of course you will hurt me.

when i am sitting alone in the quiet
and thinking of the times i have bared my soul
i know there was never a question.

you have your own bones, and lungs and heartbeat.
you have your own ideas about love. about life.
while i am "getting by"
so are you.

My dear, I called you late in June
I wandered through the many moons
And I stood tall and I ran long
Before I questioned where you'd gone

You told me you would be back soon
That March you sang a different tune
A parting hands and parting lips
Left all our promises eclipsed

And so I let you go away
Doting on your return someday
And someday came and someday went
Until I found my patience spent

And so my dear, I call to you
A wanting on a waning moon
I poke upon the dying embers
And wonder where you'll be December

they say the world smiles through flowers
I say, your flowers make me smile for the world

Tell me how does it feel when it's midnight
as the clock turned to zero and so does your fight
how you just feel like sliding down the mountain
after doing all the climb to erase the uncertain
when the shadow is your only best friend
and the nothingness inside drives you insane
tell me how it does it feel when it's midnight
ah, nevermind, you won't ever see another daylight

there are a million stars and half a million gas stations between you and me but that doesn’t equal distance. day breaks, day shatters into evanescent pieces that float on the edge of my conscious mind, but you are the constant. your eyes the color of ground hazelnuts have always been my constant.

it doesn’t matter that we are separate beings because, here, in the light of a setting sun and a milky twilight, we are one. we are melted together like hershey kisses in a bowl on a summer evening and worry is not a word and slowly, you become my kryptonite.

missed phone calls, missed deadlines, missed laughs. i used to count your sneezes in the biting chill of early february and wrap your arms around my waist so i could feel like something was keeping my balloon from flying into the void where lost balloons go. i blame myself for letting you hold on until i finally took flight, spreading my wings out behind me like an angel's and kicking the invisible dust into your face.

now there are two million stars and a million gas stations between us because i am trying to forget that you ever broke the carefully crafted walls that contained all of my closeted skeletons.

i’m starting to remember why i never liked hazelnuts.