I've never felt a body
next to mine, under mine
with different parts than mine.

I've never felt hands
around mine, beneath mine
that were bigger than mine.

I've never felt lips
that never wanted mine,
didn't seek out mine
wouldn't taste mine.

I've never slept with someone
who wasn't at least somewhat
mine.

"What did you do?"
Nothing
"What did you do?"
.... Nothing
He stared me down
for a solid minute
"What did you do?"
I stayed quiet
"What did you do?"
I...
"What?"
"What. Did. You. Do?"
I hooked up with...
"What? Louder?"
Evan
He stared me down
Unblinking
Turned his head away
Didn't speak to me
when I tried to change
the conversation topic
"Hey?"
Nothing
"Did you know, uh,"
silence
"that snails grow their shells?"
I tried to break the quiet
Slowly, measuredly
he said in even tones
"Get your ****."
I was quiet this time
"Go."
What?
"I said get
your ****
and

i shoot candy coloured liquor into my veins
and sing high notes I can't hit

i killed a man once with my words
and was convicted of a felony I had nothing to do with

I guard myself from a cruel world I've never seen
and poets say they talk to their hearts

But I don't talk to my heart
my heart talks to me

I am tired
The sky makes me tired
The ground makes me tired
Tired from many days of restlessness
Tired from days of stress, yet to come
My body can rest in a night
But I have yet to figure out
How to rest my soul

remember the time
we stole a car and hotboxed the backseat

remember the time
you swore no one saw us
steaming up the windows
with your lips between my hips

remember the time
we nearly got caught
sitting by the river
with your hands up my shirt

remember the time
the kid from gym punched you in the eye
and called you a ******

remember the time
he was sent home with a broken wrist
and I got detention

remember the time
we lied in your bed
listening to each other's heartbeats

remember the time
your mother asked
"How come you've never brought home
a nice boy?"

remember the time
you told me you loved me
and I wanted to slit my throat open

remember the time
I tried to say goodbye,
but all I could muster was "I hate you."

remember the time
we tried to coexist
and I destroyed my mind
trying to get rid of memories

remember the time
we said hi in a coffee shop
and never spoke again

remember the time
we met?
Mutual class friends
invited us to a club

remember the time
we hit it off by the bar
and you told me I was funny

remember the time
you invited me out
and then invited me home

remember the time
we made a joint blog

remember the time
we planned our wedding

remember the time
you introduced me to your dog

remember the time
I told you I was unstable

remember the time
I told you we would never work out