Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                         Pushing the Envelope

What envelope is being pushed?
From whom to whom – across the room?
And why should it be pushed at all?
Is the envelope an English A-1?
An American business-size?
A birthday check for someone to steal?
Pushing a broom, pushing a sale
Pushing a pen – some sense in those
But what is the purpose in pushing
An envelope?
                               And did you stamp it?

I started school in nineteen hundred and typing error. But we were so poor growing up we had to share clothes, so I could only go to school every other day on account of being a twin. PE was a little embarrassing as I had a twin sister. It wasn't so much playing rugby in a netball skirt, no – my problem was trying to iron the pleats back in afterwards.

At 6 years old I was cast in my infant schools nativity play as 3rd reserve palm tree, in a play with no palm trees in it. When I complained to the teacher she told me to stop moaning and remember what jesus taught us.
“Can I be that?” I asked
“What?” she said
“You said jesus had a tortoise, can I be the tortoise?”

At 14 years old I was given a major role in my upper schools annual PTA play. We were doing Romeo and Juliet and I was cast as – the balcony. However on the night of the performance, unlike in rehearsals, the girl playing Juliet wore stiletto heels. So when she stepped onto the balcony (me) it yelped and rolled over. She went base over apex knocking over Romeo and landed spread-eagled on the floor that revealed her underwear to the whole audience. I am sure I speak for every parent, teacher and pupil in that hall when I say that I can never look at My Little Pony in the same way ever again. She never spoke to me again – like it was my fault!

(Oct 2020)

There comes a time in your life, when you have to face all you've done                                                             ­                                                        Have you tasted it, taken a bite, or crossed off your list, a single one?                                                             ­                                                         Are you living each day like it lasts because life goes so fast,                                                            ­                                                              so I like to do more often than not, sit myself down and straight talk                                                             ­                                                                You can't change or live in the past, it dims life's light with the shadow it casts                                                                                            ­                                It humbles me and makes me aware, love is garden that needs care                                                             ­                                                            It's so easy to build up a wall  ,impossible to scale it keeps out all  ,                                                           ­                                                            once you feel no one's there, remember you shunned all who cared                                                            ­                                                             Life is fleeting and love is strong, both must be given freely to work along                                                            ­                                                               I have seen it  many times,  life and love withering on the vine

I closed my eyes, held my hands up high,                                                            ­                                                      asked the Lord to stay by my side                                                             ­         I  am in pain and I can't decide                                                                  ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­what to do no matter how hard I try,                                                           ­                                                                                                             ­                  gave him all of my guilt and sorrow                                                           ­         asked for peace for a better tomorrow                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                  asked him to fill me with his bright white light                                                                  ­                                                                 ­     prayed he would watch over me at night                                                            ­                                                                I sat like that for a long time,                                                                              ­        easing the strain  of my troubled mind                                                       I felt peace wash over me                                                               ­              cleansing my pain, my anxiety                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                   When life's problems are too much to bear                                                 hold up your hands, he'll be there                                                     holding your hand, giving you strength,                                                        ­  all of God's love,  within an arm's length

If I could gather all my energy , like a lightning bolt, one thousand degrees                                                          ­                                                         I'd send it your way ASAP, then I'd pull you right into me                                                               ­                                                        Light a million fires till you say, a real I love you, everyday                                                         ­                                                     make you look me in the eyes ,look into my soul                                                             ­                                                            warm up your heart that has grown cold

I just came from the cafeteria. In a shocking twist,
I have to actually meet people, I mean, can you imagine?
And we have group projects, my least favorite thing,
except perhaps, having a gym class.

The cafeteria was so crowded—didn’t I see you there?

Everyone there seemed to be wearing vintage Urban Outfitters.
I felt left out, but no one openly pointed at me.

Next, I expect to see bubblegum patch vests, skate-fit jeans and leopard-appliqué flats.

Between us, I’ve gotten old, and lost what little fashion game I had.
Now I’m modulated, that is, I’m over over-indulgence.

When I pictured myself in college, ***, what, a half a decade ago?
I imagined myself in a Lime Fizz Dress from Modcloth.
THAT never happened—which is all for the good.

School and by extension - school work - is definitely happening.
It’s not all studying while drinking back-to-back espressos at sunrise.

This week’s assignments due are: a ‘reflective assignment’ on qualitative research methods, a policy memo, a case analysis, and a group presentation. Argh.

So if you don’t hear from me—I haven’t been deported—I’m just oppressed.
.
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Songs for this:
This is Why by Paramore
Lauren by Men I Trust
Margaret by Pomegranate tea [E]

Are you really doing it this time?
This time, are you really going to leave me,
Because I need someone who deserves me,
Who treats me better than you.

I don't want that,
I doubt you do either.
Please don't follow through,

I need you.

The choking vines of the wine yard,
Wrap around the souls of the somber.
Staring off into space,
While a chemical feeling seals their fate.

Do they feel happy yet?
Something more than the happiness they lost,
Was it right, to push love away?

In replacement they have a craving,
A welcomed feeling of demanding.
Their kisses curdle into bites,
Ripping chunks out of who they love,
Tearing holes into their head.