twinkle, twinkle, little star
What a little liar you are.
told me that my wish would come true
if I made a wish on you
but twinkle, twinkle, little star
I'm still crying from afar

Proof that people have so many layers, and that we are all so beautifully complex and interesting:

Whenever I yawn as I get up from bed
I do a high pitched sequel
Because my old dog used to do that when I was younger
And I wanted to be like her

When I want someone to get something for me I always say "I can't reachhhh"
And stretch m out my arm
Even if it's on the other side of the house
Because once when I did that I made someone laugh as they were crying

Whenever I ask someone if they're okay
And they say they are
I always ask
"Do you promise?"
Because someone did that for me once and it made me feel so loved

I have a folder on Pinterest saved as
"Everything is alright sweetheart"
Full of strangers talking to the camera
Comforting the theoretical strangers watching
Because the very fact that someone would do that
Is enough to comfort me sometimes

Whenever I need help to do the simplest electronic-related task
I always ask
"Can you do magic pwease?"
Because it always makes one of my friends smile
And I would do so much for that

When I was younger I used to light a candle in my room
Close my eyes
And pray to the stars
To make things better
Because I knew that no god I wanted could put me through this pain

I reread old text messages every night
Over and over
To prove to myself that it's all in my head
And no one hates me
Because once when my friend told me she felt that way
I gave her that advice randomly
And I realized it was actually helpful

I don't burst into tears
I fall into tears
silently
gracefully
like a practiced maneuver
like a missing piece falling back into place
I fall into tears
like they can somehow protect me

can you hear my words
when I say nothing at all?
can you see my pain
when I smile without my eyes?
can you smell my desperation
when I'm trying hard to be calm?
can you taste the salt from my tears
when I don't shed them in your presence?
can you feel the real me
when I don't even feel it?

I used to bruise easily
both on the inside
and outside
words used to grab
me like a vise
and leave bruises under the skin
mottling my confidence
with their ugly black hue
fists used to bruise
my eyes, my legs, my arms
on the outside of my skin
leaving marks for all to see
but over the years I built up tolerance
nothing bruises me anymore
nothing can cut me anymore
nothing can hurt me when I don't care
anymore

for years you were bubby
and you called me *****
I didn't realize
that there would come a time
where you would stop calling me that
and would beg me to stop saying bubby
on the playground at school
you were always the older one, the protector
and I was the one you looked out for
I didn't realize there would come a time
where we would stop depending on one another
and become each other's enemies
we'd been through hell together
got taken away from our mother together
all we had was each other
so eventually there came a time
when we realized that we were allowed to be friends again
and became everything we needed for each other
just in time
for you to leave me for your next chapter