where do they go
when i erase my words
that just weren't
meant to be here

where do i go
when i hide
my self
that, what if,
was not meant
to be here

I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I'm gay
it kind of
spills off my tongue
when I don’t want it to
an
impulse
a
burning choke in my throat
falling out of me when I wish it would stay inside
when strangers are around
when
they really don’t need to know

it’s painted on my face
it’s written on the backs of my hands
my collarbone is burning white hot with a tell
and my eyes watering every secret of it

can they tell?
can everyone see right through me?
I’m
too scared to ask
somehow
also too scared to keep it inside

It wants out more than anything
but
she wants to be safe more than anything

i want to curl in her collar bone
the valley copious with soft smell from a dress
she has on all the time
a night of honeysuckle sweet
recalls in taste on the roof
of my mouth
that keeps all words to her
but spills out as a cry
kept in the pillow.
a hollow mind
a theater for exhibitions of past
leafed through my flight of the short life
i lived
it shuts as a green light reflects in irises
of my garden
with the beloved suns of hers
and a beaten milk glass of his
a gloomy blue boy puts them to sleep
and a leaf crisps under a silent step of mine.

Every wonder that is ricocheted in my brain cage
Closes eyes, loses spark
Unengaged

Salty vice of youthless mind
Seeks escape
Of the dragon shores and kraken's isles
In a single day

Nevermind me is an ape