Yet more conflict with my wife
Yet more trouble, yet more strife
I can't really argue, I know she's right
But I need another drink tonight
The doctors are right, my liver is scarred
But sometimes life is just too hard
No, really that is just *******
I don't need it, I just want it
But I know that sometimes greed
Can be easily mistaken for need

A tired, street-walker beaten down
From working her beat in this ***** town
It's thirty quid to you or me​
A cheap enough price for dignity
Yours and hers both are lost
Too high a price for me at half the cost
Her back is aching, her feet are sore
As she goes through the motions just once more
Just one more time, for one more score
Then she'll quit, this time for sure
Worriedly waking in the early afternoon
The shivers will be starting soon
Phoning around begging for tick
Cold sweating now and feeling sick
She's got to go and turn one more trick
She's got to go and **** one more ****
Just one more time for one more score
And then she'll give it up for sure

I know that's not you
A marble headstone
On a scrubby patch of grass
Trite rhyme chiselled into
Cold, black stone
Always feeling grey and cold
Even the summer sun
Cannot permeate
The ghost of grief
That hangs around
But, I know that's not you
A bag of bones in your sister's dress
Six feet under cold, damp mud
Where's the warmth? the ***
The vitality, the laughter
The love, the insane jealousy
That's what's left of you
That's what lives on, always remains​
Not remains
A piece of meat on a coroner's slab
Or the blue faced ghoul
That I tried to breathe life
Back into
No, I know that's not you
But
Your spirit, the brightest I've known
Burning with a sweet intensity
All of those beautiful times in bed
Yes, great ***
But not necessarily
Laughter, easy, nothing between us
No need for clothes or self-consciousness​ now
The most relaxed I've ever been
Life had a sheen
A confident glow
So, yes
I cried, almost died
At your funeral
The thought of you rotting
Under *****, black earth
I've almost died a few times since
Struggling to go on
When life's light has gone out
So yes
I'll come to your grave
And leave flowers
A holly wreath at Xmas too
Walking back to the car
I'll stifle a sniffle
Try to stop a sob
The tremors in my chest
But also I know that
None of it matters
Because there in that graveyard
I know that's not you

On a night like this it feels good to be out
Watching my dog as she scampers about
It's the type of night you need to remember
To help you through the cold December​s
Gulls swooping through the clear blue sky
Sunlight glinting off windows as you pass by
The air is warm and to feast your eyes on
Green melts into blue on the horizon
There's not a cloud to marr the sky
I swear I feel a natural high
The world reveals such beauty before your eyes
I start to wonder : was this devised ?
I don't believe in a creator
But can I really relate to
The theory it's all an accident
Never planned and never meant
I don't know, but I am filled with happiness
And to be alive is to be blessed

I'm glad that I am an older man
Being young was rough
Between the ages of twelve and twenty one
I suffered more than enough

The usual​ petty stuff, like spots and bad hair
With it being ginger as well
To the depths of existential despair
Feeling that I was living in hell

If I could go back to myself during those times
I'd say " In time it passes, really just look "
Young me would say " F#*k you and your trite rhymes
Stuff your platitudes, you make me puke "

The me of back then would hate the me of today
And I'm sure it would be reciprocated
Both of us right and wrong in our own ways
But, to be honest I'm glad I'm antiquated

As you get older you get more mellow
I'm sure some could see it as ''selling out '
But with me now you can always say ' hello '
And know that in return you won't get a shout

As I grow older, I keep feeling better
More and more comfortable in my own skin
I'd love to write the younger me a letter
Saying " You'll get there kid, just keep hanging on in.

Detritus of the drunken night
A cig burn in a cushion cover
A swollen face from your brother
I shouldn't have had that last pint
Your wittering is irritating
This hangover is dehydrating

Blurred thoughts of how we fought
You brought up some other girl
Indignation  made my head whirl
T.V. blaring sports, you out of sorts
Outside for a cigarette
Both of us shouting, your eyes wet

The stumbling, bumbling long walk home
Sniping and bickering
Neon lights flickering
Now your face is set like stone
I've got to face your angry brother
And your unforgiving mother

Detritus of the drunken night
My stomach's churning
Your eyes are burning
Like red hot coals, they sting on sight
I'll apologize for what drink's done
Then go down the pub for another one

It's the sweet sundown of a a summer's night
Children finish their games in the last of the light
I'm alone, I'm lonely nothing feels right

The air is full of birds on the wing
Or nesting in the treetops you can hear them sing
But I'm oblivious to it, I don't hear a thing

The sky is growing darker, the night starts to unwind
The stars are beautiful, see how they shimmer and shine
But I don't see them, I might as well be blind

Courting couples wander, walking hand in hand
Strolling through the park, kiss under the empty bandstand
I'm lonely and I feel like a poor excuse for a man

I need that special someone, who can make my sun shine
I need to find a woman who'll be happy to be mine
Until then there's only ugly winter thoughts in my mind

When we're lying in your bed
In the dark carnal midnight
I might say that I love you
But in the cold light of morning
When we look at each other
We both know there's nothing
Further from the truth

I know you don't love me
But you could put up with me
At least then your child gets a daddy
I know I don't love you
I don't know why I pretend to
It just seems the polite thing to do

We're not getting any younger
And being alone seems so frightening
So we live this lie and hate each other
More with each day
There's no love, there's no passion
We don't even care about the ***
But we know it's the last chance we might get

Gold that glitters under toughened glass
Once gifts of love and all that entails
The love disappeared now, gone with the past
Now just rings awaiting a sale.

' MUM ' lettered in gold, to whom was this given
What  trauma has brought this thing forth
Drugs to get high or food needed to live on
I can't help but wonder what that money was for

Staring all of the small velvet boxes unnerves me
A sadness inside me it twists and it churns
I hear a ' next please ' so I take off my jewelry
Step to the counter and then​ it's my turn.