You know, there are things in which I would like to answer
Your face pops up all the time and I wake up and think if you're awake
I have the courage to talk to you, you're on my mind
I look back at what we used to be and judge it
I pick holes at what we used to be
I think things are better now
I'm secure finally
I think I'll love you better
It's 5am, just a normal day... making myself some tea
You know how many things have to happen before we see eachother
The thoughts that cross my mind
The things I would do, the things I end up doing between that time
Everything used to be so off
I'm observant but I speak on it now
You're asleep right now and I wouldn't mind waking up next to you
It's a cool thought even though we're still teens
The thing is, have I caused so much damage to go back?
Or too much to go forward?
The thing is, I cant leave you like that
I myself wont allow someone I love to be left without security
Without my love in her heart
While you're reading this a lot is going through your head
While you're reading this, a lot of people are drying
Kids are getting *****
Houses are being burned down
Babies are getting aborted
People aren't making it through surgery
Someone just comitted suicide
AND I'M STANDING ON THE LEDGE OF LOVE YELLING I CAN MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT THOSE THINGS THAT HAPPEN
I can heLP YOU NOT GIVE A **** ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU
THAT HOLDS YOU BACK
I spent the majority of my teen years debating if my days would come to end eternally
Eventually, they all do
Physcally tired but **** it
Keep it going
I haven't lost my touch
I thought I wouldn't love right
Then again, define it
You can't define the way we act
Our motives are ours
You know what's ******* crazy
We're ******* awesome
Think of yourself
Think of your brain
There are two hemispheres
Think of the functions, the muscles, the abstracts, think of your ******* spinal cord that connects your body to your brain
Think of your will power
Now think of the "we are one" thing
Think of us
Alright I'm off to drink my tea now, it's ready

ive smashed
every
single
******* mirror
in this house
because
*im so tired of seeing you
when i look at me

remember those 'i love you more fights'?

looks like i won.

I want to **** myself
Everyday
Every hour
Every second
And yet I haven't
Because every time the thought occurs
The aftermath seems to play out in my head

I don't want to be
the acknowledgment at the beginning
of a book i'll never read
  to my sister
  to my friend
  to my lover
  gone to soon
  i wish you could read this

I don't want to be
the sad news story that everyone hears
and wishes it weren't real
  a 17 year old
  young and bright
  lots of friends
  left behind family
  greatly missed amongst us all

I don't want to break
my already broken family
even if they are breaking me
  lost a sister
  lost a cousin
  lost a daughter
  sadness engulfs them all
  two families split back to four

I want to leave
And I'll never believe
The world loves me so much
That it will stop in place
Because I take my life
But even if
It's only half the truth
This idea of the aftermath
That would occur
Should I stop my breathing
I'll keep breathing
In
Out
In
Out
Just to see the world continue turning

-r.y.s