A decade
and still,
I keep you.

A locked chest.
A river with no mouth.
A flame in the dark,
burning only me.

Beautiful
yes.
Painful
always.

Petals fall.
Seasons pass.
I never speak.

and I fall.

I want to text you
and say there’s still
a possibility of a future for us—

because it would give me comfort
in my little world of illusions,
knowing that even if I live my life alone,
I still have somewhere to return to.

And that place
would be you—
even after all the pain.

But it wouldn’t be fair to you.
Because I’d be keeping you waiting,
when you could be living your life,
with someone better.

i wish you'd write back to me 7.19.25 5:39 pm /17:39
oh, -------,
sometimes i wish you would write a letter back to me.

sometimes i wish you would log onto your old macbook
instinctively go to hellopoetry.com
type in my ariana grande username
find me and my words
find it, these lost sentences,
these trembling letters
i've been trying to send you.

i see why you don't-
the fear that maybe,
one day,
we will wake up and realize we don't love each other
that we don't know each other like we think
we do.

i haven't sent you a letter
because i don't want you to know but i want you to know
that i love you
but what if, what if, what if
one day i don't?

the uncertainty of being not torn apart
but drifting
finding someone new and
figuring out ourselves, finally,
finding that we don't need each other anymore.

of course that's not why you love me
or why i love you

i get that
i get that fear.

but you are not afraid
because you don't even know
that this whole time

i have been screaming
your name.