I lay on my back, a forced, tight smile,
Counting moments, each one a slow, dread mile,
My legs in stirrups, exposed to their gaze,
Their questions probe, unmasking my ways.
Comparing me to perfection, their prized fair,
My soul they seek, a treasure to share,
Each judgmental glance, a painful, cold stare,
Exposed and judged, yet still, their feeling's rare,
A final goodbye, leaving me in the air.

Sky was gray as witches' old,  
No quarter given, none taken by the cold.  
Summer's song chased by gentle north breeze,  
Replaced by stark, hard, white freeze.

Running tights bought several sizes too small,
Confident they will fit come winter's call.
Between **** shorts that hid wet, hot summer cheeks,
Feeling lucky, I might give you a peek.

Soft, tight black lycra slips over curves hard as stone,
Gaze at the mirror, this body, my own.
Thin, tight fabric chases away your fantasy,
Body sculpted by air, sun, and sweat, no artificial symmetry.
Chiseled by hundreds of miles running and swimming, gallons of sweat,
Tummy hard, pancake flat, no regrets.

In the mirror, my hard body I see,
Feel your envy, your resentment, fuel for me.
Rocket fuel to propel me out this morn,
Cold biting air, but I won't be torn.

Used to hate you, now energy's mine,
Run and swim longer, leave you in the grime.
Through your cars, your scowls, I see,
Just chafing sports bras, nothing to me.

Open the door, cold air slaps my face,
Air ****** from lungs, blood rushes to the pace.
Feel alive, your malice pushes me on,
Cold air invades every orifice, and I am gone.
I slap my cold, tight, little, *** and whisper –  you can't touch this.

Winter rains soaked us to the core,  
our first bath, drawing her near.  
With trembling hands, we dared to explore,  
water swaying her anemone clear.  

Through steam, I ventured the unknown—  
what was once two becomes one.  
Where I end and she begins... unknown.

Darkness creeps, a heavy, silent shroud,
Enveloping my soul, a mournful cloud.
Frantic, cold, I search drawers wide,
Pills my sole solace, survival's wild ride.

Anti-depressants stare, empty, bare,
Desperation grips, no refuge there.
The nightstand jerks with a forceful sway,  
Scattered remains of emptiness lay.  

But in the chaos, our feather lies—  
Goldfinch quill, a sharp surprise.  
Black as night, like my sorrow’s blight,  
Yet golden glints hold memories bright.

I sink back, sweat stained silk slides on skin,  
Coldness seeps slowly within.  
Curled fetal tight, the tears cascade,  
A storm that no memory can evade.

Yet memories rise—a forest fair,  
Blooming wildflowers scent the air.  
Through filtered light, we walked unseen,  
Our steps soft under leaves’ green sheen.

She found the feather, bold and slight,  
“Look,” she smiled, “it’s our love’s light.”  
“Like you,” she laughed, “a fierce gold flame,  
Unbroken strength, and spirit’s claim.”  

At water's edge, we undulate,
Lips meet, bodies entwine, love creates.
Wet skin tingles, to our feather’s trace,
Legs gently open --
A sweet, secret place.

Reality pulls, the cold seeps through,  
Back and *** ache, stiffness breaking through.  
Time lost, darkness gathers, depression's sway,
Minutes or hours, endless disarray.
Clutching our feather, memories sweet I breathe,
Yet, beneath love's scent, depression’s blade, unsheathed.

Depression's shadows creep, darkness claims space,
Our feather's comfort, fading grace.
Defeated, armor shed, lace silk unfolds,
Transparent whispers, love told.
Soft stained fabric slides, silk underwear released,
Vulnerability unveiled, depression's dark gold.

Naked, exposed, lying still, curtains closed,
Darkness envelops ----
Weightless, sinking, water's gentle grasp,
Slowly submerged, darkest pass.
Eyes closed, descending, beneath waves,
Depression's undertow, heart enslaves.

Silence --
But through the depths, her whisper calls,  
“You are strong, though darkness falls.”  
A feather’s grace, love’s healing might,  
Even as shadows steal the light.

She wears no words—  
alarms in mind, half-heard.  
Moonlight carves her silhouette,  
her skin aglow, a cigarette.  

Lioness, her gaze as cold as steel—  
how many hearts has she made kneel?  
Each glance, a noose, precise and tight,  
ensnaring me in shadowed light.  

The breeze lifts scent from her lips;  
my skin ignites beneath her whip.  
A velvet sting, her silent sighs ---
what hidden truths between thighs?  

Still, I step into her lair—  
her parted lips, a whispered snare.  
For silence lures, a ruby sin,  
a quiet pull, that draws me in.

She stands where autumn wind and lake collide,  
its whispers trace her curves in soft ballet.  
Her blouse pressed tight, it frames her quaking frame.  

A moan escapes; the love that she must abide,
as hair veils trembling lips that long to stay.  
The wild wind plays, yet stirs a deeper flame.  

Wind howls, her skirt rises, her heart inside,
its breath explores secrets bared to foreplay.  
Her chest revealed, she shivers, soft and tame.  

She opens wide, her body greets the skies,  
Waves repeat, with rhythm's gentle interplay.
The wind recedes; she calls her fleeting name.  

Her arms enfold the ache she cannot flee,  
a whispered ghost of love she cannot see.

Naked, she stands,  
eyes fixed, lips raised toward sky—  
What if I’d taken the red-eye?  

Blood rushes, falls;  
knees meet ground, no bed at all.  

She glides,  a velvet chain,  
tongue where sweet honey rains.  

Her scent fills air’s swell—  
my soul under spell.