I am a nothing; a zero, a cipher
Neither a plus or minus sign
The Doctors can't tell, the scientists can't decipher
What is going on in my mind

I haven't​ even a clue myself
Who I am or what I want to be
I'm worried about my mental health
And my future terrifies me

What can I do? What can I say?
Just what am I supposed to do?
I don't know what I'm going to do today
And for tomorrow, I don't have a clue

So, I'm a nothing, a zero, a cipher
Neither a plus or minus sign
What do I have to expect from life, a
Slow,  tragic, endless decline?

Something must happen soon
Some kind of explosion
To break this stasis, this glacier, this ice
Or am I to spend my whole life stuck frozen
Trying to break my way through to my life

My partner has just bought a car
Now we can travel near and far
Does it make me feel like less of a man
And like she's got the upper hand ?
Now she's literally in the driver's seat
She's got the wheels, I've just got feet

Home made meals lovers
Share on tender winter nights
Replenish the soul

So, c'mon let's talk about politics
Come on, let's discuss war
I'll tell you all of my opinions
Then we'll talk about yours

Let's get into religion
Have a massive argument
In the morning when we're hungover
We won't remember what we meant​

I know that it's our first date
But let's break all the rules
Find out if it's love or hate
Is it **** or is it cool ?

Let's stumble off to bed
Have terrible drunken ***
Then in the morning, with thick heads
We'll work out where we go next

Let's jump in to it with both feet
If it goes wrong, it goes wrong
If it's meant to, it will be weak
If it's meant to, it will be strong

Yes, let's forget all the rules of a first date
It's going to be right, or it's going to be wrong
It will be love, or it will be hate
Let's start as we mean to go on

Come take a walk with me downtown
Where the ancient spirits may be found
The dull thump of techno is not the sound
That assaults your senses, now
It's the baying hounds

Suddenly you're enveloped in a must
Although you're not drinking you feel quite ******
You've never known a feeling like this
No all the times on acid and mushrooms you've tripped

This must be the wrong alley, you've turned in
It's​ like a tiny hurricane in which you spin
The lights blur, your stomach churns
You have definitely taken a wrong turn

It must be the 19th Century in which you're found
The way the men's coattails skirt the ground
You want to scream, you can't make a sound
People walk right through you, like there's no one around

All of the shops have shrunk in size
Changed from concrete to marble before your eyes
The windows are smaller, tiny panes of glass
As through the mud and ****, you wander past

The black horses stomp, their breath it steams
The silver on their bridles gleams
Sewage runs through the gutters like a stream
Stuck in a 19th Century nightmare dream

The words in the drunken shouts  don't really differ
But the accent's changed, grown coarser, thicker
. It's gaslight, not neon now that flickers
But you could probably get a decent pint of bitter

The working girls are still around
They look even dirtier, more​ worn down
Money for Gin, not crack must now be found
But still the sordid beat they pound

Suddenly, the mist it clears
The smell of horseshit disappears
You were there for a minute, now you're back here
Now you slowly walk back home, shaking with fear

When times are hard
When you're almost starved
Your £70 a week dole has gone nowhere
And all of the cupboards​ are bare
And you've only​ got £1 for your electric
You have to go
Into the mystic
Into the mythic
It's time to get
A little bit cosmic
If you only thought about
The here and now
You could easily
Lose your mind somehow
If you only thought about this one plane
You'd be sure to go insane
So you widen your brain
Ignore all the *******
World of authority
The bills, the debts
The license for the T.V.
Send your brain into the stars
Out past Saturn, after flying past Mars
Out into a different reality
Where none of Earth's problems worry me

A Thursday night full of enchantment
Just me and my girl
Yes, we've taken some relaxation enhancements
And all's right with the world

For once it's been a pretty good day
Nothing has gone awry
We sit chilled out, no harsh words to say
And for now, it's not a bad life

An atmosphere of sheer contentment
As we both sit here relaxed
No niggling worries, no resentment
And we're chilled to be max

It's cool to have a rare good night
No hassles and no sorrows
Let's hope that this feeling might
Last until tomorrow

Standing in the hospital
Hungover, feeling jittery
Ward  93
Drug and Alcohol Dependency Unit
I finger the squeezy lemon bottle
Hidden inside my boxer shorts
Full of second-hand ****

Ward 93 operates as a strict regime
3 strikes and you're out
That means that every time
You give a positive sample
They give you a warning
More than 3 and your
Methadone is stopped
I'd had all 3

After a phone call to my
( only) clean friend
I met him in the pub
3 or 4 beers later
I hit him with it
He took it reasonably well
It not being every day
A friend asks you to ****
Into a bottle for him

So......
There I was, hungover nervous
With a squeezy lemon of
Someone elses​ **** in my shorts
Hidden just behind my *****
To keep it at body temperature
If you handed over the sample
Bottle and it was cold
The Nurse might become suspicious
Or think that you were dead

This required sleight of hand
And nerve
The Nurse would stand right behind you
In the cubicle to watch you
Anyway
It worked
This time
The next time I couldn't
Get in touch with my friend
So I had to resort to
Trying it with tea
Amazingly they said
That this sample contained
Opiates
And I was thrown off the programme

Either their equipment was faulty
The bottle was contaminated
Or something
But just in case
I started to
Drink a lot of tea
Well, you never know
And I guess
They've got to keep
Sales up
Somehow

What's scarier than strangers
And all the things that they don't know
Don't know, don't feel and if they did
They'd never let it show

They have no fears, definitely no phobias
No terrors in the night
No doubts, no worries, not even concerns
They always know that they are right

These strangers are the ones in an angry mob
In the lynch party too
They join the army, even the police
They are not like me and you

They vote Conservative, own pit- bulls
Get involved in, even start pub fights
I've never really known one of them
But I can spot one on sight

These strangers include the rapists
Child molesters​ too
I even believe in traffic, they are the ones in front of you

They​ used to buy Phil Collins
Now they buy U2
They put Englebert Humperdinck at No. 1
When ' Strawberry Fields ' got stuck at No.2

These strangers are so scary
I don't know what to do
Now I never dare to go anywhere
In case I become a stranger too

Today's my birthday and I think
That tonight I deserve a drink
Me, the Mrs,a couple of bottles of wine
I'm 45 and I am feeling fine

We've got a couple of friends  come to visit
The drinks go around, the stories go with it
A happy time is had by all
As the night outside it falls

It feels good to be 45
****, I'm glad just to be alive
Nightclubs are no longer my thing
Just friends sitting around, having a drink

But to be honest now, I wish they'd go
So me and my wife could be alone
My hospitality only goes so far
Now I'm ready to throw them into their car

I sit and watch the walls
Of loneliness slowly closing in
Drawing in like a cold
Windy, rain-filled night
I can't ever remember feeling
So utterly alone
So completely adrift
From everything
And everybody
I think of all
The opportunities untaken
The abilities wasted
People shrugged off, blanked
Nonchalant
With all the flaming arrogance
Of one who thinks that
He is born lucky
Special
To whom the rules do​ not apply
The kind who thinks he will
Win the lottery
Without even buying a ticket

But I wasn't born lucky
And I'm not special
Failure hits me just as hard
As anyone else
And it keeps on hitting
I'm like the boy who cried wolf
I pushed people away
Not thinking that one day
They would take me at my word

And now it's like I'm on a ship
Condemned to drift
Upon a sea of nothingness
Unable to dock at any port
Whilst food and fresh water
Steadily run out
Holes appear in the sails
Water slowly seeps into the hull

I have to choose, either
A sad slow lingering starvation
Or swiftly and sadly
Walk the plank

I sit and pray
Up in the crow's nest
I keep watch and hope
Someone please calls
The coastguard

Well, it's my birthday on Monday
Then I will hit the big 45
And what, in my own way
Have I learned about this life

Stay away from drugs and their dealers
They will bring you nothing but strife
I know it's not much, but I feel that
It's an important lesson in life

As for women, I don't know
Just try your best to find
One that won't leave you feeling low
Try to get one who is kind

I know this isn't​ a lot to know
But it will have to do for now
Hopefully I've a lot more years to go
To work out the rest, somehow

The sun finally came out today
After 12 hours of murk
And now it's faded away
Drifted into dark

I hate the way the winter arrives
When it goes dark at  4 'O' Clock
The darkness comes into our lives
And depression starts to knock

Upon our door, we let it enter
And it turns out our lights
At 4'O' Clock it has sent a
Dart into our lives

Every year this darkness hits
At this time of year it starts
I've got to learn not to give a ****
Not to let the dark into my heart

So, come and let me tell you
All about my day
It's been pretty boring, it's true
But sometimes that's just the way

I woke up next to my wife
And my dog and cat
In the same bed, but that's my life
That's just where it's at

Listen to music, smoke cigarettes
Go to the shop to get a drink
Read books I have not devoured yet
About poetry I will think

Then I sit here and think of you
On the 'Hello Poetry ' website
Send these few lines out of my view
Then I will bid you all Goodnight

It's Five pm on a Saturday​  afternoon
Walking down town, I can smell 'em
The takeaways​ will be opening soon
And this street smells like heaven

People at home are in the shower
Getting ready for their night on the town
They'll be having their first drink in about an hour
They'll be listening to their sounds

Me, I'm at home, alone and lonely
With a pizza and a bottle of wine
But I've got the Rolling Stones, 'Exile On Main Street '
So **** 'em, I'm feeling fine

Keef's guitar and **** Jagger's sneer
Charlie Watts perfect drums
They always sound great, whatever the year
I can take the rest as it comes

I'm glad I'm not that guy anymore
I'm glad that I've rejected
The guy who thought that fun
Could only be inhaled or injected
I'm glad that now I'm
The kind of guy
Who can be respected

Sometimes life is good
Sometimes it really is ****
We just deal with it

The swings and slides are empty
As the rain it falls
The children are watching T.V.
As the night begins to call

To the older, teenage kids
With bottles in their hands
To the park, the slides on which they slid
Holding on to their parent's hands

Obnoxious, arrogant and loud
With a drink or two inside
Stood next to where their parents proud
Watched them down the slide

How long has this park been here?
I used to come with my mum and dad
Filled with excitement and fear
At all of the fun to be had

I wonder how many generations
It will be that this park will​ last
And in silent contemplation
Will see present turn once more to past

******  you're the devil, I think it needs to be said
Most people can't escape from you until they are dead
You rot people from the inside, you rot their brains and teeth
And once someone has tasted you, without you there's no relief
You rob people of their morals, scruples, conscience too
****** you are the devil and ****** I hate you
You make people *****, you make their skin turn grey
******, I almost can't believe I managed to get away
No, it wasn't easy, it was ******* hard
You wrecked my looks, damaged my brain, left me covered in scars
******, you killed so many of my friends, you killed my girlfriend too
******, you took 15 years of my life and ****** I hate you
But still you flit around my thoughts, you I sometimes crave
But I know I'll never go back to you, I only just escaped my grave
On the last time that we met, you nearly took me with you
That will never happen though, because ****** I hate you

Yes I love haikus
A way of expressing your
Feelings in seconds

Five syllables, then
Seven syllables,then five
Syllables again

You can fit so much
Into a few simple lines
Anything you want

Five syllables then
Seven syllables then five
Syllables again

No need to rhyme or
Anything like that, no rules
At all, except for

Five syllables then
Seven syllables then five
Syllables again

I've got to get up
So early in the morning
But I cannot sleep

As the night it falls
And the  bright streetlights turn on
My heart lights up too

I've spent nearly all my adult years
In awful occupations​
Hundreds of jobs, hundreds of tears
Years of sheer frustration
Terrible employment
Cooking sausages, bagging salt
Absolutely no enjoyment
But it wasn't always my fault
Leaving school with no qualifications​
No career to look forward to
You have to take any occupation
What else can you do?
Miserable jobs, minimum wage
Always the first to be ' let go '
Working all night, sleeping all day
But nowhere else to go
Throwing heavy boxes about
Loading massive lorries
On the bottom rung and no way out
I've worked in so many factories
Now I have tried to educate myself
Qualifications of which I'm proud
Training for a job in Mental Health
Yes, that's my way out
And for about 2 1/2 years
I've been working voluntarily
Helping people with their troubles and fears
Now I have found the right job for me
Now I have found the thing I want to do
I have found my real career
It helps me to be be helping you
And I will always be here

Reading a slim book of poetry
Of life and it's mutability
Poems from inside of
A safe, cosy middle class cocoon
The words have no sharp edges
To burst the balloon
Poems about flowers
To while away the hours
Between the visit of the vicar
And the next *** of tea
Not poetry for you and me
Or anything like reality
Poetry as a gentle hobby
Like baking
Or flower arranging
Not poetry from the gut
That comes​ raging
Like fists planted upon the page
Poems of love or loss or rage
But tenderly placing
Each word on the page
Like a delicate flower to be arranged
I don't hate the woman
Who wrote this stuff
For her this obviously is enough
I envy her easy life
It's lack of struggle
It's lack of strife
Perhaps one day it will be me
Writing of such superficialities
When I'm fat, well fatter
Rich and content
And all of my life- force has been spent
I will sit in my garden and smell the flowers
Then while away my hours
On my hobby, writing poetry
Between the visit of the vicar
And my next *** of tea

I stand in my garden and look around
Who knows what happens in these small towns​
Behind the curtains in suburbia
Who knows what really happens there?

The mild-mannered man you meet on your stroll
Could have 5 Japanese, plastic *** dolls
Behind the curtains in suburbia
Who knows what could happen here?

The fat, jolly woman to whom you say ' hello '
Her husband could be under the patio
Middle class suburbia
Anything can happen here

My next door neighbour's curtains twitch
In her back room she is a witch
Pentagrams​ in blood on the laminate floor
As she chats to the woman next door
She leaves a note out for the milk-man
Then she sells her soul to Satan

Behind the curtains in suburbia
Who knows what happens here?

It's not like the rough council estates​
Where people are driven by need and hate
The sheer boredom of suburbia
Breeds evil things that happen here

Come on, let me take you down
Where there are bouquets piled all around
An old oak tree trunk, thick and round

The Hanging Tree

Tributes and teddies all around
No-one knows what brought this down
Hanging two feet off the ground

The Hanging Tree

Fifty-four long years old
His body hung there, stiff and cold
There's a story here that needs to be told

The Hanging Tree

A two-line newspaper obituary
That most people just don't see
A tragic end for anybody

The Hanging Tree

A spring morning, crisp and clear
The neighbours garden was so near
No-one knows what happened here

The Hanging Tree

A meaningless death in a small town
Some poor ******* had to cut him down
Fate looks on, wearing a frown

The Hanging Tree

Yes, fate looked on wearing a frown
Mental Health Services let him down
Just a small story in a small town

The Hanging Tree

Tomorrow, my​ missus goes away
Leaves me on my own for twelve days
I don't mind the odd weekend alone
But for this long, I know boredom will gnaw on my bones
Oh well, I'll have more time to write
More to write about as long grow the nights
I'll play my music so loudly
Have my choice of what's on T.V.
But I have to admit I'll miss her so much
No human contact, no human touch
I'll take the dog for lots of walks
And hope that the dog can learn to talk