As my thoughts wander,
after a night drunk on you,
I realize I can't remember a time where I didn't love you.

Not since that first conversation
seeing you shimmer
in the movie like snow
that stuck to us as we waited.

I was waiting,
I guess part of me always will be,
For that moment,
when I know it's safe to tell you,
You're the only person in the world,
I'd spend the rest of my life waiting for.

But my fear gets the best of me every time.

So I talk in questions
Sometimes just stay silent
Live in my head,
Swimming in the thoughts you inspire,
Wishing I had notation at the ready,
to get everything down,
but I only get pieces of it,
like you.

Just enough to keep wanting more
but never enough to satiate my need.

I wonder what it would feel like to take the dive,
headlong into you,
to throw caution to the wind
and stop caring what happens to me after.
Simply live in the now.

In the tangible current
that surges between us.
The feel of your lips on mine.
The fear that the world might catch fire,
through flaws in its structure,
or flaws in our structure,
in our inability to follow any rules.
"**** the Man. save The Empire."

I'm too tired to function,
but my brain is on auto you.

I wish I could shut it off.

a sad soul whispers
i wish i never met you
to the demon in the empty room
and it replies
with a voice that flows thick and sweet
almost suffocating
but darling you created me
and it laughs as her tears hit the sheets
and it sounds just like him
you do this to yourself
she can smell his cologne on its breath as it leans closer
he doesn't care and neither do i, no one does
it blinks and it's eyes turn as blue as his
she tries to look away but it grabs her cheeks so she gets one last good look at what she tries to forget
it won't let her forget
he won't let her forget
then it dissipates into the lonely space
but the weight never leaves the air

s.s

a little liquid courage
and foreign places
i dabbled in the art
of being flirtatious
slip on my sun dress
and smile wide
friendly introductions
and darting eyes
this feels like a game
and i'm a tease
but at the end of the night
let's have fun, won't you please

s.s

when you accept
you were more in love
with the memories
than the man before you
and you stop
making excuses
for the way he destroyed you
your heart begins to heal

s.s

i am living three different lives and not one if them makes sense
filled with alcohol and raised voices
dark nights with questionable choices
i don't know who i am
i let others decide for me
all i know is i'm a mess
and these demons seem to adore me
i have some issues i can't sort out
problems nobody knows about
the skeletons in my closet
are clawing at the door
but there's already so much mess outside
how could there be more
i'm overwhelmed and tired
don't know where to go
i can't stand being vulnerable
but some wounds we have to show

s.s