You complained when the drinks ran out;
Alcohol's synonymous with fun, you said.
I rolled my eyes, presented the concept
Of conversation- you wouldn't give in
And, in exasperation,
I split the bottle on the bone in my leg, shard to shin,
Muttered snidly as I bled,
"Hope you like red".

(Better to be, than keep feeling dead)

Listening to the rain at night
Trying to fall asleep
Far to many thoughts in my head
Mostly dark & deep.

The wind is howling, like a wolf
Searching for her pack
Frustration builds, my skylight rattles
I roll over onto my back

La Luna shines from behind the clouds
That race across the skies
I pop the tablets in my mouth
And whisper my goodbyes

Just watching Netflix
Or staying in bed
Guilt rising inside me
Sad thoughts in my head

I can’t seem to focus
Or motivate myself again
Missing who I once was
I’m going insane

The dishes pile up
So much ironing to be done
Instead I order uber eats
Coz that’s way more fun

The house needs cleaning
The beds need making too
But I wallow in self pity
The day I met you I still rue

Maybe I need therapy
Someone get inside my head
Tell me where I’m going wrong
My zest for life is dead

All I know is this must end
I need to know my fate
Am I dying soon my Lord
Or do I have to wait?

White tendrils of morning smoke
Flee before a rising sun
Frost solid in darkness awoke
That night's sanctuary done.

Remember the magic in night
You, hidden from harsh light
Of day, company found in peace
Under full moon, if it'd never cease.

Oh where's it gone the moon
A full sky through different tune
Black melting, streaks on a wall
White rising, wafting out the hall.

How do I put my life back together!
When it’s so empty, in disrepair
How can I start to feel whole again?
How can I find someone to care?

The alcohol courses through my veins
Keeping me in a zombie like state
Weaning myself off is difficult though
When my angry heart is so full of hate

Not just hate but hurt and loss
So many negative thoughts
The pain I carry is weighing me down
Every day I feel out of sorts

I’m a prisoner in my marriage
A captive in my own home
The isolation is literally killing me
So my lonely heart does roam

The internet has become my friend
Fetlife not giving me what I seek
I want to start feeling whole again
Find my hot geek not a freak!

I want to find my penguin
My one true mate for life
I want to have the fairytale
Without all the other strife

I thought I’d found my penguin
I would have given him my all
A commitment I was ready for
I wasn’t ready for the fall

He thought he’d found his penguin
He saw me in a perfect light
He adored my mind and my soul
But for me it didn’t feel right

He thought he’d found his penguin
He wanted to protect and care
But for me the spark didn’t ignite
So just friends but never a pair

Why can’t I find my penguin
I wish our hearts would collide
And live in perfect harmony
Together until the day I died

Trying to fill the void
In some really bad places
Trying to feel whole
With all the wrong faces

It’s making me feel more empty
Men only want me for ***
I just want to find Prince Charming
Instead of douches like my Ex

Why am I such an attention *****?
Needing men for validation
I want a true love story
Instead of constant damnation