I remember it so well,
We were talking about spirit animals.
I was expecting you to scoff, because most boys do.
But you didn't.
In fact, you loved it.

You told me all about your friends,
All obsessed with spirit animals.
I asked you what you thought yours was
And you looked me straight in the eye
And said 'A deer.'

A deer? A deer!
Oh, I can't explain how much the thought of you
Having a deer as your own spirit animal
Made my own heart soar.
I never knew how much I loved deer as a species
Until that day.

Thinking back on it, of course it's a deer.
You have such a majesty and grace about you
But such an awkward, all over the place side as well.
You move with caution, eyes unsure of what's to come
But also move so freely in your natural habitat.
Just as long as you're not caught in the headlights.

Ever since you said 'deer' to me,
My heart just soars at the thought of it.
How can a person be their spirit animal?
**And I have loved deer ever since.

You were saintly, sweet and soft
A light in the dark, hope in despair
And in you I saw all I wanted
We could have been happy

But then the mask slipped

And now you're mad.
Your light was a phantom, a paper lantern
Held up for my benefit alone
You are twisted at the core, just like me
My twice-broken heart now recoils, guilty
But at least I understand- we couldn't have been happy.

Wait for when the mask slips.