My star-crossed lover,
who never bonded
to be with me in this life.
Maybe in another universe,
where people won’t judge us,
we could be together freely,
without the fear of being discovered.

Is the distance making you mournful,
like Orpheus and Eurydice?
Like heaven and hell,
can’t keep us afar?

Is my love tearing you apart,
by the weight of
the longing and yearning,
by my desire to be with you?

Is my love crashing into you,
like a thunderstorm hitting the ground?

Does your electric heart
feel like breaking into pieces too,
my star-crossed lover?

My beloved partner;
The hero of them all.
My beloved partner;
The greatest warrior of our time.

My beloved partner;
The prettiest of them all.
My beloved partner;
The devoted lover of mine.

My beloved partner;
A selfish man in disguise.
My beloved partner;
who doesn’t care who lives or dies.

My beloved partner;
A man with dignity.
My beloved partner;
Who let my blood soak in his hands.

My beloved partner;
A man with nothing left but himself.
My beloved partner;
Who can’t conquer his destiny.

Something is wrong,
but I can’t pinpoint it.

Something is rotten,
but nobody notices it.

Someone is struggling,
but nobody cares.

Someone is dying,
but it doesn’t matter.

Someday, living is an easy task.
Someday isn’t.

But as usual, nobody cares.

You have to live with it.
You have to grow up.
You have to tolerate it.

Because it is what other people do.
So you have to do it too.

The pretenders will see right through you, but that’s okay because you’ll see right through them too.

You just have to keep going.
And you gonna be okay.
You going to make it to another day
eventually.

I am twenty-three.
But I feel like my life stopped when I was seventeen.
Or even worse when I was much younger.

The people who hurt me
Seem to forget what they had done.

While I am staying there.
At that moment.
For a long, long time.

And maybe
I will never leave at all.

Is it my fault?
Do you think it was my fault too?
Do you think I am the one to blame?
For everything that happened to me?

Is it the consequence
Of the recklessness.
Or there is no one else to blame?

So, you blamed me.

But I was a child.
How could you?
How dare you?
Did that to me?

People were cruel and
No one was there to save me,
Cared for me,
Or loved me.

Seventeen feels like yesterday.
It was the hardest time in my life.
The time that I thought that
End up in Acheron.
End up in the river of the woe.
Is greater than living.

I will not say that time will heal
All your wounds and traumas.

But some day,
You are going to live with it
Eventually.

With a calming heart and gentle soul.
That was breaking beyond repair.

Or with the rage that you never show.
Or the wrong they did that you will never
Forgive.

Life is just the way it is.
You cannot change what is done.
You cannot change how people treated you.
You cannot change how you felt.
Neither do I.

Aren’t we the strongest in
Our family.

My sweet little girl.
Who has been lonely
For her whole life.

You are not what they say.
You are not how people treat you.
You were a child.

Happy Birthday to us,
My beloved friend.

I will be back.
She spoke.

Where have you been?
Where did you go?
I wonder.

Mommy, where is my sister?
Daddy, when is she coming back home?
I asked.

Do you know my sister?
She has a name.
I can’t remember it!

What does she look like?
The officers asked.

I’m sorry
I can’t remember
her pretty face.

But she’s kind and sweet— the
best sister on earth!

She said she went to work.
But she never comes back home.

Can I stay with you? I’m scared
you going to leave me
Like she did.

Hey! Sister!
You said you went to work!
Why did it take you so long?

Why is your pulse not beating anymore?
Why your skin looks pale?

Why are you laying there
In that scary chamber?

As someone who was born in chaos.
I did not know what it meant to be loved.
So when I met you.

As delusional as I am.
As broken as I am.
As naive as I am.

I thought that our relationship was real.
I thought that your love was real
even though you do not exist.

Loving you could not bring me any harm.
I have to admit that I was wrong.
Loving you is hurting me
even if it is not something you intended to do.

Loving you has suffocated me
because as much as I hate to admit
I know that someday
I have to let you go.
I have to let myself free.

I cannot desperately live in the thought that
Someday you will exist.
Someday I can love you openly.
Someday our love will be normalized.

Because as much as I loved to be with you.
I cannot cling to my unrealistic hopes
Forever

I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I am only human.
I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I am selfish.
I am sorry that at the end of the day.
I want something you cannot give.

I am a stray dog.
I am little and hungry.
I am little and angry at the world.
I am scared and fragile.
Where did my mother go?

Mother, I am hungry.
Mother, I am scared.
Mother, I am cold.
Mother, where did you go?

Mother, have you abandoned me?
Mother, please help me.
Mother, please come back.

Mother, I am hungry.
Mother, I am scared.
Mother, I am cold.

Mother, they're chasing me.
Mother, they're hitting me.
Mother, mother, mother.

I am hurt. I am scared. I am fragile.

Oh, mother, to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be
treated the way I deserved.

Oh, mother, they give me food!
Oh, mother, I am full for the first time in my life!

Oh, mother, why is my belly hurting?
Oh, mother, why is my lung fuming?
Oh, mother, why is my breath waving?
Oh, mother, why I cannot see anymore?

Oh, mother, the same hands that pet me are hitting me.
Oh, mother, the hands that I thought gave me food took
my soul away.

Oh, mother, what did I do to deserve all of this?

I just existed.

Oh, my sweet child.
Time passed,
When you are growing up too fast.
People always say

You are a talented child.
You are emotionally mature.
You are wonderful,
quiet child.

But who knows?
Deep down what you have been craving
For your whole life?

Am I good enough, Mother?
Am I good enough, Father?
Am I good enough, Grandpa?
Am I good enough, Grandma?

Why have you left me here?
Scared and fragile?
Like a helpless stray dog during the storm.
Neglected and broken?
Like a hatchling that broke its wings.

Am I unwanted, Mother?
Am I unwanted, Father?
Am I unwanted, Grandpa?
Am I unwanted, Grandma?

Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you love me?

Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?
Why don’t you care for me?

Why did you leave me?

Faced with the cruelness
of the neighbors?
Faced with the harsh words,
Guilty and shame?

Why did you let them treat me like that?
Like an unwanted child.
Like a burden of this
Whole world.

Independence from your distance.
Is it a gift or a curse?
Am I a gift or a burden?

I am a neglected child.