When I called
I said I needed resolution
When we met
That’s what you gave me

I could see it cost you
When you wanted to hold me.
Your hands reached for me
but made do with air.

We were so short lived
innocent of body but
falling in love is not innocent
when married to others.

Your child needs to see you
And you need him
You will continue
wife of coercive control
and I will let you.

Today I’ve woken
With a calm about me
Tentative tranquility.
I’ll never forget you.

The day of rest
interspersed with activity.
And tears.
I am sadly glad
that my heart can now process.
If I give myself this day
Can I be better tomorrow?

It’s comforting that
the love was true.
Unintentional, but true.
That the care is still there,
but the book can be closed.

This feeling that I’m feeling
Is like a hole
Or a sore spot that I keep poking
Or a memory that I reflexively
bring up
Again and again.

It feels like a disability today
I can’t be a normal human today
I will take one day to
honour what we had,
grieve the loss (again),
note the closure, and,
hopefully -
rise stronger and move forward.

I want to turn for comfort
Seek reassurance
Have arms enfold me
It will be alright.

I want to retreat to base
to tend my wounds and
heal from the heart ache.
Today’s injury.

Glass of wine? Chocolate? Cake?
No.
For now I’ll curl up,
hug myself, write poetry.

Heartbreak
Heartbroken
Seeing you was a balm
Our love acknowledged
Your marriage reaffirmed
Closure.
Oh the relief of closure.

Uncertain.
So much to ask,
ceaseless pull,
moral questionability.
Uncertain.
Head is winning,
heart is spinning.
Run away, flee -
avoid catastrophe.

My body is taut
wound
alert.
My stomach is churning;
my mind, churning too.
My heart - quite pleased actually.

So we’ll meet
and talk.
There’s nothing that my head admires here,
but my heart, wager of insurgent, prolonged war against my head -
demands a chance.
So, in the spirit of embracing the whole me, accepting the whole me,
She will have that chance.

But my head
will be back in full force soon...
it seems they have to agree
before I can find my balance.