i can't do anything right.
i always sabotage myself.
ALWAYS
it's the little things, you know ?
the little decisions & mistakes i make are the ones that keep me in this state of mind.
my day is good for 1 hour, max overall daily, the other 23 hours are ****.
i HATE feeling this way but my ******* consists of making these actions that lead me to the worst.
i keep messing up this one great thing in my life at the moment with these little stupid decisions i make.
i need out, i don't want to live here no more,
but i don't know where to go.
just keep hitting me & pulling my hair.
don't stop.
the more you hit me, the better i feel after, honestly.
i'm serious, every hit hurts less & less,
so just keep going until you tire yourself out.
i already know i'm not good enough, ungrateful, selfish, & also not worth,
so just keep going until you can't no more.
then the next morning you'll come to me, & i'll try to look at you back
but my eyes will be halfway closed because
they're so puffy from all the crying from last night,
you'll apologize & tell me i can't do this anymore
but you know i'll do the same because
i don't know what else to do,
you'll hug me & tell me
that you love me very much,
i'll cry one more tear,
you'll look at me one more time & leave the room.
the rest of the week you'll be really nice & lovely &
by the next week the 2-hour arguments & fights will start again & we just keep going in circles.