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leave me

Look at the way I've been brought up,
Processions sounding like song I've never wrote.
Horrid horrid
"How could you let her die?"

I swear it wasn't me.
All I've ever wanted-
watch the sun sleeping under the moon

Now that you're free to observe
Tell me about the noises in the dark
Stutter at my doorstep
As you try to convice me that this God of yours didn't take my little Rosie without a purpose.
Give me the reason why he took her
And why everyone blames me.

Hear me in some fashion,
Something fashionable,
I'm not pretidctable.

It's early tonight
I've been drinking all the words out my mouth.
But that wolf tooke the salt from the breeze


Hit the ground running
Los Angeles
I never fell so soon.


Find another naïve arm to twist.
The gate has cracked.
Hold me
Even if it's just for one night
Hold me
Please, I beg you, hold me tight
Don't even let me go
When you fall asleep
Just continue
To hold on to me...

For only one night
Please be mine
I want to touch you
Even if it's only
This one time
For only one night
Stay close to me until the end...

In the morning
I know you'll leave me
When the sun comes up
You'll abandon me
When first sunshine touches your face
You'll regret
All the things that we did...

I know
That I'll cry and be sad afterwards
I'm clearly aware of
That for you it'll only be this one night
I never thought
That you would have wanted to stay...

So for only one night
Let's forget everything
For only one night
Let's not let go of each other
For only one night
Let's let go of the feelings
And let's become animals
And act on our instincts...

So hold me
Don't let me go
Hold me
Let me spend the night with you
Hold me
Hold me close to you...
I know it's selfish, but just for tonight, would you hold me close to you?
I'm falling over edges with you.
I'm longing just to see your face again.
Few.  
And and far between.
Are the moments.
We have to dance.
When you get close.
and lay your Head on me.
When we move to Music
in the Dark.
In my Heart closing my Eyes
Listening to some Music
here in the Dark.
I feel Your face on my shoulder
and My face on your head.
Our arms around each other
As we move in the dark.
Thank you for all those moments.
I have these as a life of memories
You have given me.
While we are apart.
and I sit in the Dark.

mgm 9/30/2014
Today,
I feel like committing suicide.
I'm so tired of it all
Pretending to be someone I'm not.
Putting on a fake smile to please my family and friends, so that they don't worry.
I want them to think I'm happy, even though I'm so far from it.

Its not the new year that finally did it
The 'new year new me' thing.
I know who I am and there's no fixing it.
It's my abusive dad that pushed me over.
The fact that he can't be greatful for anything I do
And when he's asked me to do something I've already done
The job I did for it wasn't enough.
The fact that he yells at me because I ask for something at the store, whether it be socks or a candy bar.
"No you don't deserve that."

Maybe it's the fact that he puts me down so much
And every time I deny his words he gets even more angry
I don't know why I bother
I don't deny them for my own sake.
When I do he throws whatever is nearest
Plates, countless beer bottles, even a chair.
I lower myself to the floor, crying.
Maybe I get him so mad in hopes he'll finally throw something fatal.
A knife that just happens to hit my neck.
I've never had the courage to take my own life.
I am worthless

What ties me here?
It's the one I love.
He deserves so much better than me,
But he says he loves me for who I am.
I am broken.
He's a reason to go too.
The fact that I can't touch the one I love without being pushed away.
Being told no and stop.
I hear the same words my father says in my lovers actions.
"No you don't deserve that."
I know I don't.
I'm sorry for wanting something.

Maybe I want to leave because I have no one to turn to.
Because all of my friends already have their own problems, and I'm just another burden they shouldn't have to deal with.
And anytime I talk to them about my own problems
It becomes a competition
Suddenly we have to top each other on who has it worse.
"I would **** to be in your place, my father is so much worse."
Again.
I hear my father's words
"You don't deserve to complain."
I really don't.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm already dying.
As I write these words my heart tears at my ribs, desperate to get out.
Its like a panic attack within my chest
As if someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it so hard.
I don't want to feel pain anymore.
Please
Not another heart attack.

My little slice of heaven.
It's so far away.
So far.

Sitting with my lover
As he whispers words I haven't known much about.

"You're beautiful."
Who could see beauty in something so far gone.
So dead inside.

"I don't want anyone else."
Who would choose me?
I'm nothing grand.
I'm a dead reflection in a broken mirror.
Nothing to hang on the wall.

"I don't deserve you."
You don't.
I'm so sorry.
You deserve so much better.
Someone who can make jokes with you,
Be more patient than I.
Someone who can love you without dying at the same time.

What sickness lies within me.
I cannot stay here any longer.
My little piece of heaven is too far off.
"Just a few years.
Just a few years more."


I don't have the strength for that.
Not anymore.

I'm sorry.
Love-lit eyes shining silver words to her
The moon was the sky's sin
That night the poet's lips told how the skin breathes
      

    Dear Frost,
     The willow hung left and skewed among stars
Flesh will flower a God,
                                Her tongue that of a dragon's,
And her body drumming hell's waltz
      What's wrong with having dark ashen wings?
              Darling,
                               Silence hung in the universe just as much as hate.
      And I bargained my way to the window,
                Just to watch an angel fall to the burning mountain side.
                             A new bloodstream was born



Lungs have lied their last lisp
Secrets pointed to tiger stones,
But within that emerald hilt I saw divinity.
Sleeves catching the sunset
And in a bag I held her self-pity.

Loyalty counters, blooming a Lord.
Cancer bound in her heart

If we make it through the night,
         Then maybe we'll make it through the war.


Despair shifted, grasping her hope
As if she hadn't already sacrificed enough.
A sickness spreads like embers in hay
The evening casted her away in that grown snow
I'm sorry that destiny gave a visit
A candle burning the horizon in her eyes

"Legend has it,
      he could talk the sun
          into setting."
              

Aye, but a forgotten myth stirring in the depths
Her eyes now held that of moonshine

**"Myth be told,
      he could talk the moon,
           into rising."
How could I forget those words Lycan?
For every legend, there is a counter.
The sun will rise and it will set
The moon will phase, set anew and full
But praying that it will change won’t help anything.
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