Fourteen never tasted you
But I still need you like a crutch
Like something to keep me afloat when I feel like
I'm drowning
You see, the pretty, skinny girls
The ones who are allowed to fall apart
Pieces of you they exhale
Leave a solemn marker on this saddened planet.
You see, pretty skinny girls
The ones who suit anorexia so **** well
Wear a pretty shade of starving
And cry themselves to sleep within stark hospital walls
You see, pretty skinny girls
The ones who don't take up any space
Praised for their alternative music and long socks because
Hey.
At least they're alive.
Do you see how different we are.
We are the freedom seekers who never get justice
We are the ones that got left behind
We are the ones who's diagnosis didnt fit
Simply because our numbers didnt
Into the category of deathly
I need you like a crutch
Because nothing I have
and nothing I am
Quite equates to their criteria of needing help.
No matter how quietly i whisper to you under bedsheets
Or scream it out to my father, those three words
That are already hard enough to ******* admit
no
no.
They are still.
Still.
Not enough for you.
I need help.
Fourteen learned to roll cigarettes when she was seven
But made an oath to herself of never ever
but now she needs a salvation
It's like I've been fighting the ocean for long enough
Finally decided c i cant fight alone anymore
Yet the lifeguards only saved the one who was visible in the sea
Oblivious to the fact fourteen was on the brink
Of drowning in her own tears.
Fourteen looks up to the sky and counts the stars
Like marlboro lights she counts the flamed atmosphere
Wondering how life could get worse than this.
And she waits for something to come
something to save her
A helping hand or a speeding car
Lying in the middle of the road often carried that risk.
She's in love with him and its a ******* tragedy
She doesnt know if shes too much for him or not enough
She's being abused and its a ******* tragedy
She doesnt know if the bruises shes acquiring are just in her head
She's losing touch with her friends and its a ******* tragedy
She knows they arent paying attention.
So what more can she do
But dream of feeding herself to the ocean
A current in place of a current affair and
A slow and fulfulling peace.
Fourteen stares at the sky with the
soft ripples of sand beneath her feet
counts the stars like marlboro lights
takes a breath, and gives herself
One
more
chance
Seventeen looks back to what she wrote when she was fourteen, fourteen,
young and sweet and in pain and fourteen never saw what could happen with two years and some trust in herself and some ******* faith. Fourteen you won some hard battles. Fourteen youre still here. Fourteen you make me proud every ******* day. Fourteen, meet seventeen. Fourteen I'm proud of you. Fourteen I love you. If nobody else can say it, know that i do. I do. Fourteen you picked yourself up. Fourteen, you are the reason seventeen doesnt need to lean on anyone, not at the end of the day. Fourteen, you're the reason seventeen is still here. Fourteen, im sorry. Fourteen, im still sorry. Fourteen, we're on our way to fix these cracks, the ones a little to big for our small hands. Fourteen, we will achieve our own justice. Fourteen, you no longer dream of feeding yourself to the supreme entity. Fourteen you no longer think of your funeral as a memory. Fourteen, you've lost people but **** some of them you're better off without. Seventeen wants you to know that.
Fourteen you dont need to be a size 6 to be validated.
You must validate yourself to be validated.
Fourteen, we made it.
Fourteen, you did it.
Fourteen, im so thankful that you persisted.