freaks by jordan clarke

funny how you think someone would actually love me.

I'm here now. Liz what's the address

you can’t fix anything that’s broken.
therefore
you can’t fix me

do you need love?
or do you need someone to hold?
you tell me.
i’m here for you.

I understand that "work was busy today"
But you were supposed to me home 30 minutes ago.
You didnt even give me a call.

You're late again.

"AYE YE WEE BRIT'S GET OFF ME ****** LAWN"

owo

because i always see you all giddy

fidgeting with her ring

texting her in class.




why was i any different?

the hands of a violinist,
my hands,
are small
so they are able to
play wonderful tunes.
are gentle,
so the violin
isn't hurt.
are soft,
so they're stroking
the strings.
are powerful,
so they create music
with meanings that
no one else would know.

they differ between violinists,
but they are my hands,
they are my hands.
they help me,
stay safe,
hold things,
draw and paint,

but most importantly,

share a message
using words
and music.

*******.

i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you

just-

leave me be?????

i've always known that i wasnt good enough for you.

i just didnt know that it was this bad.

you wouldn't care!

who am i kidding?

you wouldn't.

haha

rest in peace pupper,

though i never met you,

you made her so happy and thank you for that.

god i wish i met you but, i love you.

with every word
you shatter my heart
and again
i feel like i am nothing.

you said i looked nice.
you said i always look aesthetic.

aw.
thanks.





i think i look like ****.
cause nothing matches

its ****** clothing


i think i look like ****.

:>

you can’t do anything right
you can’t do it
just give up

you’re not worth it

just **** yourself

no one wants you

honestly

you’re not even getting on the team

who’d want you on the team anyway

you’ll just drag them down

no one wants you

you’re just a *****

just give up

just give up

just give up

please just give up

no one ******* wants you

it’s not worth it!

****

bye

i wish you would do the same.

No.

maybe

maybe

maybe

i

maybe i

should just

d i s a p p e a r

wouldnt it be easier for you?

just breathe.

it'll all be okay, love.

i remember you.

telling me that i need help.

telling me that i shouldnt be doing this.

you must really love your daughter, eh?

you,

a grown man.

hurting me,

a helpless 12 year old.

telling her to go get a therapist.

telling her to go to a mental hospital.

oh

mister

cart.

how i missed you so.

well,

sir,

if you havent heard,

she broke up with blake.

again.

for the tenth time.

and

i hope your opinion has changed about me.

im going to therapy.

after cutting myself.

i hope youre happy.

i can wear them now.

i dont need to hide my scars.

i just have bracelets.

but sometimes they move up too much

and you see them.

i wonder why i've done this
i've labeled my poem as the time and date.
is this weird?
i'm running out of ideas.

i'm assuming that
you guys don't wanna read
depressing ****
whenever you stumble onto this account.

awh. thanks dad.

i know right?

would i rather have a girl than a boy as a therapist?
what’s the age preference?

i don’t know father.
i don’t know.
a female who’s rather young?
sure.


that’s fine.

2 minutes before midnight.
I can't seem to fall asleep.
Maybe it's the jet lag,
Maybe it's the stress.

Or maybe it's because I want to see her.

I'll see you soon Lizzie :)

i’ve been slowly killing myself for two years and no one has stopped me.


n o
o n e

i slam my head against walls, doors, anything that’s hard hoping for my brain to collect too much pressure so i can D I E

What the hell did I do-

I woke up on the floor of the hotel bathroom.

It reeks of alcohol and *****.

Did I really drink that much?

At least I didn't throw up on the floor!

It made it into the toilet.

that you talked **** about me

NINE YEARS. AND IM USING YOU? OH *******. YOUR SECOND FAMILY. YOUR “FATHER FIGURE.” AN EXTRA PLACE TO STAY. ALL THAG FROM ME



AND IM USINF YOU?? ******* IM KILLING MUSELF **** UOU **** EVERYTHING THERES NO ******* OOINT ANYMORE GOOD ******* BYE I ******* HATE YOU *******

I WANT TO BE GONE.

******* GONE.

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.

I didn't ask for this ****.

I don't want to be a walking mess.

******* hell I should've stayed at the ******* hospital.

here we go again

Chugging beers like it's no one's business.


I'm feeling great.


I'm down to the last pack.