You'd hit a point where you
Realise that everyone's lying
To you. Because after a while
You realise you can't keep trying
To smile
When they
Say
You're beautiful; you hear
That lie every other day
When people get near
Enough to the part
Of your heart
That hides the insecurities;
And "gosh thanks for helping me"
Is probably
Just them being happy
That the job's done
Or the game's won.
And so eventually
The words that used to be
Called "praise" now show
Themselves as "I know you know
This isn't true"
And as much as I love you
The walls just become harder
To hear through.

You never want a friend
Making one
Too good lest the friendship ends
When they realise you're not fun
Or smart or pretty
Enough when they meet others
On another
Whole new level.
It's human nature to
Want to come first, don't you
Think? Because being somebody's
Number one is the only
Thing that came to me
Thinking about what I want in life
The other night
And I know it's not right
To think like this
But if you've ever felt this way before
You'd know
There's no
Point in trying anymore.

I don't think you know
Just how many
Times I've checked my phone, so
Excited to see
If you've seen
My text but the screen
Flashes back at me
And I'm already
Aware
Of the fact that you
Don't care
As much as I do
But still I know you're online.
It's just that your time
Can never be mine.

So the thing
About being
In a library
That really,
Really
Bugs me
Is the silence
Because sometimes
(Most times?)
Quiet is great, right?
Or at least until
You accidentally ****
The vibe by making
A sound or taking
A quick, far-too-noisy
Walk to shelf 23
And like with most lists
This one is non-exhaustive
And so yeah, is it dumb of me
To lowkey
Be
Afraid to enter a library?

Maybe I'm a butterfly
Dreaming that I'm human and my
Whole life if just a made-up story
But I guess that's alright by
Me
Because at least that means
Every tragedy I've so-called seen
Heard felt thought
Of was fake, right? For every
Novel requires a good plot,
Even if made of pure fiction.
There's a reason why
People like Regina and Cady,
Rory and Lorelai
Because it's always nice
When the dishes bring some spice.

Because what if I talked too fast
Or too slow
Or maybe too loud
Not loud enough
High pitched
Low pitched
Too much
Too little
Or what if I said the wrong things
Or not enough of the right ones
And that's what scares me
Because we aren't even done
With just talking.

You know
It's weird being in a place
That's somehow still so
Unfamiliar even though
It's taken up so much space
In your head
And I don't know how
Else to say this instead
But now
That you're there
It's really
No longer that daydream
Where it seemed to me
That time would pass
During breaks, while in class
With a smile on my face
But I guess
We all guess wrong sometimes.