"btch" poems
I remember
how I begged the friends to come to my party
at the age of 21
how I faked my smile in the pictures,
how I feigned joy
to cover up my deep pain ,
I remember my cold birthday
at the age of six
watching television
without any heat,
as the mice crawled near my feet
I remember the burning
the lonlieness
the longing
of wanting
companionship
some love.
Looking back
I chased all my friends
many of them weren't so enthusiastic at times.
I did this my whole life
I didn't know,
that I didn't need to starve
to be fed.
I am still learning,
the other day someone complimented me,
I was literally shocked,
because it has happened so rarely to me,
that I felt so much joy and love in my heart.
that kind people exist,
and than I cried about that deeply inside ,
about this notion this fact.
At my past birthday
the" friends " that I had there,
kind of ignored me
went off to smoke,
and I had to beg them to take my pictures.
I just feel so much disgust
in my heart and soul.
When I saw her the other day,
all I wanted to do was spit in her face
and yell "FK You Btch ,"
you didn't deserve even
one ounce of my fking presence.
Instead all I did was glare deeply at her
and she the cowardess that she is ,
wouldn't even look at me
or ever apologize.
Now I may be alone
but I am choosing myself!
My people My places
And My life .
I am choosing
I get to have Choice.
Sep 14, 2023
Sep 14, 2023 at 5:58 PM UTC
Today, i let myself cry hard over some stupid things. I was sooooo annoyed to the point na pag iyak nalang nagawa ko. It felt really heavy kaya bigla nalang nagburst out. Naawa ako sa sarili but at the same time mas nainis ako sa sarili ko kasi hinayaan kong ganunin ako at hinayaan ko sarili kong maramdaman yun when infact i know i am better than that. Kaso being the same usual me, mas pinili ko nalang manahimik, umintindi at umiyak. The feeling of Being taken for granted is sooo distressing. I always feel that way and believe me i super hate it but what i hate the most is the fact that i dont have the courage to stand for myself which led people around me to think that everything is okay with me. At times, I really want to be selfish and btch. Nakakapagod ding maging mabait. :(
Oct 21, 2019
Oct 21, 2019 at 10:25 AM UTC
Today I am an adventurer
I've traveled the ends of the earth.
Played with the waves of Poseidon
rolled and swam on.
Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 9:24 AM UTC
As I walked down the bridge between masada street and balfour
I saw you pass by,
the gurl who i met
a month ago ,
who I thought was the cutest
chick,
who told me she was from germany
and I gleefuly replied
my great grandparents lived there ,before the war.
As we were talking
I realized her boyfriend had been flirting with me the past two weeks or so,
without ever telling me that he was taken,
which angered me so, I felt like the world closed in on me.
she bought me a beer we had our laughs
than she left me there tipsy, with my drink in hand
to run off with her boy toy of a boyfriend ,
in a crowd filled with people...
the next day she messeged me sayin'
do you wanna hange out?
I said nope I won't hang out with a btch
who leaves me drunk and alone in a crowd full of noise angst and chaous,
and as I saw you today
all I can think of is that,
and a friendship that could've been
but thank god it just wasn't .
Jun 14, 2023
Jun 14, 2023 at 6:52 PM UTC