i have been
unknowingly
hitting on this girl

for the past few weeks.

honestly.

might like her but

can’t trust her.

she likes my friend :)

Home.
I'm home.
Back with the
abusive,
alcoholic,
father.

Hopefully,
he'll be a bit nicer nowadays.

Just
Because
I
Have
Friends
Over.

If you guys hear shouting,

It's normal.

what'd dad make me smoke..

"Sick"

I feel a bit sick after packing my bags.

Hopefully, I'll feel better by the time I get to Moscow..

why can’t you go one day without making me feel suicidal?

i didn’t do anything to you

just admit it already

you hate me

you wish i was dead.

just tell me that already.

the best,
this is your best?!

you being abusive
you drinking every night
this is your best

this is why

you never taught me anything

you taught me curse words

insults

you taught me that i-
me
a child
that my opinion never matters
i only tell people what they want to hear
that i don’t matter
i’m a ******* *****.

a
*******
*****
,
you said to me
when i was still in a car seat

in the back seat

of the white suv you had
when i was in 1st grade.

and yet,
i thought this was normal
i had convinced myself

“this is how you show love”
“he loves me”
“he loves me with all his heart”

do you know how much that breaks a child?!

now i have to wipe my tears

put on a fake smile

and act like i’m okay again

i’m fine

im fine

i’m the best i could be.

i’m just a lil bit tired

"Relapse"

I don't know how I got here.

I found a razor.

My arm is bleeding.


The end.

i found someone, right?
i dont believe it.
i cant believe it.
the fact that she "loves me"
i simply dont believe it.

i cannot believe it.

past experiences.

forced relationships.

being blamed for breaking ones heart.

as i was forced into being with them.

"its a favour"
he said.

before he pushed me towards his FIANCEE.

he told me to date his FIANCEE.

he forced me to ask out his FIANCEE.

and so i did.

afraid of getting hurt.

you know who you are, thomas.

you know who you are.

please just,

apologize.

you know,

i found someone now.

and i cant ******* accept it.

because you,

forced me into a relationship.

after that,

after primal forced me to be with him too.

i

stopped

loving.

alice,

just break up with me.

be with hailey.

i know you dont love me.

I ran into my friends.
Baggage in hands.
I don’t like this feelings.

I was going back to Lizzie and Matt.
And I found my old friends.
Those who I went to school with
back in Australia.

Panic attack.

I ran away.

We walked around to see what we could do in a few days,
Moscow is a really nice place.
It was a bit cold,
but that's okay,
Weather is a thing

I couldn’t sleep today, unfortunately,
I was eating ice cream a few hours ago with Lizzie but she fell asleep.

It might be the insomnia again,
I don’t know.

We had some chocolate ice cream.
It was really good.

Maybe I’ll try to go to bed soon.

Night

sorry

im
so
sorry


but


do
you
even
mean
it

"alone"

for the past few days,
i have isolated myself,
in a room.

with my friends having fun outside.

i dont know what to do.

"fake people,
fake smiles,
fake hugs,
fake hope,
fake friends,
fake love.
cause fake friends are a real waste of time
and fake love is real waste of life
so don't you go texting me
telling me
wish you were next to me
rest in peace
everything's ending eventually
best friends can become your enemies"
-
FEELINGS FADE, GNASH, RKCB

im lost,

looking for an answer.

dads not home yet.
i have to clean the house still.

then i need to get groceries.
and wash the car.

i’m tired

but i shouldn’t be sleeping.

the house needs to be clean first

turns out

attempting suicide in a hospital isnt the smartest thing to do

yeah i tried again

still alive though ://

just **** me already ****

Cooking dinner,

Getting drunk off beer.

How're you today?

Why can't I ever stop them?