I saw a great sign the other day.

"True friends stab you in the front"

I think it speaks for itself.
I would rather know the pain is coming, then having hit you with no warning. That is what really kills.

why cant i even dream
desperate and so lonely
i've looked for you
i left behind all that i
have ever longed for
cold wins scream through my ears
like a banskee
a freezing chill
a pain, that still will haunt me

yet i have made it here
running through all the fear
the sadness in my heart retains the pain
and if i fall i've learnt that i may not return
none of my love remains
yet i have made it here
make this pain dissapear
my one and only prince charming

that's when i wonder...
**why cant i even dream?

I've fallen into an inevitable black hole;
One of my own divine creation,
With streaks of light blue acrylic paint
And rusty guitar strings that sing
8 bar blues in the dark.

I've envisioned a palace of my own,
Tall, white walls
Decorated with Italian paintings and some of our own,
The light creating shapes on the carpet.

I've found a familiar sense of home
Somewhere inside the pit of your chest
Next to the rhythmic beat
Of my favourite song on repeat

From cardboard walls of colour-struck emotional discomfort,
Formed a sense of urgency
Between interlaced fingers and spines

I've come to find that I misplaced myself somewhere there
Perhaps beneath the gloomy chair in which you sat
Or in the fine laced stitches, burning blue onto the surface of our skin

I've inhaled the smoke of a thousand burning thoughts
All of which never cease to return from the dead
Much the same as my grieving eyes
Who do not seek to forget the freckles on your back
Or the creases on your stomach

I've given infinite love to a murderer
One who does not seek to return it
And after years of chasing oblivion
I am now aware of what it feels like
To be an undesired second.

it came into my hands and I waited
then I lost it in the sand
now I comb the coast each day
but it eludes me, mocks my meticulousness and pierces my soles
and my smile box gets emptier every day

a treasure chest without a key is like a ship without a wheel