Tell me,
What do you see when you look at me?
Does this look healthy to you?

I am
At my breaking point. I have no
way of coping with this.
All I think about
day in, day out, is about
how
whether I am going to fail.

I can't fail. I have been brainwashed into
I have been told since I was
very young that I need these to be happy.
I am not happy.

This is a system rigged against me
against us
against people who cannot
control
People who cannot stay calm.
People like me
are falling
drowning in expectation
fear of failing
a fear of the future.

Call me lazy.
You may call me lazy
but I am so exhausted.
Working part time
revising
panicking because this is my everything.
I have no time to be happy
or be productive.
All there is time for is stress
and tears
and I am not happy.

The night is swiftly drawing near.  
Within my heart a stroke of fear.
What world awaits me when I sleep?
What gorgeous terrors my mind keeps
From me until I close my eyes
And leave the waking world behind!

In dreams a false reality:
What gives me strength to let me fly
Past crescent moons, through airy lakes,
And watch the heav’nly light rays break
Through clouds of cotton soaring high
Above the fields of warm July?

This realm I pray to never leave;
Its absence I so sorely grieve
When, more and more, I seem to find
The inner fabric of my mind
Distorting into something base:
My dreams now seem to wear your face.

For no amount of light can ease
The pain from dreams that will not cease.
In sleep, or wakening, I know
Your Devil’s face will always show,
For like a sunset in the East,
You’re like a never-dying Beast.

Arrows tipped with feathers red
Will fill The Devil’s heart with dread.
Feathers at The Devil’s feet
Will mean a devil’s death he’ll meet.

Ten nights he has to change his ways
From hellish acts to brighter days,
Or running he must surely start
Before the feathers pierce his heart.

For once he sees that deadly symbol,
Slow and sure, or quick and nimble,
Steady hand and steady bow
Will freeze him in the blushing snow.

I heard him at first, though barely a sound,
But I saw him, I saw me, on sinister ground.

I am the caution and stillness and sniffing the air,
I am the fearing the danger that’s not even there,
I am the ‘watch where you tread’ and the silence and hush,
The always on lookout, the hardest to touch.

I am the quickness and briskness and swiftness and speed,
I am the flash of a tail and a warning to heed,
I am the bounding and leaping and steam in the woods,
The danger apparent, the fear understood.

And I felt myself crying, for as soft as the breeze,
My beautiful deer melted into the trees.

I was watching him stand in the heat and the flies,
And just for a moment, saw myself in his eyes.

I am the force and the fight and the teeth and the fear,
Whose anger’s scared thousands for thousands of years.
I am the killer, the king, my rule undisputed,
Yet somehow I see my whole kind being hunted,

I am the courage to stand and protect what I know –
My pride will get hurt or destroyed if I don’t –
I am the leader to take us all out of the darkness
But when pushed, I am by far, far from harmless.

I wished him to stay, to never move on,
But before I could welcome him in, he was gone.

They can hurt you
They can raise you
They can blame you
They can praise you

They are honest
They can lie
Make you live
Make you die

Give you peace
Cause a storm
Hard and cold
Soft and warm

You can hurt me and shun me and crush my whole world,
But the things that you can’t take away are my words!

Lo! On the wing of heavy gales,
Through the boundless arch of the sky he sails,
Unspeaking, rapid, immensely strong,
His silent shadow is borne along
By his steeds of fog and cloud and hail,
The earth does shake and the skies do wail.

The skies darken fast, and the golden blaze
Of the sun is quenched in a lurid haze,
Then black, a black of a starless night
When clouds descend and block all light.
I stand, I wait, I hold no fear,
My body poised and my mind is clear.

He is come! He is come! Do ye not behold
His ample robes on the wind unrolled?
How his huge and writhing arms are bent,
To clasp the zone of the firmament,
And fold at length, in their dark embrace,
From mountain to mountain the visible space.

And he sends through the shade a funeral ray—
A glare that is neither night nor day,
A beam that touches, with hues of death,
The clouds above and the earth beneath.
And with the glare comes a heart-wrenching cry,
Solemn, grave and joy deprived.

And with the cry falls fast the tears,
Lashing, bitter, punishing, drear.
His tears the lashing rain that breaks
In torrents away from the airy lakes,
Heavily poured on the shuddering ground,
And shedding a nameless horror round.

Darker—still darker! The whirlwinds bear
The dust of the plains to the middle air:
And hark to the crashing, long and loud,
His agony, high up in the thunder cloud!
A whirling ocean that fills the wall
Of the crystal heaven, and buries all!

I stand, braced ‘gainst his icy breath
And speak, my voice strong – I’ve no fear of death.
“Lord of the winds! I feel thee nigh,
I know thy breath in the burning sky!
Calm thy storm, I know thy pain!
I too lost my lover – my heart was enchained!”

“Thy agony is clear, but why dost thou cry?
For can ye not see that before you ‘tis I?
I’ve roamed o’er hill, mountain, valley and glen –
I have searched for too long to lose thee again!
My love! Reach down to the earth and clasp me securely
And united together forever we’ll be!”