I remember that day like it was yesterday.
What happened, you claim, was barely horseplay.
Will you ever comprehend,
That what you did, I didn’t “misunderstand”?

Perhaps you’d like to blame it on your upbringing,
Because your dad taught you to control a woman who doesn’t have the “right” thinking.
Mexican patriarchy is ******, but it is you who chose to comply with it.
So don’t claim you aren’t responsible for the sins you commit.

Today I speak,
For I refuse to be weak.
Today I’ll unfold the truth I never wanted to accept,
When I was just a little under 15 and felt completely wrecked.

I stand today to expose you **** as I’ve been,
A monster in full shape and form, guilty of ****** while you grin.
You’ve kept your eyes shut to my dreadful sensations,
But today you will listen to my crude allegations.

We were in your house in Mexico where you locked me in the basement.
You claimed you wanted privacy, but only offered me enslavement.
Maybe it really was my bad luck,
When I believed you when said you loved me, but didn’t realize you only wanted to ****.

A monster, you pinned me against the wall,
I hit my head and cried, beginning to feel like your personal doll.
Touching my head where I discovered that I bled,
I reached for your hand, but you only grabbed mine to throw me onto bed.

When I was five, mother told me monsters don’t exist,
But today I am a witness to the contrary, as I know angels and devils coexist.
You are a monster for what you did to me,
For you pretended not to hear my plea.

A monster, you tied me onto your bed,
And ripped my clothes until I was left with nothing but a thread.
I begged you to stop and pushed you away,
But you slapped me and pressing your body against mine, told me you were here to stay.

A monster, your tongue against my breast,
And I completely undressed,
I watched your face transform,
Like a caterpillar taking its new form.

You, a monster, a demon, and a coward,
Faced a broken soul who had not yet flowered.
You took your hands and forced my flower to bloom,
Though it did not unfold with pleasure, but with fear of ending in a tomb.

And like a painter facing an empty canvas,
You traced me from head to toe as I lay nearly dead on the mattress.
You carved your name onto my body and robbed me of my innocence.
A monster, you obliterated my purity, leaving bruises as evidence.

A monster, you watered my flowers with the filthiest juice,
Not with God’s purest waters, but your own waters of abuse.
I weeped and screamed and in that moment begged for a God to exist,
I even prayed, but found no angels to untie my wrists.

If you really loved me, then you would look past your lust,
But you never did and chose to break me with each and every ******.
Rocking back and forth I was controlled by you, a monstrous puppeteer,
Your *** danced down my legs as I watched you cold and with fear.

A monster, you carefully tamed me to satisfy your *** drive,
Never did I imagine I would go to Hell and come back alive.
Today I stand a witness of your repulsive proclivity,
Penetrated by a monster who awaited for the trophee he believed was my virginity.

It wasn’t just a simple “quickie”,
The way you threw me around and used me.
I may have stood still and allowed you to profanate me,  
But I always threw up once you finished touching me.

People say our dreams are reflections of our memories fused with fantasies,
But there is no magic in the nightmares I regard as tragedies.
I’ve spent four years feeling entitled to nothing but pain,
And stay awake fearing my memories will haunt me, crashing into me like a train.

I wash my body once, twice, and thrice to flush away the picture of your fingers,
Scrubbing and scrubbing to ensure I numb my skin from your smell that lingers.
Your colossal hands a million times larger than the girl they groped,
Remind her of the million times she was choked.

I only wish you could understand what it feels like to be someone’s puppet,
A doll you can pull, stretch, bend over backwards and play like a trumpet.
It’s difficult to accept I’ll always feel possessed,
That the monster who injected me with his poison jerks off to the thought of being caressed.

You are the reason I’ve sought the sharpest blade,
To slash my skin and mark your cannonade.
But I can’t slice you out of my body,
As slicing my skin with glass won’t provide me with an antibody.

A monster, you conquered my body with a single purpose,
You kept me in the darkness to guarantee your coitus.
I’m sorry my ******* wasn’t as **** as your *******,
I blowed as fast as I could to prevent a flatline on my Electrocardiography.

I’m sorry I had to fake an ******,
But I had to escape you once you threw me into a chasm.
Navigating in the maze where I was constantly abused,
Was difficult having no compass to pretend I was being seduced.

I spent years looking for an exit out of your maze,
Taking too long to realize this wasn’t only a phase.
Some blame me for being too oblivious,
For wearing a blindfold and perceiving you as chivalrous.

And perhaps you blame me for being too naive,
Because I wished for you to change on New Year’s Eve.
I sought a fairytale, forgetting Cinderella did not meet her prince,
But a wolf who impaled her with his claws and abandoned her since.

I was your slave for two long years,
And you, a monster, showed me each and every one of my fears.
But I have lived in spite of my trauma,
And today I stand to scold you for this drama.

I no longer fear the monster inside my head,
For I understand many others will dwell ahead.
But my monster will no longer haunt me in my sleep,
For now I sleep knowing I have my body to keep.

I am strong, proud and bold,
And I have found my place in this world.
No longer will I let you win,
For it is you who reeks of sin.

Does it make me sick to empathize with your situation?
To feel for your pain and share your deeply held frustration?
Is it you who is wicked for being a pervert?
Or me for wanting you to hurt?

How can I wish you the greatest agony,
When I would never want anyone, not even my monster to experience my tragedy?
I am being torn in different directions,
But I’m no longer tied down to successful erections.

Monster, I thank you for your rotten kisses,
For the hundred bruises and tight stitches.
I now know my body is a shrine,
And that I am my own lifeline.

No longer will I feel soiled by your hands.
For I have built new dams.  
I now look at my own reflection,  
And see a figure composed of fascinating lines shielding me from your infection.

I am on my way to finding my peace,
But need to put my thoughts together to find my release.
It may be forgiveness, prevention or punishment,
But no longer will I undermine my own torment.

It may sound funny when I say I wish I was a superhero,
So I would know when a girl is in danger of touch and close to Ground Zero.
I’ve lived my years carrying the guilt of watching women fall one by one,
Of never being able to prevent another unwanted son.

I now understand there is only so much I can do,
For I am an ordinary person with a big heart turned blue.
I only wish my words will inspire, the victims of this fire,
To embrace their burns and wear them as an iron attire.

My growth and strength came as a result of patience,
It took years and tears to show me a way out of complacence.
But in an effort to give you a lift,
I have found myself adrift.

I have tried to be a saviour,
Forgetting to save myself before and bring myself to shore.
Today is the day I become my own light,
And fight to stay bright in the night.

Monster, you may now live in paradise,
Walking around as the devil in disguise.
But I believe in divine retribution,
And live in peace knowing you will get your fatal conclusion.

You are a monster, and I was your prey,
But today, I am no longer in decay.
With these words I purge myself of your touch,
For I’ve released my demons back into Hell and no longer seek a crutch.

There is fire in your eyes, and it burns brighter than the stars.
When the darkness takes hold of you, keep this in mind,
Force them open even if it hurts to see every particle of dust,
Dust that remains after the world had collapsed on itself from the rust.
A conconction brewed with hate and spite, spiced with delicate ignorance.

Martyrs cry out in the night,
their souls bleed open from their porous dedication
and with every propelled echoing boom,
a precious life is taken without hesitation.

Every breath you take is an expression of willpower,
so inhale deep and shout.
The more they push on, the more you will pull.
When they grow restless, you will become steadfast.

The sound of a thousand voices permeates their silent bubble,
the lighting crackles with the power of a relentless spirit
An ode to freedom, one that we shall forever sing,
The people will rise up like the flora in spring.

Elsa Angélica
Reina de la luna de la medianoche,
Anticuerpos de la oscuridad
Mi amour 'mío desmayo suave,

Elsa Angélica
Affuse abajo alma mía
¿En castellano Ourn del yacía
Para que todos seeith en la página corriente principal,

Picotazos Cassia, sudor convento
Multa de goteo entre las líneas
Estamos espíritu de la antigüedad en la búsqueda foulard
En donde otros de a nosotros arte ciego

Elsa Angélica
Glaive al dolor de la mina
Me sanó con tu canto América
Sólo soy una bestia volvió esclavo noble
Una visita obligada española a la mirada del poeta ....

Elsa Angélica
Ingrowing enamorada Ourn
Me Inhale a tu café almizcle,
En donde se tira por el empuje decisivo
Y de la celestiales nuestras de por amanecer y al atardecer ....

Me Kyanize, voy de Kudo thou
No lasitud, no hay gruñidos larrup
Calles de pasillo caballerosidad dorada
Capa del sol, con Ourn propia sonrisa de

Sólo una luna de un sol en la trayectoria de directos
Sin dolor, ni la ira, libre al fin ....
Sintiendo la explosión universal,
Almas que pasan, entrelazados como uno !!!!!!
( Spanish version)




( English translated)

Elsa Angelica
Queen of midnight moon,
Antibody of darkness
Mi amour' of mine gentle swoon,

Elsa Angelica
Affuse down mine soul
Wherein ourn castellan lay's
For all to seeith on mainstream page,

Cassia pecks, convent sweat
Drip's fine between the lines
We're spirit's of old in foulard quest
Wherein other's to us art blind

Elsa Angelica
Glaive to mine pain's
Healed me by thy Latin chant
I'm just a beast turned noble slave
A Spanish must to poet's glance....

Elsa Angelica
Ingrowing in ourn love
Inhale me to thy coffee musk,
Wherein were pulling by crucial ******
And the celestial's our's by dawn and dusk....

Kyanize me, I'll kudo's thou
No lassitude, no larrup growls
Streets of gilded chivalry aisle
Cloak the sun, with ourn own smile's

Just a moon an sun in direct path's
No hurt, nor anger, free at last....
Feeling the universal blast
Souls to pass, entwined as one!!!!!!

Love's ideas, two becoming one
two halves of a whole
what if one's not in it all the way
not like the love of olden days but transient

latched on like a love dart
an antibody flooding in an antigen
placing its little locks with its little keys
closer than two genders - a swell

August 2017 brings the apartment together
but hubris and October 2018 tears it down
if there's one hole in the puzzle
it will tear us down with its incompleteness

don't love me like a girl; don't call me one
when that ghost sits at our banquet
rips the swell apart leaving
nothing but blood and dregs of love's dark wine

all over the floor

Tied back hair scouring the bookshelf,
a second hand smile reaching around her cheeks.
Her lips hugged her sad face,
cold with winter white that sweeps across with haste.
Look at the cut of her coat.
The way it enfolds the shivering body,
it falls down to her knees as if praying-
the natural antibody to her faithful mistake.
Ring twisting on park benches
won’t relieve your post-marriage pain,
in fact the film will come
and wash you away with the rain.
Get off your mark and go backstage,
cup of tea for the wounded actress.

This room is full of blind eyes
As I sit
And listen to these sore excuses for lies.
I cry a couple tears, and cut myself a little deeper every time..
And
When you all see the cuts, you look at me like.. I've, committed some type of crime?
But it doesn't seem to matter to anybody.
Caring seems to be everyone's antibody.
But no matter how blind
Everyone else is always on my mind.
My parents, tell me to **** it up.
The people I trust, leave me.
And the only thing this ****** up world does for me is endlessly deceive me...

Ours cells sing church bells and hold each others sins and secrets.
Reject the antibody because nobody has a better body for me to protect.

Skin course, of course it rubs and is a source of heat to confide within.
Chillin, when you let me melt into your **** felt shirt  straight coolin.

my nose now runs seasonallyfrom sigh droplets

every new season celebrated by the constant continuation
of its running from, running to ?, or as I joke,  
from  September to September inclusive

but something new, my eyes now watery, a permanente daily irregularity, the imaginary laundry lady whines consistently, as she cannot always locate, prior to machine insertion, for all my secret hiding places of the always everywhere ***** tissues!

“too many pockets, too many tissues,” she underbreath mumbles,
but secretly I observe her similarly daubing~dabbing of the eyes,
in this time of constant sorrow, no one immunized, the sigh droplets
pass through any mask and gown, and then become full time residents

wry thinking, “let he or she who is without stone, cast the first tissue”
but we are all ****** all the time, heavy heaving, eyes tearing and
noses running

it don’t take much, the continuous reportage batters me and turning
away from my electronics impossible, they now hard wired inside the maniac-brainiac, wifi’d, from every side, even a actual glance outside at the desert of our dehumanized streetscapes always amazes

we no longer worry that every sniffle or tear
is a warning sign of  a more serious ailment;
no, we understand too well this is a sad spirit inside,
it’s symptoms unleashed but un-lethal, the antibody
to a weariness that has no name, only tissues that

cannot cure nor disinfect

(warm)th, (gold)en
skin, a canvas for parody
warm(th), gold(en)
temperate air of melody
twists the tidal antibody
towards bowing phrase of prosody
(war)mth, gol(den)

Boy that I mean
Who I interested
He cool and cold
Yes.
Complete.
Somehow he makes me fill in his situation, in his world
Somehow I lost it
Somehow I don't understand what to do with him
How grateful, we get 'time' that
Unexpected we did together
So, I promise will do anythings with heart never want to fail and keep confident..
That 'cool boy' ; drug of life.
Why? Can you describe what thing or person can make you more wide and friendly to be?
I choose him ( one of many things)
He isn't my ambision, just like my qoute hanged in wall.
Every day I read it, see it, and fill me.
Oh yah, he just like pathogens inject my receptor antibody.
Oke that's already flat.
Bye for prepare anygoodbyes.

Nano therapy.

Scares the hell outta me.

Smaller than virus, bigger than antibody,

a little chip squeezes in RBC.

It's suppose to

gather

identify

target

cure

change.


A brain's being transferred bodies.

AI talks on their own.

Kids' brains are screentime putty.


Who needs China, Korea, ISIS,

global warming and political doofuses.

We're ripe from our own advanced illnesses.

Is it contagious
The doc' asks me
Apparently, I was investing myself in the brunt of the
AIDS outbreak, the 90s couldn't have been shorter

It's so funny
I notice
How beyond the fall of rain
In the early autumn crawls
Masquerading as spring
In its aroma
And deep sins
Cleverly masked
in the sulks of summer
Drawing the blinds
As the sunlight suffers
The tender warmth retreating
As I think:
Spring

It's so funny
How when I look at the snow
Floating down with tire
In the grey air's mumble
Little dots
With fragile patterns
Escape the clouds
And begin their travels
Unto the hands of
Curious courtesy
Smelling of : Fresh
Smelling of : Clean
Biting nosetips and ears
In rebellion to our intrusion
Drawing our flushed cheeks in rose
Scraping the back of our throats
As huffed air makes a cloud of smoke
And I notice.


We sit and notice
The little things
The things that make us so alive
The things that should amaze
Our busy minds
But accustomed spys
Glide over
our glazey eyes
As we notice.
As we ignore.
As we forget.

It's so funny
how you squeeze my arm
A warm touch
Familiar
A "I love you"
A little sign
Affection, care
A foreign antibody
In past worlds
The slight look of worry
In your still young eyes
Wrinkled thinly with smiles
And squinty files of past denials
Mingled with tired unknowing
As you sigh
Something always on your mind
And I notice.

It's so funny
How the little things
Are all around
******* in every second with its surrounds
Recalled in such eloquent manners
As you can't see
The fear in my eyes
Wide and loud, locked in control
barred in scare
Or
The pain in my lips
Stretched into a weak smile
a clear mission: reassurance
Without any of my permission
My teeth comply in choppy channels
That I won't keep the beast inside
But will of course
Too cowardly for any recourse
Or
The scratches on my case
And the divots in my wings
Are sloppily covered
in a bleak attempt of sure
In panic of unknown reaction
As I secretly wait
As I secretly hope?
For you to look
Yet,
No one notices.

In the body of this feminine Earth
Am I the antibody or the cancer that keeps on multiplying killing it slowly?
Am I her knight and shining armour or an unwanted version of ******?
Am I the reason behind her smile
Or am I a dead cell which will be washed away by her ocean tears?
Am I the fire that burns all her beauty or am I the sun that gives her warmth and joy?
In her life what purpose do I uphold?
In her eyes who am I?