It’s winter again
The war is long over, but the nostalgic smell of gunpowder and snow still fills my soul
I’m no writer but today I sit by the window to calm my weary soul
I spent hours thinking of what to say to you
But all that filled my head were lingering thoughts of you.
It was on a day life this we ran into our special place in the woods
We laughed and played
We were young and merry
You were beautiful and I was grey
I remember how my heart felt when you smiled at my with your crystal blue eyes, framed by the gods, your pale skin kissed by the snow, the growing blush on your cheeks creeping due to your happiness with me
Those moments soon turned dark
As we made angels in the snow, our nostrils were soon filled with the smell of gunpowder and snow
Little did we know, we had called upon death
Given her our village on a platter of gold
We stood and watched the village burn like pillars of stone
The so the snow became home to our beloved
I’ll never forget the bitter taste of blood, gunpowder and snow
I’ll never forget how lifeless you looked as I made those gravestones
I’ll never forget how broken I was as I carved the names of my beloved on those gravestones
So I steeled my resolve and did what had to be done....
It’s been a month and three weeks since I joined the army
Every day a battle, both seen and untold
Every day a fight for my willpower
Everyday a fight to keep the promise of your tears
Remember the day I left at the train station
Remember when you decorated my coat with your tears
Remember when we made a promise with the locks of your hair
Remember how you couldn’t understand why I chose to leave you for this battle of wills
Today I write down the things I felt that I couldn’t say
Today I write down the feelings I felt when your pretty eyes begged me to stay
I’m sorry I left you
I did it to protect you
Now I haven’t heard from you
Who knew love could make one so fickle
Who knew such feelings could make one feel crippled
So I lay there
Matching my thoughts to the beat of my heart
Badump.....badump.....
And so it went
Then came the sound of a missile, followed by a ringing in my head
Badump......badump
So the beat goes
There goes another home
Once again the air is filled with the smell of blood, gunpowder and snow
The ringing in my ear increased
The drumming in my heart never ceased
The lifeless bodies of my comrades at my feet
Once again I bury my loved ones
Carve their names to gravestones and sigh in defeat
What am I fighting for ?
I remember......it’s you.
But every day gets harder
I wish I had stayed with you and started a life with Aunt Agnes
I pick up my pen in fear and sadness
I scribble some words down in utter madness
In good faith that you’ll accept what’s to come without sadness.
I’m down in the pits once again
In the middle of winter
When the snow determines ones fate
But I’m lost in thought wondering if my letter got to you safe
Most of all wondering if you’re actually safe
I wish you’d write to me, let me know you’re okay
But you leave me wondering and wondering
Going mental, I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t okay
Days later a letter arrives as if on cue
A strange feeling in my gut arises with happiness of finally hearing from you
But my joy soon fades
I’m pulled into darker days
You’re no more
Everything I’ve done is in vain.....
I feared for my life
But ended up losing what I longed for
You succumbed to illness, a thief
What am I fighting for ?
I lost my reason to live
All I have left is grief.
The war goes on....
But victory is ours
This isn’t the face of a winner
I see the Angel of Death grinning at me
“You couldn’t protect her, now wallow in shame, you pathetic loser.”
I beg for death
But she wears the crown
I’m at her mercy
She grins and I frown,
She wins and I’m the clown.
Years later
The war is over
I’m old and wrinkly
Cursed with Alzheimer’s
Slowly losing my memories and becoming more sickly
As I sit by this window, writing about the old days
I pray for your soul and mine cause it’s on the way
I smile as I seal this letter and crown it with a picture of you from when we were younger
I smile remembering the better days
I’m no believer but I pray to God asking if you’re in a better place.
It’s winter again
I know this is my last
I miss you
I want to be home at last
As I breathe my last breath
I look at the world I fought to restore
I look at the letter I sealed with my blood
Hoping that my heart gets to you
Hoping my emotions made it through
And so I take my last breath thinking of you
The window my death bed
Now I can rest and make snow angels with you.
