i fantasise about telling you
how i’ve felt all this time
how i knew we’d marry
things i can’t tell you now
or it wouldn’t actually happen

things i could comfortably
tell you later
*** it wouldn’t scare you off
since we’d be together
and it’d only warm your heart

I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

tonight at the dinner table
i couldn’t stop staring
at the empty chair

i blinked my eyes
and you were there
enjoying my mother’s fare.


i gave you a smile

i take back the missing
being an empty one

it is very full
overflowing

You used to be mine
but worlds did not align
nor did day, nor did time
so with chills down my spine
and hands intertwined
you were stolen into the sky
now the only hands the that bind
are both hands that are mine

i don't regret saying what i did
i felt and saw what it was
before it was

and might not be