(Yeah life be hard *****2)...It be so hard my *****.. (So hard..Everyday2..)..(Yeah..2)Everyday
(Yeah life gets harder ***** everyday..yeah2) everyday.. I just (grind & pray..2)Yeah life gets harder ***** (everyday..3)

I pray all   the time cuz I'm just a human being..I'm  always  asking my Lord to please guide me & always stand by me..Im so weak & alone in this world/...In  This  white men world mane..I need Jesus to always protect me  because with him I'll always will be ok...In this  white menz world..Uhh..you can be a rich *****  but still less than a penny is mane....
Selling yo body for the money.. Yall fucc ******  getting **** & played by these record companies.. ***** we living in mental slavery..Uhh
I wanna see all  of my ******  fly up to the gates...Yeah up to heaven to chill wit the greats...Yeah my  ***** so  follow me & my ***** recite these  lyrics everyday & speak them everyday..Dawg,I can feel the holy spirit speaking through me ..Dawg..My lyrics are written so  nicely, sometimes I can feel  Tupac spirit  standing right beside me..Makaveli is  coming back sooner than you think..like the end of days..you betta repent sooner than later..Uhh
Imma Outlaw  *****..I'm immortal, Im giving my life up to God..No I'm not rapping for the money bru,i rap for all of these ****** incarcerated doing time dawg. Free all of  my ****** ..I rap only for the real ****** Yeah..mann...Free all of  my ******..

Aye man..I really don't care about selling a whole stadium out  my *****, no my *****.. (Im on a mission to  **** this new world2) through these songs,that I have written..(I have  resurrected from the grave...2)..
From the grave,my *****..I wanna delivery my ****** from all of the pain my *****...Yeah take my ******   away,my *****..Yeah I want all  my ****** to be free my *****..

(Yeah life be hard *****2)...It be so hard my *****.. (So hard..Everyday2..)..(Yeah..2)Everyday
(Yeah life gets harder ***** everyday..yeah2) everyday.. I just (grind & pray..2)..Yeah life gets harder ***** (everyday..3),..Yeah

Everyday
I'm praying for my ****** everyday..Im reading the book of Jeremiah everday,, just to  keep  me thinking of the hope  that God has  promise me... I keep writing ever minute to help me deal with this pain, because my ***** if I don't keep on writing my ***** I just feel so weak..everyday my ***** ...my flesh always tempting me to do the wrong thing..I'm pressured to be a  nobody..In this white mans world mane..That's why I keep on  writing..If I  dont my ***** I just feel a desire to not  even try anything..Uhh..**** Im not no  perfect man..I'm not tryna be.. its really hard to live life as a saint when I have been taught for so many long   years to  live the ways of the beast..,but I'm making that change,today..

Aye man..Fucc being under mind control im  one of Gods  soldiers..so I have to be stronger than what  this world is dawg.. I feel so lost homie, I don't even know the right moves to  make no more..I keep making the wrong turn & I keep  going the same  way dawg.. It feels like the system is made to keep us below in every state bru...I'm just another **** ***** hustling every **** day dawg..in this white mans world today ...Im just really grateful to still be here alive  & healthy my *****..because  I could bee the next  Trayvon Martin or Mike Brown,shot & left young & dead on these streets..Ayo..They never gave a fucc about us mane..noo
Uhh..They never even given us a chance to be redeem..So instead  of pointing the guns at each other..let's turn em on these white manz my *****..****,Yeah..!!

History keeps repeating itself man
..You need to educate yourself first,don't never be afraid bru..I'm getting  so sick & tired of   hearing all of this "change" ****.. & hearing these sweet  rapping *** ****** bragging about something that's rented..My ***** we need  more blacks like Martin Luther King & Malcom X  *****..Real true ****** that's willing to die for being real yeah.
*****..instead of getting on ya kness & prostituting for the cheese...Yall ****** that keep claiming how yall so  real..Stop being Lil **'s then ..Yeah man..
Dawg..
I'm so tired of Satan getting his shine on.. ***** Its my time to shine dawg..Yeah *****   this is the rise of an  Outlawz.. Yeah..Fucc the world..& I don't mean that  in a ****** way, but let's destroy it mane..I won't die *****,never..**** boy you can think I'm crazy, well I ain't the first to think this way mane,Aye man

My ***** I  just wanna live free yeah.. Yeah my ***** I want you to be a free dawg..Yeah I wanna free ya.Don't yo *** want to be free bru..Instead of being trapped..my *****..Im going to free all of my ****** like the Shawshank Redemption..Uhh..Its real fuckd up when Biggie ain't even here man..Why the **** does money even  exist,,cuhz ****..it means nothing to me bru..so  just fucc it.. ******....Money really has no true  purpose or any control over me , its just an distraction homie ..Uhh, so  I rather die a poor man than being a  rich sad man...Yeah instead of being  in  hell I rather see  heaven man..(Yeah I wanna live forever...*3)
Forever & Ever...Uhh

Farewell Govan -
bathed in a baking sun
littered with betting shops
and no win/no fee criminal lawyers
and a myriad of pubs caked in years of libation
steeped in history of industry and shipbuilding
blackened smoked walls etched with gangland symbols:
tooled-up local carnivores who ride shotgun on a BMX
swapping discrete envelopes for indiscreet wads of cash.

Farewell Govan -
you fractured my ribs once in a moment of mistaken identity
I didn't heed the advice to not walk through the park at night
I didn't hear the pitter-patter of adolescent feet
speeding my way in brand new trainers across the grass
but I did feel the clunk of something solid on my head
as the ground rushed up to meet me in a concrete embrace
and watched as 4 bags of overladen shopping spewed out
lying face up spread-eagle in Lilliput fashion
and a mobile torch-app in my face with the repeating words
“Ima tellin’ you man its naw him, its naw him”
I reassured them frantically that I was definitely not him!
as the hooded troupe picked up what was left of my shopping
and even gifted me a couple of cans of super strength lager,
a cube of dubious council estate hash
and an usher to leave immediately
(and think myself lucky).

Farewell Govan -
you got me blazing on cheap beer at the local pub
which had recreated a holiday beach scene
with a hand-written sign that read: Better than Ibiza!
awash with carefree children
and pit-bull terriers wearing bespoke Barbour dog jackets
and brand spanking new Adidas white trainers
purchased from Tam out of a nondescript blue plastic bag
who always passes the day's pleasantries
while topping up his pension
chatting with auld Billy who was in the war (don’t you know)
via the Merchant Navy
and the version of how he was gunner on an oil boat in Vietnam
via the umpteenth pint that afternoon.

Farewell Govan -
your late night shadows harbour an underlying tension
masked with comic humour only if you can understand the lingo
words that are distasteful anywhere else are in fact a term of endearment here
I shall miss the odious vernacular and doth my cap to your spirit
the Salt of the Earth and the Lifeblood of the Community
with at least 40% proof liquids mixed with Irn Bru
purchased at the 24/7 corner store along with a can of processed peas;
one of your five a day.

Farewell Govan -
I go to the sunny side of the Clyde
where it rains just as much
but you don’t get mugged for carrying an umbrella
or asked for the time from a watch-wearing tattooed sailor
and joy-of-joys there will be actual fruit & veg shops
where I don’t have to explain what fresh coriander is
and what you use it for, other than on a pizza;
I was offered dried bottled parsley instead.

Farewell Govan.

Uhh..,Young Ston, OFTR..
They say I'm crazy, They say I'm lazy,..they call me crazy, they call me lazy,..Ayee,Yeah..They say I'm crazy, Yeah they say I'm lazy, Uhh, they say I'm crazy..I'm amazing, They say I'm lazy, I'm amazing, They say I'm crazy, They call me lazy, They say I'm....
Crazy..(I'm amazing7)
They say I'm crazy..they call me lazy, They call me crazy..They say I'm lazy..They say I'm crazy, ***** I might  be..Uhh..Yeah..I'm (amazing2)..
(so amazing2)..amazing

Uhh, No Kanye West **** tho dawg, Good Morning tho, Yeah the birds is chirping so loud in the Atown, but I ain't worrying or stunning them hos, no,no..,Ayo, I'm wit my big brothers we mobbing, & we rising up to the top without selling our souls, **** all of that Occult ****, forget about being a Freemason, I'm keeping it hundred, & they only keep it 33 percent, them ******* so scared to even ever show they faces true colors & rep they gang man while they out in public,.. Not me Imma stunt Yeah,..Imma stunt for OFTR *****,..Imma scream my gang so loud to the top of my lungs, Yeah ***** Imma shout..While I'm smoking on some crazy amazing bud mane, I'm  spitting facts from my spirit & soul man, ayo them ******* *** rappers ain't who they say that is noo, not (really2)..homie, they only betraying us mane, Yeah they so fake man, they so gay Yeah freaking faggets, stay the **** outta my face & stay the **** away from me homie, before yo body be filled with maggots..

Aye, I builded my own corporation by just having hope man & praying Yeah..I'm motivating all of my young ****** to stop, following after these **** ******, they ain't keeping it true they rapping lies, & that's not the code. Ayo even the president & his whole committee stay lying to us too, we as the people need to do something together soon, so lets overthrow these false prophets & fake leaders as soon as possible dawg, Uhh..
**** the government, **** America, man I'm going in,.. noo OFTR we won't stop, Noo we can't stop,man.. We can't be stopped either my nig..Uhh, **** Society, **** the police, **** everybody that's hating, **** all the fakes too homie, Aye man **** a friend, **** having a ol lady too homie noo I don't need all of those distractions around me Aye..
Imma always stay true to myself mane..Yeah ***** (Yeah2)..Uhh I got my family, &  I will  ride on any ***** ***** who ever disrespect one them & shoot some **** up,Yeah , that's what my Daddy taught me my *****...Uhh,Yeah..I'm riding to the end for OFTR man, OFTR we all stars..we so amazing,..Yeah we (so amazing3)..

Aye man yeah these ****** stay hating, they hate me..Why because I'm amazing, so amazing.. Aye man, yo ***** wanna come over to my place get faded & get ******..Uhh Imma beat her up..I Chris Brown dat **, call her a Uber then send her *** home packing,.. ain't no sleep overs wit me *****  Noo , you should already know that OFTR noo we don't love these **'s, noo we don't trust em too..Uhh
I be too busy to be sexting & picking up my phone but ***** **** I do give out the best quickies tho **,Yeah..I'm on my grind for the whole day, Noo I can't sleep, Yeah I'm doing whatever I gotta do to feed my family & developing my business into a multi billion dollar industry, but I ain't bending over or ******* ****, forget that sweet Starship type ****.., Yeah **** all of dat , OFTR we got our own agenda man, keeping it real & funky, everyday, Yeah Uhh..I'm getting so stronger everyday..I'm smoking on that strong Hulk smash ****, please don't interfere wit me or else you will be MIA, Aye mane..,I'm so amazing..Uhh.
I'm on my sonic Flow, I'm going so fast, I'm rolling some more grass while I drive man, I been drinking too ****, my ***** I might even crash,..Yeah I'm crazy but you can't call me lazy mufucker, you just looking in from the outside man, who the ******* think you is..Uhh


Only my Heavenly Father can judge me mane,
(Nobody else , Noo2)..*****, Yeah Young Ston a King , Yeah..Uhh Young Ston a g, Yeah Uhh.., Young Ston the man **,..I keep going in, & I ain't pulling out, let's go..Uhh..Yeah
They say I'm crazy, they call me lazy, but they don't know that there is a weapon that's been inside of me, bout to get me so paid *****..so paid Yeah..Yeah..(I'm about to get paid man2)..(I'm about to get paid Yeah3)..
/Yeah..(so paid2)/3..I ain't being (no slave2)..man..Uhh

They say I'm crazy,...
They say I'm lazy, they call me crazy, they call me lazy, they say I'm lazy,..They call me crazy..Uhh..***** I'm amazing, Yeah..(I'm amazing2)..Yeah ***** (I'm amazing3)..Yeah ***** (I'm amazing3)..I'm so amazing, Yeah..

I'm amazing everybody when they doubted on me my *****, They  said I couldn't do nothing but just be a problem, well **** they was right about one thing, Yeah I didn't have a job for a long time  mane..young *****, I usta just sit around the house dream about my future & write hits all day long mane,..Aye but I always had a plan to go out to get what is mines homie..Aye this world so **** evil they gott a ***** like me set up for failure already but I will achieve, & smoke a J wit Farrakhan to discuss being invole  in the Future Revolution for my people..Aye Yeah man..

These demons won't block my vision, man they underneath me Yeah dawg, Yeah I like to roll up Yeah I like to drink alot my ***** , so what, I live my life so you should live yours..Uhh my ***** live it up..Uhh,Yeah Young Ston these busters said I would never ever make it too the big leagues but now they all following after my foot steps  mane.. dawg these succers all around me, & stay tweeting me asking for a **** handout bru, hell naw get the **** up outta my zone, Im not ever associating myself or ever  doing business with ***** *** fakes,..Yeah..Aye.. ***** ***** stay on yo route, don't hop in my lane dude..

You lames copying after each other in Atl mane & I'm doing my music my own way ****, I was the greatest already without nobody even knowing about me, Imma living legend, I prosper forever Yeah, Uhh..Young Ston I'm amazing , so amazing, Yeah ***** I'm amazing, so amazing.. So amazing, so what they can call me crazy dawg, I'm so far away from the haters mane, I'm so elevated, Yeah they can call me crazy all they want ,but no they can't call me lazy, because *****..I know what I am..

I'm amazing Yeah Cuhz.. (I'm amazing3)...Yeah (I'm amazing3)..(Yeah I'm amazing3)..I'm (so amazing2)....
Ayee..Yeah they  say I'm lazy, They call me crazy, They call me lazy, they say I'm crazy,..
/*****.., Yeah (I'm amazing2)../4
Haaaa,(so amazing3)..I'm (so amazing3)..
***** I'm amazing, Yeah ***** I'm crazy,but I ain't even 5 steps close to being lazy..Uhh I'm amazing.. (So amazing4)..Young Ston

Uhh..Young Ston Poet..
**** America, They really ain't doing nothing for us but causing mayhem & more trouble.. **** America.. (Yeah2)..America,don't give no ***** about what country is terrorizing us,its all lies propaganda, all they care for is that (dollar2)..bill dawg, that's all..its time to start realizing that before we all are silenced..Uhh, **** America,.. Yeah they really don't give a **** about us bru..man they rather see us killing each other & beefing over some dumb ****, they rather see us in these streets (doing nothing2)..but thuggin.. So (we gone **** Yeah4)..but we gone **** against America my *****...
(**** America2)..(Yeah2)...(**** America3)..(Yeah2)..
/(**** America3)..( Yeah2)../2
(We gone **** Yeah3)..We gone **** against America man,..

We gone stand together dawg. We gone overcome..Yeah, we gone take back our control, Yeah we gone, (overthrow2), all of this corruption, that's in front of us dawg, **** America, Yeah, they been lying to us for years & years, we still slaves mentally, got ****** mane, am I the only person who realize this, its like a witch has put a Ray Charles curse on all of us, the way we just let all of this fucc **** go on & on over our heads & just do nothing man..***** we so trapped, ***** we ain't free, Aye..
We need to wake up before its just to late & stop being so gullible & blinded by this curropt government.. **** America *****, Noo they don't want us to be nothing.. They rather just see us be bums man..They rather see us, be Thugs..well (Yeah we gone ****3)..We Thuggin, against America, we standing up for what is rightful ours, We taking care  of each other..Uhh..

Shoutout to all of my real leaders, that's still here doing they **** thing man..Its so many false prophets just telling lies,&  brainwashing our minds yeah making us into human robots, we working hard for nothing.. **** America my *****, don't trust em, or don't follow after them..Only God, my ***** don't even follow me, my ***** follow yoself, look up to yoself, be yo own leader man..Yeah..Uhh
Stand up for what's real,..Uhh..
/(**** America3)..(Yeah2)../2

Uhh,..The end of days is coming soon mane, I can feel it, ****, its like its so close my *****, I can taste it..Uhh its so much death around me dawg, can't you smell it my *****, Wake yall ***** up, dawg its America that has been the real terrorists this whole **** time my *****..Yeah America is IsIs,..& they tryna make it seem like its just Afghanistan man..Noo its not just them, the whole government system is, they always lying to us homie..
I'm going hard , like a lion, I'm wit my pacc, OFTR, we hungry & we fighting, Yeah we ready for war,..Ayee, its bout to get violent, Uhh..Only For The Real ., Im real ****** companion..I got my own campaign man, Yeah..but you don't even gotta vote for me *****..
I'm electing myself...Aye

(**** America2)..(Yeah2)..(**** America3)..(Yeah2)..(**** America2)..(**** em4)..(**** America2)..(Yeah2)..Uhh..(**** em3)..(**** America2)..
They don't give a **** about us..(Noo2,)Uhh,my *****,Noo..
They don't give a **** about us at all ..So..
(**** America8)
(Yeah2)..Uhh..We gone **** Yeah..We gonna **** Yeah...(**** America2),..Yeah *****.. We gonna **** Yeah..We gone **** Yeah..We gonna **** Yeah..(**** America2)..Yeah ***** we gonna **** Yeah..***** we gone **** Yeah..
/We gone **** Yeah..,We gonna **** Yeah, we gone (****3)..Yeah/2
(**** America2)..(Yeah2)
We gonna **** Yeah..We gone **** *****,Yeah we gonna **** *****..(**** America2)..We gonna **** Yeah..

OFTR man, we bout to start so many **** riots all across the world man, so yeah you better beware,Cuhz we bringing so much chaos & destruction to the white house kitchen table, now eat that up Obama, Uhh..you only betraying us behind our backs anyway..**** *****, you a ***** *** president.. Along wit the rest of them , Aye man Instead of being a puppet on a string my *****..(Imma be whoever I wanna be, Yeah2)..Imma be me my *****..I spit  my own verses & I clean  my own **** , no man can take control of me *****..Yeah..
(I'm gone **** Yeah..I'm gonna **** *****, yeah3)
**** America

(**** America3..)Yeah2)
They don't care about us they just want us all dead..They don't want us to be nothing Yeah..
So..(**** America3)..(Yeah2)
They can *******..They can all burn in hell...
President Obama is a Uncle Tom ***** *** *****..Yeah..(**** America3)..(Yeah*4)

(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its worth it....
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its perfect....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But Love is perfect....Yeah Love is worth it.
Yeah..Yeah..


Love is pain..
Love is care..
Love is  scarce..
Love is wealth
Love is Jesus bloodshed..
Love hurts but its worth the fight..Yeah

Love is very hard to attain..It seems that love went MIA..or maybe I'm just going blind homie..I been searching tryna find it, where could it be..I don't know mane..but searching for it kinda made me weak..
Love is strength
Love is kind..
Love is the best high ever, Love is a feeling that we all need to acquire.
Without love there's no peace..
Without love there's no you..
Without love there's no me..
Love can't be bought but Love is richer than gold ,silver , & billions all combine together.
Love is what so many people need..
Love is unconditional..
Love is indescribable..
Love is why the sun come up..Love is why the sun goes down..
Love is why the moon shines so bright..
Love is why the stars are so beautiful at night..
Love saves a broken heart and pampers it..not tampers with it..
Aye..(love3)..when I find you you are forever mines..real talk..for show..
Love is worth more than this world is worth dawg
I'm just letting ya know,Love is what got us all here in the first place, Thank you so much Jesus, Thank You So much Heavenly Father..Aye..Yeah

(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its worth it....
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its perfect....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But Love is perfect....Yeah Love is worth it.
Yeah..Yeah..

Love can pull you down & tear you apart from the bottom to the top, but its all worth it, dawg   its so **** perfect my *****.. its all worth it Yeah..Uhh
Its worth more than being famous, its worth more than being rich , Yeah its worth more than the most luxurious crib, its worth more than the most luxurious whip..Love is  worth more than the most luxurious jewelry.. Love is so precious , so if you get it then take care of it homie..Aye,..Love is everything to me.. Love washed all our sins, & Love took away all are  pain..Thank You so much Jesus again for your heroic deed..Aye

Why is it so hard tryna find love, Aye, its harder than taking a calculus quiz dawg, & I been trying my best tryna past it, please help me Lord please..please I need your guidance..Aye..you can't buy love, no matter how much money you think you spending on it ..its only gained by trust dawg, Aye..
Where ya at love, where you been , I really want ya, I need ya bad..(love4)....Yeah
Yeah love hurts so ******* much but Imma fein for it, no demon, I'm so addicted to the feeling bru, its like smoking on some good kush, its my medicine, I need love to help me unwind & relax Yeah.. So when I find love, Imma make love mines forever & ever dawg, ain't no running away from me Yeah..



(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its worth it....
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its perfect....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But its worth it....Yeah its perfect
Yeah..Yeah..
(Love hurts...Yeah3)
But Love is perfect....Yeah Love is worth it.
Yeah..Yeah..

Where is Love at,..Yeah I been searching..
Aye, I need (love2).. & I want (love2).. So where you at (Love2)..Who you been with (love2)
Where the **** is love at,Where the **** has love been for so long man..
Yeah Yeah..Uhh
I want love..,Wheres it at,  I can't find it..I need love ****..Where has it been at man, I been searching steady tryna guide it, but I can't find it so I'm still trying,.. Aye
I..I want love,..I..I need love where is love at..(Where the **** it been..
I can't find it..Wheres it at3)
Love hurts yeah..but its perfect,
(Yeah its worth it2)..(Aye,I want love, I need love, where is love at,..2)..Aye
Where the **** has it been, please stop hiding from me love, I really need you, I'm so sad..Uhh..(Wheres it at..Where is love at4)..Aye..because its worth it, yeah its so perfect..Uhh...Yeah I need love, I want love but..(I can't find it,no2)..(Where is Love at *4)..(where the **** its at aye4)..its so perfect , its worth it, (love6)..(Yeah, love hurts but its worth it..2)..Yeah love hurts but its perfect yeah its so worth it..(Yeah love hurts3)..but its worth it, man its so perfect,.. (Love7..Where the **** it been..
I can't find it..Wheres it at3)
(Where the **** is it at..noo..I can't find it man3)..(Where the **** is love at..3)..*****

I want it in my hands yeah I want love so bad man, I been seeking love for years & years  chasing after it,..I been looking everywhere I'm going mad,..Uhh..Yeah
But its worth every mile of this journey that I have been hiking for sure I'm gonna find it, ..man its just so **** perfect Yeah man, its just so **** worth it, Love hurts yeah but its so **** perfect, Yeah its so **** worth it, Yeah..
I need (love2), I want (love2) so much..Yeah
I want (love2) , I need (love2) so my ***** I'm searching..
I need love, I want love my ***** Imma find it
(Yeah ***** Imma find it2)..(Love7)
Where the **** is it at...I need love Yeah I been searching & Imma find it..
Aye..
(Love4)

We gone (live life up2)...(we gone live it up2)..(Live it up2)...we gone (live life up2)..We gone (live it up,2) We gone live life Yeah, we gone live life up, we gone live life Yeah, (we gone live it up2)..live it up..we gone (live life Yeah2)..(live it up2)..Aye, (we gone live life up3)..***** we gone live it up, Yeah ***** we gone (live it up3)..***** (we gone live life up,  Yeah2)..(we gone live it up3)..live life up,..Aye live life up,..Aye (live it up2)..

Everybody come through ***** lets turn up,lets burn up,Blaze (not just one2)..blaze the whole pacc up **** we got alot (more coming2)..to smoke no we don't ever run out, we living life Yeah..we live life up *****, we gone (live it up2)..live life yeah..Uhh..
If you coming through, Yeah bring your crew with no drama, no guns allowed at all..What up Snoop Lion..,Uhh,if you coming through bring some bottles too, come through & let all the ******* burn up wit the marijuana, come through wit no violence, tonight we will be having no problems none at all dawg,we living it up man..,

(***** We gone../live life up2../)2..

Tonight is gonna be so amazing,..Uhh,.
Only Real ****** invited to my crib, Yeah Only Real gangstas & down chicks, thats (bout it2), man, Aye we (living life up2)..we didn't usta live life at all dawg, we didn't have much fun, I was slaving for America till, I said **** a 9 to 5 bru, & became my own boss OFTR Yeah, just for that Imma (live it up..3)..Yeah Imma live life now.., Yeah tonight I'm living it up, Yeah living it up,I'm  living life how I want,..live it up, Yeah,live it up my *****,..
Let's jam..(Aye, we gone (live life up2) Yeah2)..

/we gone po up, Yeah we gone roll up, & post up my nig..Uhh, we gone (live it up2)..Yeah/2
Aye, (we gone (live life up3), Aye,Yeah2)..
/We gone (live it up4)..Yeah/3
Live life up my nig..

Whats good , bad lil mama bring yo **** *** over, Yeah come through & bring some of your friends over too, come hang chill & let loose wit a real gangsta Young Ston, Imma show you what's real Babygirl,make sure you bring some lingerie wit ya..Uhh, Imma teach you alot of new things boo, I can tell you ain't been wit a ****.. (Like me before2)..Never before,.. Aye my life is a critically acclaimed motion picture & it ain't even  been released yet **** having a Oscar nomination, ***** I'm still a winner, Aye don't ever compare me to somebody else , nobody man, unless it's a real one,
Yeah man we turning up, some even throwing up, some even on the floor pissy drunk ****, my crib gonna look a mess in the morning but its all good along as everybody have fun.. (Yeah2)..
We (living life up *****2)..(live it up3)..Aye

(***** we gone live life up2)..live it up..(***** we living life up3)..we living life Yeah..(we living life up2), live it up, (yeah, we living life up3)..Uhh..

Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems we drinking, & we blazing marijuana, Ain't no drama, ain't no problems ***** we poing up & smoking that good marijuana,..Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems (we just drinking & blazing marijuana2)..,Aye..
Ain't no drama, Ain't  no problems my *****(we just living it up2)..We just having fun,..(Yeah live it up3)..Live life *****, Yeah..Uhh Live life up..
Young Ston

(Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems..2)
We living life Yeah..
(Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems..2)
We living it up my *****..Yeah.
(Live it up*2)..man, Uhh

ONLY FOR THE REAL ENTERTAINMENT

Uhh, from the top, Yeah we high, you already know what I been up to if you been ******* wit the movement, just smoking ****, & spitting facts..(like always2).., Yeah mane, always, **** Im either solo dolo or wit the family ***** thats gang..(gang2)..**,Uhh..
**** the fake ****, **** all of them fake ***** ******, forget all of the **** **** my ***** for real man..OFTR..Uhh

(All that fake **** ain't gonna last *****3)..(OFTR is here to stay forever3).., real talk man OFTR (***** we came all the way from last now we in first place..aye2)..
(OFTR is here to stay forever3)..Cuhz,
(All that fake **** ain't gonna last *****3)
OFTR we came all the way from last place,now we all in (first place6)..Yeah
All that kissing *** **** ain't gone last *****..
Aye..
All that fake **** ain't gone last *****..


(All that fake **** ain't gone last *****3)..Uhh, (all that fake **** ain't gonna last *****3).., but OFTR, man we gonna be doing whatever we want mane, the industry can't hold us back *****..we gonna be doing whatever we want mane, forever Yeah..forever..Aye, Cuhz..
All that fake **** ain't gone last *****3
..Aye,..This is For The Real, Only For The Real..
(Yeah that's it2)

Uhh, Imma Soulja, a OFTR Soulja Fo sho bru, I'm going to war against America..I'm going to war against  all of these fakes too *****..., Imma make em all burn with Satan,.. Aye man, all that fake **** ain't gonna last *****, no it ain't gonna last my *****, get ready because OFTR (we coming for that *** *****,Yeah2)..taken face *** *****,..Aye man..
(All that fake **** ain't gone last  *****, All that fake **** ain't gonna last3)..Uhh,
all that fake **** ain't gone last *****, all that fake **** ain't gonna last,..(it ain't gonna last Naw4)..

Because OFTR, we stopping all of that fucc ****, right now, Cuhz Yeah we coming, all of my real ******, we rising, if your being fake my ***** that **** bout to stop now, for real dawg yall ***** *** rappers just need to stop it,just quit while y'all ahead...because all that fake **** ain't gonna last..
(no it won't last2)..while I'm still breathing, Imma put that fake **** to the past *****, Aye all of you buster sucker fuccers besta not come around me, or there will be alot of problems for you, real talk mane..I'm bout what I'm rapping about in every song that I have written, its not for Mr.Nasty Time , its time for vengeance no Batman ****, I'm strapped up, like the Black Panthers,..
I'm fighting back with artillery, Imma getbmy peace, Cuhz..thats all i want mane..my ***** America still treating us like we slaves still, but its about to stop today..Emancipation,Aye..

(All that fake **** ain't gone last2)..,no it won't man..OFTR, (we coming for that ***,Yeah2)
No ****.., Aye (all that fake **** ain't gone last, all that fake **** ain't gonna last2)..no man, Aye..(OFTR coming for that ***4)..
All that **** **** won't last..
No it won't mane..

.
                               Brutus
                         Brutus Brutus
                       Brutus Brutus Br
                      utus Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                          Brutus Brutus
                  Brutus                    Brutus  
     ­     Brutus Brutus          Brutus Brutus
      Brutus Brutus Bru   tus Brutus Brutus
         Brutus Brutus            Brutus Brutus
               Brutus                         Brutus

1992, seldom electric fire
  Top tier tenement
grease paint balcony
White flack veranda, in cold
     Aircraft damage
diamond hill - screen run
  centipedes crawling from under carpets
  Three stacked wage
Lighters tossed in
click click click
            Shared alternate
          Wiping vandal on jeans
- aquatic codex
     Ran       G - Er
Cleaning ***** pipes to play
     Brushes
Pushing out bits of pigeon meat
             Nature
                   Takes back
                         Inner pink
walking through valley, 2 shops
   Butchers, newsagents, bag on back, 75p Irn Bru
     - niaroo, old folks
a Roman decoration
   Holding hands, woken camping
Damp - Sleep
             Dams
man-made, man-made
   shoes
Taken off
  tiptoeing in inch high slow decline
Straddling fallen tree rings
           Egyptian replicant
      Citerazine, bag full of frogs
       Tree swings
                  - rope burn
    Cap full of Night Nurse
And a newtonian lung full of phlegm
  Mattress protector, cold sweat, menthol
                      - Or
  Retailed Jelly Beans pushed through face
      Lactic acid
          food pylons
     change t-shirts on trains home
     Thawing moments
     In a misty aether
       - That we found
            While eating in the Rain
     Sidestep
         Sidestep
              sidestep
         Til' we ***** rocks on waxpaper
                                Quasi-negativity
overheard on the 57th chemical bus
           Imitated cough
  Flash point culture
Aching on
a woken bad comfort, 50 minutes
    Surfing on liquid Archipelagos
- Camping - On a swollen inner thigh
                 Cause the
                 (carriage)
                           Today
Several dead.
   Yet cosmos vanished lacquer
                              Manslaughter
boiled mouthwash
       in the future
- drole
        acryllic ****
Shoes taken off at doors
      A need to laugh, Not in bars
    Not in rigor, not in Lips
Blankets on open doors to Firs
         rings century heat fort
  eight days external
             licking
     The imaginary
                  (Wound)
Shameless St. John
  Bricks
  Smashed off 204th launch
          finger split.   Splint
      -Fibration
              g
               oo -
finding Love in Junipers
        enchanted, Vanilla pod
Apple fries, casual ***, loose horseshoes
    Draper
           &
             a cold Vermont
        Liberty, capitol savings/Planck
        Ever twisting Venetian control
           Executive seep
        - In Sunlight
          skies scraped Cosgrove, Skies
presents, present
maybe sunny side of Barstow
    Agony aunt Limericks
and - Deep thrombosis
Let's build pyramids          In our Dreams
the night time sky
here
Will         never     Win    any    Awards

.                                                                                  o
                                                                                  f
                                                                                 hu
                                                                                man
                                                                               thin
                                                                              gs: ma
                                                                             ny doin
                                                                            g, thing
                                                                           s human
                                                                          are more n
                                                                         eatly couth i
                                                                        n Into-Dust co
                                                                       ats of polite var
                                                                      nish and their ha
                                                                     ats hang at precise
                                                                    their teeth ivory and
                                                                   the smell of their colo
                                                                  gne catches back at the
                                                                 throat wearing finest silk
                                                                s (but time, time looks bru
                                                               tally through their and prim
                                                              shoes and trousers. knees sag
                                                             eyes hang instantly
                                                                                                 languor w
                                                           ears them like cheap perfume and
                                                          laughter unsuddenly from nowhere
                                                         crisps the cheeks of everywaiting sou
                                                        l creeks with soon to be dirt bones and
                                                       amongst them sprouts something gener
                                                      ous. Less close to nearly dead, and has (l
                                                     ike a frond has) demure sturdy waifish. its
                                                    timber is clothed in blonde lips and eyes lik
                                                   e waking almost never(no like daffodils; yes l
                                                  ike more them) only daffodils, they are not so b
                                                 right, nor as agile, i think but who knows i was o
                                                nly a boy who, from across the street noticed, a girl
                                               pressed between death,
                                                                                                     laughing like a *****

i mistaked that birds crow for you-
all i long for is to hold you
my tears are for that of joy
and the mere idea of you not being here.
Your my rylee my lovey my puppy
my baby number 2,
afterall hunny hunny bunny
baby bru came before you;
I miss your whimpering as much as it broke my heart,
I was attentive and ready to provide all that i could
for the nurturing you need
The feeling of the sharpness of your puppy teeth
as you used me as your chew toy;
any moving object became your object -
I loved every second of it.
I love you Rylee boo, I do I do I do
From the sole bottom of my heart
to the second were apart -
You have my heart .
Your my baby
my joy
My light beneath the miserable heat
this distance so deep
Slowly digs steep-
Will soon be gone;
There will be nothing left to long for;
because I will soon have you

When times get
Hard, the going gets writing.
And the times are hard, but
Things get worst before they get any better.

As a bruise is when it's healing.

Coming from a young person with no where to go,
As I run from this creature.
This big, dark creature who's
Chasing me, there's no where to
Hide, or so it thinks...

Down the street...nope, it's right behind me.
On the roof...nah, it's there too.
No where to turn,
No where to go, oh but wait...
I* got my secret place, but d*amn it! It's
Even there as well--in my writing. *In my place.

Here come
pairs   of   legs
   riddled with cellulite
   accents
     stuff the air
Neuwcassul
   Burmingum
stores     reek
of cheap   tat
   bargain   last-few-quid   items
Irish music
no-one gives a     jig     about
    Mr. Whippy's
for sale every seven/six
   make that     five     cafés
women   packed
   like bubblewrap
     into denim shorts
     middle-aged men
plagued with     tattoos
   Irn Bru tans

back at the chalet
     kids thwack
   plastic     *****
with plastic racquets
   next-door neighbours
   puff on their nineteenth
*** before midday
come   night
karaoke floods towards us
   like a murky tsunami
don't stop believin'
     hold   on   to   that   feelin'

but the   girl
in the museum
   had a ponytail
   another one
dipped in gold
   like a fancy chess piece
and I walk   around
in a   Norwich   shirt
lick sea-breeze
     and know
   this isn't
home

a week back home wed to tuesday of the fifth
i had a long series of peaceful and sleep field nights
aching from the uncomfort of my original twin bed
to the admiration of my ry and bru

a second flew by
oh too very soon

i am determined to be better
stinging with back aches

I went out at the day
I saw a green lake
On nearing it
Finally on stepping on it
I came to know its fake.

I saw a grey cake
On nearing it
Finally on touching it
I came to know its a cloudy grey smoke.

I saw a rose bed
On admiring it
Went near to it
Finally on sensing it
I came to know its a place where phenolphthalein fed.

At night I reached home
I was given a cup of 'Bru'
Thought it wasn't true
and threw.

It fell on my feet
Finally on feeling the heat
I came to know
Things which I thought was true wasn't true
But...,
This cup of Bru is really true!

Dated: 23.10.2009

iknowiknowiknow
you are just  _ that _ ache
that hurt. that. will. not.
go.
》》》》away
LEss of an op^en^ wou^^^^nd than 108
,...days a _ go
}whenthe15thofNovember}} was my
fa ~vor~ite~
MorE than a purple bruise
₩hat was there//somethingaboutme; you thought. you. could. use.
[until _ you _ did _ n't]
my blind can't help me now
you seeped into^ these^ bones
&itjustwon;'t;leave
me
a
[lone]

a farewell to quills / qwerty: alternative title to -new year's resolution and breaking thresholds of my mental stamina

rereading some works of Frank O'Hara thinking:
i wish a naive 20 year old once more,
just for as little as an hour - curse this aging and
getting predictable in one's assurance
    and disappointments -

i'm crushed today, absolutely crushed...
last night i managed to "****" the madam of the brothel...
that's the thing... i was coming back from
work, i drank one bottle of cider and a little
bit of whiskey, but i must have walked
around the brothel roughly 3 miles
in endless bouts of despair and excitement...

vomiting what little i ate that day...
thinking i'm constipated with an unfinished
little nugget of **** lodged up my *******...
queasy, excited, lost.... child-like...

like i said: "****"... she's a big woman...
i'm guessing in her 50s... definitely late 40s...
it's rather intimidating... and i'm like 5 months
shy from being 37 myself!
plump... but given her age that looks great on a woman
and... my god... the greatest pair of *******
i have ever seen... absolutely...
    a *****-**** where your actual **** disappears
completely?
                    it was just too intimidating...

whenever she let into the brothel for a £10
sat me down and inquired whether i'd like something
refreshing to drink... or she would let be choose
what music i'd like to listen to if all the girls were
busy...

******* no. 1 - lasted me for about 5 minutes...
flop... i finally broke my mental threshold when it comes
to casual ***... casually authentically transactional ***...
no games... not dating games...
no "relationships" / hook-ups...
me, going to the butchers - laying down £10 on
the table the butcher giving me a lump of beef...
that's it... no not me being older and dating 20 year
old women and beating them at the game
just by being older...

                                     the complete ******* opposite...
i don't know what her prostitutes told her
and why she suddenly made herself available!
(oh ****... i'm going to be sick... right this minute...)

.....................................................­.....................
...........................................­.................................
...............................­...........................................
.....................­......................................................
..........­................................................. (10 minutes
spent in the toilet puking, later).......................

unlike with Isabella - from Grenoble -
who i lost my virginity to -
i was a fresh 18 year old who already had
some experience with kissing and hand-jobs
while she was 21 and already with experience...
she just implored me to put on a ******
while speaking half-drunk half-passionately
(strange combination, i know)...
                  
older women... the gap gets even worse when
you get to the age of 36 and the woman is
in her late 40s or in her early 50s...
                                the allure is staggering...
a Grand Canyon of experiences -
                                      i am not ashamed that
i tried to get a ******* twice and twice failed...
as we were talking she didn't cut any corners:
it's not strong enough...
   oh **** me... for the 5 minutes it was hard
the way she just slapped in on her tongue...
but as the limo kicked in i just brushed it aside...
like dirt under a rug... not really taking myself
seriously - the situation was serious enough...
                          of course i didn't blame her...
                           and of course she knew that i couldn't
for the first time in my life i mentioned ******...
my head was aching with this notion...
but not too much: back in high school i already knew
guys in their tender age of 17 and 18 who had
early success with girls who were already
popping ******...
                                             but i know my bouts
of impotence... there's a word in Polish that perfectly
describes it: TREMA...
             which doesn't mean trauma...
                                the jitters... stage-fright...

oddly enough with her prostitutes hardly any problems...
but most of them are younger...
    with her prostitutes it's usually the opposite...
there's the hard-on but a mental constraint of being
unable to finish, to ******...
this was a completely opposite problem...

i dreamt of **** that size ever since i learned to *******
aged 8... and now having finally arrived at
my Mecca of fantasies and "expectations"...
******... the jitters...
                          which i could understand if i was
20 and she was 28... but not with my experiences...
not nearing 37... well...
                                   but she's nearing 50... ergo?
the canyon of expectations grows exponentially...
why? because... technically... i bought into
some Oedipal... she could technically be my mother...
not quiet... and on top of that:
                            she's the madam of the brothel!
she's the one who employs prostitutes and gives
them protection by employing a bouncer
who says a friendly: hello mate, how are you?
upon opening the brothel's fourth door...
oh yeah... you have to walk through 4 doors before
entering...
i have seen guys get rejected on the 1st door...
and the 2nd...

all these factors played a part...
ergo? my new year's resolutions are here...
my drinking has finally caught up with me...
i'm actually getting bored of drinking...
i know i said that once...
and never stuck to my guns of giving up
the habit... i'm also getting bored of smoking
cigarettes...
                     i can't smoke on the job
because i get nervous when sometimes having
to attend to large crowds... large crowds of
drunk football fans... i can't smoke in the morning
either... i get this morning tobacco sickness...
plus being a serious cycling enthusiast:
what's the point?
plus being pestered with a genetic predisposition
for high blood pressure...
the drinking is not helping... the smoking is not
helping... maybe that's another factor when it comes
to this one bout of erectile dysfunction...
high blood pressure...

and... writing... well... if i won't be drinking alcohol
my truth serum will be gone...
              and if i won't be smoking... what sort of writer
would i be if i didn't smoke?
the one eating carrots as a way of distraction and bad
habit?
                     i might as well admit that...
i think that i've written all that i have wanted / not wanted
to write -
     there's just no more incentive to continue this
dream - give up like Scott Fitzgerald... but instead
of turning to more alcohol... actually giving it up...
   all the vices... get in even better shape and...
                      go back to the madam and **** her like
300 Spartans...
                  
but on top of that she gave me more depressing news...
Mona and Kdarda ****** off... it would seem for good...
Mona became pregnant... what?!
oh yeah... she's in her 2nd or 3rd month...
she's back in Romania...
                                               who did she become
pregnant with?                                   ...
    ...                                          silence... not that i actually
asked the question...
                                    i sometimes wonder what
happens to those used condoms...
                                        it's almost like in the urban
myth i once overheard in Poland about...
either a man or a woman who sold condoms
having pierced them with a needle...

              well i have an urban myth of my own...
even though it's not a myth but a sad reality of being
with a woman, in a relationship,
who tells you she doesn't like you wearing a ******
because if there's going to be any latex involved it
won't  go inside of her but will be outside of her
so she tells you she will get on the pill...
                       only years later you realise....
it was impossible that she was on a contraceptive pill
because... you just performed oral *** on
a ******* who let you have unprotected *** with
her because she actually was on the pill
i.e. you can't perform oral *** on a woman who
is on the pill because there are no sweet juices flowing
there's only a ******* pharmacy down there...
it's bitter... so ergo... if that girlfriend of yours calls you
up a few weeks after she broke up with you
and tells you that she's pregnant...
                       on top of you suspecting her ex boyfriend
beta orbiter hanging around her flat in St. Petersburg
when you went over to visit one glorious summer...

why have only prostitutes  been the most
                                                 sane women in my life?
oh this night i'm going to drink my last
and write something rather epic...
                     because after tonight...
                                 a hiatus... complete darkness...
sure... any internet communication already established:
kept... but i'm not sticking my head out anymore...
i've done it for 8 years and i'm finally feeling the strain
that writing creates in the psyche...

i also realised yesterday that the ego can be sometimes
right... my ego planned that i wouldn't go to the brothel
until the next year, a day prior to ******* off to Poland
to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday
(and obviously stocking up on duty free Camel cigarettes) -
as i was circling the vicinity of the brothel
trying to find the darkest parts - alleys, the park,
my ego was already telling: but you said so yourself
that not until next year, look at yourself: you're a nervous
wreck! you're not in the mood for ***... not tonight...
you just finished a shift and you're tired... just go home...
but i didn't listen to my ego: it's a painfully useful realisation
that this otherwise usually fickle entity inside of
my head with its pseudo-schizoid advantages / disadvantages
of rummaging in two tongues is somehow still
trying to help me, persuade me, comfort me and tell
me the whole truth rather than some delusional spin-off
some variation of a Satanic-whisper...
yesterday i was illuminated... but of course i didn't listen:
since it wasn't my conscience talking...
     i've already done the supposedly "evil" / "taboo"...

it's for the best... for the past 8... hell! more!
how many years has it been where there wasn't a single
day where i wouldn't spew some sort-poetic but mostly
rambling every, single, ******, night!
non-stop! sometimes, in my peak, that would involve
me sitting from 10pm through to 8am in
the morning - going to bed with the sunrise and
getting up with the sunset...
                             becoming this nocturnal monster -
living a life associated with the comings and goings
of an ivory tower, ******* Merlin the whacky etymological
historian of sorts...

well... today was eventful: just by waking up i was transported
into a warping of thought...
i needed to have a conversation with myself...
woke around 2pm... exhausted... lay in bed for
3 hours, hungry, hung-over...
       not moving, like a reptilian predator...
what did i have to eat today?
   my father used to call my drinking antics by using
the metaphor: rat...
   i always thought myself more of a fox...
although ask the Chinese...
                rats are not something to be cringed at...
they spread the wrath of the gods...
                       i couldn't **** a fly i couldn't **** a rat...
i remember this one instance in Edinburgh...
i was with Ilona and a mouse managed to enter my
wardrobe... i could see it: eyes glistening...
what did i do?
    i built a maze in my bedroom...
     with a trap at the end... "ushering" the mouse out
it ran through my elaborate maze and into my trap...
i caught it... pincer index thumb held up upside down,
she took a picture, giggle... purr me...
what did i do with it?
       i went outside of the flat (Montague St. can't
remember the flat number, tenements)
and left it on the communal staircase... thinking...
well... it might just scuttle away...
what did the mouse do? a ******* KAMIKAZE jump
two storeys down...
              which sent... shockwaves of trauma back
into my at-then-present-consciousness...
   when i was younger this bully of a kid...
thick glasses... curly brown hair... encouraged me...
to drop my hamster from a height telling me...
he'll survive... so... i dropped the hamster...
watching it fall... watching it hit the ground...
watching its tiny snout paint a ******* of crimson,
hue pink, hue... all the Hugh Grants and Heffners
in red...
    as i ran back to my mother and grandmother
crying... talk of parachutes... opening...
some magical force this bully persuaded me of...
the parachute didn't open! the parachute didn't open!
it was a joke for a while...
                           but i was the killer of my own pet...
and this kid... i still don't remember how
he came into my life... he wasn't the kid of any of the neighbours...
he just appeared in my life for this particular instance...
and there i was thinking i was morally superior
when i took a walk alone down a little stream
watching two boys **** a frog by smearing it with
lipstick and setting it alight...

things changed when hamsters became dogs...
Axl... i loved that dobberman... ferocious beast...
me and the upstairs kid: BIOŁY... Mark? Martin?
he was so blonde he could pass off as albino...
we were playing my Nintendo console...
because... i was the "rich" kid in the neighbourhood...
well... rich... living in those old communist satellite
state sort of tenements...
i was the kid with all the presents but no father
in my life and a drunk grandfather who was still great:
better than nothing given i only had one grandfather
and you're sort of supposed to have two...
so we were playing... got into an argument...
i don't know what happened in-between
i just know that Axl bit the boy's nose and the same
glorious gush of red-energy emerged...
                            
"i"...well... my grandmother had to get rid of Axl
after he almost tried to take my eye out
after... perfectly reasonable come to think of it...
he started biting my Alsatian ***** Bella
                 and i stood over him and in cold-blood
treated with "paint-brushings" of a PEJCZ...
             whip... honestly? some things sound so much
better in different language...
blitzkrieg sounds so much better than lightning-strike...

i still can't believe i managed to "****" the madam
of the brothel... she even tied her hair in pigtails
to give an impression of being younger...
my god... given her age... what an attractive specimen...
oh... and a plump girl can pull it off...
seriously...
                       but only when she gets older...
younger, plump girls... eh... nope... but when she gets older...
i just regret disappointing her...
but... a learning curve is a learning curve...
i'll have enough time to improve...
it's not like into video games... i never passed beyond
a PS1 games console... ergo...
there's plenty of night and nothing and brick-walls
to meditate / be ****** into... the odd sudoku...
a Chinese ideogram or my favourite:
a return to the syllables of Katakana...

all throughout i'm listening to just one song...
Salmonella Dub's Problems...
a New Zealand band...
                              back when i was a ***-smoker
i invested enough time to branch out
into a ***-smoker's type of music genres...
New Zealand...
   i worked two shifts at Twickenham...
first shift? England vs. New Zealand...
second shift? England vs. South Africa...
my god... the difference in spectators...
the South Africans felt... so proud... sort of ageless...
imagine a tribe of African living in Finland...
this is what it felt like... the New Zealanders seemed
like farmer-boys, sheep-shaggers, the Welsh...
they mingled and bred with the local population
of the Maori... the South Africans didn't...
South Africa once colonised by the English
fell into the hands of the Dutch...
    but these Dutch of South Africa weren't at all progressive...
of the modern day Netherlands...
they resembled escapee Nazis living Argentina...

we received the best compliments from the managing
team... our gate worked smoothly...
i don't know why i was given the megaphone
reciting robotic messages i.e.
a. 'ladies and gentlemen, please use all the available
turnstiles'...
b. 'ladies and gentlemen, pleasure ensure to use
the minimal traffic of all entry points via gate DELTA...'

Greek... hmm!
     fork in the road... so that's diFFer to... say...
hello sunshine:

      P            H
           Φ Θ    
      H            T             just add Poseidon's trident

of Psi into the mix... Ψ: alternatively see diFFer...
just so... the **** of iota of the omicron...
with psi emerging from the O that's an Omega
turned upside-down Ʊ + I = Ψ

    mind you... with these seeing, living eyes...
an F and an "F" mind sound the same...
but... the disparaging associations of meaning
create a... literacy barrier...
still persistent in the advent of graffiti...

the last time i beat an animal without eating it
was my second arrival of Maine **** cats
into the household...
i didn't know who the culprit was... so i smacked him
and i smacked her...
she was the honest one...
but the second time the incident happened...
well... by then i knew who was ******* in my bed...

i know that by quitting drinking i'll be the inverted
version of a bear... i know that i have sleeping
issues, which will become more exemplified
by a reached: hope for sustaining my sanity...
but this high-blood pressure ******* has left too much
turmoil in my head...

oh right, my father's rat to "non-existent" analogy
of my buying alcohol antics, smuggling bottles
of whiskey... alone, drinking... and then during
the day playing the party partisan of society...
like a fox... or rat... whichever...
what did i do today... i had a bed sobering up
session... and a in the cold sobering session...
i lay on the jacuzzi cover in the jacuzzi shed...
fidgeting... trying to conserve energy: i was fasting...
i folded my hands into an akimbo
putting one hand into the sleeve of another arm...
folding my trousers into my socks...
lying flat... then lifting my legs up
touching the beams of the shed...
      
             like, a wild, *******, animal...
i imagined: but i did... steal a slice of bread
from the kitchen... smearing it with butter...
again "stealing" a tub of a ****** speciality,
i.e. a vegetable salad consisting of raw celeriac,
raw Bramley apples... petit pois (canned),
cooked parsley roots, cooked carrots, cooked
potatoes. hard-boiled eggs... raw leaks...
all smeared with a dollop of mayonnaise...
pepper? yes please...
                           and a can of spicy tomato tinned
mackerels... eating it while standing up
in the 2nd shed... the 3rd shed has my father's work
tools and my Tour de France 2nd bicycle...
the Kolarzówka... which is a spring / summer bicycle...
it's not the autumn / winter mountain bicycle...

i hate cars... i adore buses...
if i hear some alpha bru'h trying to sell me a sports
car... i start to think of Dalmatians and...
can, you, ride, a, horse?!
owning a car makes absolutely no sense when living
in London or its vicinity...

oh **** me, even the thought of tomorrow shift is giving
me the Gremlins...
supervisor, again, why?! can't i be the break-guy?
i'm not even qualified... yet... i'm being given this
******* leeway like i earned it... oh, right,
i have earned it...
            i just don't want to experience
the fudge-packing headache of a delay in
constipation... which is not exactly a headache...
just a pulverising anti-music... a vibrating headache
that doesn't ache...
a vigilant reminder of: would i come out of
the Manchester Arena suicide bombing with PTSD?

i smile, i pause... i smile again... i clock faces...
it originates in my childhood...
this... sensation of numbing at the fingertips...
when... people... who don't own what
you own... are given a frightful... free... access...
and... you're sort of o.k with it...
you're not o.k. with it...
but you give up a stating ownership of objects for
the people using said objects for their own
pleasure... you feel pleasured by peoplg
being pleasured... but you just don't understand
why ownership of things is somehow important
a tier above the presence of the people
bypassing you owning and them: not owning
said, used, things, for that shared...
interaction... numbing of the fingertips...

i'm sad. Khadra is gone... Mona is gone too...
i'm left strapping myself to excitement and paranoia
and erectile dysfunction ******* the madam of
the brothel... watermelons, watermelons... watermelons...
ich spreschen Deutsche...
a bit like my surname... ******... Stalin...
made easier for English-speakers...
because... what the **** could they do with the addition
via E(sch)lert?!
                          oh sure as **** they couldn't find
the Slavic acute S in the Germanic SCH... could they?!

the only reason i have so much casual *** is...
i have yet to court a match of intellect in
the bedroom!
like i told the madam, excusing my limp-*******-****
situation... i shook her hand...
and this is what we do, formally...
but seeing you naked... touching your thighs...
your *******... my hands could talk for a seemingly
forever... and it would not tire me...
it would: embolden me!
things change... when... simply ******* prostitutes...
you get a stab... at... ******* the madam
of the establishment... you become nervous,
you become small... you become castrated...
you... hit rock bottom...
and then... Lucifer... Icarus.. what's up is down...
what's down is up!

you light a scented candle in your bedroom...
light your last cigarette...
does it matter that Muscovites are issuing concerns
over the Kiev-monstrum? no, not since the Orange
"Re-vo-lu-tion"...

i had... two... in all earnest... i had two... ****** revelations...
without all the chit-chat... two... both... prostitutes...
Mona and Khadra... a Romanian and a Turkish beau
respectively... there was only one woman in my life
that spoke... "respectably" similar level English to mine...
the rest... w either gave way to imagining Braille or...
whatever... but... insert crocodile...
why cry... when it, apparent ******* rains?!

i will miss them... tenderly, fully heartedly...
even as the Madam stroked my beard while i excused my
dysfunctional "third-party"...
                 why would a limp **** somehow diminish
my manhood... i.e. if a man is sized... surely...
a woman is sized too! a man's length and girth is also
reciprocated by a woman's depth and girth...
no?                              ergo?

plus all the mood swings that both the sexes share...
and have to... "en-ter-tain"...
but **** me... a madam of a brothel... me her and the pigtails...
well obviously i didn't deliver...
but... i'm thinking... if i quit drinking...
if i quit smoking...
that fat *** slurping lip brigade of an altogether
complete ****-buddy is waiting for me...
and i'm waiting for it... and the night and the foxes
and the crows are in my company...

well then! all the tales of vampires and werewolves...
can... become... true!
i can become a monster that understands
why... he feeds off being...
"casually" neglected...
why... it's not him who broke up with
a woman but the woman breaking up with him!
perfect!
which is why Mona and Khadra ****** up to
either Romania or Turkey, pregnant...
and i was left trying to **** the brothel's Madam..

melons melons! i'm telling you: **** like melons!
heartbreak and the heartless...
mind you... what's the other "thing" women notice
when courting...
apparently... ha ha... apparently... TEETH!
women like with no concern for dental insurance...
women like teeth... and hair...
i like... ****... what is it that i like?

                             i like snow... i like forests...
there's a difference between those more associated with oak
than those more associated with pine...
pines... entertain the existence of the scouts...
who are the scouts?! BIRCH... oak forests are the elders...
usually creating isolating environment
of island-dwellers...
               oaks don't appreciate birches...
and in terms of pines... well... in terms of pines and pins...
who's the one searching for the camel....
already in possession of the needle?!

my goblet of fine **** and saucy riches...
           i.e. my mouth...
                     i'll get ready...
as stated... once you **** your way up to having
the madam of the establishment that's
a brothel interested in you...
first time: disappointing her...
second time? you're going to quit drinking...
you're going to quit smoking...
you're going to sober up... simply because...
those ****... the fact that she's older than you by at least
one decade... and i like listening to horror movie
soundtracks... which makes perfect sense...
ugh... pristine nugget of fat and ageing...
it's like...
                  oh... ******* and jerking off...
that's off the table too...
        
             she's an ***-prized sort of a beached whale...
she's a Renaissance spectacle of the desirable woman...
plump... peachy...
now that i've had a taste... once the holidays
are over... when she asks for an entrance fee...
i'll need to seek out my hard-on in some other brothel...
paying her: sure... but only with you...
pigtails my ***...
                           freckle on her face...

then i'll start serving the concept of money...
Oslo? Brussels? Berlin... Berlin?!
ah... Bucharest...
                 no no... not south enough... Athens
i've already done... Istanbul...
        oh... wait... stop drinking... stop smoking...
regain friction with a hard-on...
**** the madam of the brothel...
   while her under-workers subscribe to texting each
other madly trying to figure out:
sq. not trg.!

now i'm becoming the baron of my own belly!

I brush up my teeth
(good little boy)
I brush em up gud
put on nice white & brites
flick wrist like handsome Asian dentist said
checkup all gud iron Bru bby
no cavity litter life
burn bridges
raze fields
scorch earth

Hopefully this won't hurt you as much as it did me
And in order to tell you this ......
I can't be me...
It's also imperitive
Don't just hear the noise
Resonating from my mouth
Make an active concious decision
To listen.
K?
You be you  
And I'll be frank..!
The person you're trying to be
Is not you ....
Furthermore what you think .  
Is not what people see .....
K!
Be you and see how many
Evaporate ....
Don't hate .  
Cherish the ones who stay

I walked along the shore,
   orchestra of shushes
as water slopped
                        across my bare toes,
jangle of pebbles
as I placed one foot
                                 in front of the other.

In the distance
                         the orangeade tang of neon lights
                         punctuated the view,
electric hyphens
from the arcades
crammed with Irn-Bru-skinned tourists
   there for a week
on this comma of coast.

In the winter          it is different.
A silver fug that sweeps the streets
     like the cocoons of a thousand ghosts,
machine jingles muzzled,
cafes only drip
                        fed with regulars
                                                     from around the corner
coming in to pick the horses
for the 2.10 at Uttoxeter.

The phone quaked in my pocket -
   my mother, calling me home.
I passed the sandcastle rubble,
   slobber of seaweed
   like the drool of a kelpie,

my socks speckled with sand
as I texted back
on my way

À Jules Guiffrey.


J'étais, j'entrais au tombeau
Où mes aïeux rêvent ensemble.
Ils ont dit : « La nuit lourde tremble ;
Est-ce l'approche d'un flambeau,

« Le signal de la nouvelle ère
Qu'attend notre éternel ennui ?
- Non, c'est l'enfant, a dit mon père :
Je vous avais parlé de lui.

« Il était au berceau ; j'ignore
S'il nous vient jeune ou chargé d'ans.
Mes cheveux sont tout blonds encore,
Les tiens, mon fils, peut-être blancs

« - Non, père, au combat de la vie
Bientôt je suis tombé vaincu,
L'âme pourtant inassouvie :
Je meurs et je n'ai pas vécu.

« - J'attendais près de moi ta mère :
Je l'entends gémir au-dessus !
Ses pleurs ont tant mouillé la pierre
Que mes lèvres les ont reçus.

« Nous fûmes unis peu d'années
Après de bien longues amours ;
Toutes ses grâces sont fanées...
Je la reconnaîtrai toujours.

« Ma fille a connu mon visage :
S'en souvient-elle ? Elle a changé.
Parle-moi de son mariage
Et des petits-enfants que j'ai.

« - Un seul vous est né. - Mais toi-même,
N'as-tu pas de famille aussi ?
Quand on meurt jeune, c'est qu'on aime :
Qui vas-tu regretter ici ?

« - J'ai laissé ma sœur et ma mère
Et les beaux livres que j'ai lus ;
Vous n'avez pas de bru, mon père ;
On m'a blessé, je n'aime plus.

« - De tes aïeux compte le nombre :
Va baiser leurs fronts inconnus,
Et viens faire ton lit dans l'ombre
À côté des derniers venus.

« Ne pleure pas ; dors dans l'argile
En espérant le grand réveil.
- O père, qu'il est difficile
De ne plus penser au soleil ! »

let's take a second to listen
written alphabetically
with a brand-new addition
spliffing delivering
heat, cat on a hot tin roof
sizzling, Messi, dribbling
spit ill sickening
guest visiting,
lend me your ear, listening
shimmering as he shines bright
twinkling, divide, partitioning
locked up, imprisoning
doodle, scribbling
SA drill
spicing  with flavor
seasoning, using my head
thinking of reasons
to justify reasoning
for dazzling,
as we settle in

round 2 smurfed but
not blue, more a colored
hue, repping cape town
awe bru, wake up
disabling snooze
jesters you fools
visionary when I see
first from the back
they all lose
not a masquerade it's all true
deadline my times due
ask mew 2, pokemon
index, it's perplex
get ash too, over
a cuckoos nest birds flew
seeking asylum hes crazy
still frosty so cool
yu gi it's time to
dddd duel


this the part where spazz out
remove doubt, running circles
on tracks, roundabout,
roundhouse kick to chin and mouth
no handout, grind out
red hot
circular rounded
noise drowned out, not shouting for clout
cant recognize skill,
take this pill, it will break
the spell my tracks stackable
not saying this sarcastical
sarcastically or sarcastic
not applicable, resolve soluble
doubt dissolve i'm liquid cyanide
every track i ****, surgeons
precision with a scalpel
so skilful, I sculpture
syllables in rhyme schemes
unseen to the naked ear
class dismissed school bell

so tell all its not all folks
not ****** toons no jokes
not ****** tunes, with lazy tones
I have lampoons, that ******
death squad platoon
you'll be history lying in ruins
surfing these dunes no fear
seeing things as the series turns
with unclear reasons I'm nuclear

I always liked cars ,
but lately I' ve come to love them...
especially mine.
He' s not "really nice" but
he' s mine.
For that ,
I' ll always love him.

His name is Bruizer...
Bruizer Jones
...and he' s my car.
Not my first.
Hopefully not my last.
He' s my companion.
He' s family.

"Good boy"...
is what I would say
as I rubbed his dash.
Lord Knows he' s been through it.
And Lord Knows ,
I' ve been through it
...but Bru made sure
WE , got through it.

Most , if not all , would say
"It' s just a car".
Well ,
he' s making a lot of people look bad.
He stayed.
He fought.
He helped.
He assured me.
He carried all my ****.
I thank God for him.

Bru taught me the joy of driving.
And even as fast as he could go ,
with his tiptronic transmission an all ,
he taught me the joy of going slow.
He help me appreciate isolation.
After all ,
That just meant more "QT" with him.

I laughed with him.
I cried with him.
I clutched onto my life with him ,
cause I almost died in him.
Of course ,
he can' t laugh
or cry ,
but with listening skills like his...
he doesn' t need to.

I wish I could do more for him ,
everything the others didn' t.
I owe it to him.
He went to war with me...
and made sure I made it back home.
I know people that can' t do that.

Anyone that truly...REALLY knows me
knows that their dreams ,
become mine.
So if Bruizer could dream ,
I' d like to believe he' d dream for

Really Nice Music ,
on A Really Nice Road ,
cause he' s been A Really Nice Car.

how many vaccinations do i remember?
some called chicken-pox a virus infection
of children....
so if one child contracted the virus
the neighbours' child was exposed
to it: so it went under the iron curtain...

but i did receive vaccination for
those other in the triad: Odra...
measles?
         it's named a furry thing in one language
a river in another...
not the Vistula plague...
or the Varta plague riddling posing-nan?
Possen?

i'm pretending to be all: fuzzy-brainz...
but... i do remember...
the mad-cow disease epidemic...
in england...
and what arrived after:
meningitis... in the realm of youth...
i remember going to school like
nothing was going to happen...
it didn't... meningitis took grip of my neighbour's
brain... expected bullock-freeze...
yes... it was real...
phantom stranger! how are you?
after all: pandemic sounds less sinister
than epidemic ever will...
i'm actually tired of the narratives
from both aisles of furroging for antics...
more like broken limbs...
but when meningitis was rife...
and there was a vaccine on the ready...
nothing stopped...
life preserved itself: continued...

lucky for me to be writing from england...
after all the bombing from
the media Hindenburg sinking
for seemingly years upon years concerning
the topic of Brexit...
i much prefer recycling in...
well by now ol' nature is just
a boring **** of scents...
summer come the zenith
winter the nadir...

if it only woul could feel authentic...
again: subjectivity is not...
"necessary"? it's sub-human sub-optimal?
no? if it could feel authentic...
then what the ****'s worth of use
do i have with thoughts that
objectively "sound" yet always tend to
masequerade around brining me
a ******* margueritta!

what good is a line of argument:
surrounding doubtful thinking...
yes... "once upon a time":
it "feelz": yes... a certainty of heart is above
all else a certainty of self...
the mind is a ******* lost labyrinth
of do i, don't i, be i, bitten *******
ripple effects rife!

meningitis was real...
the young were affected...
there was a vaccination we all took
in school:
they pretended to call it:
brain-freeze of: fatty-brainz-does-do-d'ah...
but... **** on me:
the panic button is frozen...
re-setting:
back toward alley candle working
our way from the Edison project...
nice... ******* Kazakhstani and all!

point being: who are the orcs...
the ugly trolls... the nazis?!
i suppose almost everyone!
           i've been assured to comply:
2 weeks homebound...
i've had a garden to tend to...
some decorating d.i.y. work... no problem...
big on the HBO show SUCESSION...

grandfather just died i'll heave
my mother being angry at the world:
i'll just take down my uncle and my grandmother...
no biggy...
happy are those who's relatives haven't /
or have yet to: die in this... "crisis"...

meningitis was a real fear:
but we, *******, ploughed along!
now a ******* cockroach is the scary "bit":
the bit of temporal sacrifice where:
you don't ******* eat it?
i wouldn't dare to **** a fly...
i would... however... dare to catch one
with my forehead...
and then flick it into a spiderweb...
how's that?

i'm tired listening to either side of
the argument...
when a ponent disease of rot brain appeared
and coincided itself with bad beef
because the cows were infected with
a bug that made them appear to be drunk /
english girls... cows...
in those would come harrowing new:
redundencies of urban gob: a Leicester high-street
excursion...
how they would drink, dress up skimpy:
and eat nothing but bones and dust:
you'd ask... some marrow?
no would come the reply...

mind you: it's not like i would ever
find myself eating out...
the odd friday with the need for
the chippy... and some cod...
but... i would never eat out...
did that once... off camden town high street
from one of these chinese vendors...
had the ***** for 3 hours...
i never eat out because i...
well: i'll sooner trust ******* into my hands,
then ******* into them...
then fiddling through some ****...
then washing them...
before i attend to preparing some
food...
it doesn't affect me because:
i don't / nor ever have... eaten to be seen...
i'm not a lion and what i'd be eating
wouldn't be a hunted down gazelle...
would it?
so what's the ******* point
of window-shopping food in reverse?
what's this fetish for eating in public?
in public... yeah...
as in... in victorian times...
the ****** junkies would congregate
into a hush-lazy "paragraph"?

maybe we should show all th slaughterhouses!
eating in public... all that 20th century
existential narcissism leveraging the french:
to be is to be seen...
minus the restaurant antics...
call me old fashioned but:
the only food i like to it...
is the food i cook myself...

would i like to extend that into
hunting for my food...
it's the 21st century...
unless for a delicacy...
but... i rather like to cook the food
i'm about to eat...

eating in public... pigeons eat in public...
or a variation of that...
can i extract a proverb from all
of this akin to:
better a sparrow in your hand,
than a dove on your roof?

last time i heard the arguments
for abortions could extend into genocide:
like... i ******* and the ***** is...
flushed down into the toilet with
the crocodiles... an act of genocide...
but... in the "meantime"...
the abortion clinic rife from
the already waiting... pre-automation
fake herr hirsch and frau hirsch robo...
you know...
where do you clog the details of life
with these people?
tending to the late abortion:
it's a dandy day to be down syndrome?!
imagine a placing of human muscular
nd jaw abiding...
because i'm not a plumber...
i'm also... not tending to the farm
of goo and skittles...
rephrase that, as i must...

who's the genius behind...
oh... right... Barr... it's no IRN BRU...
but it's most ******* certainly cream soda...
i just imagine if Barr and Krupp had
a collaboration projects...
bombs made from carbonated sugar bomb
**** boom boom explosions of fizz!

we have to be talking about reinventing
abortion?
or... genocide... no?
if automation is to be forwarded... no?
fair enough if you tell the women:
no abominations!
some people: the polacks, backward people...
well... would you require christening
a cyclops? a brain-deadening
form that's not even a **** similis:
an ape replica: otherwise:
consent to abort! if th ancient ritual
of ****** are practised!
****? m'eh...
forget the cross: burden yourself
with moloch... which is...
a double-edged sword...
given all the kosher medicine...
all the sacrificed foreskins!
**** me... ed gein looks sorta pale and impaled
on his own cringe...
skin is skin...

so much for concerns when
there's "golf" that's to be incubated and...
involved... sorry... invoked...

how is there status quo... peeping-tommy...
there's an argument for the piggies
at the trough...
leveraging for needs of
the imploded concept of a passport...
such is this federal cwispy clean...
because it's no Relsh or Velsh:
or anything like Cornwall...

you don't need to go anywhere:
and anywhere is "anywhere":
chuck in the bums but not the incarcerated
by mr. bar and the lucid brigade...

milan kundera has more geographic "details":
the ural mountains and the Caucasian...
  what's what? cocky-asians?! whites?
whites are somehow ****-asians?
must be a new turkic plantative of
congregational dynamics of: usher in the whites!
the germanic peoples, the pedantic anglicans...
and the steppe mongrels and mongols...
the turks too!
let's all play that *******
monopoly game of: exodus africanus!

i lost the tan...
how did i get the squinting
the ******* on the lemon bit?!

otherwise...
which is probably east...
belarus and ukraine...
but germany is never noted as...
the vest...
austria: eastern-***** is still: vest...
central europe doesn't translate for
the anglophones... or, rather...
it never existed to begin with...
esp. under the guise of the toilet paper
mache of herr neville chamberlain...
no... not ever: nor would be...

in Ypres... oh how hollow tusk of ivory
those graves: indented with
hallow / hollow epitaph esque signatures...
and they stand: shoulder to shoulder...
withering amass in slabs of earth
extending for the onlooker's mile...
so pale... antidote misanthropic...
world war one...
and do they tell you how they
buried the central, ahem! ahem!
how they buried the germans?!
in mass graves... where the robin and the sparrow
still sings... mass graves that weren't
this ******* spectacle of past colonial endeavours...
where oak and pine,
birch... and brass took stand to root!

east is east my ******* closure!
east is by no means
the intricacy of the veins
of the danube...
hungary belongs to the huns...
watch me... concerning myself
with the ottoman reconquista...
this is, "now":
the ottoman reconquista, no?
**** my pork under-salted...
the grand orator is missing the mark
when history is being governed by
a hard--on escaping the promises
of secular bull.......... ****?!

two tongue a piece:
i never spiked one tongue above
a contesting Machiavellian brooding
over a furrowing of brows...
above another...

this eastern bloc?
and the federalised states of h'america?
because this is; surprising history!
lithuania and latvia...
30+ million people just...
oops... "forgotten"?
****-proud of cuckoldry of
the desired... voices
of the proud: teasing vaginas!
the ******* get your mongol-pseudo
gizmos from?
a soho proud ***** deposit?!

how does a ***** bank work...
concerning the dichotomy
of credit                    /                 debit?!
is that dichotomy even fease(a)ble?
worst for sawn-off worse for dicta:

yes... my teeth are by no means...
extending toward the exploration
tendencies of bone: via an x-ray...
by demand of a non-persuasive argument...
by teeth are furry... they are furry with an itch...
they are... i have itchy teeth because:
i'm a limp-**** impersonato...
a castrated wow from a harem
of a harem... of the castrated lobotomies
of phallus endowed...
entertaining the sugar-coated
princesses... tease angelic etc...
blah blah, blah... lost toy *****...
aber?! gott ist einz! mit unz!

with an east bought: this austrian
closure... forever flimsy baron...
flaking amnesia...
no you scratch my back i
scratch: how about my fingernails
task themselves over the details
over your gravestones
having no epitaphs like
blitzkriegs concerning them...

verbiage of the dritte-*****:
modus operandi gucci or some other
borrowed tailor from
the league of lombardy?
    
/ / /  nothing concerning "stupid"....
but when one is being interrupted
with a..  b'ah b'ah internet
connectivity...
when one's lightbulbs are in play...
leauge of own's own: slo-mo...
******* where money
become daffodil sprouts...

don't i: oh yes... that's where i
know "where":
and towing "know"
i have to attempt to white lie:
a... borrow. / / / /

that i rarely dream...
picking up a body from the grave:
clinging to me like a hurt puppy...
apparently a resurrection:
i deigned to believe i was peeling
my own skin off...
walking him in my arms
back to his home:
peering through a window
that acted like a mirror
into someone else's home...
then seeing this resurrected
body get back to a healthy
b.m.i.
while eating raisins using
toothpicks...
switch to a day later...
perhaps the face is the same...
but the eyes are sinister...
glowing amber...
the first time eyes have
taken prominence in my dreams...
prior to: teeth...
then a haunting sequence...
i'm being asked
to ***** a ladybird with a needle:
purple smoke comes
out with the deed:
the house is apparently cleansed
from "voodoo"...
i guess this all comes back
to the night before:
sitting in the garden
wanting to remember a face
that formerly contorted with
expressions bound
to a still apparent: eucalyptus tree...
but i still had
to take this body from
the crave clinging to me
like either a hurt puppy
or some aberration of skin...
i wondered whether i'd remember
this dream even if i kept it
in the back of my mind
and attempted the daily:
curating the garden one last
time before winter finally
succeeds...
well... that's that.

not much needs to be written these days,
i hardly ask to peer at the face
of god:
what, with all these full bodied
chinese ideograms or ancient egyptian
hieroglyphs - strenuous like
impromptu hindenburg explosions...
at least with these latin letters:
well: the hebrew revision -
skeletons... endless row of skeletons...
shackles of bone...
i never promised myself this...
but... upon seeing an open coffin
in the morgue: the detail beside walking
around town putting up necrolog posters...
the bureaucratic detail in
what culminates in the whole:
well attired in princey navy jacket...
cuffs and: remembering how to tie:
a tie...
the generic mass at a funeral:
family secrets... oh the bogus lot of:
an unhappy marriage...
only somehow saved by the prefix grand-
some ever summer for several years
from the womb of the daughter...
this unhappy marriage...
only 3 months ago:
i could see the eyes of resignation...
perhaps cancer finally matched up to:
his willingness to let go...
i'm writing this to justify his unwillingness
to live: after all... rosy whenever i
visited him: otherwise purgatory:
skinning of pigs for shoes...
a grandmother's tongue like a sting of a wasp...
it was not for anyone to live:
no wonder he recounted: he decided to
escape into memory...
and it wasn't like upon death:
all of life flashes before your eyes:
once you age and service up half a dozen
years, months, weeks and countless days:
an eternity of hours...
memory become cinema...
i've seen it myself...
to play the cameo...
            but i can't imagine
being married to someone who might
wish me dead or:
that i might die like a dog dies:
in my native tongue: zdechnąć...
which refers to animals...
people: people have the capacity (rather than
the potential) to... umrzeć..
to die like an animal is to
heave the last breath without
the ease of possessing a differential
sigma of all part concerned that
tells any naked eye the difference
between
an animate and an inanimate object...
well... further along...
that's a bad joke...
since most of the time...
something animate doesn't
necessarily have to become subjected
to our observation: filtering the amassing
grey fudge of pedestrians:
which is less... even though animate...
than the inanimate mountain...
then again... the earth is static by
illusion... suddenly broken
by the wind... hurried disillusionment
by a hurricane... hey presto!
i'm standing on a "levitating" orb...
- i promised something...  
ah... identifying a corpse in an open coffin
in a morgue before the funeral...
biting-the-quill-procedures of death:
death... i have to let you know...
is very well organised...
it's very bureaucratic...
hell for all it's insomniac democracy:
"veto"...
it's... impossible to suffer childish fears
when walking through a graveyard...
hours shy post the burial
i sat by the grave like a dutiful
dog and teased my eye with a candle
while burning the ridges of plastic
into a cascade of all things hot, molten...
- my new found source of "debate"?
not finishing a cigarette...
smoking... half of it...
extinguishing it... half an hour later...
with the filter already soaking wet
with wet nicotine from all my drags...
new found pleasure...
it's a ******* mirage:
the idea that there are inanimate
objects at hand for the eye to admire
and meditate on...
a mountain in all its grandiosity...
yes yes... esp. when slap-sticked to
a... magician'******that:
the tetragrammaton has a daughter:
who he calls the annum...
HH: for summer and winter: chiral entities...
Y for spring... W for autumn...
why that is so...
Nero could have told you...
my lyre! my liar! rome is afloat!
the waves are ablaze!
this english tongue would not be
recognised by either greeks or the romans!
yet i'm using the lettering
of qua quixote: qua ape borgia...
pope!         pope!
are all the protestant sovereigns rich?
guess it comes to quest with a question:
the catholic rich ****** of france or
spain... who are the pauper catholics?
by all means: i know all the orthodox
castratos are: grecian and challenging:
take turns concerning either Malta
or Cyprus...
- here's to! here's to not getting my "mojo"
back concerning writing:
it's not like there's a horizon of
a stephen king worth for me to play
jester with... it's not like i'm some clive barker
who explored narratives
and character studies in h'amsterdam's
underground play-toy-play-t'ing...
rubber ole! studding with nails
and a fetish for leather...
while having sioux...
kneecap fold at the elbow:
wave goo'-bye!
             none of that... no...
             meat 'n' tow veg unfathomable...
like testing the vernacular of
testicles of... five men, all blind...
and a whale to make jokes concerning
an elephant...
- now i am extending my "privy"...
i am making myself welcome by ****
and wilt alone...
i am playing solitaire and i am rearranging
chess and dominos of letters:
but all these fattenings that come back
to bite phonetic enclosures
of chinese ideograms and egyptian
hieroglyphics... bloat in my face like
sprouts of mushroom growth
and bulging pockets of **** of gangrene
and sickly sweet acne...
- you know... i expected any other
play on a hiatus... i see old people walk
around and i'm like: coming on 81...
bragging about pushing 120...
when i came back from the funeral
i felt a sense of relief...
there's the concept of the mother-tongue...
as the very central european concept
of the fatherland...
it's not german...
hardly... concerning that he died
a philosopher: i.e. married to an abomination
of a woman...
i'll sooner gamble on horses!
or... how i will have to stand alone...
or walk into the north sea one
day and drown... or head to the civilisation
crown of humanity's deity: the switz land
or the benelux and spend my last
halving of paper with
tsar nicholas II imprinted on it...
for a dosage of euthanasia...

let the africans and the arabs come...
i am tired of having to jest
not suffering from bouts of
lethargy... let them i don't mind...
i'm of the mind concerning the belief
in shadows and in volcanoes...
the larva of the lava needs new:
sprouts!
copper-skinned "i" and R: further! US!
but not from this boring set of
stale ideas!

- a grandfather died: sorry... was i supposed
to be more... more estranged from
the concept of family?!
grandfather is pushing it?
but that Poland has reached
a mythological status entry for past...
hell... England is on par...
concerning Ilford... Gants Hill...
Barkingside... and sooner or later...
Romford...
white-flight... well no **** sherlock!
we're not going to fit onto
the Faroe Islands like a bunch
of hiding oysters!

- again... was this at all offensive
or am i just too grief stricken to mind
the already apolitical "political correctness"
sort of ******* that's reserved
for the retards that: will hardly
envision actual bridges and actual rivers...
no... "society"... is their... ******* disneyland
of concerns!

money is a social construct...
pay 'em in either pebbles or peanuts!
how else?!
- and what of still stalling of bulging
"anger" from a "erectile dysfunction":
glad you asked...
i... simply don't know...
why it works a charm with prostitutes...
but... fails... whenever i have to
date someone from
a mythos of the 1950s: bidding for a
housewife... thank you...
i can... or rather: i much prefer
to cook for myself...
i need no **** or **** in that department...

- because it's that nagging sensation
surround: only recently the parisian police
burned another migrant camp...
not in calais...
in some underpass...
i was in Paris circa 2004 - 2007 and
it was that city of Hemingway et al.,
now... it's the city where
there's a mausoleum of a bonaparte...
if that...
in a sunday newspaper magazine
a book review concerning Idi Amin...
attempted to portray him
in good faith... turns out!
****** gassed... Idi Amin performed
miraculous surgery...

- believe it or now: i'm on my way out...
thank **** and god to boot for
having inherited such fuckery of
grandmothers... and paternal... blah blah...
synchronised fuckery of a Tolstoy's
Anna Karenina opening - with the world
as a whole...
and i... poor ****-wit...
a cameo narrative-ist...

- in this tongue alone: "borrowed":
lent, acquired... why should "i"...
the dumb polacks were graced with a pope?
as instrument... let my fellow countrymen
gloat in a darkness of: that's already
easily manipulated...
saint my *** on a peddle-stool!
- what do i owe... "europe":
exactly what it owes me...
privy to the image of... salvaging...
tank-tops and ******...
even when it was grizzly ritzy and **** on
you:
the same foundation:
how plagued could we have become...
gorging on the same load of
masochism yet feeling no inclination
for: the colonial adventures that
landed "us" on the moon...

how there is a past for some...
but not for others: "my" people ought to
regress to the grievances bestowed
to them by the teutonic knights: failed 4th crusade...
the mongols, the swedes concerning
the deluge...
the ottomans... the ukranian nationalists...
oh.. "multicultural" society... "worked"...
in the polish-lithuanian commonwealth:
so well that what was required
was a foreign king...

i too... own... my body my land...
mythological as it might still be:
leaving school i do know how to dictate
the last of the anglo--saxon king's "whereabouts"
in history... the angevin empire...
the normie 'orms... and europe
can go **** itself...

           why? grief bespoke... i'm on
an "angry" hiatus...
  i write skeletons of letters and i'm peering
at the house of god...
all that's missing is what's hidden in 'ebrew...
i.e. the niqab vowels...
which would make words arrive
back at a reading:
LK S...
        S Y MGHT S
   like so
so you might see...
               - charles dickens called it
orthography... i just call it bad spelling...
i would call it orthography if...
english entertained the concept and use of
diacritical markers...
i.e. ó vs. u...
               does... english (as a language)
even bother to... no... it doesn't...
matter desiring to dictate: ******* stark naked...
a CH from a SH otherwise
hiding the foot of the tetragrammaton
in a caron, i.e. Č or Š...
oh... right... still pandering to the cannibals
of the pacific isles...
- what the **** are we... philandering
as: fiddlin with: as... escapee ******* / tattoo?!
it's not "orthography": mr. dickness...
it's either bad spelling or outright dyslexia...

orthography implores the application of
diacritical markers...
the russians: employ them...
however subtle...
so subtle... but english doesn't permit
an entire letter to be fathomable...
for a compound...
Ч (Č) - CH - you hide the heb' god...
no? no... you expose 'im... no?

    Ш (Š) - SH... oi 'rew! 'rew! i find the wind...
caressing... the Faroe isles most inviting:
i was so very close to the concept
of how...
                  ш + ц ≠ щ
   given ч... i might have wished...

- here;s too giving myself to too much greek
or the hebrew counter: these letters...
the new testament...
here's to europe: yur-op!
my pondering a  burning of a scarf:
the summoning of a wind...
the necropolis hybrid... a skinning
of a... believe them greeks,
believe them hebrews:
sooner or later they become ottomans...
whether asked or being in want...

- such that the closet of your kin leave you
being hindered...
and that all: that remains...
is a **** flinging fest of lobotomy creasure...
you take your pick: whether i've
disused or under achieved
usage of a certain: verbiage - attache...
told the point... the laughing dolphin...
when "arrayed" with a display of
a butterfly's quest...
as one: ibn: might be left demanding:
no camel jockey who afre you...
no yacht... a dolphin giggling...
flapping at makeshift:
feathers...

           i cleave to... a hybrid...
what has to become the genius
of BARR... **** it... capital lettering...
the IRN BRU sod...
the 18--... fuckety-fuckety...
    history impromptu!

hello comparisons BARR "conctra"
KRUPPS...

such that i might drink: h'american
ice-cream / cream soda...
all of that jingle...
bubble-gum what's-not-to-like?!
all the synthetic soda-creamed-up
pie...
all that curated...
bukakke and gloryhole...
and **** on me **** on you,..

- so who's left... *******, pretend one is...
smiling?!
nairobi ping-pong quest old german
boring toothache too?!

i sorta think i've served a purpose...
if it wasn't enough:
well? then i can become most hurried and
harried in giving all the necessary
exaltations...
w.d.y.f.o.
  in acronyms and in a slapping
of hands by the deaf i learned from my youth
in a country i was last felt welcome in.

but please! go on! do... your... ****-most with!
keeping your most similar least involved!
to hell with you!
to hell with you!
i can't sacrifice imploring...
your already disguised hyper-tensioned
phrase for keeping up with
demands for tourism:
your nay bother... you ******* deaf-counter-quip
of a ******* fidget of a forgotten use
of a whip!

strap them to an island,
arm them with a gimp's shame...
yet still they persist in their...
monolingual plebiscite!
the afghan peoples of the ancient world...
no wonder! "afghans"...
that they are.. stubborn
integral follow up to how the french
also didn't.

congregations of people rock up
and tell you they're all out of L..
hundreds of people
lovely to see you
hey, how you doing, whassup!

i never really know what to say
because nobody ever gives a F..
hundreds of sinners
loads of beginners
hey, how you doing, okay!

rynard was right, when he told me that night
when there's nothing to say, there's no need to say it
when there's nothing to give, don't give it away
keep it for that rainy day

when pessimists are living with you
and tell you that everything S..
hundreds of reasons
so much malfeasance
hey, how you doing, schweet bru!

i don't want to start up a fight
but please can i borrow a few B..
until i recover
i'll go find another
hey, how you doing, alright!

christine was right, she showed me last night
when there's nothing to say, there's no need to say it
when there's something to give, don't run away
don't ever let it drain away

what i can't do is negotiate peace
when i feel like the cause of the war
i'm not going to do it, capiche?
i don't wanna do this anymore

because my home is sacred, as all are
fragile at best, as we all are
sensitive, even as we all tend to be
my home is an extension of me

so please respect it

somebody set it on fire
somebody ripped the match

trio of wedges
Irn Bru orange

speckled with cherry
on a canvas of night

I am calling
from the flag square

near the building
constructed from crystals

this could be London
migraine of chalky lights

a revolving iris
far out across the bay

I’ll be home soon love
I know it’s strange

that work has dragged me
to this unpronounceable land

sweating skeleton
spilt milk network of streets

upside-down e’s
c’s with çurls of cable

and I hear the muffled diction
of EastEnders through the phone

can picture you
in strawberry-lace-

shade-slipper-socks
glass half-swollen with wine

the space on the sofa
where I should be