.

                                      W
                                e    e e    e
                             e        W        e
                            W     e     e      W
                            e      W    e        e
                             e       e  W        e
                              W     e  e      W
                                 e     W      e
                                     e  e   e
                                         !

.

                                   N
                            e     ec     e
                           c      es       c
                          e       si         e
                         s        t y          s
                         s       N  e         s
                          i       c   e         i
                           t      s   s        t
                             y    i  t      y
                                     y

.
                                     S
                             e     e r      e
                           r        v i         r
                          v        c e          v
                         i           S             i
                         c        e    r         c
                          S       v    i         S
                           e       c  e         e
                             r        S         r
                               v      e       v
                                  i    r     i
                                     c v c
                                        e

.
                            Stiff Stiff
                        Stiff Stiff Stiff
                       Stiff Stiff Stiff S
                      tiff Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff  
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                         Stiff Stiff Stiff
                Stiff Stiff          Stiff Stiff
             Stiff Stiff Stiff  Stiff Stiff Stiff
               Stiff Stiff Sti     ff Stiff Stiff
                   Stiff Stiff        Stiff Stiff

.
                                    H
                            a     a p      a
                          p       p y        p
                         p        H a         p
                         y          p            y
                        H        p   y         H
                         a        H   a         a
                          p       p    p        p
                           p       y H        p
                              y      a        y
                                      P
                                      p
                                      y

.
                                      F
                               o    o o    o
                             o      d F      o
                            d      o o        d
                           F         d           F
                           o       F  o         o
                            o      o   d        o
                             d      F  o       d
                               F       o       F
                                  o    d     o
                                     o      o
                                         d

I know zilch about car engines,
So I don't write about them.

I know squanto about medicine -
-more about drugs,
but for personal reasons
like kids and such I seldom
allude to them;
you understand -
And you'll not read much on that,
Except for an occasional image.

I know extraordinarily nothing
About cricket, or how rockets can propel
In a vacuum, or dimensions,
Six through ten.
Ordinary, usual stuff for many.
But not my comfort zone,
So I won't waste our time
Feigning string theory imagery.
So,
Here's the thing.
I write about death, often,
And I know just about nothing
That there is to know,
Except for what we know,
Hardly worth mentioning,
It's common knowledge,
Not necessary to even cite,
Like the capital of Canada,
Or The Lord's Prayer.
At least I could use an image
Of a scar or a cog wheel,
But I know nothing
About death,
But the certainty.
So, what's up with that?
Did I do it again?

I know that the whole thing about love is it's who you miss at 2pm when you're busy, not 2am when you're lonely.
Baby it's 8:50pm and I'm as lonely as I've ever been.

I can't stand my friends when they're with their other, my love life is lived through them.
Its not that I want what they have,
Its that I want to feel warm arms around my body instead of the cold embrace of my AC.

It's that I want someone to run shivers down my back by placing their cold hands on my bare side and allow my body heat to warm them.
Its that I want to feel a deep passionate love.

Its that all it ever is is me and me alone.

Is that what you thought when I told you we were done?

Did you think to yourself "I hope you enjoy the cold arms of the lovers who don't actually love you?"
"You'll miss the way I looked at you"
"You'll miss the way I kissed you"
"You'll miss the way I loved you"

Did you think how happy you would be to see me so sad?
Because you know I can't help myself and I can't stay away from you,
Even if you're poison to my veins.

Did you, in after being months apart, me running to you, looking for shelter from the rain, have the joy in seeing my face twist in agony as you push me away?

Did you ask yourself if I ever loved you,
And convince yourself I didn't?
If leaving you twice times the same way was so simple so must the third
But darling I'm falling.

I'm falling into pits of my own darkness.

I saw a pencil sharpener and took out the blade.
I cleaned it and hid it and think about it every day.
And right after the thought of that I think of you and what you would say

You May not be my 2pm thought
But you're my thought at 9pm
When I tell my demons no
And throw my blade away.

This morning I’m so dillusional
I can’t even see straight
the world is turning to black
I think I’ve met my fate
The colors spin out of control
there is nothing to grab onto
my mind is blurred, my throat is caught
I don’t know what to do
Every morning is ******* like this
I’m so sick of dealing with this ****
I’m getting to the point of just cutting again
to keep myself from having a fit
but that ****** me off even more
it’s because I’m so ******* crazy
that fact eats away at my soul
causing my eyes to get hazy
I have such a headache
why do I do this to myself?
why can’t I just calm the **** down?
why can’t I be like everybody else?
It’s just so embarrassing not knowing when I’ll explode
I get so ******* upset that it causes me to throw up
All of this anger. Where does it come from?
Life is going great
out of nowhere I’m turned upside down
and I become so full of hate
Knowing that just makes me feel worse
and the cycle repeats all over again
I’m so tired of dealing with this
when will this chaos end?