a trip across Europe
we would sit
on a train
taking us
                                      far
away.
my head would lean against your shoulder
as we
listen to music
until I
fall asleep

the train goes faster
through the fields and the marsh and the mist and the cities and the sky
it takes us
                                 far
across this corner of the world
as you
read me stories of the empires that once traversed these lands
how they came to be
how they fell
socio economics
and all the things that tickle you pink as the sweet pea flowers growing
                              far
as you can see throughout the meadow.  

our fingertips rest against on top of each other
the train goes faster
the train goes faster
the train goes faster
and

I wake up
I have not seen Europe from the window of a train
and  I have not seen you, lately
you are
after all
quite
                         far
away.

my internal monologue is saturated analogue in the depths of desperation yet love loss and desperation are a most common theme of living and I do not pretend to not be like the rest to follow the mob mentality and if anyone says that they are special then they are an abhorrent liar, liar pants of fire  WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE we ask ourselves with hands cupped over our ears tongues in our mouths as we begin to age we wonder what could have been as we sit confined to our desk jobs in cubicle prisons what should have been WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE we dwell on mistakes and our evolution  we dwell on will things ever change will I see you again I do not know I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you you aren't even gone and I miss you and it is tearing me apart I am a newspaper hat on the head of a child and you are the balloon in their hands and though we come from the same world we are not of the same brand and they will let go you will fly away and I will remain here without you is this love if I only had more time WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE do you know you are my muse and I think of you often do you do you do you know id like to ask but I fear you maybe in a couple of years when we have both matured but then again I am and always will be a child to you I just need more time to grow up WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE a curse a pox on me and my sorrows we drown ourselves in worry we fret constantly we love easily I miss you I miss I miss you where has the time gone, my love, where has the time gone?

doll face, doll face
where
did you go?

are you hiding in the curtains
did you melt with winter's snow?

doll face, doll face
what
can you hear?

the crying of a loved one
or the words of a storybook, so dear?

doll face, doll face
what
do you see?

smoke, mirrors, and low lights
or a sweet sparrow flying free?

doll face, doll face
what
do you feel?

absolutely nothing
or your favorite home cooked meal?

doll face, doll face
what
have you become?

broken in your own right
or do you remember what it's like to be young?

fly free
fly free of propaganda
fly free of paraphernalia
fly free of pledges, placards, pristine

sit idle as our sisters are shot
sit idle as our brothers are shot
we sit idle as those who free us from oppression, oppress


we form connections
we form a union
we form an uprising
we form the formless, anarchy
we form a mass grave

we forget

we seek out change

we repeat

fly free, fly free

my heart alights like a glow stick whenever I see you
yet,
glow sticks must break to achieve their fluorescence
and a glow stick last only if for a night

a slight in our daily schedule
a slip in the synchronicity
a slur in spoken word

until they are left behind, the carcasses of the party

as you elapse into adulthood
and I relapse in this primeval state of living

what will it be like without you walking my hallways of thought?
as one has harbored themselves like a hermit in my ribcage
will the pressure of you be relieved with your passing?

or will the infinite ache
of those who have been driven apart by circumstance
fill the hole in my chest?

he tugs at my sleeves
hands rest
rise and fall of his chest
rise and fall of a relationship
human connection lasting a mere 30 seconds

finite

yet we
as people
crave an infinite wealth of attention

validation

you say
with your thin lipped grin
your knock turn smile
your eyes
they are so, so clever
they draw me in
selling yourself as a product

you say
everything tends towards
e
  n
    t
      r
        o
           p
             y

as Alice poured her tears into an ocean
I pour myself into him
I surround myself in his arms
for he is a ghost, a specter, absent of the living
whispering in my head
but the blisters on my feet from dancing with him in my dreams are far too real

raw.

to the boy who is taller than trees and brighter than the streetlight that shines through this distorted glass
making this modern glitch in my room

unearthly, unreal, ethereal, untouchable

a virus of humanity, running in real time
I put my juice boxes into briefcases and hope he notices
the hemlines get shorter
the nights get longer
he passes me in the hallway and I watch him go
I sit 130 feet in the air
a carnival, a ferris wheel

pas de cheval

my mind trapezes to him
I grow weary of jumping through hoops
Is he afraid of heights?
am I afraid of falling?

the red in your hoodie matches
the red in my cheeks
when I meet eyes with you:
blue on blue.
you pass, always, without second thought
red hoodie on red paint of red hallway
in a world otherwise without color

she holds his heart in her hands as if it were a sparrow
cupping it gently, so as not to hurt it
careful not to break it’s hollow bones
reminisce of a time past, found in wake of bitter memory
of a time when love was so freely offered

thrown away

forgotten

returned

but not by it’s original sender.
far too long, much too late