last
but you'll find
that pleasure floods your senses fast
from the breath of disused pages
emanating the dust of moths' wings
is contagious
as they sing
the words of a generation forgotten
a voice, a mind, a soul
misbegotten
to tell the tales untold
but not forgotten

never forgotten
as long as there are eyes
to soak them in before
they rotten
and sink into the neglected graves
overgrown and decrepit
a fate so many try to stave
yet so few manage in this day and age
of kindles, nooks, and electronic
books

a world on the verge
of betraying the written word
on pages that need to be turned
to resurrect, transport, disgorge
a once tangible strife
and give respite to the reader's
ever folding life

Brandi Feb 2014

Sweetheart.

You were the perfect **** buddy
No talking, just *** and cuddling
A mutual agreement between our bodies
A few months and then end of story

Two years later you reappear
A new man, who talks and listens
with words of care
Wanting and searching for
something that just is not there.
I liked your tattoos, your height,
your eyes, your strength, and your hair.
But the love you're looking for was
never a part of our affair

Brandi Jan 2014

Max,

Remember the time we ate shrooms
and spent the night lying in a graveyard
my shoe broke on the long walk home
and you carried me across the parking lot
because there could have been glass

Remember the time you saved me
from a boy I didn't want to kiss
you hid me at the top of a rocket ship
and every time he tried to enter
you shoved him down with your foot

Remember the times we laid side by side
on the cold wooden floor and blasted music
all night long till the stars ceased to shine

Remember the time you got out of jail
and walked to my house
to crawl into my bed but found another boy there instead
you quietly left and I had no clue
till you confessed later

Remember the time you left early in the morning
to catch your flight
and I didn't wake up
but when I did there were two CDs on my pillow
that you had spent all night making

Remember the time you said I was wifey material
after I danced on stage
at a white rave
in my black bra

Remember the time I dyed my hair green
and met your visiting girlfriend
and you said I looked like medusa
I wanted to sock you

Remember the time we got drunk and took xanax
and laid in my bed
you made your move then
and I giggled during our kiss
because I was high and scared it'd change us
but it hurt your feelings on accident

Remember the time I started hooking up
with your best friend/roommate
and you had to sleep on the couch
I'm sorry I was so callous

Remember the time you sent me
a christmas present
it was a build-able straw
the best thing anyone has ever given me

Remember the times you tried to love me
and I wouldn't let you
now you're gone chasing ******
and I miss you so much
that I write to you all the time
I write about you
because I can't stop talking to you
even when you disappear