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This is a poem of a girl. A girl who is so cliché, that she needs to write angst-filled poetry to keep herself conscious and her thoughts free, but is too hipster to believe it. A girl who is too freckled to be fair, too fleshy to be flirty, too conspicuous to be classy, too prominent to be petite, but too small to be seen. A girl who’s piercing blue eyes absorbs everything and regurgitates emotions like a tampered slots machine—excessi vely and noisily. This is a poem of a girl who is so over-stimulated with color, texture, love, and life that the numbness in her head is a pink eraser. A girl who was brought up to have opinions and dreams as long as they kept her on the path to perfection, poise, and parenting. A girl who is experienced enough to know the difference between sorrow and guilt, manipulation and cowardice, hysteria and hyperventilation but is too naïve to know why certain boys are a bluish green, why math is a bafflement, and why ground up chili peppers in dark chocolate ice cream isn’t everyone’s favorite food. This is a poem of a girl who salivates at the mere thought of classical music, couture fashion, and feminine heels. A girl who breathes in culture like a caterpillar inhales hookah smoke. A girl who Alis volat propriis (flies with her own wings) but ultimately plummets to nosus decipio (Let’s just cheat) because her humanity held down her Heredity. A girl who thrives on music of every variety: as long as it can paint out her emotions in front of her. This is a poem of a girl who is so acerbically witty and harsh that she could unarm Napoleon but is so vehemently protecting that Mother Theresa herself would be awed. A girl with an attention span of a fish, short-term memory like sea foam, thoughts that outnumber armadas, and a bad habit of dehydration. This is a poem of a girl who talks but shouldn’t, speaks but doesn’t, and who is so badly burnt by the enticement of affection that her wallflower camouflage is now charred ashes around her stubby toes. A girl who has such infatuation that she could pin Lust against the wall and make Passion jealous. A girl who wears red lipstick because she knows it will keep a man’s gaze for 8.2 more seconds than with chapstick and the 50’s will never grow old. A girl too nervous and traditional to make the first move, but too strategic and over-analytical to lie back and forget. A girl who loathes the word mamihlapinatapai because it describes her every circumstance since the day she befriended the purple-brown boy who thought her personality tasted of Raspberry ice cream and to this day she still can’t pronounce it. This is a poem of a girl who needs a bed so crowded and protected with blankets and pillows that her monsters can’t penetrate her mazed-up mind. A girl who drinks tea with her lips, and philosophy with her soul. A girl who can’t spell the alphabet backwards but can make great mnemonic devices. A girl who can’t tie ends together because she doesn’t want to leave anything unsaid but whose tangents are kite-strings. A girl whose sentences are distracting fences in front of her literal eyes but doors for her mind’s eyes. A girl who has Synesthesia but keeps it quiet because of the condescending kids in kindergarten who called her a freak, and a liar. This is a poem of a girl who thinks about Death and whether he is a snatching thief or just the ferryman. A girl who dances with her eyes shut, her heart open and her toe-socks on. A girl who will clean her room at 2 am because she can’t handle the sight and the night is too lively for sleeping anyways. A girl who wears her heart not only on her sleeve, but on her chest, open as a blushing book playing poker with hockey players and still winning a game. A girl who’s emotions are kept in a Tupperware box and left in the refrigerator but if you shake it hard enough the lid just might pop open
Why does life have to be like this?
You search the world over
Looking for the perfect specimen
Someone who you think is worthy of you
Your good, your bad
You're ******* awesome
But it seems like there's none around
But then you look to your side
There's your friend
Your best friend
In the middle of folding laundry one afternoon
thinking this might not be a big deal
but then again it's not such a bad way to spend the day and
the back door opened and
my neighbor showed up in full paintball gun attire and
pointed his paintball gun at me and
yelled at me to get on the ground!
i smiled and
put down my child's underwear and
grabbed his Buzz Lightyear sound and
light activated laser gun that he had recently gotten for Christmas and
aimed it at him and
yelled NO! You get on the ground and
then 40 men rushed into my house and
at least 10 of them had rifles and
i was thrown down on the floor,
wood floor,
right cheek made direct impact and
**** that hurt and
i heard a shout of a voice ordering the 10 men with the 10  rifles pointed at my head
not to shoot and
that the shoot to **** order was off,
that it was a toy plastic gun,
he repeated,
it was a plastic children's toy and
in one fell swoop of motion my right shoulder was taken out of its socket and
**** that hurt and
twisted around behind my back  in order to handcuff that hand to my other hand and
stand me up and
walk me out as I watched dozens and
dozens of what i could only presume to be storm troopers from the Star Wars movies wearing white protective gear covering their shoes bodies and
faces entirely
spilling into my house with the great invasion of an ant colony and
several groupings of men in black pants and
black shirts with white letters on the back spelling out different acronyms such as S. W. A.T., and
K.B.I,  KDH&E;  
The storm troopers were actually Bio HAZ MAT men
testing to see if  the air quality in the house was higher than their acceptable limits of
risk of having a chemical explosion occur
while in the house on that afternoon of January
when officers of the  Sheriff’s Office Special Operations Group
executed a search warrant at my house on Main St.in my small town in Kansas and
made entry at the location and
took me into custody while
Certified **** Lab Techs from the Sheriff’s Office
collected 2 Mountain Dew bottles and
some rubber tubing and
rendered the items safe and
Agents of HazMat Inc. were contacted and
responded to collect the hazardous materials for disposal
I sat in the back seat of the cop car and
thought this might be a big deal
this could be a bad way to spend the day
I can't stand the thought
of you with someone else
because though you're not mine
at least not really,
they get to have what I want
and that's you, all to myself
with nothing else in between
except thin linen sheets
and raw skin.

I can't help but be selfish.
Blessed African child
Get your thoughts scrutinized
Seep the way of the Noble-man
Why remain a green-horn?
Blow off son! Get heard like a ship's horn

Plan to dig if you've sown.
Whatever springs and blooms like the bud
Only got caressed like nature's own
Lace every minute fearfully
Pull stars from the skies
You may need a lamp through life's path.

Days whispering secrets yet untold
Skirts and trousers madly deaf.
Ears stuffed with lust and can't hear
Wouldn't arrest wise counsel whilst it paroled
playing wan-na-bes in frail hopes of success
Wake up, redirect your dream compass

Chase crazily after your true being
'tis sweeter than sowing white oats
And better than any pas-de-deux.
Dive in deep like the great bluebill
Trade time wisely o blessed African
Time's spilling out, do much now you can.
My mind's played the scene over and over again
That moment when we become more than just friends
Lying in my arms, lip locked in a caress
Let the arms protect you, safe in my fortress
Protection from the elements
Don't worry I can handle it
I long for the next time I can get there again
But for now reality knocks on my door
I answer
And there stands
"just my friend"
I want the dream to be a reality.Take a jump with me. Don't let this be the case.
They may say
She burned too bright
And too quick

But really she was sick.

She had a voice
Harsh in Judgement
Quick to Sting
Never to sing.

You're not good enough

The emotions are numb.
She is drowning in air.

You're so **** DUMB.

She runs
Try to work it out
Therapy through running
and still the voice is there

Exercise
Her mom says it's an anti depressant.
It will help you
Make you feel "better"

She feels like crying out
I HAVE NOT FELT IN YEARS

The voice is still in side her

It's not the killing, its the wanting not to be alive

The voice says "you are selfish"
and then she tries to cry.

"look at the good things you have
job, education, A Loving Family
How can you end it all
It's a permanent solution


to a temporary problem"

Yes the voice inside is a monster
A villain full of hate
She woke up one day
and knew it was the date

I don't know how she did it
I don't care to know, too.
That voice she had inside her,
It lives in me too.
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