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  Sep 2018 kyleigh g
Sarah Maher
A journal entry from January 19, 2010:

“...I said no and that it hurts too much. He didn’t care. He put all of his weight onto me and forced himself into me. I began to yell in pain, but He shoved my face into a pillow. I wanted to scream, cry—ANYTHING! I couldn’t breathe.”
After that, I’d take cold showers and cry myself to sleep. I couldn’t help but feel like this was my fault. Was I some kind of target? Did I deserve it like he told me I did? I needed answers.
  Sep 2018 kyleigh g
Sarah Maher
Silence.
I sit alone in silence.
Darkness.
Alone in the darkness, I sit in silence.
Inside my heart, there is pain.
Inside my head, I am screaming.
Questions.
To myself, I have questions.
Attention.
Do I have everybody’s attention?
Exit.
Here, I make life’s exit.

Pause.
I pause with the ounce of hope that I still matter to someone.
Will I ever be good enough or will the monster in my soul always win?
  Sep 2018 kyleigh g
Beaux
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
  Jul 2018 kyleigh g
The Misconstrued
I've treated my body like nothing but just flesh
When really, it has of its own a mind and a soul so warm
Bruised, torn apart, self abused, cut and treated like trash
Pleasure for some or me in need of some self-harm,
I trace each scar along my body over and over
So deserving of this torture
I can feel the agonising pain
All this blood is beginning to leave a huge red stain
Random thoughts that are in dire need of polishing.... Maybe I'll do it later or just leave it as is
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