Pick a stance and stay there
But I can’t because I can see both sides
Where they come from and why
So my decision may take awhile to become final
I’m a hypocrite because I do what I say not to do but why?
I am not true to myself at time when I speak
I doubt my emotions and thoughts
I enjoy breaking rules, even my own
I am as curious as anything
But are those excuses? I don’t know
Trying to rationalize and justify my lack of self discipline
Does that make me less of a person or more of who I really am?
I feel sick; my health isn’t what it used to be
I’m failing my classes; that never changed, just got worse
I’m becoming who I am, who should I be?
I should be me
I could lie to myself and say “be the best me!”
But that wouldn't make me happy
I’d do it because I’d feel like I should
So I’d be a hypocrite and lie to myself
So I’ll keep what morals and values and feelings that have stuck to me and flow on in life trying my best to be true
       -Tommy Johnson

I ruin it all,
All of it,
Every ounce of my energy,
When I over-think things way too much,
I drown myself in thoughts,
Slowly kills my happiness,
Like a cigarette does to the lungs,
Like insecurities **** my self esteem,
Like lies killed my trust,
I wish I could just make the picture in my head be real,
My ideal life I wish I could plan,
Over-thinking
Over-think
Over
and
Over
and
Over
Questions that come to my mind,
Nor the answers I want to find,
An answer to a question which will bring me to over think once you respond to,
Will make me once more,
Numb and blue,
Why'd you ever give up on me?

How do you get your mind off things?
Oh, read a book! That's it!
Let's read a sentence, a paragraph, a page.
Can you remember what you read?
Yes? Good!
No? Well welcome to my life.
Every sentence of every paragraph of every page
has brought back a memory or a wondering thought.
Memories and thoughts that clog my brain.
Remembering regrets. thinking of alternative solutions.
Reading over and over again the same words.
Not understanding anything it says.
going into deep thought,
changing emotion left and right.
Not even able to sound out a word
or remember its meaning.
trying to block them out!
I need to stop over thinking!
bringing the book inches from my face
because I can't even remember what a letter sounds like!

My mind is fried with deep thoughts

maybe I'll try reading again tomorrow...

Think
the over thinking
Like
wanting a drink that you're already drinking
Like
wanting to swim when you're already sinking
So easy to think the over thinking
a concoction of daydreams
you hate to be drinking
While
you're already busy believing your sinking
and your foots on solid ground.
So easy to think the over thinking
leaving
your future on the brink of brinking
And
you haven't done a thing cause
you're too busy thinking.
So easy to think the over thinking -
The only reason that your really sinking
in a world that may be okay.