The day I found out about you I was terrified. How was I exposed to be a mom?
The day I saw your heart beat I was terrified. How could something so small change your whole life?
The day I felt you move inside me I was terrified. How can one little flutter of movement make me doubt everything I’ve ever known?
But those fears ment nothing compared to the day I felt the pain.
23weeks 4 days
That’s how long I thought I felt fear.
The day you came into the world was the day I felt real fear.
How can the pain I felt mean absolutely nothing as long as you took your first breath?
How is it I couldn’t keep you inside me where you belonged a little while longer?
How come I never got to hear the voice of the one person who changed my whole world?
How is it fair that I watched you die when I would have given my soul to make you live?
How do I go on without you in my life?
How do I breath without you when you can’t take a breath again?
How do I live now when I feel nothing because you were my everything?
You taught me what true terror feels like.
HOW DO I LIVE NOW?!?

Being the better man,
a good father are all
things I could understand.
Your spark is showing
but before I get going
I can’t go on without you knowing
how sorry I am.
It was me who acted terribly
At least for a time
you were here with me,
somewhat happy.
All the times we spent laughing.
All the Pokémon we started catching.
The way you’d rest your head on my lap.
Even now I can’t understand how you dealt with my crap.
The way you watched me walk away after the show wish I would of known.
how much id hate myself for it.
Now that I’ve finally grown
all I want to do is apologize.
I know I certainly took my time to realize.
Now I have to try my best not to jeopardize
all the good you have and everything you’ve earned.
I’ve got to realize I’ve already had my turn.
At least now I know how much regret burns.