Bride and groom Erika and Joshua Garza say they thought their Durham wedding was set and all planned. The owner of the Fayetteville-based "Bragg About It Catering" company had driven up a month earlier so they could sample her wedding wares.

"She had the food ready. It was good," said Joshua Garza. "We tasted it and everything seemed great, and then she wanted to meet at the venue to see the kitchen and kinda get an idea of where she wanted to set up like that. So then we met with her at the venue and everything still seemed great."

They moved forward with the company, signed a contract, and say they prepaid caterer Jennifer Debrue $1,100.

"We talked to her all the time. We kept in contact. Everything was fine," Erika said.

That was until the day of the couple's wedding. The two say they received some surprising news.

"Nobody told us anything until we were in the limo and they were like 'Yeah, your caterer's not here,'" Joshua Garza recalled.

The Garzas now had more than 100 famished family and friends and no caterer. Fortunately for them, they did have some resourceful relatives who were able to run out and grab food for the wedding and save the day, but that did not change how the couple felt about the no-show caterer.

"I mean you don't do that to somebody on a day like that," said Joshua Garza. "You just, you ruin somebody's day."

Joshua and Erika tried to contact "Bragg About It Catering" but never received a call back or a refund.

"I don't want her to do this to anybody else, said Erika Garza.

But unfortunately, Sergeant First Class Anthony Baxley says it also happened to him at his retirement party.

"We didn't want to have to be running around," Baxley said, "We didn't want to be cooking. We didn't want to do any of that. We did a lot of research. We actually contacted probably over 10 different caterers before we settled on this one."

Falling in love with everything on the menu that Debrue offered, Baxley, too, chose "Bragg About It Catering". He says he prepaid the full cost of $1,500 and, like the Garzas, was left with an event with no caterer.

"After the ceremony was over I was immediately told there was a couple of problems with the caterer ... she never showed up, Baxley said.

Stressed to the max after receiving the news, it was Baxley's family and friends who also stepped in and saved his special day.

"A lot of the people found out before they went over to where we were doing the actual reception and they went to the store and purchased a whole bunch of food for us, he said.

With two costly no-shows, I tried to track down caterer Jennifer Debrue, but she did not respond to our phone calls or emails. We decided to go to the address listed on her contract information and spoke with her husband who seems surprised.

"They paid $1,100 and their wedding day came and went and she never showed up," I told him.

"I'm shocked. I don't know," he responded.

He told me Jennifer DeBrue would call us back, but she never did. Meanwhile, the newlyweds and Baxley are trying to spread the word that "Bragg About It Catering" is not something to brag about.

Our advice to viewers would be to pay by credit card so you can dispute it when something like this happens. Both Baxley and the Garza's said they did that.

read more: www.marieaustralia.com

www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses

Whether in Montreal, where she was born and raised, or in Delhi, where her award-winning brasserie sits, the stylish chef’s love for gastronomy has always run deep. She came to India to chase her passion about eight years ago, after leaving behind an engineering career and having trained at the esteemed ITHQ (Institut de tourisme et d’hôtellerie du Québec). In 2014, she introduced unusual combinations like oysters with charred onion petals, tamarind puree, and rose vinegar when she became the first Indian chef to be invited to host a solo dinner at the James Beard House in New York City. Also presented there was her very own coffee-table book called Eating Stories, packed with charming visuals, tales and recipes.

In pursuit of narratives

“I am studying Ayurveda so, at the moment, I’m inspired by the knowledge and intuition which comes with that, but otherwise I completely live for stories. Those of the people around me — of spices, design forms, music, traditions, history and anything else I feel connected to.”

Culinary muse

“I truly believe that nature is perfect, so I feel privileged to use the ingredients that it provides, while adding my own hues, aromas and combinations…it feels like I get to play endlessly every day.”

After-work indulgence

“My favourite places to eat at are Cafe Lota and Carnatic Cafe in Delhi, and Betony and Brindle Room in NYC.”

Dream dish

“This salad I created called ‘secret garden’. It’s so beautiful to look at and has such a unique spectrum of flavours…all while using only the freshest, most natural produce to create something completely magical.”

Reception blooper

“Most people make the mistake of over-complicating the menu; having too much diversity and quantity. Wastefulness isn’t a good way to start a life together.”

A third-generation entrepreneur from a highly distinguished culinary family, she runs a thriving studio in Khar where state-of-the-art cooking stations and dining tables allow her to conduct a variety of workshops and sessions. Her grandfather is remembered as the man who migrated from Africa to London to found the brand that brought curry to the people of the UK — Patak’s. She took over as brand ambassador, having trained at Leiths School of Food and Wine and taught at one of Jamie Oliver’s schools in London. What’s more, Pathak is also the author of Secrets From My Indian Family Kitchen, a cookbook comprising 120 Indian recipes, published last year in the UK.

Most successful experiment

“When I was writing recipes for my cookbook, I had to test some more than once to ensure they were perfect and foolproof. One of my favourites was my slow-cooked tamarind-glazed pork. I must have trialled this recipe at least six times before publishing it, and after many tweaks I have got it to be truly sensational. It’s perfectly balanced with sweet and sour both.”

Future fantasy

“As strange as it sounds, I’d love to cater my own wedding. You want all your favourite recipes and you want to share this with your guests. I could hire a caterer to create my ideal menu, but I’d much prefer to finalise and finish all the dishes myself so that I’m supremely happy with the flavours I’m serving to my loved ones.”

Fresh elegance

“I’m in love with microgreens for entertaining and events…although not a new trend, they still carry the delicate wow factor and are wonderfully subtle when used well. I’m not into using foams and gels and much prefer to use ingredients that are fuss-free.”

This advertising professional first tested her one-of-a-kind amalgams at The Lil Flea, a popular local market in BKC, Mumbai. Her Indian fusion hot dogs, named Amar (vegetarian), Akbar (chicken) and Anthony (pork), sold out quickly and were a hit. Today, these ‘desi dogs’ are the signature at the affable home-chef-turned-businesswoman’s cafe-***-diner in Bandra, alongside juicy burgers, a fantastic indigenous crème brûlée, and an exciting range of drinks and Sikkim-sourced teas.

Loving the journey

“The best part of the job is the people I meet; the joy I get to see on their faces as they take the first bite. The fact that this is across all ages and social or cultural backgrounds makes it even better. Also, I can indulge a whim — whether it is about the menu or what I can do for a guest — without having to ask anyone. On the flip side, I have no one to blame but myself if the decision goes wrong. And, of course, I can’t apply for leave!”

Go-to comfort meal

“A well-made Bengali khichri or a good light meat curry with super-soft chapattis.”

What’s ‘happening’

“This is a very exciting time in food and entertaining — the traditional and ultra-modern are moving forward together. Farm-to-fork is very big; food is also more cross-cultural, and there is a huge effort to make your guest feel special. Plus, ‘Instagram friendly’ has become key…if it’s not on Instagram, it never happened! But essentially, a party works when everyone is comfortable and happy.”

A word to brides

“Let others plan your menu. You relax and look gorgeous!”

This Le Cordon Bleu graduate really knows her way around aromas that warm the heart. On returning to Mumbai from London, she began to experiment with making small-batch ice creams for family and friends. Now she churns out those ‘cheeky’ creations from a tiny kitchen in Bandra, where customers must ring a bell to get a taste of dark chocolate with Italian truffle oil, salted caramel, milk chocolate and bacon and her signature (a must-try) — blue cheese and honey.

The extra mile

“I’ll never forget the time I created three massive croquembouche towers (choux buns filled with assorted flavours of pastry cream, held together with caramel) for a wedding, and had to deliver them to Thane!”

Menu vision

“For a wedding, I would want to serve something light and fresh to start with, like seared scallops with fresh oysters and uni (sea urchin). For mains, I would serve something hearty and warm — roast duck and foie gras in a red wine jus. Dessert would be individual mini croquembouche!”

Having been raised by big-time foodie parents, the strongest motivation for their decision to take to this path came from their mother, who had two much-loved restaurants of her own while the sisters were growing up — Vandana in Mahim and Bandra Fest on Carter Road. Following the success of the first MeSoHappi in Khar, Mumbai, the duo known for wholesome cooking opened another outlet of the quirky gastro-bar adjoining The Captain’s Table — one of the city’s favourite seafood haunts — in Bandra Kurla Complex.

Chef’s own

AA: “We were the pioneers of the South African bunny chow in Mumbai and, even now, it remains one of my all-time favourites.”

On wedding catering

PA: “The most memorable for me will always be Aarathi’s high-tea bridal shower. I planned a floral-themed sundowner at our home in Cumballa Hill; curtains of jasmine, rose-and-wisteria lanterns and marigold scallops engulfed the space. We served exotic teas, alcoholic popsicles of sangria and mojito, and dishes like seafood pani puri shots and Greek spanakopita with beetroot dip, while each table had bite-sized desserts like mango and butter cream tarts and rose panna cotta.”Read more at:http://www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-2016 | www.marieaustralia.com/red-carpet-celebrity-dresses

I wish I had the money
To buy myself a yacht.
I wouldn’t spend it that way
But would love what I bought.
I’d have a huge party
With every friend I know
And let it go on and on
For about a week or so.

And, gifts to everybody
Who was ever kind to me.
Just something thoughtful
To give them gratefully.
I’d pick things out carefully
And wrap them up nice
And in some cases I’m sure
I’d do it at least twice.

I’d rent a fancy house
That overlooked the beach
With kayaks and hammocks
All within everyone’s reach.
And I would hire a caterer
To make delicious foods
So nobody would hunger
No matter what their mood.

And I would hire musicians
To play on regular intervals.
Maybe local songwriters
And super talented minstrels.
And I would wear my finest
Most beautiful things I’ve got.
That’s what I would do if
I could buy myself a yacht.

You may think you’ve heard it all when it comes to wedding planning. But while everyone from your mother to your hairstylist is busy babbling on and on and on about what to expect on your big day, they’re unintentionally leaving out a few crucial details. So from the reality of post-wedding blues to the dangers of being too nice a bride, eight real women are here to share what they wish they had been told about their big days—so that you can benefit their candor, of course.

1. There’s such as thing as being too nice a bride. Says real bride Danielle, “Everyone hears about bridezilla, but what you don't hear about are the brides who get everything taken away from them because they're too nice. I was way too nice about my bridesmaids getting things done—and boy did it cause a lot of stress. My advice? Be firm with dates and express your concern if someone is slacking.”


2. You'll be pressured by others’ expectations. Real bride Jordon says, “Nobody told me how many ‘rules’ there are in the wedding industry. They tell you to create something that matches exactly what you want as a couple, but once you start to do the research, you learn how many expectations there are. For example, I can't tell you how many people think it's outrageous that we may not register, or that we're not interested in a bouquet throw.”

3. Someone will cancel last minute. Says real bride Veronica, “Someone will have a conflict and have to cancel a week—or less—before the big day. Yes, it ***** and is super annoying because your seating arrangements are finalized, but no one will notice if their table is missing two people. There's no point giving yourself a bigger headache of rearranging seating at this point—just let it go!”

4. It’s all worth it in the end. Real bride Sara says, “The one thing that no one told me was how much the stress, time, and money would all be worth it in the end. All I heard were negative points—and while those feelings of stress and pressure can't be escaped, there were so many good things that far overshadowed the bad.”

5. You won’t regret having a wedding video. Says real bride Melissa, “No one ever told me that one of the best purchases we could make was hiring a videographer. Of all the things we 'splurged' on, our videographer was my absolute favorite. There are a lot of things—in hindsight—that we could've gone without, but our videographer was the best investment because we have those memories to keep for a lifetime.”

6. Post-wedding blues are real. Real bride Anne says, “You’ve probably heard about post-wedding blues and completely brushed them off. I wish someone would have told me to take them seriously—because trust me, post-wedding blues are real. After all that excitement, the weeks after your wedding can feel like a let-down.”

7. Your groom will care about something you’ll least expect. Says real bride Cassie, “Everyone sets your expectations really low when it comes to your groom and how much he’ll participate in wedding planning. But what they don’t tell you is that he will care about something—and it’ll probably be the last thing you expect. For example, my now-husband was adamant we have a fondant cake. Who knew?”

8. Don’t expect to actually eat at your wedding. Real bride Jen says, “You won’t eat much of the food you painstakingly picked out. Between your guests—who will constantly want to gab—posing for pictures, and slicing into your cake, you’ll be lucky to get a few measly bites. I wish someone would have told me to eat well through the day—or to ask our caterer to serve us a little sooner.”

read more：www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses

http://www.marieaustralia.com

When I first met you.

I met you first at the reception,
we'd never met before that day.

Your cousins wedding was such fun.
To get in I posed as a waiter and served you.

I saw you and my mind said "wow".
Instant attraction and my eyes stayed on you.

Part of the catering crew, handing you spring rolls.
What fun my best friends big brothers wedding was.

I'd never seen you before but I wanted more.
At reception of cousin and best friends brother.

Clashing Emotions and Doubt

What happened to stable, solid emotions?
They've become a puzzle with a deadline.

My feelings for you are confused and complex.
I don't know what to do, do i like you or not?

Is it possible to like a girl and not know?
How is it possible to find out, when emotions are thrown everywhere?

I can't understand my own feelings for once.
I used to be a master of my own emotions, not anymore...

Like a mystery novel with loss of life at the end,
the solidity has faded and the tables over turned.

The Forgotten Sunset

We watched the sunset from the feild,
orange and purple spread before us.

I don't really remember its features,
your features are all through my mind.

Your pretty feet with bright blue nails,
bare upon the grassy plain.

You asked me if I fancied you,
scared I said, "I don't think so".

Bare feet running through the grass,
painted nails and toe-ring.

The vision of you won't leave my mind,
your beauty beating the sunset's.

The sun went down with beauty bright,
as we watched it I watched you.

Mistakes and Regret

No longer stable and steady like rock.
Floating and free and impossible to guess what's happening.

I used to be in control but now have no idea,
feelings of regret and lost hope, mixing with earlier confusion.

What have I done? How could I betray my feelings?
Fear and the unknown my only excuses.

Strong feelings of loss and confusion flood my mind,
all hopes of order washed out and mixing with *******.

How to solve this dilemma I have made? Life is at stake.
Order and peace have vanished, replaced with regret and wonder.

When I last met you**

Different wedding, different reception. I met you again.
I've only seen you a few times, I wish I could see you more.

Pretending to have fun when all I could think of was you.
No need to act as a caterer this time, eating spring rolls.

Is it possible for you to forgive me?
I'm kicking myself over what I said.

No need to help out this time they are my friends.
I acted like I was having fun with my friends and with you.

Will we ever meet again, sometime in the future?
Will we meet again at the next reception?

Whether or not to invite kids to your wedding is one of those polarizing First World problems that can end friendships, divide families, and ratchet up couples therapy bills. Your time can be better spent deciding what desserts will be at the Viennese table or which Billy Joel song will be your first dance. There's really no need to get defensive about the whole kid thing.

We can only invite a certain number of people.

The caterer doesn't have chicken nuggets.

It's a late ceremony.

We think kids are spawns of Satan.

Let me stop you right there. There seems to be a common misconception that I want to spend every waking moment with my children (probably because I spend every waking moment with my children). Don't tell me why my kids aren't invited to your wedding; just don't invite them. It will be magical. Here's why:

It's your day. If you want circles of doves, bridesmaids wearing Indonesian tapestries or the Electric Slide, do it. Who am I to dictate what your special day looks like? Kids create a certain, shall I say, atmosphere that is not everyone's cup of tea. I completely understand if you want the joyous union between two adults to be an adult-only affair.

I get a rare night out. You are literally forcing me to leave my house, put on an expensive dress I'll only wear once, dance with my husband, and socialize the night away. This hasn't happened since my own wedding.

I don't want them to upstage you. I'm not going to lie; my three-year-old looks smashing in tulle and sequins. Plus, she's a boss at throwing things on the floor, so tossing petals down the aisle will be a snap. Once we curl her hair, put her in matching bejeweled shoes, and turn her loose on the dance floor, all eyes and cameras will be on her. I mean, you. It's totally your day.

My kids don't want to be there either. It combines all the fun of sitting still, being quiet, and not ******* in public. What kid wouldn't love that? I've been to an occasional wedding where I've seen kids having a blast, boogie-oogie-ing up a storm, twirling in circles. But most of the time, I see them sitting in the coat room, looking surly while playing Angry Birds on their parents' phones.

Nobody really wants to supervise them. Relatives love to tell us: "Bring Junior, we will totally entertain him during cocktail hour," or "I can't wait to dance with little Nancy." Next thing we know, the bar opens, and everyone scatters to chase down the server with the mini-hot-dog tray. Friends and family always swear they'll help us out, but really, no one wants to babysit my kids at a wedding. Everyone is too busy having fun. It's impossible to hold a writhing toddler and a whiskey sour at the same time; one of them always falls. And those kids always eat all my mini hot dogs.

It'll keep your guest list in check. At this point in our lives, a lot of us have children--many, many children. If you let us each bring a "plus-4," your head count will spiral out of control, fast. The dance floor will begin to resemble the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese's, and forget about being able to hear the vows over the cacophony of little voices asking if it's "almost up to the food part"--not that my kids will eat any of their $100-a-plate dinner anyway.

You will save a ton of money for me. Forget my own dress, hair and makeup; now my 3-year-old needs an outfit, matching shoes, hair accessories and jewelry. We need to pack crayons, coloring books, toys, an alternate meal (the infant isn't into prime rib these days) and a larger hotel room. And I suppose we should probably give a nicer gift.

Mommy needs a drink. I'm not a raging ******, but I do enjoy imbibing the odd glass of wine, or six, at a wedding. Hey, it's celebratory! Nothing kills a buzz faster than having to be responsible for the welfare and safety of small children in a room filled with innumerable safety hazards. I also have no desire to explain to them why Mommy has a lazy eye and "New Year's breath."

My children have no plans to reciprocate. There is a strong likelihood that my daughter will not invite you to her 4th birthday party -- something about "limited space in the bouncy house" and "pizza only serves eight." Since no invitation is forthcoming, feel free to save the space at your wedding for your mom's second cousins or that co-worker whose wedding you were B-listed to. Everyone will have a much better time.

Especially me.

read more:www.marieaustralia.com/black-formal-dresses

www.marieaustralia.com/pink-formal-dresses

I'm eating the last cannoli. Pop's  funeral was over a week ago, and since it was the storm of the century that day, the caterer had way too many leftovers. This is the last remains of that infamous day's dessert. It's well past soggy, and smells now of the sliced onions left from the hoagie platters. Those, I'll just toss. No sense risking another death in the family. It's not so delectable, I know, but I'm eating the last cannoli, because that's what pops would do. He didn't waste a thing, symptom of being raised through the depression, I suppose. The depression, yeah, can't let that get to me, he wouldn't want it that way. I'm eating the last cannoli, choking back tears, and pinching my nose to get past the smell of this prose, and an onion smelling soggy cannoli, 'cause that's what pop would want.

Last remains, yeah, those are here too. Dad's ashes, that is. All tidy in a beautiful blue marble box, mom chose for both their internment. She mostly sits staring at the flowers sent, that are about ready to expire themselves. The strong scent of lilies in the air, helps with that odd oniony aroma. I'm eating the last cannoli, because mom is insistent I should. I wouldn't argue with her over it. Neither would pop. So, I'm eating the last cannoli.

The lies covered my earshot to deafnotes that were read counted times hatreds authentication procrastinating puritanical eyeshadow diluted from candor noise woke her sweltering the feats quickly attacking of life's genuine spellings to host no weekly that the fact was facetious quek drew certainly rose down the caterer which proposes thorn merks foxed a face so the drops adhere till dust the answered questions remained questioned answers flashes of an told tell of the Gods to kind keening haunting caresses sinisters honesty wallowing together your unheard stares

THERE ARE SO MANY AUTHORS
AND SO MANY BOOKS
HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE FIND
YOUR BOOK AND TAKE A LOOK



WHEN YOUR BOOKS ARE POETRY BASED
THIS MAYBE DIFFERENT THAN THE REST
BUT BUY MY BOOKS AND TAKE A LOOK
THEY WILL PUT YOU TO THE TEST



THE JOURNEY THAT YOU TAKE
IS PEACEFUL FUNNY AND NEW
SO JUST BUY MY BOOKS
FOR THEY WERE COMPOSED FOR YOU

HOSPITALITY
DIARY OF A ****** CATERER
CHILDREN'S
BYRON BUNNY AND ASSOCIATES
ANIMAL
MY CAT AND I
COFFEE
FROM BEAN TO CUP
COFFEE
EXTRACT ME THE COFFEE SENSATION
QUEENSLAND ALSO IN BUCKINGHAM PALACE
THE POETRY OF QUEENSLAND
TRUMP 2 VOLUMES
TRUMP CHRONICLES

search all titles amazon.com

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LIKES AND COMMENTS SO FAR
TRUMP CHRONICLES IS REALLY A GOOD READ.

Word of the day - VOORPRET
Meaning - sense of enjoyment before an event
__________
Eight days
Nope.
Eight weeks
Nope.
Eight Months
before her wedding
the butterflies appeared
leaving me pink in the cheeks
and weak in the knees.
One month of struggle
to find the perfect dress
that will fit her tiny waist
and we found one,
with white bodice
and drapes of soft tulle.
Two weeks to find
the perfect caterer
for the ceremony.
Three weeks of crying
over the fact
that her favourite country band
was already booked.
She was on cloud nine
a week before the wedding
and I was holding her hand
on that cloud
as a bestfriend.
The excitement in us magnified
in that week.
The air around us was filled
with the particles of joy.
Because it was
my bestfriends’ wedding.
And when I walked with her
to the altar
I looked at her
and I looked back
to the past eight months
and realised
that happiness and tears
shared with her
would always be etched in my mind.

Of thee virtual netherland...
courtesy one spellbound wordsmith
within apartment b44
nestled within a manor
(and manner of writing)
atop nondescript Schwenksville highland.

All gibbets zing aside
I got noose for you,
yours truly enjoys harmless chide
ding even kibitizing about,
when cessation of consciousness occurs
leaving terrestrial plane
frequently incorporates divine spirit as guide
absolute zero escape
regarding death to override.

Oft times ('specially
these latter unsainted days and nights)
death doth haunt me atheistic zeitgeist
which thoughts of my demise
crowds out purposeful thinking
in the twitching mind kempf
paradigm of this atheist
hence, he betook himself
to this MacBook Pro,

while swiss side dull ideations
for professional intercession,
deadline could not wait
asper affecting s cathartic,
emetic, harmonic tete a tete
and providing a meaningful surrogate
to expunge morbid mental state
accessed Open Office
and let fingers (of left hand)
do talking heads

to an imaginary therapist
across this qwerty keyboard
allowing, enabling, and
at the quickest typing rate
striving to cap cha dismal, gloomy,
and ill lust tree us deplorable
mood aye equate
with pitching into
a bottomless abyss where pate
fed ceaseless diet of NON GMO –

a last repast
the grim reaper did orchestrate
gluten free, an extra heavy dose
of monosodium glutamate
which ingredient doth
BuzzFeed thine appetite
for total mortal exterminate
'thou no need fermi to rush,
where angels fear to tread,
cuz tis better late

than never, the apothegm,
credo, ethos...foreign ha Kate
the caterer maintains
an open exit from life,
and cares only
that each soul doth feel elan,
joie de vivre, and psalm times
a leaper chants, ecstatically finally
gustatory humming don't jubilate
for your final homecoming, or else
the mailer daemon lived
a devilish life will instigate

a de coup age d'etat,
but such extreme
measure for measure heed doth hate,
yet exceptions always made for a date
particularly when henchmen to die for
golden opportunity
to ****** a generic guy a create
an underground soiree will cease,
when ashes master
of hell raising circumstances
twill use as bait
let underground missionary be advocate.

Get the money,
Move the tickets,
We're gonna have a blast.

You won't want
to miss this,
the best spots are going fast.

It'll be historic,
quite incredible,
If you believe the hype.

We're planning
an epic party
of a unique and crazy type.

So maybe
we lost the caterer,
and a few headliners ditched.

Ignore the rocks,
and tiny tents.
We had to make a switch.

We admit, it seems
that several things
have gone a bit off track.

But doing this was
a massive risk
So won't you cut some slack?

Crowds are angry,
Walls close in,
The workers want their pay.

So we'll get out
while the getting's good,
and party another day.

alternately titles: I got noose for you,
Yours truly doth garrotte tee
another itsy bitsy,
betsy wetsy easy breezy read.

oft times ('specially
these latter unsainted days and nights)
in white satin death
doth haunt me atheistic zeitgeist
which thoughts of my demise
crowds out purposeful thinking
in the twitching mind kampf
paradigm of this atheist
hence, he betook himself
to this MacBook Pro,
while swiss side dull ideations

for professional intercession, could not wait
asper affecting cathartic,
purgative, harmonic tête-à-tête
and providing a meaningful surrogate
to expunge morbid mental state
accessed Open Office
and let fingers
(of left hand) do talking heads
to an imaginary therapist
across this qwerty keyboard

allowing, enabling, and
at the quickest typing rate
striving to captcha dismal, gloomy,
and ill lust tree us
deplorable mood aye equate
with pitching into
a bottomless abyss where pate
fed ceaseless diet of NON GMO –
a last repast
the grim reaper did orchestrate

gluten free, an extra heavy dose
of monosodium glutamate,
which ingredient doth
BuzzFeed thine appetite
for total mortal exterminate
'thou no need n re:coe fermi to rush,
where angels fear
to tread, cuz but better Nate
than lever, the apothegm,
credo, ethos...Kate
(the caterer maintains

an open exit from life,
and cares only
that each soul doth feel elan,
joie de vivre, and psalm times
a leaping lemur chants, ecstatically finally
gustatory humming don't jubilate
for your final homecoming, or else
the mailer daemon lived
a devilish dervish life will instigate
de coup age d'etat, but such extreme

measure for measure heed doth hate
yet exceptions always made for a date
particularly when henchmen to die for
golden age opportunity
to ****** a generic guy a create
an underground soiree will cease,
when ashes master
of hell raising
unpleasant circumstances twill use as bait
let underground missionary be advocate.

Navy and dishes

I had kitchen duty on a fateful day
when the dishwasher exploded with an almighty bang.
just as I reflected on the irony as the only one trained as
a caterer I had to the dishes,
A royal navy is a strange place something to do with ranks
not so much about what you know.
The captain thought we had come under enemy fire and sent
an angry signal to the nearest ship.
Later that day when transferring oil to another ship there was
a collision and we had to go to the nearest dock.
The captain had to take the blame, which is customary in
the navy; he got a job as a marine attache in Paris.
The next in command became the captain, a good man.
As for me, I was left to clean the pots and pans.